by Nikki Rashan
At night I didn’t sleep on the futon in the spare room, as I had originally intended. I was in Angie’s bed every night, and almost every night we made love. I wanted to open not only my body, but my heart as well. That was why I was at her place, right? Before the revelation about Asia, I felt like my desire for Angie had been more sincere. Now I felt I used her as a rebound and sought her touch, her warmth, and her affection every time I became frustrated or annoyed about what Asia had done to me.
You would think that finding out Asia had cheated would fling me right into Angie’s arms. It didn’t. I lay in Angie’s arms for comfort, but I was distracted by thoughts of Asia, my mind busy inspecting details of our past as I tried to figure out how I had missed her cheating. A part of me wanted to confront her and ask her questions. I wanted to know how in the hell she had deceived me all that time. Had she faked appointments with patients? Did anyone, especially the business owner, really have to work weekends as often as she had? She had her staff for that.
I had begun to drive myself crazy, analyzing every time I now suspected Asia had told me a lie. I was curious if she and Sam had already been sneaking around by the time I met Sam at the Christmas party. I tried not to fabricate stories in my mind and create fictitious events. Yet I couldn’t stop myself.
I recalled a two-minute interlude at the restaurant where the Christmas party was held when neither Asia nor Sam was in sight. An easy enough explanation would be that they both had to use the restroom at the same time. Now I wondered if there had been more to it. Maybe they had escaped for a quick kiss. Maybe Asia had taken Sam aside and had apologized about the fact that it was taking longer than expected for our relationship to end. The assurances Asia had given me about Sam on our ride home that night had been false. Maybe she had hoped I would create a fuss about Sam, start a big fight, and she would find a reason to plant enough doubt in my mind that I’d sabotage what we had. She must have felt relief when Angie successfully injected herself between us. Asia deserved an Academy Award for her performances the past couple of weeks. On the inside she must have been tickled.
I checked the time. It was ten o’clock, and I needed to get back to the apartment soon. Angie had planned for us to have lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, and from there we would visit an art exhibit I hadn’t yet seen. In addition to treating me to an afternoon of two things I love most, food and art, Angie had begun making plans for the following week and had even asked where I wanted to vacation in the summer. I told her I wasn’t sure and to surprise me. Honestly, inside I wasn’t certain Angie and I would be an official couple in the summer, so the surprise might be on her.
On the way to the apartment, I wanted to talk to someone about the swirl of emotions that ran through my mind, but I didn’t know who to call. Nakia had listened as I told her part of the story when I returned to work last Wednesday. She had offered condolences and had said she’d pray for the situation. Since Nakia became a mother to Aidyn, she had become much calmer and peaceful in her demeanor. Her advice had entailed delicate whispers of assurances and prayers that “all would be well.” As soon as I’d accepted her kind words, she’d dashed right into a new story about Aidyn.
I could call David, but his response would be the same as it had been earlier in the week: take my ass home or go to his house, anywhere but Angie’s. But between him, Marlon, and Marlon’s son MJ, I would have less breathing room at his house than at Angie’s. David was in disbelief when I told him Asia had been cheating on me with Sam. He’d insisted I talk to her about it, but I had refused to call her. He would be disappointed to learn that rather than having a calm sit-down chitchat with her about both our indiscretions, instead, I stormed into the house and packed up the rest of my things. He might have a heart attack if I told him about the episode.
Yvonne and I weren’t close enough that I’d share such a sensitive matter with her, at least not until there was some sort of resolution. Andrea might be able to provide her clairvoyant insight, though she and Asia had become chummy, and I hated for her to look into her crystal ball and see all the damage we had done to one another. Actually, I wished she had seen all this coming and had forewarned me.
My mother might listen, and my father most certainly would, though I knew that they too would fret about the breakup. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that our breakup would affect everyone close to us. Those who loved Asia right along with me would have to readjust their feelings toward someone new, perhaps Angie, and relinquish the hopes they had for me and Asia. That wasn’t going to be easy, as I knew how crazy everyone was about Asia. “What happened?” they would all ask. I would have to reveal that she cheated on me and I found out only after I cheated on her. How ridiculous that would sound to their ears.
There was really only one person I wanted to talk to, so rather than call anyone on my ride home, I decided to save the conversation for the only person who could answer the questions I had. When I would call her remained undetermined.
Twenty
Asia
For two hours after Kyla left, I walked through the house, from room to room, with a pad of paper and a pen. I jotted down all the items Kyla and I had purchased and accumulated over the years and determined how we would split them between one another. I wanted to present her with the list the next time we spoke or when she decided to show up again, whichever came first.
As I walked around, I wondered if one of us would want to stay in the house. But given that it held so many memories, why would we? Would I be able to bring someone new into the space? Would she be able to hear whispers and echoes of what once was? The days and nights Kyla and I would laugh until we cried while we would play wrestle on our bedroom floor. What if the secrets we had shared were etched between the crevices in the corners of each room? What if the walls really could talk? What would they say? What had they observed? I shook my head. Fuck the philosophical bullshit. I picked up the phone and placed a call to the real estate agent that sold us the house. I left a voice mail message, saying that we would soon need her services again, only this time to sell the beautiful home she had sold to us. I added “sell the house” to my Kyla to-do list.
I had just begun to prepare a turkey peppercorn sandwich when the doorbell rang. I didn’t know who it could be other than Kyla. I almost hoped it was so we could proceed with the review of the separation list sooner than I’d thought. Cautiously, I walked toward the foyer, but first I peeked out the dining room window. A taxicab sat waiting in the drive. Finally, I walked in the foyer and opened the door.
“Surprise!”
I screamed from excitement. Before me stood Melanie and Jovanna with a suitcase at their side.
“Oh my God, what are you doing here?”
“So glad you’re home,” Melanie said, then waved to the taxi driver.
“Come in, come in. I can’t believe you’re here.”
Melanie and Jovanna stepped inside the foyer, and I closed the door behind them. Melanie hugged me.
“I had to come check on my friend,” she said.
I hugged her back. “So good to see you both.” I released Melanie and hugged Jovanna. She was so petite next to Melanie and me.
Last time Kyla and I saw them in Chicago, Jovanna had gained about twenty pounds since the first time we met them in Atlanta. Today she was slim, but curvy, and her mane of curls was gone. She sported a short hairstyle, the back and sides tapered and only a few luscious curls on top. She wore skinny jeans, a weathered T-shirt, and a leather jacket with crisscrossed and angled zippers, which gave her a rockish appearance. She looked good.
Melanie was polished in dark straight-leg jeans, a white fitted, button-down oxford, and a deep navy blazer. Her brown skin was still smooth and vibrant, and her bright eyes were alert with excitement.
“Yeah, we haven’t been here in a few years, and we had a free weekend and figured why not,” Melanie said. “I wish we had come under different circumstances.”
I lowered my he
ad and then looked at Melanie. “It’s all right. It is what it is. Come on. I was making lunch.”
I wasn’t dressed or prepared for company, but I was happy to have them with me.
“What’s this?” Melanie asked when she reached the kitchen counter. She tapped the yellow pad of paper.
“Divorce proceedings.”
Melanie perused the paper, while Jovanna stood close to her side.
“So you’re going to present this to Kyla and see if she’s in agreement?” Melanie asked.
“I sure am. We bought almost everything in this house together, aside from a few things we brought from our old places. She has her favorite things in here, and so do I.”
“I see you’re giving her the bed.” Melanie laughed.
“She can have that shit. She’ll have someone new in it in no time.”
Melanie eyed me sideways.
“Okay, sorry. I won’t sour the mood. Want a sandwich?”
They looked at one another to make a decision.
“No, that’s okay. We were hoping we could take you out. I had a feeling you’d be crammed up inside today,” Melanie stated accurately.
I smiled at my uneaten food. “I appreciate that, absolutely. Let me shower and change. You two need to freshen up? I’ll take you to your room.”
“Oh, we reserved a spot at the Hilton for a couple nights. We didn’t want to impose on you much further. We already showed up without your knowledge,” Jovanna told me.
“What? You didn’t come all this way to stay at a hotel.” I frowned.
“Well, you know, we didn’t know exactly what would be going on here, especially surprising you and all. We crossed our fingers that we wouldn’t interrupt anything,” Melanie explained.
“Go on and cancel those reservations right now. You hear me? You’re staying here.”
Melanie gently cleared her throat. “So Kyla isn’t returning?” She almost sounded hopeful that I would tell her Kyla was about to walk through the door any minute.
I shrugged. “She was here this morning. Not sure if or when she’ll be back.”
“What happened this morning?” Jovanna wanted to know.
“She came in to pack up the rest of her stuff,” I told them.
“Damn. For real?” Melanie was disappointed again.
“Yep.”
“I still can’t believe this,” Melanie said.
“Believe it.” I sighed. “Come on. Follow me.”
I gave Melanie and Jovanna a quick tour of the first floor, taking them through the family room, the dining room, and the living room. Upstairs I showed them the master bedroom, the bathrooms, and the guest bedrooms, giving them the room at the end of the hallway.
“Give me twenty minutes, okay? Make yourselves comfortable,” I told them.
Melanie nodded. “Thanks. And take your time. Just glad we’re here to keep you company.” They both smiled in my direction. Melanie then led Jovanna into the guest bedroom.
Behind the closed master bedroom door I smiled too. I was grateful for their thoughtfulness and for their willingness to take the time and spend their money to come visit me. In the midst of this gloomy situation, it was refreshing to have some positive energy around. As Melanie had said, I wished their visit had been during happier times. I hoped that by the time they visited again, I’d be in a different place, literally, under a new roof and with or without someone new at my side.
Twenty-one
Kyla
After two glasses of wine in the early afternoon, I relaxed comfortably in the corner booth of the small Italian restaurant Angie brought me to. The encounter I had had with Asia no longer pressed as harshly against my brain and heart, and for the first time since I had been at Angie’s, I began once again to see Angie as the woman I had become more and more fond about. So what if it was through Riesling-induced glassy eyes. Didn’t that count?
Angie talked about what it had been like to have the “hard to settle down” reputation she had in Atlanta prior to Deidra. Many women had sought her, and only a handful had been able to claim her as their official woman. Before Angie settled with Deidra, she had courted me and a few other women simultaneously. As she told her story, she pointed out that it was me she would have chosen had I accepted her offer back then. Before she and I met almost ten years ago, and while she was in her twenties, she had a few serious relationships, none of which lasted more than two years. In between women, Angie took full advantage of being single, just as I had prior to Asia.
The conversation became light as Angie and I began to compare lists of women we had entertained. Embarrassed, we realized we had slept with two of the same women. On the third glass of wine, we compared our sexual experiences with them. I ranked Vicki a five based on her inability to kiss, and not just my mouth. Angie ranked her a three. “She wasn’t freaky enough,” she explained. She ranked Trish an eight. “She was down for almost anything, but not everything.” I gave her an eight for the same reason.
“And what’s my score on your scale?” Angie smirked.
“Why do you ask?”
“Because I want to know where I rate with you,” she explained. “I want to know where I fall in comparison to the women you’ve been with. So, one to ten, where am I?”
I had never told Angie she had provided the best sexual experiences of all the women I had been with. Before Angie, I didn’t think anyone would ever top my first experiences with Stephanie, the one who introduced me to the world of female pleasure. On top of the physical ecstasy Stephanie gave me, I was also in love with her. I was sure nothing could top the love and lust combination I had for her. And no one had until Angie. The difference with Angie was the blank space where there had been no love. I hadn’t been in love with any other women I had sex with, either, but Angie brought something else out in me that none of them had. In Angie’s bed everything was one hundred–one hundred. What she gave, I gave. What I demanded, she delivered, and vice versa. There were no insecurities, no hindrances, no concerns about the other’s intent. We focused solely on freedom and pleasure, and she succeeded in bringing to life every experience I desired. I let her know.
“You’re not even on the scale,” I told her. “I can’t rate you from one to ten. You’re more like a twenty.”
She leaned forward confidently. “Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Well, what are you waiting for, then? Let’s do this,” she suggested, referring to a relationship.
“You know why. Because there’s more to it than sex.”
“True, true. I can love you at a twenty too.”
I stared into my wineglass. “Yes, you’ve told me that.”
“Am I not showing you too?”
“You are.” That was all I said.
“Okay, you’re tired of me saying that. I got you.” She toyed with her napkin for a second. “Don’t you want to know where you rank?”
I laughed. “I do, but I’m scared to ask.”
“No need to be afraid. I think you already know.”
“No, I don’t know. Tell me.”
“You’re kind of all right,” she teased, making a “so-so” hand gesture.
“I’ll take that.” I laughed.
“For real, you’re my number one. Others came close, but you set the bar pretty high. The ones before you didn’t compare. After you, none quite got there, either. Even after all that time with Deidra, we never had the same kind of intimacy that you and I have. You know what happened once?”
“What?”
“I called her by your name.”
“No, you didn’t!”
“Yep, I sure did. She was pissed the fuck off too.”
“You said my name when?”
“During sex. It was a night after we hung with you and Asia, and she had gone down on me. I was still thinking about you, and I called your name. She never let me forget that shit.”
“Oh my God, Angie. I wouldn’t have let you forget it, either. I
bet Deidra can’t stand me.”
Angie laughed. “She, um, she might feel some kind of way about you, but I let her know she better not ever say anything to you about it. She always took it out on me.”
“When did this happen?”
“Couple years ago.”
“I don’t know how she still came around after that.”
“It didn’t matter. She knew how I felt about you before that night, anyway. She chose to stay, anyway.” Angie paused a moment. “I have to ask. If we’re each other’s number one, it seems that you and Asia, like me and Deidra, never had the same kind of intimacy you and I do, right?”
I looked away. It was one thing to let Angie know she was my best, but I didn’t want to elaborate. I didn’t want to divulge how she compared to Asia, even though I had regretfully told Asia that Angie was the best sex I had ever had. I was pretty sure it was something she hadn’t forgotten. I told Angie more, though.
“You’re right. Asia’s good. She’s phenomenal,” I said, correcting myself. “It’s just . . . routine, you know? There’s no lack of pleasure, but it’s just the same every time.”
“Yeah, you kind of let that slip the other night.” She chuckled. “You were on a schedule, huh?”
“Seemed that way.” I sighed.
“Had you tried to spice it up? Liven it up a bit?”
“Not lately, no. We got stuck in the flow, and we stayed there.”
Angie was thoughtful. “It probably wasn’t too late.”
“Too late for what?”
“To make it right with you and Asia.”
I snorted. “Well, it’s too late now.”
“Why? Because you’re head over heels about me now?”
I grinned, buzzed. “Because she’s fucking somebody else,” I finally told her.
“Say what? Stop playing.”