A Proper Family Christmas

by Jane Gordon - Cumming

  “Oh no! Why?”

  For the bearer of bad news, he looked curiously cheerful. “I think he might want to ask for your professional advice.”

  Frances blinked at him, unable to imagine what Leo could possibly wish to consult her on, or why Daniel should find it so amusing if he did.

  “Uncle William has invited Kath Arncott to bring her boys over to play with Posy and Tobias this morning,” he explained, “and Leo, who’s apparently the world’s greatest expert on child-care, has volunteered to supervise them all!”

  “What?”

  “I know! Isn’t it fabulous? …I have to admit that the volunteering wasn’t entirely his own idea, but he absolutely walked into it. - You should have heard him boasting how wonderful he is with children! …And Grime and Brine, Kath’s kids, are horrendous. They were completely out of control when I last saw them, a couple of years ago, and they’re that much older now. Stephen and Ratso will go up the wall at the thought of them mixing with dear little Tobias. I don’t think Julia will be all that pleased either.”

  “But…” He was looking at her, clearly expecting her to appreciate a joke which Frances just couldn’t find funny. Was the idea that she and Leo be left to deal with this horrific scenario while the others went to Cirencester?

  Before she could think of a way to explain her concern, Shelley re-emerged from behind the laurel bush, - and spotted Daniel.

  “Looking for me? Just having a quick one. Old fussy-pants here turns her nose up if I smoke in the bedroom! Getting more like her boss every day, if you ask me. - Don’t they say that about dogs?” Frances was grateful he didn’t join in her broad chuckle. “Can’t say I’m looking forward to this shopping trip,” she went on, surprisingly, since she’d talked of nothing else. “It’s not going to be much fun squashed up in the back of the Discovery with a load of old wrinklies all the way to Cirencester. …Say, Dan, you’ve got a car, aren’t you? What about giving us a lift?”

  “Yes, sure…” He glanced across at Frances.

  “Oh, Frankie’s not going. - Tobias’s mum and dad don’t really count her as one of the family, they said, and they told her to stay behind. …So it’ll just be you and me, all cosy.”

  “Oh, I see! I didn’t realise.” Daniel was looking at Frances with understanding now, but before he could say more, Kath appeared round the corner of the house. She winked at Daniel, and hollered at the children.

  “Hey kids! Who wants to hear about the treat they’re having this morning?”

  “There you are!” said Margery. “We wondered where on earth you’d got to.”

  So much for discretion! There seemed to be a sea of faces in the hall, all looking up at them, as Hilary and Oliver came down the stairs.

  “Sorry, - did we keep you waiting?” said Oliver. “Hilary and I got a bit carried away, I’m afraid.” …Oh great! She waited for Tony to make some ribald comment, but for once he failed to leap on a potential innuendo.

  “So are we ready to roll now? What about the kids?”

  “You’d better fetch Tobias, Stephen. Make sure he’s wearing his scarf.”

  “And what happened to Daddy? He’s supposed to be coming shopping with us.”

  “Oh, but I thought we’d agreed that he’d rather visit the Museum..”

  “No, no! William’s staying here to show Oliver round, and you’re driving me and Hilary to Slimbridge.”

  “Then who’s taking us to Cirencester, may I ask?”

  “Actually,” Oliver confessed, in the moment’s silence that followed Lesley’s aggrieved question, “there’s no need to bother William now. - I’ve had a tour of the house.” He smiled at Hilary.

  “Oh! …Well all right, you’d better come to Slimbridge with us. I dare say Stephen can fit you in.”

  “But I’ve already explained, Aunt Margery, we’re going to Cirencester.”

  “But Hilary wants to go to Slimbridge…”

  “No,” Hilary interposed gently, “I don’t.”

  “What? Of course you do!”

  “Not really.” She felt a little conscience-stricken to see her mother-in-law so taken aback. “I’d rather go shopping. But if you’re keen, of course I’ll come with you…”

  “Oh good lord, I don’t want to go to Slimbridge!” exclaimed Margery. “I just thought it would be a treat for you.”

  “Looks like we’re all off to Cirencester, then,” said Julia, after the stunned pause that greeted this disclosure. “What fun! You’d better come with us and Daddy…”

  “No, William’s going with us.”

  “Fine,” said Tony unexpectedly. “And I expect you can find room for Oliver on the back seat as well, can’t you, if he squeezes up next to Tobias?”

  “Oh, I’m not sure…”

  This was the moment William chose to come in search of a little mid-morning refreshment. He was startled to find so many people in the hall, especially when they all rushed towards him and began to jabber about Museums and shopping and the relative comfort of their cars.

  He waited until the hubbub died down and they were looking at him expectantly. Then he delivered his news.

  “I’ve invited Cath Arncott to bring her children up here this morning to play with Posy and Tobias. - We thought they’d be such good companions for each other! And Leo has kindly volunteered to supervise them. …Oh dear, I do hope you haven’t made any other plans? Little Grime and Brine would be so disappointed!”

  The effect was everything to be expected, and William felt a momentary pang. - Daniel should have been there to see the expression on Lesley’s face.

  Margery was the first to speak, and did nothing to calm the waters. “Aren’t those boys a bit rough? Never mind, it won’t do Tobias any harm to have the corners knocked off him. Leo will be hopeless, of course, but at least it’ll keep him out of everyone else’s hair.”

  “Oh dear, no, I don’t think that will do…” Stephen looked anxiously at his wife, but she was still incapable of speech.

  “Oh Daddy,” exclaimed Julia, “we’re all supposed to be going into Cirencester! And anyway… I mean, one doesn’t want to sound snobbish, and I’m sure Kath’s boys are darlings, - but would they be comfortable, playing up here with ours? I’m thinking of them as much as anything.”

  “It’s a preposterous idea,” Lesley found her voice at last. “I’m surprised at you even considering anything so unsuitable, William. …God knows how a creature like Mrs. Arncott brings up her offspring! Do you want your grandson mixing with the type of delinquent one reads about in the Telegraph?”

  Not being a Telegraph reader, William wasn’t qualified to say, but at that moment the prospective delinquent ran into the hall, followed by his cousin Posy and a beaming Kath.

  “Mummy, Mummy, we’ve got a treat happening!” He could hardly get the words out for excitement.

  “Grime and Brine are coming to play, - they’re boys!” Posy jumped up and down in delight.

  “They’re bigger than us, but they won’t mind, - and they’ve got ‘putergames!”

  “But darling, we’ve planned a treat for you already. We’re going to the Museum, remember?”

  “Museum’s are boring! Posy says so. …I want to stay and play with Grime and Brine!” His face began to work. There was going to be a scene. William put off going to make his coffee.

  “But it really isn’t suitable…. Oh dear!” Lesley looked at her sister-in-law with a hopeless gesture.

  Julia weighed in, at her most bright. “Tell you what! Why don’t we go to Cirencester this morning, and then perhaps, if there’s still time, Grime and Brine could come over this afternoon.”

  “Yes, - if there’s time.” Lesley clutched at this life-line, looking anxiously to see how it was received by Tobias.

  “That way you get two treats,” Tony pointed out.

  “Why can’t we play with Grime and Brine now, and go shopping later?” enquired his sagacious daughter.

  “All the shops’ll be shut by then,”
Julia improvised. “It’s Christmas Eve.”

  “In my day,” declared Margery, as the verdict hung in the balance, “young people were told what was happening and expected to get on with it. …Come on, we’re going to Cirencester. Has that child got a coat?”

  Hilary was amused to see how this broke the spell. Posy ran off to find one, terrified of being left behind. Kath muttered ‘I’ll bring them along this afternoon then,” and hurried away before anyone could argue.

  “You’d better have a coat too, Daddy,” said Julia. “Oh, - where is he?”

  “He must have gone back to the living-room. Never mind, we’ll collect him on the way.” Lesley saw an opportunity to snatch victory. “Come on, Hilary, if you’re ready. …I’m afraid we can only take one, Oliver.”

  “That’s all right,” he came to her rescue, “I’ve got my car. Hilary can come with me.”

  “Are you sure, Hilary?” …Oh dear, why was Tony looking at her in that quizzical way?

  “I expect Daniel would like a lift as well. I’ll go and find him.” God forbid anyone should think they were contriving to be alone. She hurried off in search of third party cover.

  She eventually tracked her son down to the garden, - as so often, surrounded by women. Shelley was gazing soulfully into his face, - in as much as that girl could be said to have a soul, and Frances was standing a little apart, also looking rather wistful. Daniel hadn’t been in the place five minutes, and he was already breaking hearts it seemed!

  “Everyone’s off to Cirencester now. Are you coming? Oliver kindly says we can go with him.”

  “Oh no,” Shelley shot her a look of dislike, “Daniel and me are going in his car, - aren’t we Dan?”

  “No, you’re going with the Britwells,” Hilary nipped that one in the bud. “Hurry up, they’re waiting for you. …Frances, there’s plenty of room with us.”

  “Oh! But…”

  “Don’t you want to come?”

  “Of course she does!” said Daniel.

  “Dad’s not out there, is he? We can’t find him.” Stephen met them as they came back inside. “…Oh well. He must have gone with Julia and Tony.”

  But Julia appeared a moment later. “Funny, - I thought Daddy was in the kitchen. Bother, he must have gone with Stephen and Ratso after all.”

  William waited till he’d heard three sets of tyres go off down the drive, before emerging from his hiding-place in the pantry. Scratch appeared from a cupboard at the same time. They looked at each other, mutually appreciating the sudden silence in the house. Even Mrs. Arncott had gone home.

  …But what was that? - Oh no! One person had inevitably been left behind.

  “Where is everybody? …I say! Hello? …Where on earth have you all got to?”

  William and Scratch slipped back into the pantry until Leo had varnished upstairs.

  CHAPTER 13

  Frances could hardly believe her luck. Here she was, being whisked off to Cirencester after all, seated like a movie star in the back of Oliver’s posh car, with Daniel beside her! The winter sunshine had struggled through the mist now, bathing the fields and stone walls and silhouetted trees in a magical golden glow. What a contrast from her drive through this same countryside with the Shirburns yesterday! She felt like Posy, wanting to bounce up and down with delight.

  “Does anyone know the way?” enquired Oliver. “I take it I start by going back to the village. What happens after that?

  “Haven’t a clue, mate,” said Daniel cheerfully. “Just about made it here from London, - but I think Cirencester’s in the other direction.”

  “Oh dear, we did go once, but Ben was driving and I didn’t take much notice.”

  “There’s a signpost,” Frances pointed ahead. Oliver drew up at the little crossroads and they scanned each arm in vain. “…We could go to Ready Token instead.”

  “Or Ampney Crucis,” said Hilary.

  “Sounds painful!” Daniel made a face. “I fancy Meysey Hampton.”

  “Nice girl,” Oliver grinned. “I’ll try Barnsley. If we end up in Yorkshire, I can always find the M1 and come back.”

  Hilary was beginning to feel that, in this company, she wouldn’t greatly mind if they never found Cirencester and were destined to meander round these pretty Cotswold lanes for ever. Any awkwardness there might have been if she and Oliver had been alone in the car was dispelled by Daniel’s light-hearted presence, and she liked his friend, the gently humorous Frances. …How different from that awful journey with Leo last night! She’d always loved this part of the world, and Oliver pointed out things she’d never noticed before, - the grassy hump of a prehistoric tumulus in a neighbouring field, an ancient boundary marching across the landscape, its ragged hedge made up of a dozen different kinds of shrub, a weathered milestone almost buried in the verge. “This must have been a turnpike-road. Did you see that little toll-house at the crossroads? …And I think that lane could be Roman.” He pointed to a track bordered by tall trees, which continued the line ahead when their own road swerved away. “Not just because it runs straight, - you can get that with later Enclosure roads, - but those old oaks must have taken centuries to grow. Pity about the mud! It would probably lead us to Cirencester.”

  “Well we’re on the right road now,” said Daniel a few moments later. “That’s Stephen’s car in front.”

  “Oh no!” Frances sank down in her seat a little.

  “You’re quite safe,” he grinned. “Stephen doesn’t make a habit of using his mirror, from what I remember. …Anyway, what’s the problem? They didn’t forbid you to come to Cirencester, - they just didn’t want you to come with them!”

  Nevertheless Frances was relieved when they watched the Shirburns turn into one car park, and Oliver deliberately drove on to the next.

  “No sense in following at their heels. …Good lord, what a fabulous church!” he exclaimed, suddenly spotting it towering over the neighbouring houses as they drew up. “We must take a look at that.”

  They headed in that direction at a leisurely pace, pausing to examine the shops or gaze up at the picturesque buildings they passed. With everything decorated for Christmas, the old town had a quaintly Dickensian feel, - all it needed was snow and a horse-drawn carriage or two.

  “I’m going to buy myself one of those shawls!” declared Hilary, pointing to a tempting display in one of the windows. “Come on, Frances. - They’ve got bags as well.”

  Oliver stayed outside with Daniel, taking photographs of the old building opposite. Frances bought a scarf for her mother, and then spotted some shirts with silly slogans on she knew the boys would love. …Dare she get a present for Daniel? No, of course not, - good heavens, she’d only known him a day, - but she bought an extra shirt anyway.

  “Gosh, this is fun!” said Hilary, as they pressed each other into buying embroidered purses. “It’s years since I’ve had a really girlie time! …That skirt would be lovely on you. Why don’t you try it on?”

  “Oh right!” said Daniel, eyeing the bags as they emerged. “Like you only went in for a shawl?”

  The church was even more impressive at close quarters, flanked by a massive porch flamboyant with traceried carving. “You’d take it for a cathedral, if you didn’t know better,” said Hilary. “To be honest, it reminds me of parts of Haseley.”

  “Me too,” grinned Oliver. “In fact I think I’ll use a photo of the stonework to illustrate possible influences. …Let’s look inside.”

  “Actually,” said Frances, “do you mind if I stay here? I want to make a phone-call, and you can’t get a signal at Haseley.”

  “I’ll wait here too,” said Daniel. “Monuments and stuff aren’t really my thing.”

  Hilary might have said the same, but it would seem unkind to let Oliver go on his own. She followed him into the dark passage that led inside, prepared to be a bit bored.

  “Nice fan-vaulting,” he pointed upwards. “I think you go through this little door here. …Wow!”

  It was inde
ed spectacular. They found themselves facing an arcade of delicate pillars, reaching up and up to a roof they seemed barely strong enough to support. In the dappled light from the stained glass windows, they gave the impression of a silent forest of tall saplings, turned to stone by some ancient spell. The echo of footfalls and hushed voices seemed out of all proportion to the small number of people in the building, making one imagine that they must be underlain with other voices and other footsteps, layers from older times. Hilary shivered, momentarily overwhelmed by such unnerving venerability.

  But Oliver was totally unfazed. He darted about delightedly between tombs and brasses and carved pews, stooping to examine the painted tiles on the floor, or draw her attention to a fine old chest or a quaintly worded memorial. “What an exceptionally fine pulpit! Good heavens, I believe that’s a sermon timer! Do you think they still use it? …Come and see this cup! It belonged to Anne Boleyn.” Oliver had the gift of making everything interesting, because he was interested in everything, and Hilary found she was enjoying herself.

  Meanwhile it was a very different telephone conversation to the one Frances would have been having if she’d managed to get through last night, with Daniel standing tactfully out of earshot, if not out of smiling distance. …Yes, she was having a lovely time! There were a lot more people staying than the Shirburns had been expecting, but they were mostly very nice, - particularly a lady called Hilary, and her son, Daniel. …Frances tried to keep her voice impersonal, but her mother knew her too well.

  “Yes, I do mean that sort of nice, but I can’t talk now. …We’re in Cirencester. It’s really pretty, and it’s got some lovely shops. …No, not the Shirburns, - I’m here with Daniel, as a matter of fact.”

  He came over when he saw that she’d finished. “Everything okay? It must be tough, not being with your Mum and Dad at Christmas.”

  “Just Mum. My father died three years ago.”

  “Bloody hell, - so did mine!”

  “Oh!” They stared at one other, stunned by the coincidence. …Of course she’d known Daniel’s mother was a widow, but somehow she hadn’t connected it with Daniel losing his father, - just as she’d lost her own. “Pants, isn’t it?”