Worthy of Rain

by Elizaveta Fehr

  Jace lifted his face off of the pillow. It kind of looked smashed, like he had lain that way a whole night. “She’s not going to care,” he said, propping his head up with his hand. “It’s what we say that really counts.”

  I sighed and nodded. I knew he was right. “We only have a few days left,” I warned.

  “I know,” he said, falling onto his back and looking at the ceiling. “That’s what’s so frustrating. We have barely anything done.”

  “I thought you said you were working on it.”

  He pursed his lips. “I was…but then I got stuck.”

  “I tried to,” I admitted. The afternoon sun was already hiding behind the neighborhood houses. My dad was probably still at the school, working on…whatever he seemed to be doing lately.

  Jace opened my Bible that was lying on top of my covers. I couldn’t see the words from the angle I was sitting from. I was sitting on the floor leaning against my dresser. My heart jumped a little. It was strong now. I could look at one word and it would send me spinning into a new story. Many times, I never knew when I would get out. And lately, it seemed like they were becoming more and more a part of my real life, like they weren’t just stories anymore. That got scary depending on which story I was coming from.

  He flipped through the pages, the familiar rustling sound singing to my ears. I started to close my eyes.

  Jace jerked backwards, his head flying back and hitting my bed frame with a painful thump. I looked at him with wide eyes, jumping about two feet. He rubbed his head and scrunched his nose, giving a small glare at the Bible now sitting closed on the floor.

  “Are you okay?” I said.

  “Yeah, just…nothing,” he rubbed his head one more time.

  I sat back down carefully and grabbed my Bible from the floor. I rubbed the tattered spine.

  “I think we should just tell the truth,” I said.

  “It’s not the truth to her, Genesis, unless she actually believes it’s the truth,” he pointed out.

  “But that’s the angle. We’ll talk about the truth people believe in from an unbiased perspective. We aren’t insisting they become Christians, we’re teaching them what Christians believe in.”

  He gave me a sidelong glance. “Will that be enough?”

  “Think about it. It would be the exact same case if someone were to teach a class about Buddha or the Torah. What they believe is the history behind it. The beliefs behind the religion itself.”

  “Is that how you see it? A lesson in a textbook?”

  I looked up, frowning. “What?”

  “I should get going,” he said suddenly, hoisting himself up from the bed and grabbing his bag.

  “Jace, what do you mean?” I repeated, watching him pack up his stuff and zip his backpack.

  “Nothing,” he persisted. He was about to walk out my bedroom door, but then he stopped.

  “I guess I thought you were like me,” he said softly, dipping his head. “A Christian wanting more than just saying they are one.”

  “Am I a Christian?” I asked.

  He nodded his head towards the Bible in my hand. “You can’t just be a Christian, Genesis. You choose it. You choose God.” He picked up his backpack and gently pushed open the door. He was gone.

  I traced my fingers along the gold lettering. The “e” was starting to fade.

  I had never looked at it that way before. Christianity was a choice. But it was more than that, it was a relationship. A commitment.

  I got up to place the Bible back on my bed when a small ripped page slid out. It fluttered to the floor, zig-zagging in the air like a yellowed leaf from a dying tree. Setting the Bible down, I picked the ripped page up, turning it over to see what was written on the other side.

  It was the title page, one with a note written in someone’s handwriting.

  The title page.

  I had forgotten I had slipped it in there. My fingers traced the faded handwriting. The letters curled into perfect loops, each one exact in size and proportion. The handwriting looked familiar, like it was something I saw a long time ago. I slipped the Bible and the note under my pillow, the spot where they’d been hiding for a while now. I plopped onto the covers and hugged one of my decorative pillows to my chest.

  I wanted to choose God, but how do you just…choose Him? Was there some kind of ritual? Would I need to make an oath?

  If only Jace didn’t speak in riddles all of the time. I couldn’t tell if he was hinting at something, or if that was how he has always been. He had tons of friends. If they could tolerate his sardonic humor and polar mood swings, that may be part of his so-called charm.

  Charm.

  I searched myself, wondering how this partnership with Jace so quickly changed from being about two enemies to about two friends. If you could call us friends.

  Aven’s face popped into my mind. I visibly cringed. It had been so long since I’d talked to her, so long since she had even acknowledged me. It still stung.

  I guess best friend breakups were just as bad as any.

  Reaching my hand underneath the pillow, I pulled out the Bible and opened to my bookmark.

  I closed my eyes and opened them.

  As the sun broke over the top of the walls, the sky was painted with a mess of sun streaks. A ray bounced off one of the soldier’s helmets. He shifted his head and Jericho came into view.

  I held in a gasp as my heart reached into my throat. Flashbacks from the night we hid on the roof of Rahab’s house rushed back to me. I could still hear the footsteps of the soldier, his feet inches away from me. I hesitated. Jedidah came up from behind me and nudged me forward.

  We were close enough to the city to see the top of the wall. The silhouette of a face disappeared at the top of it. I couldn’t imagine what we looked like from above.

  The army assembled at the front of the gates. We were massive, spilling out like bees from a carcass. It seemed like an eternity as we waited at the front of the gates. The soldiers were standing at attention, although Joshua had disappeared from view.

  I couldn’t see over their heads, but I was thankful to be in the back. A command shouted from somewhere I couldn’t see, and the Israelites turned to face north. Jedidah and I scrambled to follow through as they were already moving forward. We weren’t all completely in step, but we were uniform. Eyes straight ahead, spears in hand, heads high.

  Jedidah quickened her step to be able to walk next to me. She gave me a scared side glance. I returned it. We had no idea what was going to happen.

  By now, a crowd was gathered over the top of the walls. They disappeared and reappeared over the edge as more came to see the astounding spectacle that was us. I lifted my head slightly to watch them.

  We marched around the city.

  The city wasn’t as big as I thought, although I couldn’t tell how long it took us to march around it. By the third time, the sun was a soft, peachy orb hovering above the horizon. My body felt stiff underneath the shoulder armor. Jedidah and I had removed and left most of the pieces off since most of them were too heavy to pick up. I was already sweating in what little of the armor I had on.

  Five times around.

  “Why weren’t they trying to defend themselves?” I whispered to Jedidah, glancing up at the city walls.

  She looked in the same direction. “I think they’re afraid,” she said.

  Six times around.

  “This is it.”

  This is it.

  Seven.

  The horns blasted.

  The soldiers didn’t need another cue. The sound started off quietly in the distance, but it picked up throughout the entire army like a wave picking up energy from beneath the ocean surface. It built, growing louder and louder, when suddenly…suddenly, I realized it was not the sound of hundreds of soldiers standing around a city.

  It was the sound of thousands standing around the world.

  The ground beneath me started to shake. The walls of Jericho crumbled and broke, large s
tones plummeting to the ground and exploding as they made contact.

  I ran. I looked around frantically for Jedidah, but I was lost in the sea of soldiers. I could barely keep on my feet. The hills shook violently. I could feel it in every bone of my body as the city wall collapsed in on itself.

  My foot caught on a rock and I fell to my knees. I scrambled back onto my feet and kept running. Stumbling. Falling. Running. Stumbling. Falling. Running, stumbling, falling, running, stumbling.

  Falling.

  I couldn’t move in this armor. It was too heavy and I was exhausted. So exhausted. I could feel bodies running around me as the soldiers fled. But I was immobile on the ground, hoping I could make it out alive.

  A hand grabbed mine and thrust me upward. The grip was so strong I was forced to stand up despite the heaviness in my limbs.

  That was when I could see clearly for the first time since the earth started to shake.

  Jace’s face was staring back at me.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  A crack appeared in the sky.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  I was flung back, my body folding in half at the waist like I’d been punched in the gut. Our hands ripped apart with the force. The wind whistled past my ears as I was carried farther and farther away.

  I caught a glimpse of a red rope before everything disappeared altogether.

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  I was afraid to open my eyes.

  I heard a muffled groan a few feet away. I heard my name being called. I tried to lift my hand to rub my eyes when I realized my right arm was stuck. I tried to open my eyes again to see where I was. Squinting, I looked down at my arm.

  Somehow, my body had gotten lodged sideways in between my bed and the wall. My right arm and leg were stuck underneath me while my left arm and leg were free. I squirmed to try to get out, and immediately, my arm screamed in protest.

  “Genesis?”

  This time, I looked up. Jace was leaning up against the dresser on the other side of my room. He was just beginning to hoist himself up onto his knees. He grimaced and rubbed his shoulder. There was a shoulder-sized hole in the dresser behind him.

  Finally, I was able to scoot up on the bed, heaving. I tried to ask him if he was okay, but nothing came out of my mouth. I just sat there on my bed, speechless.

  “Okay…I know what this looks like…”

  Somehow, I choked out shakily, “But how…?” I was staring at him, trying to reimagine what had just happened only moments earlier.

  He wasn’t.

  He was not in the Bible with me.

  He was not in the Bible.

  He was not.

  He was not.

  He was not.

  He was.

  He was. There was no telling it was not him. I saw his face. He was here now. He had left not ten minutes ago. Why was he back? How?

  I didn’t realize I was saying all of this out loud until I saw Jace’s scrunched up nose as he cringed at my words.

  “I very much…was…in there with you.” He said it quietly as if he was afraid I might burst open like a squashed tomato.

  “I thought you left,” I said. “You…were mad. I thought you left…” I trailed off.

  He cleared his throat. “I did, but I felt bad about what I said. It wasn’t right for me to accuse you like that. I wanted to apologize. So I came back and I found you on your bed.” He glanced up at me and looked away again quickly.

  “You were on your bed. Your body was…fading almost. Pulsing. I could see you for one moment, and the next I was able to see right through you.” He shook his head, remembering and then muttering to himself, “I had no idea that’s what happened…”

  “That still doesn’t explain how you…came in with me.” I was really struggling with words right now.

  “I saw the frogs too.”

  I froze.

  “And the flies. And the stallion. I saw it too that day. You weren’t crazy.” Jace sighed, dropping his shoulders in defeat, like he had expected this kind of thing was bound to happen. He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. I watched him warily as I moved to sit next to him. We were far enough away so that we didn’t touch.

  “There’s no real name for what we can do,” he began, looking down at his hands folded in front of him. He separated his thumbs so that I could see the crisscross of his fingers.

  “We?”

  He nodded. “I’ve always had a name for it.”

  “What’s the name?”

  “Pagejumper.”

  “So…you’re saying you are what I am? A…Pagejumper?” I continued.

  He didn’t move his head as he looked up at me. He nodded. He looked back down at his hands. I exhaled the breath I was holding and turned my body so that I was in the same position as him, lost in thought. This was all so overwhelming. I couldn’t process much of anything anymore.

  He sighed and put his hands behind his head, his eyebrows furrowed. “Genesis, I’m not really sure what happened. All I know is when I touched you, I found myself in Jericho with you.”

  I snapped my head towards him. “All you did was touch me? You mean, you didn’t read anything at all?”

  Jace shook his head. “I’ve never been able to do that before. When I pagejump, it only happens when I read a sentence or two.”

  I nodded, agreeing with him. “I thought I was the only one.” I added quietly. This time, I looked at him completely. I didn’t know how I hadn’t noticed the bags under his eyes. The heavy slump in his shoulders. Had he gotten any sleep lately? Was this what he been doing every night? Pagejumping? My heart softened as I watched him roll back his hurt shoulder. There was a lot about Jace Anthony I didn’t know.

  I jumped a little as I heard a car door slam shut outside. I looked back at Jace with wide eyes. Dad was home.

  He stood up quickly. “Right. Well, see you tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, of course,” I ushered him out the front door hurriedly.

  “We’ll talk later, okay?” As he picked up his backpack, there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. I wondered where it came from as he closed the door shut and headed down the front walk.

  Almost on cue, I heard the back gate close as my dad came in through the back door. He had a handful of grocery bags and smiled at me as I opened the back door for him. I knew he was telling me about his day—there was always something interesting happening at the high school—but I couldn’t seem to hear anything he was telling me.

  My mind left with Jace.

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  I waited for him in the front foyer before school started, hoping to catch him before the first bell rang. I had so many questions. Jace had to leave so abruptly last night, leaving me with a sleepless night.

  The sky was gray outside the school, cars splashing puddles against their windows as they pulled into the parking lot. I tried to scan the dozens of kids rushing inside with their backpacks over their heads. No such luck.

  Instead, I caught a glimpse of Aven’s purple backpack just as she opened the door. She pulled down her hood and I quickly looked at the mat, suddenly becoming interested in my coat zipper. I could see her out of the corner of my eye, walking in with Alex. She didn’t even give me a glance.

  I sighed and checked my watch. A minute until the bell would ring. Where was he? I had no choice but to make my way to my first class. I could feel the clouds dragging their feet in the sky.

  It was still raining by lunch period. I grabbed a tray of food and walked across the cafeteria to my table. As I sat down, I looked up at the doors to the lunchroom. Jace was walking through with his backpack and wet hair. I watched him as he took a spot in the lunch line, shifting his feet and looking uncomfortable in his wet clothing.

  I quickly got up to go talk to him, but then I changed my mind. Now was not the place to be asking him questions. I would have to talk to him later when there were no eavesdroppers nearby.

  Before I could turn away, Jace looked up and we ca
ught each other’s eyes. I held his gaze, trying to tell him I needed to talk. He didn’t give me any form of recognition that he understood me. He only gazed back silently before he looked away, moving up farther in the line.

  Mrs. Whitaker’s class it was, then.

  I walked slowly to class, hoping he would catch up with me before I got there. To my dismay, I arrived before I could find him. I took my seat, hoping he would sit down before the bell rang. He got to class with five seconds to spare. Mrs. Whitaker raised her eyebrows at him before she took her place at the front of the room.

  I tried to catch his eyes again from across the room, but he seemed to look everywhere else in the room except in my direction.

  This wasn’t like him. He must know I was dying to ask him about last night. Why was he avoiding me?

  My suspicions were confirmed as I sat next to an empty spot on the bus ride home.

  I stared at the front cover of the Bible for a few moments, tracing my fingers against the spine. For the first time, I was scared to go back inside. This whole thing was no longer something that still could be in my imagination. It was no longer some secret that was only a part of me.

  It was someone else’s secret too.

  It seemed like, now that it had a name, all of this had become a hundred times more real.

  And I was terrified.

  But I knew pagejumping was the only way to make sense of anything that was happening. It was who I was now. This whole Christian thing was something I still needed to figure out for myself, not for anyone else. Not for Dad, not for Aven, and not for Jace.

  For me.

  I flipped open to my bookmark and read the first lines.

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  “‘But keep away from the devoted things,

  so that you will not bring about your own

  destruction by taking any of them.’”

  Joshua 6:18 NIV

  The sky was falling.

  The small crack hovering in the atmosphere above poured blue pebbles onto the ground, each one jagged and misshapen. They fell like fat raindrops, peeling away from the mouth of the slit in the sky like the edge of a waterfall.