To Protect Her Son

by Stella MacLean

  All this pent-up need made her see something very clearly. She had to take the next step in her new life and put her past behind her. And whether it was right or wrong, seeking forgiveness from the police officer Harry had injured was a necessary part of moving forward for her.

  She couldn’t have Nate with her unless she knew how he really felt about her, whatever that might be. Returning to Anaheim with someone who didn’t love her, who was acting out of some sense of duty or responsibility, wouldn’t work. This was an intimate journey back into her past. It could only be shared with someone who wanted to share her life. If Nate cared about her, he needed to say so. Otherwise, she would be going back to Anaheim alone.

  She met his solid gaze, his eyes giving no hint of his feelings for her one way or the other. Given the circumstances she faced there was only one decision. “Thank you for offering, but I have to face my past on my own in my own way. I’ve lived all this time with guilt over the man Harry injured. Maybe the guilt seems unreasonable to some people. Maybe I’m simply seeking relief from the memory of that day. Whatever the reason, this is my problem, not yours.”

  He just looked at her with a sadness that made her want to cry. If only he’d say something that would give her hope that they might have a future. Even if he just said he wanted to see her, date her, anything to show he wanted a relationship with her beyond friendship.

  He remained silent. Rejection raised its ugly head. She gripped the arms of the chair and pulled herself to a standing position. “I’m going to go in and get my things. Adam is here somewhere, probably talking with Morgan.”

  She wanted to ask when she’d see him again, but she couldn’t. It would sound as though she was trying to corner him into something. After all, his only loyalty to her resided in his relationship with Adam. A relationship that would soon come to an end, if Adam’s behavior the past few days meant her son would be all right. She hadn’t seen him this happy since they’d moved to Eden Harbor, and she owed it all to Nate.

  She waited for a few seconds, hoping he’d say the words to make her stay, to indicate that he wanted her with him. Maybe it was being in the presence of two very happy people at their long-awaited dream wedding that had sparked these feelings.

  She’d been secretly hoping that Nate would ask her to spend the night with him in this beautiful inn. But she should have known better. The things she’d wished for in her life had not happened...except for Adam. And now, standing here waiting for Nate to say something made her feel like a silly teenager waiting for the school’s star athlete to notice her.

  She glanced down at Nate. He was staring at his hand resting on the arm of the chair. “I guess I’ll see you in town when you come to pick up Adam,” she said, hurt and longing tearing at her throat.

  She ached for some little sign of encouragement, but he said nothing. Not so much as goodbye.

  Forcing her feet to move, she walked along the veranda to the double doors leading into the inn. She saw Anna coming toward her, but she ducked her head and continued along the veranda.

  Talking to her friend in the state she was in was out of the question. She didn’t have the words to explain what she was feeling. She needed to go home, to her safe little Victorian house with its flowers and its good memories. The only place she’d ever felt at home.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  NATE SAT THERE, tongue-tied and feeling like an idiot. Gayle’s eyes had told him she wanted him to say something. He’d known it, and had been totally incapable of responding. His fear that he would say or do something wrong where this woman was concerned had forced his silence. When would he ever learn how to say what he was feeling? To reach out to the one woman that mattered?

  She had walked away from him, yet he was unable to make a move. He wanted to run after her, pull her into his arms and say what he needed to say. Instead, he sat there watching the way her dress followed the curves of her body, her hair swayed around her shoulders. Raw need turned his breath to jagged gasps.

  He’d never felt like this before, this feeling that somehow they were bonded to each other, that every move she made, every breath she took, he took with her. He clenched his fists to keep from following her, begging her to come back. He was overcome with a sense of loss so profound he couldn’t seem to clear his mind of the thought that he’d missed the opportunity of a lifetime.

  What was wrong with him? He’d had no trouble going after any other woman in the world he wanted. Even after he had to use a cane he had not felt like this, this feeling that he was...inadequate, making him damned near tongue-tied around her. But Gayle wasn’t just any other woman.

  A few minutes later she walked past him down the steps onto the lawn, her head held high, her face devoid of emotion, as she carried her suitcase to her car.

  Without knowing how or why, he found himself standing at the edge of the steps, his eager eyes following Gayle as she made her way toward the parking lot.

  “Turn around,” he whispered.

  “Nate, what’s wrong?” Anna asked, her voice flush with sympathy.

  He gripped the veranda post, his eyes never leaving Gayle’s disappearing form. “I don’t know, sis. I... She’s...”

  “You mean Gayle?”

  “Yeah. I think I made a mistake that probably can’t be fixed, at least not any time soon.”

  “Spill it now,” Anna said, her hand reaching for his.

  He looked down at her hand, remembering all the times he’d confessed things to her. Being lonely, feeling separate and different at school because everyone else had a father, or someone who did the dad things. He’d told his sister about the first date he’d ever had, swearing her to secrecy where his mother was concerned. He remembered the day he’d landed in the hospital with a gunshot wound and seeing the worry on Anna’s face as they took him into surgery for the second time. The day he’d arrived on her doorstep to tell her about his marriage plans ending. The day they’d been informed that Kevin had been killed. The day he’d learned she had Parkinson’s, and the easy way she soothed his fears about her future. She’d been there all his life, for everything he’d ever experienced.

  “I love Gayle Sawyer.”

  Anna gave a soft, knowing chuckle. “So why is she headed toward the parking lot while you’re standing here looking as if you’ve just lost your best friend?”

  He smiled at his tall, rail-thin sister, knowing what she was facing in her own life, and felt a little dumb. No, make that a whole lot dumb. “Because I couldn’t tell her how I feel.”

  “And that would be because...?”

  “If I were to tell her how I feel, it would mean I wanted her in much more than just a casual way.”

  “And what’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing... I’m afraid that once I tell her how I’m feeling it will lead to commitment.”

  “And?”

  “And I’m not good at commitment. I’ve never said this to anyone before, but a part of me was secretly pleased that Natasha canceled our wedding. I already had a huge commitment to myself, to looking after my injuries and getting better. A part of me didn’t want to take on a wife, especially someone as needy as Natasha. I don’t think I can commit to Gayle, or anyone.”

  “I don’t believe that. I watched you two during the wedding service, and the number of stolen glances between you gave it all away. Have you forgotten?”

  “What?” He forced an easy smile to his lips, his defense when someone guessed the agony he was in.

  “I’m an expert on love. Kevin and I loved each other from fifth grade. Lord knows, I had to fight off a few women to keep him when he was a teenager. But we ended up happily married, and I wouldn’t have traded a moment of it. I want you to experience the kind of love I had. I can pretty well guarantee you that Gayle will give you all the love you need. As for commitment, I know you too
well. When you make up your mind to commit to something or someone, you take it to the limit.”

  Was his sister right? He’d caught Gayle glancing at him several times, and that moment they’d shared when she reached the front of the wedding tent and took her position...

  “What if I screw up?”

  “You’re thinking about Natasha, right? That Gayle is like her?” She shook her head. “Men. I don’t get it. Natasha was the worst thing that ever happened to you, in my opinion. When I realized you were serious about her I had to keep my thoughts to myself. After she broke the engagement and hurt you so badly I wanted to...I don’t know. Maybe tie all her underwear in knots? Pour nail polish all over her expensive clothes? Put her profile up on one of the dating sites and make her sound like the witch she is?”

  “Anna! When did you get so nasty?”

  “Since I saw how hurt you were.” She hugged him. “I want you to be happy. You love this woman, and I’m betting she loves you. She’s afraid and you’re afraid. But if you don’t go down that pathway to the parking lot and get her before she reaches her car and drives away from here, I’m going to make you both pay,” she warned.

  “You love me that much?”

  “And more,” she confirmed.

  “But I’m not good at rejection.”

  “And Gayle isn’t either, but if you don’t trust your instincts and your love for her, you may lose again. Gayle is the real thing. Gayle doesn’t have any other agenda but you.”

  He sighed, his heart knowing the truth of his sister’s words. “I want to believe that.”

  “Then trust yourself.”

  “You’re right. I can’t let her go.”

  “Then what are you waiting for?” She gave him a gentle push toward the steps. “I don’t want to see you until after you’ve told her you love her. Understood?”

  “Understood,” he said, but he was already down the stairs.

  “And don’t worry, I’ll look after Adam for Gayle. He can share Jeremy’s room tonight. That is, if you’re lucky.” She chuckled again.

  “Thanks, sis.” He moved as quickly as his injury would allow along the pathway.

  He nearly crashed into Gayle as he came around the hedge that blocked the parking lot from view. “Sorry. I was in a bit of a hurry and didn’t see you.”

  “Obviously.” Her dark brows crinkled as her eyes met his.

  Slowly he placed his hands on her shoulders, feeling the luxurious fabric of her dress and the warm flesh beneath it, intoxicating and magical, filling his heart and mind with only one thing. “Gayle, I have something to tell you.”

  His fingers picked up a slight tremble of her shoulders. “Please tell me.”

  He looked into her eyes and was lost in the naked need he saw there. He pulled her close, his mouth covering hers as he eased her against him. He didn’t know how long they kissed and he didn’t care. All he cared about was how eagerly her lips met his, how easily her tongue tangled with his.

  She pulled away after a few minutes. “Is this what you wanted to tell me?” she asked, her gaze going purposely to the bulge in his pants.

  He threw back his head and laughed in a way he hadn’t laughed in years. It felt so good, so right. He grabbed her up, swung her around before putting her down, his eyes locked with hers, his hip humming in pain. “I love you, Gayle Sawyer. There, I’ve said it. I love you.”

  * * *

  GAYLE FELT JUST a little light-headed, and for a few seconds she wasn’t sure if she’d heard right. A part of her couldn’t believe that she was living the dream she’d dreamed since she was a little girl. A handsome man—a kind, sweet man with a gorgeous body and eyes to melt into—had just told her he loved her.

  “I love you, too,” she said.

  His eyes held hers. His hands touched her throat; his fingers traced a line down toward the V of her dress. “Gayle, you’re the best thing to happen to me in a very long time.”

  Her smile was bright, her eyes filled with a look that made him want to protect her from every bad thing that could ever happen to her. To keep her safe and love her with all the love he had in him.

  Without another word, he snugged her close to his body, pressing her head to his chest. “Hear that?” he asked.

  She loved the feel of his hand on her head, his strength making her feel safe and cared for. “Hear what?”

  “My heart singing with joy,” he said,

  She turned in his arms, and reached for him, feelings of happiness dredging all the worry and loss and loneliness from her soul and scattering those sad feelings into the cosmos. “You’re so corny,” she said, running her hands through his hair, feeling the shape of his head, before letting her fingers trail down his neck to the open V of his shirt.

  “Yeah, you’re right. Forget I said it.” He took her hands in his, covering them and holding them against his chest.

  “Never. I love you, singing heart and all.”

  “Then I have another confession to make,” he said, a slow smile moving over his face.

  “I’m not a priest, but I’ll hear your confession,” she murmured, joy filling every part of her being.

  His smile warmed her in all the right places. He tucked a curl behind her ear, his touch light and lingering. “Weeks ago, when I was feeling really confident about how things would work out for us today, I booked a room here at the inn for tonight. As you probably guessed, I lost my nerve for a little bit back there.” He nodded toward the veranda. “Nearly blew it, in fact.”

  Feeling happier than she ever had in her life, Gayle placed her hands on his chest, her fingers exploring the muscled flesh beneath his white tuxedo shirt. “You? I can’t imagine you ever losing your nerve,” she said, her fingers sliding up under his tuxedo jacket across his muscled chest to his shoulders.

  He gave her a wry smile, pulling her closer. “But with Anna’s help I recovered. I would like to invite you to my suite for the night.”

  She wanted to be cool and clever about this, to prove she was a sophisticated woman, not a woman whose experience in bed could best be described as utilitarian. “I only have the dress I have on, and the pants and top I wore here this morning.”

  “Are you saying you have nothing else to wear?”

  She slid her arms down from his chest and wrapped them around his waist without taking her eyes off his. “That’s about it.”

  He kissed her, his hands gently encircling her throat, his breath hot on her cheek. It felt as if they’d been doing this every day for years. When he lifted his face from hers, his smile melted her core. “That’s just fine by me. You won’t be needing any.”

  “Have you forgotten I have a son? As wonderful as it sounds, I can’t stay the night here with you.”

  “It’s already taken care of. Anna’s taking Adam home with her to spend the night.”

  “You had this all planned.”

  “That’s not entirely true, but I do have a wonderfully resourceful sister.”

  He put his arm around her, his lips brushing the soft skin in front of her ear, making her whole body tingle. “This is just the beginning,” he whispered as they made their way along the pathway from the parking lot, up onto the veranda, one step at a time.

  There were no words to express how completely enthralled she was with him, with the heat of his body, the urgency of his kisses. But when he turned her in his arms and licked the small indentation of her neck, her knees betrayed her. Suddenly she was slipping toward the ground.

  He held her tight, nearly stumbling but making a quick recovery.

  “Oh! No! I’m so sorry,” she said, clinging to him while he gripped the veranda post. “Let me get your cane for you.” She glanced up into his eyes, eyes that held a flicker of hurt mixed with embarrassment.

  This man she loved and wh
o loved her could still be hurt by the visible signs of his past. And his hurt only made her love him more. “Look, before we go any further,” she said, “I want to say something.”

  “And what would that be?” he asked, his voice a deep growl, the heat of his expression having evaporated.

  She took his face in her hands and stared straight up into his eyes. “Your cane doesn’t bother me one little bit. I wouldn’t care if you were on crutches or in a wheelchair. I love you, Nate Garrison, and that’s all there is to it. So don’t go trying to change my heart, understood?”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  HOLDING NATE’S HAND they made their way up the winding staircase, past the ceiling-high window with its panes of glass reflecting the brightly lit space, past the glittering chandelier displaying diamond-bright spots of light over the blue velvet of the steps. When they reached the top, Nate pulled a key from his pocket and approached a set of cream-colored French doors. Hugging her close, he put the key in the lock and opened the door wide.

  Gayle gasped in delight. The room was various shades of blue and cream. The chandelier hanging from the ceiling over the coffee table and the tall windows draped in navy blue silk made an unmistakable statement of elegance and wealth—neither of which she’d ever experienced in her life.

  She was going to spend the night in this room with the man she loved. She turned to thank him, but was met with the broad expanse of his body, his arms surrounding her as his lips searched for hers, all to the sound of the quiet click of the door closing behind them.

  He continued to kiss her as he led her to the bedroom. She was vaguely aware of a carpet so thick her high heels caught in it.