Because Shit Happened

by Harsh Snehanshu

  ‘Fine, come tomorrow morning,’ she said and disconnected the phone before I could get a chance to respond. I realized that I had disappointed her. It affected me a little. But not enough to restrain me from having a deep, guilt-free sleep at night.

  Early the next morning, I left for Vishwavidhyalaya. With me, I had taken a big box which contained each and every thing that she had ever gifted me—five red roses that had withered with time, their blackness signifying our decayed relationship, several love letters where Priya signed with a little heart instead of a dot above the ‘i’ in her name, and two handmade birthday cards that carried funny cartoons depicting the two of us. I chose not to part with the only material thing she had gifted to me—a Fastrack wrist watch, the only one I owned.

  As soon as I came out of Vishwavidyalaya metro station, I saw Priya standing at a distance from me. It seemed very bizarre at first. No smiles, no hugs, no handshakes, no tickling, no winks, no blinks, no hand holding—no love.

  A guitar pack hung from her shoulder while she looked straight into my eyes.

  ‘Should we go somewhere better?’

  ‘Nothing is open at this time,’ she said.

  ‘Let’s sit here. I have something to say,’ I said pointing towards the steps of the metro station.

  ‘Say, I’m all ears,’ she said.

  ‘I am immensely grateful and honoured to have spent the last three years with you. It’s unfortunate that we are breaking up despite such a long commitment, but I think it’s for the better for both of us,’ I said. Words came naturally, as though my fate was speaking through me.

  She didn’t say a thing. Perhaps, she was heartbroken. Perhaps, she knew it was coming all along. Perhaps, she could not believe that it was the end. Or perhaps, she wanted to say something similar.

  ‘What happened? Are you okay?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, lost in her thoughts.

  ‘If you don’t wish to end this relationship, please tell me,’ I said, inwardly wishing desperately that she would not utter a thing.

  ‘Nothing. I am fine with it,’ she said. I wanted to let out a huge sigh.

  ‘This is what you wanted, right?’

  ‘Yes, I did, for you couldn’t care less,’ she said, indicating subtly that if I changed my self, things could still be brought on track.

  ‘Hey, let’s stop this mudslinging. Let’s not end this on a bad note,’ I said changing the topic tactfully. Tact had never worked in business for me, but in relationships, it had never failed me.

  ‘Sure,’ she said. My heart cried out to me to tell her about Shikha. But my mind wasn’t ready. I didn’t want her to feel betrayed.

  Wait, why did I use the word betrayed? Did I really betray her? We had already broken up before Shikha came into my life, right?

  ‘See, now we are free birds. Rather than us getting irritated of each other because of having different priorities, we should start seeing other people—people who understand us, people who we deserve, people who are like us, people who we want,’ I blabbered. I was very happy with myself, the feeling outshining the striking of a very profitable business deal.

  ‘Let’s not meet or talk for a few months at all,’ she uttered.

  ‘As you wish,’ I said and got up to leave. ‘Goodbye hug?’

  She came towards me and we hugged, I could feel that she didn’t want to let me go, but I didn’t like that feeling. I held her for a minute, kissed her on the cheek, and mumbled, ‘Goodbye, forever. I’ll…’

  ‘Don’t ruin it,’ she said grabbing the packet of gifts I was returning to her. She gave me my stuff quickly in exchange, jumped on the road, and crossed to the other side. I waited, expecting her to turn back towards me and wave like she always did. Instead, she vanished inside her PG, leaving me gaping behind her.

  I stood there for the next five minutes, hoping to find her running back towards me with a big smile and asking me to never leave her. She didn’t appear.

  It was over. I didn’t know how I felt; a little sad, a little happy, a little lost. I messaged Shikha to come over to my place on my way back. I needed someone to distract my mind off Priya. I told her about what had happened.

  ‘You look lost,’ she said on her arrival and came towards me, placing her hand on my right leg, which firmed its grip with time.

  Bloody slut! My mind echoed Priya’s opinion of her.

  From that very moment on, I let Priya disappear in the past and started taking my fling (or relationship, whatever it was) with Shikha seriously. It was also very beneficial for the venture. She was now working with an ace design company, had started designing professional websites, logos, and book covers, and was charging as much as 30,000 rupees for a week of service. Being close to her, I could utilize her professional services for YourQuote for free, which she wouldn’t have agreed to otherwise.

  You may think that I was shrewd, but it’s a trait that I was proud of. Every bootstrapped entrepreneur is on the lookout for opportunities to get quality work for free. There is nothing wrong with that.

  ‘Ours is a creative venture. We need creative people on board. What Rishabh has done is that he has created a pool of people who are good for nothing and he spends his maximum time managing them, whereas the thing that needs maximum attention—our product—is being sidelined. Tell me, what’s the use of marketing if there’s no product in place?’

  ‘True. So who’s taking care of design at the moment?’

  ‘No one. I mean I am doing it. There is no professional yet.’

  ‘Eeeks, you haven’t got a professional yet. No professional, no progress,’ she said as though she was the next Vinci. Just fifteen days in a professional company had turned her attitude and made her look at amateurs with contempt.

  ‘I’m not that bad,’ I said.

  ‘Every bad designer says that.’

  ‘What does a good designer say?’

  ‘If you’re good, you don’t have to say anything. Your work speaks for you,’ she said.

  I gave in. She was both talented and skilled while I was merely ‘good’.

  ‘Would you…?’ I hesitated to ask for her help, especially after she left the venture.

  ‘Only if I have to deal with you. I don’t want to deal with Rishabh,’ she said without letting me finish my sentence.

  ‘I understand,’ I said, suppressing a loud yes.

  ‘Don’t you have to go to work today?’

  ‘I’m at work,’ she winked. Her wink reminded me of Priya. I kissed her to get rid of the thought. It worked.

  ‘But there’s one thing. I don’t want to be exploited by YourQuote again, so I’m not willing to work for free,’ she said. It stung me bitterly. For an entrepreneur, even the slightest mention of money by a friend who can otherwise do it for free can impact the relationship. But Shikha was a woman of reason.

  ‘Why? Will you charge fee from me as well? Come on,’ I cried, seeking sympathy. I put my head on her shoulders so she could console me.

  ‘I won’t charge any fee from you, but I will from YourQuote. I’m doing this work for your company, not just for you. Your company needs to pay me.’

  ‘Why? You know our financial condition is down in the dumps.’

  ‘You need to come out of that situation. If I charge money, you’ll be forced to perform with double the current efficiency. And, you guys need to start paying money. When you have to give money to someone, you start taking that person seriously.’

  She was right. We had always been stingy in shelling out money. Even when we had money, we chose to spend it on parties rather than hiring professionals for some quick tasks. While we thought that giving money as incentive would increase the expectations of our team members from us, it worked the other way round as most of our team members started feeling exploited by us.

  ‘Okay, if it’s about money, then how much?’

  ‘20,000 rupees,’ she shocked me with an already made-up figure in her mind.

  ‘What? You are looting us, if
that’s what your intention is.’

  ‘Be polite. Why should I do your work if that’s your opinion about me?’ she rebuked. I was irritated. She wasn’t like Priya. I could not take her for granted.

  ‘Sorry, I just got carried away. But still, 20,000 rupees is a little too much.’

  ‘For me or for you?’

  ‘For both. I mean you haven’t even turned professional. You are just interning with some random design company,’ I stated without realizing that my words would hurt her pride.

  ‘I won’t work.’

  ‘What? Why? Is it all about money? You have changed Shikha.’

  ‘It’s not at all about money. It’s about trust.’

  Wow, she was talking about trust now, after breaking the trust of every person she was close to. I laughed at the thought of it, but stopped the moment I realized that I was no less than her.

  ‘You don’t trust my abilities. There’s no point in working with you,’ she shot at me.

  ‘I have full trust in your abilities,’ I uttered in a reflex.

  ‘Then don’t you think that my work deserves 20,000 rupees?’

  I was trapped. I just kept thinking whether she had played a trick on me. Unable to think of any counter logic, I gave in.

  ‘I’ll discuss it with Rishabh and let you know about our decision.’

  The next hour, I was on the phone with Rishabh (who was still in Lucknow), trying to convince him on behalf of my new girlfriend that we should shell out 20,000 rupees to Shikha and get the new User Interface (UI) designed as soon as possible. While he continually asserted that we should discuss it once he was back, I was more than eager to finalize the deal once and for all. Rishabh and I always had our little tussles. While he liked to take more time before coming to a definite conclusion, I liked to go for it just after one discussion. He believed in wasting time and saving money while I believed in exactly the opposite. Neither of us could think alike on any issue.

  Owing to my push, Rishabh and I chalked out a deal where we agreed to pay Shikha in four quarterly installments of 5,000 rupees. Shikha happily gave in. It satisfied her professional ego. In turn, she made a stunning outline and wireframe to base our designs on.

  The Comeback

  One and a half week had passed since Shikha replaced Priya in my life. I hadn’t talked to Priya once after the break up. Rishabh and Mishra had just returned to Delhi and I had to be extra cautious to make sure that they didn’t suspect anything.

  Rishabh and Mishra were both surprised and amused at how Shikha had become so concerned about YourQuote all of a sudden, a company she had angrily left sometime ago. When they tried to confront me about it, I curtly avoided them and said, ‘You know I asked her to help design the cover for my second book which is due for release in August. Thanks to that, we have become good friends now and she has agreed to do a bit of freelance work for us.’

  Rishabh had ample amount of free time at his disposal since Anjali was off to Toronto. He had slowly begun discussing more and more about the venture with me unlike before when he would keep to himself. I was really astonished at the change in him and gladly allowed him to enter my area—product design. He enthusiastically exhibited his skills on MS Paint and drew the wire frames of the new layouts for all the pages based on our discussion which would also help Shikha in her design work. It was decided that Shikha would join us at our place over the coming weekend for an entire day and we would roll out the new UI simultaneously. Shikha was a little apprehensive about dealing with Rishabh but I comforted her by saying that Rishabh had changed for the better and was putting all his energy into work.

  I hadn’t mentioned my break up with Priya to anyone. When Rishabh quizzed me if I had had another fight with her, I was dumbstruck. He told me to read her Facebook status which said, ‘It’s one of those days when the only messages that I receive on phone are from Vodafone.’ I calmed myself down and told him, ‘Yeah, we broke up a while ago. She has even blocked me from her profile.’

  ‘Ha! What is it like…the nth time? It must be one of your regular break ups.’

  ‘Don’t know. I haven’t talked to her for over two weeks,’ I said and began doodling codes.

  ‘Why don’t you go talk to her? Only if you have a peaceful mind will you be able to work efficiently,’ Rishabh said. I hmmed in indifference.

  As we had planned, Shikha was to come over to our house early Saturday morning. As soon as I heard the doorbell ring, I excitedly got up to open the door. I was seeing Shikha after a gap of five days since the duo returned. The fact that Rishabh and Mishra were sleeping and I could easily have at least ten to fifteen minutes in the other room with her was enough for me. Lust was the only way I knew how to come out of the regrets of past love.

  But the sight that my lustful eyes confronted made me shudder in shock. I felt as if I was facing my worst nightmare ever. Standing at an arm’s length was the woman I had least expected to see. She had disheveled hair with dark circles under her eyes. Her lips were as dry as my throat and her wide-open eyes told me that she was in a terrible mood and had come seeking answers from me. I was dumbfounded. I felt busted and having faced the wrath of Priya’s temper earlier when we were together, I knew it was going to be one long, painful day.

  Thoughts about Shikha—who would land any moment—and Mishra and Rishabh who could be woken up by the racket that might follow, made me sweat with worry. I stood transfixed in front of her. The next moment, she pounced on me and kissed me violently. She took my hand in hers and led me into my house. Once in, she kept kissing me until we were both short of breath. The door was still wide open and I just prayed to God that Shikha wouldn’t turn up then and there. Luckily, she didn’t.

  As I came back to my senses, I looked at her in disgust and could find only one thing to tell her, ‘You sick woman. I have not even brushed yet.’

  She didn’t answer. Meanwhile, Rishabh and Mishra had woken up hearing the commotion outside. Seeing Priya in the house and how hysterical she was, Rishabh and Mishra excused themselves from the house on the pretext of getting milk from a nearby shop. I hurriedly went to the loo and messaged Shikha—‘Priya has turned up at my house all of a sudden. Do not come. She is in a very agitated state. I’ll try and sort everything out and meet you in the evening.’

  She followed with a quick reply saying, ‘I have already left for Malviya Nagar. What should I do?’

  I was terribly annoyed at her stupidity. I messaged her angrily: ‘Do anything that your dumb mind tells you, just don’t come here.’

  In response, she called me but I cut the phone. She called again, but by this time, I had completely lost my mind. When she called again the third time, I cut her call and wrote her a stern message, ‘WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND IN MY MESSAGE?’

  ‘Amol, I don’t deserve to be treated like this. This won’t go on for long,’ she messaged back.

  ‘Can’t you please wait till the evening? Let me fix things here and I promise I’ll call you. Please. I can’t pick up your call right now in front of everyone,’ I messaged while brushing my teeth.

  ‘So you prefer her over me?’ she messaged. She had tested all my patience.

  ‘I’m switching off my phone. Will talk to you in the evening. Bye,’ I replied and let out a long sigh. I switched off my cellphone before she could vex me anymore.

  I was just stupefied about the way Priya assaulted me a few minutes ago. I came out of the loo—my mouth smelling fresh of peppermint—and looked at Priya. She was standing right across me with a blank face.

  ‘What just occurred was not right. I mean we have broken up. You can’t just barge into anyone’s home and…’ and before I could finish, she attacked me once again. I was too stunned to react.

  She pulled my pajamas down and moved her hands inside my vest, her nails scratching my sweaty back. I didn’t reciprocate. I didn’t know why she was being so reckless. I smelled her mouth for any traces of alcohol, but she didn’t smell drunk. She had tak
en off my vest by then and I was simply in my boxers. She asked me to undress her as well, but I controlled myself from doing so. Besides, I didn’t want to.

  I pulled up my pajamas and decided to make her sit down and have a conversation like grown ups, but as I parted my lips to say something, she shut them promptly with hers. At once, I grabbed her arms and forcefully made her sit on the bed.

  ‘Priya, stop it. Things are over between us. All this won’t help,’ I said patiently and went and sat near her. She put her arms around me and rested her face against my bare chest.

  ‘I can’t live without you,’ she said. Her words were totally unexpected.

  ‘It’s okay. Stop crying first,’ I said.

  ‘Please don’t leave me. Please,’ she said and burst into tears.

  ‘I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We can talk it through,’ I said, still unsure whether bringing in the topic of Shikha could prove fruitful or do more harm.

  ‘I don’t want to talk. I want you. Promise me that you will never ever leave me.’

  ‘Priya, stop talking like a child…’

  ‘Stop acting smart. Promise me,’ she said.

  ‘I still won’t have time for you. You deserve someone better.’

  ‘I will change for you. I wasn’t very understanding before, but now I will try to be. I know now how difficult it is to do what you are doing, I understand that it requires immense support of your loved ones. I will be there when you need me and I won’t ever complain that I’m lonely. Please, don’t leave me. We are destined to be together,’ she said.

  I kept thinking, Are we really destined to be together? Do I deserve her, especially after all that I have done behind her back? I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to cry with her, cry for what I had done, cry in my inability to erase the past, cry for not having the courage to look into her eyes and admit my mistake. I couldn’t see her in such a miserable state. At that moment, even if it would have meant leaving Shikha, I’d have done it.