Keeping Her

by Alexis Noelle

  Jules’ parents are the quintessential rich assholes that you hate. They judge everyone they meet based on material possessions. You could be a fucking serial killer, but if you had money you were good people. That shit makes me sick to my stomach and it used to cause fights between us all the time. Jules would bend to what they wanted a lot, whether it was them trying to fill her schedule with mindless bullshit or setting up casual dinners where Dan and his family would be there. The fact that she just stood up to them is fucking huge.

  “Just know that I’m not scared of them anymore. I meant what I said. I chose you, and I won’t let them act the way that they used to. If they don’t like me being with you, then they don’t need to be around to see it.”

  I don’t even know how to respond to her. I mean, I have never had anyone but Jules love me the way I loved them back. To hear her say that she is willing to distance herself from her parents to make us work makes me love her so much more.

  “I need to apologize for something else too.” I look over at her, not having any idea what she is talking about. “Since the very second I slapped you that night, I regretted it. I was so emotional and what you said just cut me to the core. I reacted and instantly wished I could take it back. I know how much that is a trigger for you with your history. I just feel horrible that I even—“

  I place my finger over her lips. “Stop. I was a fucking asshole. I know I was. Not only that, but I can’t believe that I pushed you the way I did. The moment and the look of fear in your eyes has haunted me every night since. It was like I didn’t have control. I need you to know that I would never hurt you, and I would fucking kill anyone that ever tried to.” I try not to show any emotion at the last sentence. I can’t let her see the truth that really lies behind that statement. The lengths I went to just to protect her.

  Chapter Twenty

  Julia

  I lay in Brian’s arms not wanting to move. I was so not ready to have that confrontation with my parents. I really didn’t want them seeing me half naked with Brian right before we discussed it either. I had kind of hoped that if I could break the news to them in the way I wanted to, that they wouldn’t be against us being together. Yea, right. I decided as I was standing there listening to them belittle him that I wasn’t going to take it.

  When Brian and I were first together, I didn’t have the balls to stand up to them the way that I should have. They were constantly doing things to come between the two of us, and I just ignored it. I mean they were my parents and I wanted their approval, I feel like everyone does. I just wanted them to see that we loved each other and to be happy for me.

  Looking back, now I see that my desires never really mattered. I took dance up until high school not because I liked it, but because my mom wanted me to. I went golfing with my dad not because we had fun together, but because he wanted me to carry his clubs for him. I didn’t pursue anything I wanted if they didn’t approve, until Brian. While I would love for them to accept him—accept us—I have to accept reality. My parents are and always will be stuck in their ways thinking that class and status defines a person.

  I can hear his heart beat as my head lies on his bare chest and it’s so soothing. As I look around the house, I feel guilty for having Brian here. This was my house with Dan, the house that we made a home. Guilt washes over me as I realize that I was about to have sex with him here. Even though I know how badly Dan betrayed me, it doesn’t make this situation any easier. My head is a damn mess and I have no idea which way is up most days.

  “What’s on your mind, beautiful?”

  I look up at him. Is everyone going to look at me the way my parents did when they saw me with Brian? Will they think I never loved Dan if I could move on from him so fast? I hate that I even care what people think but that stems from growing up with my family. “Can we go over to your place instead?” He nods and I climb off of his lap. I start for the door but turn around as he stands up. “I know that we were about to…you know. I just don’t know if right now. Are you okay with just hanging out?”

  “I would be lying to you if I said that my dick wasn’t aching for you, Jules, but I understand. I’m not that much of an asshole that I would force you into something before you’re ready.” My eyes go wide at his admission and he laughs as he walks toward me. “Come on, I promise I won’t bite. Unless you ask me to.” He winks at me with the last statement and all I can do is shake my head. What the hell have I gotten myself into? Brian in high school was cocky, confident, and forward. Brian as an adult is double that.

  “Let me go grab a shirt so I can give you back yours.” I turn to go upstairs but he grabs my hand stopping me.

  “Leave it on. I like seeing you in my clothes.” He places a kiss on my lips and I sag against him. This last month has left me so emotionally spent. Between trying to move forward, finding out what really happened between Brian and I all those years ago, and the confrontation with my parents, I just need a good nap and a bottle of wine.

  I walk across the street to Brian’s house. Once we are inside, he leads me upstairs and my anxiety starts to kick in. I’m not ready for this step, for us to go there. I thought I was and at the diner I felt a rush when he suggested it. It’s too soon. Too fast. When we step into his bedroom my heart starts to pound. Brian walks over to his dresser and pulls out a pair of sweatpants and then throws them to me.

  My reflexes kick in and I catch them giving him a puzzled look as to what I’m supposed to do with his pants. “You look like you need to get some rest. Why don’t you change into those and take a nap.” He gives me a quick kiss and then walks away shutting the door behind him.

  That was definitely not the way I saw this playing out. I thought he might give me crap about backing out, but he is being so understanding.

  I pull off my jeans and change into his sweatpants. They are about two sizes too big but none the less I pull back the covers and lay down in his bed. The pillows smell like him and I can’t help but to take it in. When did I become such a creeper?

  ***

  I open my eyes not remembering even falling asleep. When I look out the window I see that the sun has gone down. How long did I sleep? The door opens slowly and Brian walks in.

  “Hey, I was just coming to wake you up. You have been passed out for almost three hours.” He sits down next to me on the bed and I’m filled with unease and anticipation at the same time.

  I can’t explain the type of emotions running through me right now. I want to be with him so much. I want that connection. I want Brian. The other half of me is still mourning my husband. Feeling like I’m betraying him by jumping into a relationship with Brian. At the same time Dan betrayed me and caused me to live in hell for months.

  His hand brushes my cheek. “Hey, let’s just take it day by day, okay?”

  I shake my head at his psychic abilities. “Sounds good.” He leans down kissing me and running his tongue over the seam of my lips. I open my mouth for him accepting everything that he wants to give me.

  His passion pours into me as his tongue strokes mine. My hands run up his arms grasping onto them like if I don’t hold on tight he will disappear. Everything feels just like it used to with us. The love, the intensity, it has never gone away. Could this be it? Can this really work?

  Brian pulls away from me and I groan at the separation. “Let’s go have dinner before I lose the little bit of control I’m holding onto.” I smile up at him and he shakes his head. “You’re dangerous, woman.”

  He stands up and heads out of the room and I follow him downstairs. The table is set and on it I see what looks like chicken parmesan and spaghetti. “You ordered food for us?”

  “Who says I didn’t make it? Do you see any take-out containers?” I cross my arms looking at him in disbelief. He made breakfast earlier but I know that his cooking skills are very limited. When we first started dating he screwed up Kraft mac and cheese. “Okay I ordered. Damn, you can’t even pretend to give me the upper hand, huh?”

/>   Little does he know he definitely has the upper hand in this relationship. I feel like I’m at his mercy completely. He has the ability to make me the happiest I’ve been in a long time, or to shattered me completely. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist giving him a hug before sitting down at the table.

  “So, Brian Evans, what do you do on a daily basis besides stalk me?”

  He chokes on the water he is drinking. “Stalk you, huh? Well, for your information, princess, Mason, Jake, and I are getting into flipping houses. They have experience in construction, and I scout the houses and help with the simple stuff.”

  “Are they the guys I saw you with at the restaurant?”

  He nods his head. “You’ll meet them. We all served together so we are pretty close.”

  “I can tell. One of them came up to me in Cancun and scolded me for the way I was treating you. I had no idea what they were talking about. Now I get where they might have seen it that way.” I remember how mad I was at the nerve he had to come up to me.

  “Really? Who was it?” I can tell I have peaked his interest.

  “I have no idea it’s not like he introduced himself before giving me a piece of his mind.” I play with my hair trying to distract myself from this awkward conversation.

  “Well, you’ll meet them all, and they will be on their best behavior.” He says it with such finality I know that the guys will get a warning before I ever meet them.

  “So what have you been doing all these years besides the Army?” I can’t say that I’m not curious. I’m sure there were other girls and as unproductive as it might be, I want to know if he loved any of them.

  “Nothing.” His voice sounds stiff causing me to look up at him.

  That’s all I get. One word. “Nothing? You did nothing for eight years?”

  He looks up at me. “For six years I have missed you. Regretted every minute I wasn’t with you. Hated you for moving on when I couldn’t. Tortured myself by keeping up with what you were doing. Tried to fill the hole you left with meaningless sex. Drank ‘til I passed out on your wedding day wishing it was me you were with. For eight years I have been waiting to be where we are right now.”

  I take a deep breath not knowing what to say. I knew he took the break hard from the things he has said, but I didn’t imagine that it affected him like that. The thought of him hurting, missing me when I was grieving for him, breaks my heart. I look into his eyes and see nothing but love, love for me. That was exactly what I needed to hear from him. I was nervous that this was just a challenge for him that he wanted to prove to himself that he could get me again.

  I stand up. Needing him to know how much I love him too. How much I missed him. I walk over to him and sit down on his lap so I’m facing him. “I love you, Brian Evans. I never stopped.”

  His mouth crashes against mine, our arms gripping each other. I thought I wasn’t ready for this, for us, for him. Sitting here with him, hearing what he said and feeling the way I do, I am. My hands grip the bottom of the t-shirt he is wearing and I pull it over his head, causing our kiss to break.

  Brian pulls away and looks into my eyes. “I love you enough to wait for you, Jules. Whenever you are ready, I will be here. I didn’t say what I said to get you in my bed.”

  “I know that. It just made me realize how much time we wasted because we thought the other person didn’t care. I don’t want to waste any more time. I want you.”

  “Say it.” He voice is strained, and seems unsure.

  I don’t need to ask what he wants me to say. I already know. “I love you, Brian Evans. I’m yours. Always and forever.”

  He stands taking me with him. “I have been waiting to hear you say those words again.” Brian begins walking us up the steps and I squirm thinking about what is about to happen. “Keep doing that, babe, and I’ll take you right here against this damn wall.”

  A chill runs through me from the tone of his gravelly voice. Brian kicks the door to the bedroom closed and tosses me onto the bed. I squeal as I fly through the air. Before I can take a breath, he is on top of me, kissing every inch of exposed skin he can get to.

  “You sure about this, babe? We take this any farther I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.” I nod not trusting my voice. “I want to hear it, Jules. I want you to tell me what you want.”

  I take a deep breath and feel my face redden under his expectant gaze. “I want you, Brian. I want you to take me, to make me yours again.”

  “Fuck. That shit is fucking music to my ears. Hold on tight, babe.”

  I’m about to ask him what he means when his mouth crashes into mine. His hands grip my waist as he grinds against me causing me to moan into his mouth.

  “I’ve missed that sound, Jules. I can’t wait to hear it even louder when you’re coming all over my dick.”

  His hands hook into the waistband of my pants and he slowly drags them down my legs. Brian’s hands run up the length of my legs stopping at about mid-thigh. He spreads my legs while making slow circles on my skin with his thumbs. My entire body feels like it’s on fire and I arch myself begging him to touch my pussy. I need him, now.

  “Hmm, you impatient, babe? I’ll get there don’t worry.” I jump as his teeth graze the skin right above my panty line. His hands continue their slow journey leaving a blazing trail of heat in their wake. I hear a ripping sound and look down to see my panties flying through the hair. I’m going to have no damn clothes left.

  When I look down, Brian’s face is right in between my legs and I’m dripping with the anticipation of him touching me. His lips form into a pucker and he slowly blows a breath out and I jump from the warm sensation.

  “Take the shirt off, Jules.” His voice is so demanding that I don’t think twice before I obey him. “Good girl.”

  When he runs his finger down me and slowly dips into me I groan. His finger circles inside me before he pulls it out and brings it to his mouth. I almost combust as his tongue snakes out and licks it. “I’ve fucking missed the way you taste.”

  His head dips as he runs his tongue through me and I arch myself into him, begging him for more. I can feel his hands stroking the back of my thighs before they move to my ass. His fingers dig into my skin as his tongue dips into my pussy. I scream so close to the edge. Brian is alternating between dragging his teeth over my clit and swirling his tongue in me and I start to fall over the edge, yelling his name as I find my release.

  I’m breathing heavy and barely coming down from my orgasm when I open my eyes to see Brian’s face in front of mine.

  “Don’t check out on me now, babe. You’re mine for the rest of the damn night.”

  Holy shit.

  Chapter Twenty One

  Julia

  I lay there spent from the havoc Brian wreaked on my body. Every muscle in my body is deliciously sore. Feeling that connection with him again was amazing. It felt like we had never been apart. Brian’s hand skims over my stomach and I laugh as he tickles me.

  “I love that sound. Besides my name pouring out of your mouth when you come, it’s my favorite.” I feel my cheeks heat. His dirty mouth gets me every time, and he knows it.

  I lie next to him not really knowing what to do next. Where do we go from here? There’s no turning back now. Brian and I are together. I feel guilty knowing that I’m going to be going back to the home I shared with Dan. Maybe we should just stick to his house from now on. Everything feels so uncertain and unpredictable and that scares me. I have always been a planner. I knew where I was going and how I would get there, except right now.

  Brian has always been a wild card, the one person that I could never predict. I think that’s what attracted me to him. He has this crazy personality and attitude. He is himself all the time and makes no apologies for it. I wish I were more like him, but I was bred to care what people thought of me. Keeping up appearances is a full-time, mandatory, exhausting job and Brian has always been my escape from that.

  Dan never pushed it too mu
ch, but he and his family were the same way my parents were. Perfect to a fault. Not a hair out of place. Not a visible wrinkle in any attire. Never anything to show but a smile in public. Now that I look back on everything, I think it was a big reason that kept me from wanting kids as soon as we were married.

  I was the kid who was never allowed to play on the floor because it was dirty. The playground was not only germ ridden, but filled with people below us. My enormous backyard was off limits because of the havoc it would wreak on my pristine outfit. As ridiculous as it is, I used to see kids playing in the rain, or walking home covered in dirt and be jealous. They all seemed so free.

  “You still with me, Jules?” Brian’s voice breaks my trance and I look over at him.

  “Yea, I was just thinking.”

  “About what?” He leans on his propped up arm as he looks over at me.

  “You, me, us. My family. Everything feels like it’s caving in.” I take a deep breath. I didn’t even intend to tell him that, but Brian has a way of putting me at ease and making me feel like I can just let everything out. Aside from Lacey, he is the only person who has ever completely known me. Most people get the polished Julia. The girl who bites her tongue, who always says the right thing, who never steps outside of the line. Brian is really the only one who has ever met Jules. I think it’s half the reason that I love his nickname for me. It makes me feel like a whole different person. Jules says whatever is on her mind, she isn’t afraid to make a mistake, and she does what makes her happy.

  Brian’s hand trails over my stomach. “I know that it feels like everything is fucked up now, babe. That’s because it is.” I look over at him in confusion. “What? It’s the truth. What you need to remember is that the rainy days eventually end and the sun comes out. You just have to grab an umbrella and weather the storm. The only thing I can say to try to make it better is that you will never need to suffer through another storm on your own. I’m here and I’m never leaving again.”