Sit, Walk, Don't Talk

by Jennifer Howd

  6 Bedding and towels. Some retreat centers provide these. Some require you to bring your own. Know before you go.

  7 Tissues. Chances are you’ll find yourself either tearing up or feeling a bit sniffly at some point during your retreat. Tissues are generally available in public areas, but I recommend bringing your own supply, just in case.

  8 Water bottle or hot/cold thermos. You’ll probably want either hot tea or cold water within reach at all times.

  9 A watch. Many of us use cell phones to tell time these days. But using a cell phone, even just to tell the time, might not be allowed.

  10 Pain reliever, cold meds, and cough drops. It’s important to know that some retreat centers provide access to these items. And some don’t. Also, if you have an existing medical condition, make sure to bring enough of your prescription medicines to last throughout the entire retreat.

  11 Unscented toiletries and personal care products. Most retreat centers ask participants to refrain from using scented products, as an increasing number of people have allergies, asthma, or other chemical sensitivities. Make sure your products are fragrance-free.

  12 Flashlight (and batteries).

  13 Shawl, blanket, or wrap for the meditation hall.

  14 Sunglasses and a hat for walking outside.

  15 Lip balm (especially helpful if you’re retreating in the desert).

  16 Umbrella and/or rain gear (if retreating in an area with regular precipitation).

  17 Some cash. You might need to purchase small hygiene or medical items from the retreat center, and some centers only take cash for these items.

  18 Necessary special foods and/or beverages. Most retreat centers serve vegetarian (and often vegan) meals. Some offer allergen alternatives. If you have special dietary requirements, ask if they can accommodate you. If not, ask if you can bring these items with you. Also, if you do bring any special food items, make sure to bring sealable, plastic containers—with your name clearly labeled on them—to store them in.

  19 Earplugs. Chances are high that you won’t be needing these during the day (although some people do meditate with them). Nighttime, however, might be another story. Snoring roommates happen. Do yourself a favor, and bring a pair of earplugs in case they happen to you.

  20 A journal and writing utensil. This one’s somewhat controversial. Most teachers I’ve encountered frown upon journaling while on retreat because it activates the mind. I always bring these items. I don’t always end up using them. As with everything, do what feels wisest for you.

  What to Do When It’s Over

  The retreat just ended. You’ve spent what might have seemed like an eternity in silence, and you’re either itching to dive back into “normal” life—or are wishing the silence would never cease. Either way, it’s time to transition back to society. Here are some key tips to keep in mind:

  1 Be sensitive of others. As soon as the retreat ends, it might be tempting to turn to the person you just meditated next to for the past week and launch right into your inner adventures. But keep in mind some folks might want to continue the container of silence. Also, everyone experiences retreats differently. While your retreat might have felt blissful, someone else might have experienced just the opposite.

  2 Take it easy. Your senses will most likely feel more heightened, and your tolerance for certain activities, foods, people, etc. might be lower than they were before you left. Check in with yourself, listen to your body, and try not to push yourself to do too much too soon.

  3 Be aware that heavy emotions can surface after retreat. If you find something weighing on your heart and/or mind that you don’t know how to help yourself manage, seek support from a trusted meditation teacher and/or a qualified professional.

  4 Take time to reflect and journal about your retreat experiences. Making time to contemplate the lessons and insights gained on retreat will help you integrate them into your daily life.

  5 Ease back into media consumption. Be aware that you’ve just detoxed from sensory stimulation overload. So instead of diving right back into answering the hundreds of emails in your inbox, or gorging on hours of Facebook and funny cat videos, consider setting limits around the time spent engaging with media. At least for the first day or two.

  6 Treat yourself with kindness and patience. Always aiming for this is recommended—but you’ll find it especially helpful after getting home from retreat when you might be feeling a bit more fragile than usual.

  7 Ask folks in your immediate circles to please be delicate with you—and to not take it personally if you need extra amounts of alone time as you reintegrate back into regular routines.

  8 Be mindful of what you eat. Most silent meditation retreat centers offer strictly vegetarian meals, so if you’re a meat eater, you might be tempted to head straight for your favorite burger joint the minute the retreat ends. Do be aware that your entire system—including your stomach—is likely to be more sensitive than you’re used to. Just like coming off a fast, it’s a good idea to slowly introduce meat and other heavy/rich foods, caffeine, alcohol, etc. back into your diet to help your body transition.

  9 Avoid making life-altering decisions—at least for a few weeks. The full context of your life might not be visible coming off retreat. Best to give yourself some time and space before making any major decisions.

  10 Take advantage of the energy you created on your retreat, and maintain a regular practice back at home. Meditating—even for a short period each day—can help create continuity between your retreat and your everyday life.

  11 Mingle with other meditators. Local meditation centers, yoga studios, and meet-up groups are a great place to connect with other like-hearted folks with similar life philosophies who can help you feel an ongoing sense of support.

  12 Bring mindfulness into your everyday activities. You don’t have to be on retreat to be mindful. Mindful awareness is always accessible to us—wherever we are!

  Home Retreats

  Attending a silent meditation retreat at a dedicated meditation retreat center can provide a valuable and unique experience, but it can also take a great deal of resources to make happen. If you’re feeling drawn to attend a silent meditation retreat, but it just isn’t possible (or practical) to do so, the good news is you can create a mini silent meditation retreat experience at home. All you need is a clear intention and some self-discipline. Here are a few guidelines to help you get started:

  Before Your Retreat

  1 Give yourself permission. It can be a radical gesture not to be doing something 24/7 in our culture and to take the time to just “be.” No matter what you might be telling yourself—or, in some cases, what others might be telling you—dropping all the do-ing and dedicating time just for you isn’t self-centered. It’s self-centering. You deserve it. Give this time to yourself.

  2 Create intentions for your silent time. What you do during your home retreat is entirely up to you. Listen to yourself and what you feel you need. If structure is something you crave, consider creating a schedule for yourself that includes alternating periods between meditating and walking—much like a traditional Vipassana silent meditation retreat. If a structured schedule doesn’t feel like a great fit, you might simply want to create the intention of sitting quietly and resting and/or going on a long walk in nature.

  3 Choose a location. If you live by yourself—or if you live with others and are able to secure uninterrupted quiet time—the comfort and convenience factors of at-home retreats can make your abode an ideal location. Alternatively, you might choose to spend your silent time in a secluded spot in nature—perhaps a park, a hidden campground, or spot by the water.

  4 Decide how much time you’d like to spend in silence and commit to a specific day (or days) when you’ll make your retreat time happen. I recommend spending at least two full hours in silence, distraction-free. This will give you time for both extended meditation and some form of meditative movement. Intentionally carving out the time you’ve decided to give y
ourself in silence, and putting it on your schedule, is key to helping make sure it happens. Often, the best times to take a retreat are when we feel too busy to do so. Clear some time in your schedule. And commit.

  5 Decide if you want to retreat alone or with a like-hearted loved one, friend, or small group who—and this is important—will respect the container of silence you choose to create. If you decide to retreat with others, make sure to cover ground rules and expectations before diving in.

  6 To help create accountability for yourself, consider declaring that you’re entering into a period of silence. You can do this publicly on social media—or, more intimately, to a small circle of trusted friends and family. You might even inspire a few folks to do the same!

  7 Create clear boundaries with those who might be in close proximity, asking them to respect the container of silence you’re creating and to please not disturb you. Let them know taking this time for yourself is critical for your wellbeing—and that they might benefit from it indirectly, as well.

  8 Gather your necessities before the retreat period begins. Basic supplies to have handy include:

  • Water bottle/thermos filled with water or tea

  • Meditation cushion and/or chair

  • Bolster/pillows

  • Blankets

  • Yoga mat

  • Tissues

  • Ear plugs (if you live in a noisy area)

  • A candle and matches

  • A lunch box or cooler

  9 Pre-prepare light meals and snacks (vegetarian is recommended). Eating light is recommended while retreating to help keep your energy flowing. And it’s best to stay away from stimulants like caffeine and sugar. If only retreating for a few hours, you might even consider water or juice fasting as a mini-cleanse.

  10 Shut down your computer. Hide the TV remote. Turn off your phone and unplug all other communication and entertainment devices. If these distractions aren’t audible or visible, you’ll be less tempted to use them.

  During Your Retreat

  1 Wear comfortable clothes.

  2 Light a candle to be a witness to your silence and to symbolize the container you’re holding for yourself.

  3 Connect with your intention for entering silence, and periodically reconnect with this intention throughout your retreat.

  4 As best you can, allow yourself to stay in the present moment and be with whatever arises, without judgment.

  5 Stick with the silence—you can do it!

  6 When it’s time for your retreat to close, take a moment to acknowledge yourself for giving yourself the time to “just be.” Then extinguish the candle to signify the end of the container of silence.

  After Your Retreat

  1 When you feel ready to speak to others, be mindful of your first words, perhaps making them an expression of gratitude, kindness, or love.

  2 Consider reflecting in a journal about what surfaced for you during your silent time.

  3 Ease back into your routine. Don’t rush into heavy-duty “do-ing.”

  4 Schedule your next home retreat!

  For more information about home retreats, including a list of suggested home retreat itineraries, visit www.JenniferHowd.com.

  Recommended Reading

  Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Center City, MN: Hazelden, 2010.

  Chödrön, Pema. When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. Boston, MA: Shambhala, 1997.

  Nhat Hanh, Thich. Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise. New York, NY: HarperOne, 2015.

  Kabat-Zinn, Jon. Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness. New York, NY: Hyperion, 2005.

  Kabat-Zinn, Jon. Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 2013.

  Kornfield, Jack. A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life. New York, NY: Bantam Books, 1993.

  Smalley, Susan L., and Diana Winston. Fully Present: The Science, Art, and Practice of Mindfulness. Boston, MA: Da Capo Press, 2010.

  Loving Kindness Meditation

  Loving kindness meditation helps evoke feelings of love, kindness, and friendliness toward both ourselves and others. It’s recommended to first start by directing the phrases toward yourself, picturing yourself as you are now, or perhaps as a young child (which some people find easier). Feel free to adjust the phrases in any way that helps you feel more open in your heart, and repeat them gently to yourself.

  When you’re ready to move on, picture someone you love or care for deeply and repeat the phrases with her or him in mind (if a person does not come to mind, feel free to choose a beloved pet).

  May I/you be happy and peaceful.

  May I/you be healthy and strong.

  May I/you be safe from all danger.

  May I/you have ease and well-being in my/your life.

  As you progress with this meditation, consider including the more difficult people in your life. This might feel strained and/or mechanical at first. But, with practice, you might find your heart opening to even the most challenging people!

  Body Scan

  Body scan meditations are simple and effective ways to connect with your body and help relieve physical stress. Begin by either sitting or lying down in a comfortable spot, and close your eyes. Notice the parts of your body that are in contact with the floor and/or chair. Tune into—and then soften and relax—any parts of your body that might be holding tension.

  Now slowly bring your attention to your feet. Notice how your feet feel. Are they warm or cold? Do you feel any tingly sensations? After a few moments, allow your feet to fade from your awareness. Then slowly move up your body—first your ankles, then calves, knees, and thighs. Move across your groin and lower torso, moving up through the rest of your body until you reach the top of your head.

  After you reach the top of your head, feel your entire body connected together. Feel all the sensations on your skin. Can you feel the blood moving through your body? Can you feel your bones? Feel your whole body without judgment, doing your best to accept it—as it is—in this moment. Then, when you’re ready, gently open your eyes.

  About the Author

  Jennifer Howd is a writer, editor, and a mindfulness facilitator certified by the Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC) at the University of California, Los Angeles. She offers mindfulness classes, workshops, retreats, and one-on-one mentoring for individuals and organizations seeking mindfulness-based tools for expanding awareness and fostering a greater sense of well-being. For more information, visit www.JenniferHowd.com.

  Parallax Press is a nonprofit publisher, founded and inspired by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. We publish books on mindfulness in daily life and are committed to making these teachings accessible to everyone and preserving them for future generations. We do this work to alleviate suffering and contribute to a more just and joyful world.

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