by Anna Park
“What? I mean. Uh...Do you remember why I took off?”
“I remember you were upset because you had your period, and you weren’t prepared...But I was so into you, I didn’t really care, to be honest.”
“I thought you were grossed out. That’s why I ran.” He hadn’t cared?
“Honestly, nothing you could have done would have turned me off you. From that moment, the moment you walked into the party, looking so cute and innocent, I was taken.”
Colin was blushing, and small beads of sweat were forming along his hairline. He looked expectantly.
“I wish I had known this.” Lia felt silly.
“And then, when I saw you again, as my rotation student, well...I don’t believe in fate, but I couldn’t explain it any other way. But you were so standoffish.”
“Yeah, I was pretty shocked.”
“And then you had these moments, where you looked at me like you wanted to have me right then and there, and I was getting all these mixed signals.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Well now that you’re here, and we’ve been through so much, I want you to know that I need you. I’ve never felt like this before. No other woman has bent me so out of shape.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Well, I just can’t stand to be apart from you. You make me feel complete. I want you to be my girlfriend.”
Girlfriend? Lia had never been someone’s girlfriend. She let that sink in for a moment.
“Really? But what about…Farahnaz?” That was all she could muster.
Colin got close to her, pushing strands of her hair out of his way. He kissed her gently, his lips gently tugging at her lips. He pulled off, and looked into her eyes. “I love you, Lia.”
He breathed deeply, his eyes on her.
“So, Farahnaz and I went out on one date, about five months ago. I didn’t really think there was anything there, so I didn’t ask her out again. For some reason, she thinks that we are meant to be, and that I’m just playing hard to get. I have tried to tell her over and over, but she doesn’t get it. I don’t know what else to do, to discourage her. She’s our lab technician, so I have to try to be diplomatic — it’s kind of a mess.”
Colin’s eyes were downturned and he looked away.
Lia’s fear melted, and she finally realized how open Colin was being with her. He had completely revealed his most tender feelings. Her body felt warm and relaxed. She was ready to let him in.
He’s here to stay. He’s not going to use me and leave me.
She pulled his face into hers, and kissed him back. “Yes. I need you,” she whispered into his ear. He picked her up and sat her down in his lap. “Kiss me,” he said. Lia leaned back into the kiss, and fell into the warm safety of Colin’s arms.
*************
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If you’d like to read an excerpt from Meant To Be, Alex and Paulo’s story, please read on.
*************
“Another one is coming, aaaahhh.” Alex Bertoli braced herself for the contraction. They were coming fast and hard now, gripping her body for a good minute before releasing her. She closed her eyes and started counting her breaths, her face scrunched up in focus. Alex brushed away her sister Lia Bertoli’s hand. “Don’t touch me.” The contraction had reached its peak, and Alex didn’t know if she could take it any more. Just as soon as she started to whimper, the pain began to ease. “Oh God.”
Lia’s eyes were round and concerned. “You okay?” Alex shrugged. “Now, yes. But it won’t last long.” She knew her baby girl was almost ready to emerge. A few more centimeters and she would finally get to meet her. My daughter. I’m bringing my daughter into this world. Alex took a deep breath. She had to do right by her little girl. I’m going to make sure she has every opportunity. Sage is going to have a good life.
“Ahhhh.” Another even more intense contraction was beginning. The pain radiated from her back. She hadn’t expected the back pain. Her aunt Gianna Monsanti stroked her forehead. “I wish I could ease your pain, Alex.” Gianna had never had any children, but she was no stranger to pain. Alex managed a feeble smile. “It will be over soon. I can feel her head pushing down.”
A nurse walked into the room. “Time for another check.” She slipped on the gloves and Alex braced for the pain. “You’re starting a contraction, huh,” the nurse said as she inserted her fingers into Alex. “Wow, you’re almost there.” Alex sighed. Finally.
“Do you feel the urge to push?”
“Yes, I feel her head right there.”
“I’m going to get your doctor.”
Alex leaned back. The next contraction came like a wave, crashing into her. “Okay, now I really have to push.”
Dr. Weber ran in, “Let’s have this baby.” He stuck a gloved hand inside her. “Wow, she’s almost out. Should be easy now.”
Alex felt a renewed sense of energy. The next contraction, she finally allowed herself to push. It was the most natural thing she had ever felt. No one had to tell her what to do. Between contractions, she breathed, and prepared for the next push.
“Oh my God, I can see her head!” Lia was excited. Alex reached down and felt the wet head of her daughter. Almost there. She couldn’t wait to meet her.
“Aaaargh.” She pushed extra hard and felt the head come through. “There she is! One more push, Alex.”
Alex mustered all of her strength for the final push. She heard a strong cry as her baby emerged completely. Dr. Weber placed her daughter on her belly. She was warm and slippery. The tears came out of nowhere. Alex started to bawl. She looked at the sweet little face in front of her. Her daughter’s eyes were open and her cries subsided as Alex touched her. My daughter.
“She’s perfect.” Alex stroked her daughter’s head and moved her index finger along her tiny nose and mouth.
Lia’s eyes were teary as well, and she hugged Alex. “She has your red hair, Alex.” Gianna smiled. The nurse came over. “Time for a bath, then you can feed her.” She picked up Alex’s baby, and walked her over to a tub. Alex heard the cries again as water was poured on her daughter. Feisty, just like me. She smiled.
“How are you feeling?” Gianna asked her. Her eyes were moist.
“Great.” Alex was itching to stand up and walk to her daughter. After the baby had emerged, the pain had ceased completely. She felt that she could climb a mountain. “I never expected to feel so strong after all that,” Alex explained. Dr. Weber finished cleaning her up and looked up. “That’s because you had a drug-free birth. No drugs to wear off, you just have all the natural endorphins in your system now.”
Alex hadn’t planned for a natural birth. She was the person who avoided the dentist because she hated the pain. But the labor had progressed so fast that her nurse had suggested she keep going. She hadn’t felt so powerful in a long time.
“You’re glowing,” said Lia. “I haven’t seen you this happy since we were kids.” Alex’s life could be divided in two parts: before her father’s death, and after. Before he passed away, Alex was radiant and optimistic. His death had sucked the joy from her life.
“I wish dad could have met Sage.” Alex felt the dark sadness weigh her down.
“Dad would have been so happy.” Lia had tears streaming down her cheeks. “Wherever he is, he’s proud of you, Alex.”
“Well, I have a lot of fixing to do.” Alex thought about the past five years of her life. It was a blur of parties, alcohol, drugs and casual sex. She knew she was lucky her life hadn’t been irreversibly ruined. Getting pregnant had saved her from herself. Sage had given her
a reason to live again.
“I’m going to give her a good life,” said Alex. Holding her dependent daughter, Alex felt like a grown-up for the first time in her twenty-two years of life.
“I know you are.” Lia stroked her hair, her eyes moist with tears. “Love you, Alex.”
*************
Alex looked down at the redhead baby in her arms. Tiny little breaths were moving her chest up and down. Her little baby lips twitched into a smile. “Finally, she fell asleep,” she said to Lia. The post-birth euphoria had given way to anxiety and Alex felt knots in her stomach. Sage had struggled to breastfeed for the first time. The nurses had helped her, but Alex felt alone. She turned to look at her roomate’s bed, where the baby’s dad was rocking his newborn to sleep.
“Shhh,” he said, his eyes sweet and tender. He held the bundled baby gingerly, whispering into its little ears. His wife, her roommate, was taking a nap. Alex hadn’t slept in eighteen hours, and she couldn’t see a time in the near future when she would get to sleep for a decent stretch.
Lia tapped her shoulder gently, “You want me to try to hold her, so you can get some rest?”
“That’s okay, thanks.”
Alex didn’t want to impose on her big sister. Lia had enough on her plate. Lia’s eyes darkened and she looked hurt. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry, Lia. I just need to figure out this baby stuff.”
Alex felt a pang of sadness. I don’t want to push Lia away again. But she didn’t want her sister standing in for a dad. Sage opened her tiny mouth and started to scream again.
“Maybe I should walk around a bit?” Alex shuffled herself to the edge of the bed and stood up. Her insides felt sore now. Ouch. Everything hurt, including her poor breasts. She held Sage tight and walked slowly out of the room.
“I’ll come with you,” said Lia. Alex nodded. The hallways of the maternity ward were busy with activity. Families, nurses and laboring moms were walking around. The neighboring door was covered in pink balloons, with an “It’s a Girl” sign. She looked in and saw vases and vases of flowers. Family members were crowded into the tiny room, and laughter erupted. Alex felt alone.
She looked up and saw a laboring woman with her husband protectively holding her. His eyes were on her and his brow was furrowed with concern for his wife. Alex’s heart ached. She hadn’t realized how much she would wish for a partner, a father for her baby.
I don’t even know who the dad is. Anyway, he probably wouldn’t want to be involved. Sage was still fussing, her face red now. She squirmed and Alex tried to rock her back to sleep. The movement seemed to anger her even more. “Waaahhhh.”
Lia’s face was scrunched in concern. “Maybe we should ask the nurses for help? You seem to be upsetting her more…”
Alex felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. Why did Lia never trust her to manage things on her own? Yes, she had messed up the past few years. Her unexpected pregnancy could be seen as the ultimate screw up by her perfect as her older sister, but why couldn’t Lia give her a chance?
“I’m fine.” She gave Lia a steely-eyed look. “Why don’t you go home and rest. You must be tired.”
Lia’s green eyes teared over. “Is that what you want?”
“Right now, yes. I need to figure out Sage, I’m her mom.”
Lia turned her head to wipe her eyes. “Okay.”
She retreated away from Alex and walked towards the exit. Her shoulders were slumped. She needs to let me figure this out. She can’t try to fix this for me.
Sage was screaming even louder. “Shhhhh,” Alex tried to shush her, like the baby books had said. Nothing. Sage kept on screaming. Maybe I should swaddle her again? Maybe it’s not tight enough?
Alex turned and went back into her room. Her roommate’s husband had brought her a tray of sushi. Their baby was peacefully asleep in the plastic cot next to her bed. The other mom took a bite of salmon sashimi from the chopsticks in her husband’s hand. “Mmmm.” He carefully fed her each piece of sashimi, watching her enjoy each bite. “You did great today,” he said, his eyes loving and proud. The roommate smiled sweetly. “I can’t believe our baby is here.” The couple exchanged a look only meant for two.
When Alex got to her bed, the sound of screaming Sage interrupted their moment. They exchanged a quick look, a look that was obviously saying ‘Where is her husband?’. The dad came over and said, “Hey, I’m Mike, this is Gigi. Are you okay? Can we get a nurse for you?”
Alex bristled. Didn’t anyone think she could manage on her own? The cries of her daughter were even more intense. “I’m okay. I think she’s hungry.” She looked over to their baby, and said, “Is your baby crying?” Both parents ran over to check on their baby.
Good, peace now. Alex sat down on her bed, still holding her screaming bundle. Okay, let me see. She threw on her nursing cover, hanging on the bed rail. Come on little baby, eat. She tried to get Sage to find her breast. After adjusting her wobbly head a few times, she finally helped her daughter find the nipple. There. Sage latched on, and stopped crying. Alex lay back and took in a deep breath. Sage sucked a few more times, then pulled back her head and screamed again.
Alex’s insides tightened again. Oh no. Okay. Maybe she’s gassy. She picked up her floppy daughter, careful to hold her head. Alex rubbed her back, trying to stop the crying. She switched shoulders and Sage kept crying. Maybe her diaper? She put Sage down on the bed and undressed her. She was a little wet. Maybe that’s it. Alex changed her, careful not to touch the umbilical cord stump.
The crying subsided, replaced by little sniffles. Sage seemed happier, for the moment. Alex felt herself relax. She hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to anticipate a newborn’s needs.
*************
“You should go in to see her,” said Gianna. Paulo Campana wiped his flour-covered hands on his green apron and looked into Gianna’s staring eyes. “But, I don’t want to impose…”
Gianna walked over, until she was standing right next to him. “Paulo, I think she would appreciate it.”
Paulo felt butterflies in his stomach. His body felt warm and sweat was beading up around his hairline. “Okay.”
He set aside the pasta dough he had been preparing and washed his hands and face in the large restaurant kitchen. He took his job as Gianna’s cook very seriously. There weren’t many things that could tear him from his work.
“She’s a bit moody, don’t take it personally.” Gianna warned him.
“Oh.”
“You’ll be fine. We want her to feel supported by her family and friends.”
“I’m not really family, though.” Paulo hesitated.
“You’re like my son,” Gianna said. “So I expect you to go make an appearance.”
Paulo sighed. He wasn’t going to fight Gianna on this. He was too grateful to her. She had been the first person who had believed in him, and had hired him literally off the street to work for her. Gianna could have just ignored him, sitting on the street corner. She later told him that something about him seemed earnest and worth a chance.
“I’ll be happy to see your niece, Gianna.”
Paulo knew that Alex hated him, and going to visit her at the hospital wasn’t going to change that. Oh well. He braced himself for her cold and disapproving looks. He threw on a blue hoodie to cover his tattoo. He checked himself in the mirror and combed down his dark blonde hair. Almost respectable. Except for the diamond stud in his left ear. He couldn’t remove that though. That had been the last gift his mom had given him, before she had been taken to prison.
Paulo headed out into the warm Spring day and walked over to the hospital. Last time he had spoken to Alex, she had given him a dirty look. He had offered to help her carry some groceries up to Gianna’s apartment. “I can do it just fine,” she had said to him, her green eyes flashing with anger. She had turned her head, flicking her shiny red hair over her face.
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