Flaw Less

by Shana Burton

  “That Duke is still very much attached to Reese,” noted Sullivan. “Which Angel does Duke think he’s marrying? Is it the wide-eyed schoolgirl who worshipped the ground he walked on or the woman you’ve become, who’s strong, independent, and has needs of her own?”

  Angel was quiet.

  Lawson eyed Angel’s ring. “Angel, you don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to.”

  Kina didn’t give her a chance to answer. “Of course she wants to! Angel, you and Duke are amazing together. Don’t start to second-guess yourself.”

  “I think you need to step back and pray on it,” suggested Lawson.

  “There’s no need to pray,” said Angel and sighed. “God has already given me the answer.”

  “Hey, babe, I got here as fast as I could,” began Duke as he unlocked the door and walked into the house. His words trailed off as he spotted Angel’s packed suitcases near the front door. “What’s up with the bags? You going somewhere?”

  “Yes,” Angel sighed. “Sit down, honey. There’s something I need to say to you.”

  Duke sat down on the sofa and made some room for her next to him. “What’s going on here?”

  “I’m moving. I’m going back to my place across town.”

  “Wait a minute—what? Moving? Why?”

  “It’s the right thing to do.”

  Duke nodded, understanding. “I get it. The whole shacking up thing is too much for you, and you want to wait until we’re married to live together.”

  “Not exactly.” Angel looked down at her ring one last time and slipped it off her hand. “I can’t marry you, Duke.”

  “What?” he exclaimed. “Angel, where is this coming from?”

  “It’s been brewing for a while, baby. We just didn’t want to see it.” She presented the ring to him.

  Duke refused to take it. “There’s no way I’m taking that back! Angel, if I did something to upset you, I’m sorry. Tell me what it is so we can talk about it and move on.”

  “Yes, Duke, that’s exactly what we need to do, we need to move on.”

  “I don’t know why you’re doing this. We’ve been planning our life together for months. This is the time we’ve been waiting for.”

  Angel stood up. “It’s hard to give up on a dream sometimes, but it’s even harder to accept having to settle for less than God’s best. I think somewhere along the way, I was willing to forgo too much to make you happy.”

  “Baby, you make me happy without even trying. Just being here and being able to wake up and see your face every morning makes me happy. Don’t take that away.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing, but Duke, I have to be true to myself and to you. I’ve got to come to terms with the fact that this isn’t what I want anymore.”

  Duke looked down at the ring. “We were supposed to get it right this time.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “For years, I ached for you. I cried for that college girl whose husband walked out on her and their baby for another woman and her baby. I wanted to make things right. I never stopped loving you, and I wanted to go back to the time when we were so happy—before the divorce, before you met Theresa, before I lost our baby.” She shook her head. “But you can’t go back. You can forgive, but you can’t really pick up like nothing’s happened.”

  “I’m not trying to pretend like the last ten years never happened. That would be like wishing I didn’t have Miley and Morgan. It would be a dishonor to my wife.”

  “Which wife?” Angel asked bitterly and threw up her hands. “I can’t do this, Duke. I can’t build a future trying to recapture the past.”

  “I don’t think that’s what we’re doing.”

  “It’s what I’ve been doing. For the longest, it felt like marrying you and loving you were such a huge waste of time, especially when I factor in all of those years of bitterness and unforgiveness I went through. Reuniting with you made it seem like maybe it wasn’t such a waste after all, like maybe it was all a part of God’s divine plan for my life. Believing that was a lot easier than accepting that I got married too young or that I chose the wrong mate.”

  Duke was hurt. “Why would you say something like that?”

  “Because it’s true, Duke. I’m not the love of your life. Theresa is. Just look around here—her pictures are everywhere, her stuff is still the same way she left it. You haven’t even stopped referring to her as your wife. You’re still in love with her, you probably always will be.”

  “Angel, I’m not going to deny that my wife—that Reese —has a very special place in my heart, but I love you. I want to marry you!”

  Angel shook her head. “You don’t want to marry me. You’re lonely, and I’m good with the kids. Most important, you remarrying me and the two of us raising the girls together was Theresa’s final wish. Even now, you’re still trying to make her happy.”

  “Why can’t you see how much I love you? You’re my heart, Angel. I love you, the girls love you. You can’t walk out of our lives this way.”

  “I love this family too, and I’ll always be here for those girls. I’ll always be your friend, Duke, but if we make the mistake of getting married, we’re only going to end up back in divorce court. My heart couldn’t take that again.”

  Duke sighed heavily. “What am I supposed to do now? I’ve spent the last year preparing for a life with you.”

  “You check in with God to see what His plans are for you. You take the time to really grieve losing Theresa. You be there for Miley and Morgan and trust God to send you the woman He wants you to have. In the meantime, you work on your relationship with Him like I’m doing.”

  “I’d rather work on my relationship with you.”

  “Duke, I know you don’t like to deal with things. Your way of avoiding the problems in our marriage was getting involved with Theresa. Your way of dealing with her death was getting involved with me, but the only way you’re going to get through it is to go through it. There are no shortcuts this time. God is using this as an opportunity for your development. Don’t run away from it.”

  “You mean the way you’re running away from us?”

  “I’m not running away. I’m setting us both free. There’s a difference.” She sat down next to him again. “It would’ve been nice, though. I saw our wedding in my head more times than I can count. I couldn’t wait for the opportunity to share with the rest of the world how much I loved you.”

  “You don’t have to move out, Angel. Take one of the spare bedrooms or the pool house. I’ll give you all the space you need, just don’t leave. Don’t say it’s over between us. I don’t think God would’ve brought us together again if He didn’t want us to stay together.”

  “I know there’s a reason and purpose for everything. The Bible tells us that. For the past two years, I thought the purpose of meeting Theresa was God’s way of setting the groundwork for us to meet again, fall in love, and have the family and the life we wanted. I hope not—that would mean we really screwed up His plan! Maybe the point was for me to give Theresa the peace she needed, to give you and the girls the support you needed to get through this last year without her, and to give me the closure I needed to be able to move on.” She touched his face. “You were my first love, my only love, Duke. How could it ever be truly over between us? But it’s time to move on for both our sakes.”

  A few more hugs and a lot more tears, Angel found herself back home again. When she walked into the door this time, it didn’t feel quite as lonely as it did before. It was full of light and peace. One day soon, it would be full of love as well.

  Chapter 49

  “There’s something you need to know about the night you had the stroke.”

  —Sullivan Webb

  Sullivan prayed for strength and mercy as she stood outside of her front door, preparing to go in, confirm the truth about their baby, Vaughn, and the child’s true paternity. She looked down at her wedding ring. She was going into the house a married woman but could very well
come out a single mother.

  “Baby, I’m home,” called Sullivan as she entered the foyer. Charles was sitting on the sofa reading his Bible.

  Sullivan approached him with a kiss. “I hope I wasn’t gone too long. Is Mavis still here?”

  Charles nodded and looked toward the kitchen.

  “Okay, I’m going to send her on home. There’s something really important I need to talk to you about.”

  After dismissing the housekeeper, Sullivan returned to Charles’s side. She reached for his hand, took a deep breath, and began.

  “Charles, I know I’ve made this marriage very challenging for you, to say the least. I remember back when we first got engaged how everyone tried to warn you against marrying me. After all, what business did the daughter of a whore and a married man with three kids at home have marrying a man like you?”

  Charles shook his head to indicate that he never saw her that way.

  “I know you’ve always seen me as your princess, that’s what made me fall in love with you, but I am what I am, honey. Thank God I have you and Christ in my life now, but sometimes, I am still that lost girl that you rescued. As much as I like to think I’ve changed, I still have some of the old me left inside. There are times when I want what I want when I want it. I don’t always stop to think about who might get hurt in the process or what I stand to lose. It’s in those times that I’m too caught up in me to seek God’s direction. And it’s during those times that I don’t always do the right thing.”

  Sullivan rose and paced the floor as she talked. “Regardless of anything that happens next, I want you to know how very much I love you, Charles. Nothing has given me more joy or more sense of purpose than being your wife. It’s my prayer that we’re able to live out our lives together, but I keep screwing up. I keep hurting you and disappointing you,” she confessed, her voice breaking into a sob. “You’re a good man, Charles, but even you have your limits.”

  Charles grunted and vigorously shook his head. He reached out for her so she could know she didn’t have to justify herself to him.

  “No, I need to say this, Charles. Even if it costs me everything I love, you have to know the truth about the kind of woman you married.”

  Sullivan opened her mouth to continue when it happened. She felt something like a flutter inside of her womb. Her baby kicked for the first time.

  She gasped and held her stomach. “She kicked . . . She kicked!” whispered Sullivan. She noticed Charles staring at her. She placed his hand on her stomach too. “That’s right, Charles. This is what I wanted to tell you so badly before the stroke. I’m pregnant.”

  Charles’s eyes began to well with tears.

  “I know we didn’t think it would happen, but I guess God heard our prayers. We’re having a baby, Charles.” She took a deep breath. “But there’s something you need to know about the night you had the stroke.” Sullivan braided her hand into his. “Charles, do you remember what happened right before the stroke?”

  Charles squinted his eyes and grunted.

  “Do you remember who was with you?”

  He nodded slowly. “Ka . . . Ka . . .”

  “Yes, it was Kina. She brought you dinner. Do you remember what happened after that? Do you remember anything she said to you?”

  Charles didn’t respond.

  “Honey, I think . . .” She sighed. “I think I need to tell you what she said. You have a right to know why this happened.”

  The truth was that Charles remembered it all quite clearly. He remembered Kina professing her love for him, he remembered rejecting her, and he remembered the bombshell report that Sullivan was carrying another man’s child.

  It was enough to kill him, and it almost did. It was at that point that Charles began to mediate on Hosea and God’s call to him to love and accept his adulterous wife, Gomer. Like Sullivan, she’d been unfaithful and bore another man’s child, but Hosea took her back under the direction of the Lord as a demonstration of God’s love and faithfulness despite Israel’s disobedience.

  He also knew how damaged his wife was from the neglect and abuse she suffered at the hands of her parents, and he knew that God had charged him with breaking the cycle.

  Charles looked at Sullivan with all sincerity and lifted his finger to quiet her before she went on. He placed his hand on her stomach and smiled.

  “But I need to tell you.”

  Charles frowned as he shook his head, indicating that he didn’t want to know and invited Sullivan into his arms.

  Sullivan mouthed, “Okay” and lay her head on his chest.

  In her heart, Sullivan knew that he remembered as well. The fact that he loved her and the baby enough to pretend he didn’t was almost incomprehensible to her and brought her to tears.

  “I don’t deserve you,” she replied sadly. “I don’t deserve to be loved like this, to be forgiven for everything I’ve done to you.”

  “Love . . . you,” sputtered Charles.

  Sullivan nodded, finally understanding the sacrifice he was willing to make for her and their family. “I know you do. I just can’t believe how much you love me, Charles. I’ve never known anything like it. What truly amazes me is as much as you love me, God loves us even more. We’re the apple of His eye. It’s because of His love for us that you can love me the way that you do.”

  She now knew what it felt like to be loved, to be protected, and understood, and finally, to be home.

  Chapter 50

  “Congratulations . . . I guess you’re finally getting the child you wanted after all.”

  —Lawson Kerry Banks

  After a harrowing nine hours of labor, Sullivan was finally able to hold her daughter in her arms, surrounded by the man she loved and her child’s three surrogate aunts, Angel, Reginell, and Lawson.

  “She’s so beautiful,” gushed Angel, allowing the baby to squeeze her finger. “Congratulations to both of you.”

  “Thank you, sister,” said Charles, who had regained his voice after months of speech therapy. “She’s our little miracle baby.”

  The baby yawned.

  “Ohhh, look at that little mouth!” cooed Lawson. “Hi, Princess.”

  “You know, we can’t keep calling her ‘baby’ and ‘princess’ forever,” Reginell pointed out. “So what did you decide to name her? Prada? Gucci? Chanel?”

  Sullivan laughed and cradled her baby’s head. “Her name is Charity. Charity Faith Webb.”

  “That’s pretty,” said Angel.

  “Charity means love, right?” asked Reginell for confirmation. “It sounds kind of like Charles too.”

  “Yes, Charity means love,” answered Sullivan. “And God is love. This little girl will know the love of God and her family and be covered in love by all of you.”

  “Yes, she will,” affirmed Charles.

  “So will her mother,” added Lawson.

  There was a faint knock at the door. “Excuse me, Mr. Webb?”

  Charles looked up and saw a nurse in the doorway. “I’ll let you ladies get to know Miss Webb a little better.” He kissed the top of Sullivan’s head and kissed the baby. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”

  “Okay, babe.” She watched him leave but was too focused on the baby to wonder where he was going.

  “I can’t believe you’re a mother, Sullivan!” exclaimed Lawson. “How does it feel?”

  “You know, I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep and wondering if I’d ever have a moment like this.” A smile shone through her pain. “But like Miss Celie said, ‘Thank God I’m here!’ Now, I have a testimony. I know that the blood of Jesus can cover a multitude of sins because He covered mine. I don’t have to be condemned. I don’t have to perpetuate this generational curse that’s been on the women in my family as far back as anyone can remember. It stops with this child. My baby will know what it’s like to loved and cherished. She’ll know that she’s precious and that she’s God’s little princess. She’ll grow up knowing who she is in Christ and knowing tha
t she has parents who will stop the world for her. She’ll know she’s beautiful and brilliant and that she’s the baddest chick to walk this planet since her mother!”

  They all laughed.

  “Ain’t that right, sugar?” Sullivan kissed the baby’s nose.

  Charles watched from outside of Sullivan’s hospital room, clutching a sealed envelope. Inside the envelope held the results for the paternity test that he’d secretly requested for Charity. He debated whether to look at the results, having already decided to raise the child as his own regardless of what the test said. He couldn’t imagine his little angel belonging to anyone other than him and Sullivan. He already loved her and would fight with everything in him to always protect her. In the end, he figured the DNA running through Charity’s veins didn’t really matter.

  Charles folded the envelope and tucked it into his jacket. As he placed his hand on the doorknob to return to his wife and new daughter, a nagging feeling began eating away at him. He bit his lip and pulled the envelope back out. He stared at it a few seconds before saying a quick prayer and tearing open the envelope.

  Back in the Sullivan’s hospital room, the ladies continued to ogle and dote on baby Charity.

  “I see you how you’re looking at my baby, Lawson,” hedged Sullivan. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were over there getting baby fever.”

  Lawson giggled. “With this adorable face staring up at me, I’d have to be made of stone not to.” She checked her vibrating cell phone. “I just got a text from Garrett. He wants me to meet him down in the parking lot.”

  “Bring him on up here,” replied Sullivan. “Tell him he’s got to meet his new niece.”

  Lawson kissed Charity’s forehead. “Let’s see if your Uncle Garrett wants to go home and make one of you for ourselves.” She crept out of the room to find her husband.

  A hip-hop ringtone came blaring from Reginell’s phone. Sullivan covered her baby’s ear. “Do you mind, Reggie? She’s only a few hours old. I think it’s a little soon for Charity to be exposed to her first cuss words.”