by Nikki Rashan
I sipped more wine. “I’m serious. I found out the other day, when I called her.”
“You called, and she said, ‘I’m fucking somebody else’?”
“No. Someone else answered the phone. Sam. One of her nurses.”
“Shut the hell up.”
“Yep. Asia was at her place, having lunch.”
Angie leaned back in her chair. “Don’t jump to conclusions, Kyla. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Lunch. Eating. And not eating food.”
Angie’s lips formed a silent “Oh.”
“Asia finally admitted it this morning, when I went to get my stuff. I told her I knew about Sam. She said she did it to get back at me for all the women who never could.”
“What? That doesn’t even make sense. How long have they been sleeping together?”
“I don’t know. I assume for a while now.”
“Why?”
“Because Asia doesn’t sleep around. That couldn’t have been their first time together.”
“I don’t know, Kyla. She seemed real pissed the other night, when I brought you home. A cheating woman wouldn’t be that mad.”
“You said she didn’t say anything or act mad,” I reminded her.
Angie shifted in her seat and looked out the restaurant window. “Well, no, but I could see it on her face, you know,” she told me.
“She put on a good performance, pretended like I was the one who did her wrong.” I finished my wine, considered another, and remembered it was only two in the afternoon.
“Damn, Kyla, I have a hard time believing she cheated on you. She’s not the cheating type.”
“What’s the cheating type? Me?”
“Stop. That’s not what I was saying. She doesn’t come off as the kind of woman to cheat, especially with an employee. She’s smarter than that.”
“She’s smarter than I thought to get away with it.”
Angie exhaled. “That’s some crazy shit.”
“It is, and I want to know how she did it.”
Angie nodded in agreement. “If that matters to you, find out.”
“It does matter. Here I was, feeling all bad and guilty, and she was with somebody else, anyway.”
She silently agreed again with a nod of her head. No matter how she thought it happened, I could tell she felt it worked in her favor.
“Don’t feel bad or guilty. You followed your feelings. No one can be mad at that.”
“That’s bullshit, Angie. Asia followed her feelings and fucked Sam. I shouldn’t be mad? You followed your feelings and fucked me. Deidra shouldn’t be mad?”
Angie shook her head. “My point is, we aren’t fucking just to be fucking. Not anymore, right? There’s more to it now. You’re mine. You followed your heart. That’s different than cheating just for a good cum.”
“I don’t agree with that, and I doubt Asia would, either. Doesn’t matter, anyway.” I sighed, ready for that glass of wine. My buzz had diminished.
“Come on. This is supposed to be a good day.” Angie removed the napkin from her lap and set it on her empty plate. “Let’s get going. We have someplace else to be.”
I sighed again. “Okay.”
Angie paid the bill. When we got to the car, my phone rang.
“It’s Asia,” I told Angie, surprised.
“Really?” Her lips pursed, and she frowned angrily. “Are you going to answer?”
“You think I should?” What did she want already?
“Up to you.”
I stared at Asia’s name on my screen, undecided about what to do. Finally, just before the last ring before voice mail picked up, I answered.
“Hello?”
There was no response, just a shuffling sound in the background and muffled voices. I heard car doors open and then close, more shuffling, and then Asia’s voice.
“I know exactly where I want to take you,” she said.
My heart pounded.
“Lead the way,” a female voice happily responded. It wasn’t Sam. How many women did Asia have?
Twenty-two
Asia
After I changed into fresh clothes, Melanie, Jovanna, and I hopped in my truck.
“I know exactly where I want to take you,” I told them, with Houston’s restaurant in mind.
“Lead the way,” Melanie said.
“This area is gorgeous,” Jovanna said, admiring the large homes lining the blocks.
“Thank you.” Wistfully, I browsed the homes as we drove out of the subdivision. “I’m going to miss this area.”
“You really plan to sell the house?” Melanie asked from the backseat.
“Kyla will probably agree to selling it.”
“You all right staying in that big house by yourself right now?” Jovanna was curious.
“I don’t like it, but what can I do?”
“Kyla can stay while you two work out the details,” Melanie replied.
Jovanna turned in her seat to face Melanie. “Yeah, you would say that. All women don’t want to live with their ex during a breakup.”
Melanie rubbed Jovanna’s cheek. “It all worked out, didn’t it, Jo?”
Jovanna smiled, kissed Melanie’s palm, and faced forward again. “What if Asia wants to date?” Jovanna asked, then touched my hand quickly. “Not saying you are already, but you shouldn’t do that with someone in the house. I don’t think so.”
“Asia doesn’t have a lady-in-waiting, do you, Asia?”
I bit my bottom lip and didn’t respond. Sam did qualify as a woman I could have if I wanted her.
Melanie leaned forward in her seat. Her hands grasped the back of Jovanna’s headrest. “You didn’t.”
“Didn’t what?” I played innocent.
“Find someone to pass the time with.”
“Well . . .”
Melanie shook her head. “Oh, damn, you’ve been holding back. Details, please.”
I smiled as I pulled into a gas station. “Soon as I get back.” I grabbed my wallet out of my purse, filled up my truck with gas, and then tossed my purse with the wallet inside into the backseat, next to Melanie, before I took off again.
“All right, here’s what happened.” I prepared to tell them the story and began to worry what impression it might leave on Jovanna if I told her that both Kyla and I had slept with other people, Kyla first, with her ex, and then me, with an employee, out of revenge. “Don’t judge me, okay?”
“Never,” Melanie answered. Jovanna didn’t say anything.
“Well, there’s a nurse that works for me, Sam. She’s fine in every kind of way, and after I hired her, she made herself available to me, and not just for work. She was very open about wanting to sleep with me. I don’t get down like that, and I don’t sleep around, definitely not while I’m in a relationship. The same day I asked Kyla to leave, I called Sam. She was still willing, and so we met for lunch and I took advantage of her open invitation.”
“Damn, Asia!” Melanie responded. “What happened to not rushing things?”
“This is out of character for me, for real,” I explained as I took the ramp onto the expressway. “I had to get back at her. I felt like she had played me all the nine years we’ve been together. Check this out.” I glanced at them both. “Kyla knows. I don’t know how she knows, but she threw it in my face this morning. I hadn’t even decided how and when I was going to tell her before she confronted me about it.”
“Oh, shit. How’d she find out?” Melanie squirmed in her seat.
“Only Sam could have said something, and she swears she hasn’t said a word.”
“This doesn’t sound good,” Jovanna said.
“You didn’t tell anybody?” Melanie asked.
“Nope. You two are the first.”
“Sam was the only other person there?” Melanie questioned.
I laughed. “Of course. No threesomes, girl, no threesomes.”
“Just asking.” She laughed back. “And Sam is denying telling anybody?”
“Claims she hasn’t told anyone.”
“Anyone see you arrive at or leave her place? Any way the other nurses may have found out?” Melanie questioned.
“I thought about somebody seeing me too, but I can’t think of anyone who lives out that way. And I sure as hell hope my nurses don’t know.”
“She’s got to be lying to you. Sam, not Kyla,” Melanie concluded.
“Be careful,” Jovanna advised. “There are crazy people out there. Isn’t that right, Mel? I hope Sam isn’t one of them.”
“She’s one of my best nurses. Patients love her, and from the outside she looks sweet as pie.”
“Humph.” Jovanna snickered. “Exactly the ones to look out for.”
“If I have to go back to Sam, I will. Right now only Kyla can tell me how she found out, and I’m going to ask her. Eventually.”
“Yeah, if you really want to know, you’re going to have to ask,” Melanie remarked. “Look, I know it’s going to sound crazy, but I’m going to ask, anyway. Are you sure it’s over? They say two wrongs don’t make a right. In this case, maybe they did. Maybe she’ll appreciate you now.”
“Melanie, if you don’t quit with that shit.”
“I’m serious. Some relationships can survive infidelity. Takes hard work, but it’s possible if you want it to work.”
“I don’t think you’d be saying that if you saw the way Kyla was parading around with her panties while packing up this morning. It doesn’t look like she wants to work it out.”
“She’s pissed about Sam,” Melanie asserted, analyzing the situation.
“Well, I’m pissed about Angie.”
“Exactly. You both messed up. Now clean up that mess,” Melanie said.
Melanie was ridiculously optimistic. I wanted to turn the tables and ask if she’d be amenable to patching things up with Jovanna if she were in my shoes and Jovanna had fucked one of her exes. I couldn’t do it with Jovanna there. I’d have to wait until later.
“Right now I can’t imagine forgiving Kyla for what she’s done. And after the shit I said to her this morning, she may never forgive me. Who’s to say she wants to come back, anyway?”
Melanie shrugged. “Like I said, you gave her free rein. I don’t think she was right, but I’m just saying.”
“I thought you two came here to make me feel better.” I glanced at Melanie through the rearview mirror and poked my bottom lip out.
“We did,” Melanie insisted. “We’re here to help.”
“Good. Then help me find out how in the hell Kyla learned about Sam, and help me kick Sam’s ass if she’s the one talking.”
We all laughed, even though I was partially serious. Between Kyla, Angie, and Sam, I didn’t know if my fight-free days had come to an end.
I parked in the restaurant lot, and we got out. I observed the attentiveness Melanie and Jovanna gave each other. I noticed the way Melanie reached in the truck to grab Jovanna’s purse, which she had left on the floor. Jovanna then smoothed the rumpled collar of Melanie’s button-down shirt. They held hands as we walked toward the door. I felt alone in that moment, and I missed Kyla. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it. I missed her touch, I missed her companionship, and I missed having someone next to me. Was that reason enough to forgive her? Then I spotted the yellow piece of paper peeking out of my purse. No. I’d get over it.
Twenty-three
Kyla
“Soon as I get back,” I heard Asia say with my volume level maxed and my ear pressed to the phone. The next sounds were muffled, and a few seconds later the call disconnected. She must have both called and hung up accidentally. She had no idea I heard the conversation she just had. I put the phone down.
“So what’s up?” Angie stared at me while we sat at a stoplight.
“She called by accident. I heard her talking to two women. I can’t place who,” I said, wondering aloud.
I considered who Asia’s closest friends were, those to whom she would divulge such private information, and the first person that came to mind was her best friend, Tracy, who lived in their hometown, Dallas. They spoke on the phone several times a week but saw one another only on our trips to Dallas. The other people in Asia’s life were loyal and consistent. However, they were merely associates with whom we would connect when we went out. The only other person I knew Asia talked to regularly was Melanie, one half of a couple we met during a Pride weekend. We had connected with them online, and Asia and Melanie had meshed instantly. Just as she did with her best friend, Tracy, Asia spoke with Melanie throughout the week. We visited with them during our last trip to the Midwest and partied in Chicago together. Were they close enough that Melanie and her girlfriend, Jovanna, would travel to Atlanta to see Asia?
“What did she say?”
“She was talking about selling the house, and then she was about to tell them about the lady she has in waiting. See? What did I tell you? She hooked up with Sam before you and me.”
“She said that?”
“I didn’t get to hear everything, but that’s what it sounds like.”
As cautious as I tended to be when it came to conversations with Asia, I had to approach her about her cheating. “I’ll get to the bottom of it.”
“I hope so. Then we can move on.”
“Right.” I reached for Angie’s hand and squeezed it. Frustrated with Asia again, I absorbed all the comfort Angie gave.
A saxophonist played through the speakers, and she turned up the volume. I turned it back down.
“What do you think about exes being friends?” I asked her. “Was this bound to happen? Me and you? Is it not possible for exes to be just friends?”
She smiled. “Better not ask Asia or Deidra that question.”
“I know that’s right,” I agreed.
“Deidra never liked it. I mean, she got along with Asia just fine, and there was no stress about them being exes. I know if she never saw Asia again, she’d be cool with it. I didn’t care about them, either. Did you?”
“Honestly, no.” I had rarely thought twice about Deidra and Asia. “They could have showered together and washed each other’s back, and still I wouldn’t have worried about any attraction or longing between the two of them.”
“That’s the way I felt too. But you . . . Deidra couldn’t stand me and you being friends. I told her there was nothing she could do about it.”
“She wanted us to stop hanging out? Why didn’t you stop if you knew it bothered her? Wasn’t it your responsibility to make her happy, even if it meant sacrificing something you wanted?”
Angie looked at me. “Like I told you before, I didn’t think Deidra was my forever, even with the love I had for her in the beginning. Being your friend was worth the arguments it caused.”
“I don’t even want to think about the conversations you two must have had. I’m sorry.”
Angie rubbed my leg. “It’s not your fault. I did what I wanted to. I did what I had to do to keep you in my life.”
“Asia never said anything about us,” I told Angie. “I don’t know if us being friends bothered her or not.”
“Maybe it didn’t. Not if she was confident that you had no feelings for me. When you think about it, the shit was crazy, all four of us hanging out. It never bothered me that Deidra and Asia had been intimate. Most of my lesbian friends have dated each other at some point. It can work if there are no feelings. How often is that? Somebody usually has some lingering feelings. Don’t you agree?”
“The kind of feelings you claim you had for me all this time?”
“Exactly. And the memories of us that I shared with Deidra made it harder. It’s not the easiest for a woman to be cool with a woman that used to fuck her women. That her woman used to be in love with. Trust me, I know.”
“When did you fall out of love with Deidra?” I asked.
“I still love her.”
“Bullshit, and half the time you don’t sound like it. And that’s not what I asked you, anyway.�
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“Damn. Um, this is going to sound like I’m an asshole, but I fell out of love with Deidra a long time ago. It was cool the first couple of years. Then she fell into the ATL trap, trying to floss and create an image. Always had to have top-of-the-line gear and always wanting to be seen, like she was the shit. Look around the apartment at that expensive-ass furniture she had me buying. That futon in the extra room, six hundred dollars. Shouldn’t nobody’s futon cost six hundred dollars. It turned me off.”
Several years ago, Asia had commented about Deidra’s style and taste, and had suggested it had become extravagant, which I had noticed too. She was like an undiscovered talent, molded into a pretentious star under Angie’s care.
“You don’t admit you had something to do with that? You treated her to all the fanciness,” I said.
“True. It didn’t have to transform her. Look at you. Living up on the hill, dressed right, looking right. You’re still grounded. Kind of,” she replied. “She changed into the kind of woman I tried to avoid. Snobby. You see how boojie her salon is, acting like every woman that sits in her chair has to be famous. That shit isn’t cute.”
“So why’d you stay? Why’d you continue to support her every move, trying to be up in everything?”
“Because I still wanted her to have whatever she wanted. I still wanted to see her succeed. Doesn’t matter. She didn’t want any of what I had to offer in the end.”
“Right. She said you were too much,” I stated, recalling Angie’s explanation for their breakup. “You keep saying you still loved her, even though you weren’t in love with her. Is that natural, you think? To fall out of love with the person you’re with and just love them?”
I wondered if that had happened with Asia and me. Did the love we shared slip out of the “in love” category, and instead did we only love one another? I believed that there was a difference between the two and that a relationship had to be more than just love for it to work. Didn’t it?
“I’ve heard people use that as an excuse, yeah. I think it depends on the person you’re with. I wouldn’t fall out of love with you.” She smiled gently.
“How do you know that?”