In My Heart

by E. L. Todd

“It was a blur. When I kicked her out, she didn’t want to go. She wasn’t happy about that.”

  Francesca smiled slightly. “You could take two seconds out of your day and take her to breakfast or something.”

  “That’s two seconds I don’t have.”

  She rolled her eyes but still seemed amused. “Maybe you have everything worked out, and I should be more like you.”

  My eyes moved to her face.

  “What’s the point of going on date after date if I don’t meet anyone worthwhile? At least if I did it your way, I would feel satisfied the next morning.”

  That was the last thing I wanted for her. “No.”

  She turned her eyes on me.

  “You’re too good for that. Believe me, you would just be more miserable. You’re classy, and you should stay that way. Guys will only use you and never remember your name.”

  “And I would use them back.”

  A protective side of me emerged, and I wasn’t even sure where it came from. “No.” That was all I said, and I didn’t need to say anything else.

  She held my gaze for a moment before she looked away. “I guess I’m going to try to get back to sleep…”

  I didn’t want to leave. When I was with her, I didn’t think about all the shit in my life. I didn’t think about my dad lying in the hallway looking half dead. And I didn’t think about my frail mom cowering away from his raised hand. Francesca made me feel at peace. “I should probably go too. Thank you for the muffin.”

  “Of course. You’re just lucky I haven’t started charging you.” She rose from the table and pulled her hair over one shoulder.

  “I’d be broke if you did.” I stared at the hollow of her throat and imagined placing kisses there. Her skin tasted so sweet, like honey. Every time I looked at her front door, I remembered that night when I almost had her. A part of me wished I’d gone all the way. But a bigger part of me was thankful I did the right thing.

  She smiled. “I guess you’re right.” When her green eyes met mine, there seemed to be longing deep within them. It was like she wanted me to stay but refused to admit it.

  I wanted to stay too.

  “I can sit by your bedside until you fall asleep.” The offer came from nowhere, and I didn’t think twice about it. The thought hadn’t even entered my mind before I blurted it out.

  “You would do that?”

  I would do anything for you. “Come on.” I headed to the hallway and waited for her to lead the way.

  She gave me one final look before she walked in front of me and entered her bedroom. The walls were painted gray and there was white trimming. Her bedspread was yellow and her furniture was white. It fit her personality perfectly.

  She got into bed then turned off the light. She lay on her side and faced me, her soft hair scattered around the pillow. I wanted to crawl into bed and kiss her lips until they were puckered and red. I wanted to roll around in her sheets and make her moan for me. My dick hardened just from thinking about it.

  There was a chair right beside her bed so I took a seat.

  She turned her gaze on me. “Want to read me a story?”

  “Will that help you sleep?”

  She nodded. “My dad used to do it all the time.”

  I looked at her nightstand and saw a stack of books. One caught my attention. “The Hobbit?”

  “It’s good. Have you read it?”

  “No. But I’m surprised you have.”

  “Why?” She pulled the sheet to her shoulder.

  “Isn’t it about dragons and magic and stuff?”

  “So?”

  I flipped through the pages. “I didn’t realize you were into that.”

  “I read everything. You name it, and I’ve probably read it.”

  The idea of her reading about dwarves going on an adventure tugged at my heart in a way I couldn’t explain.

  “If you’re tired, you can just lay here with me. Usually when someone else is in my bed, I’m a lot more comfortable.”

  Did she share her bed often? Why did I care? Without thinking, I kicked off my shoes and lay on the opposite side of the bed. I couldn’t believe I did it until it was already done. Her bed felt even smaller now that I was in it. The sheets were soft, even through my shirt and jeans.

  Francesca turned over and faced me, but she stayed on her side of the bed. Her eyes searched mine like she could see something I was trying to hide. “I know you didn’t come over here to eat a muffin. And I know you didn’t come over here because you couldn’t sleep.”

  My heart skipped a beat.

  “I know something is bothering you. Your eyes give you away.”

  Could she read me that easily?

  “I know you don’t want to talk about it so I’m not going to ask. But I want you to know I’m here for you.” Her hand moved to mine and she closed her eyes. “Just like how you’re here for me now.”

  Caffeine

  Francesca

  I leaned back and tossed the coffee bean into the air. It soared toward the ceiling then came back to earth. My mouth was open and I tried to catch it, but I missed and it bounced off my chin. “Dammit.” I tossed another one into the air and made another attempt.

  “I need to talk to you.” Marie stormed into the café while tying her apron around her waist.

  “Hold on. I’ll get it this time.”

  She snatched the coffee beans out of my hand. “This is serious.”

  I guess my new trick would have to wait. “What’s wrong, Marie?”

  “The house owner just called me this morning.”

  “And?” They routinely checked on the house so that wasn’t surprising.

  “Apparently, they’re redoing the carpets and putting in hardwood floors.”

  “Great!” I’ve always wanted to have hardwood floors in the house. It made everything look more elegant.

  “No, that’s not great.” Marie put one hand on her hip. “That means we have to live somewhere else for a whole week.”

  “Oh…” I hadn’t foreseen that problem.

  “Stacy doesn’t have room because her mom is coming to visit, and I don’t want to infringe on anyone else. So I think I’m going to stay with Anthony.”

  “But I thought you were going to dump him?”

  “Well, I need somewhere to live for another week,” she snapped.

  “That’s fair…”

  “Hey, he’ll get laid for another week. I doubt he minds. Where are you going to go?”

  “Uh…” I hadn’t thought about that. I searched my mind for someone who wouldn’t have a problem loaning me their couch for a week.

  “Am I interrupting anything?” Hawke’s deep voice came from behind the counter.

  “Oh, hi.” I clutched my chest in surprise. I didn’t even hear the bell ring overhead.

  “Oh, hi, to you too,” he said sarcastically. There was a smirk on his lips so I knew he was teasing me.

  Marie eyed both of us before she rolled her eyes. She made it abundantly clear how she felt about Hawke. She didn’t understand how we could go from lovers to friends so easily. It was really difficult to explain so I stopped trying. “I need to clock in.” She walked through the curtain and disappeared.

  I turned to Hawke. “The usual?”

  “You know me so well.”

  I filled the coffee cup then handed it to him.

  “So…everything okay?” He sipped his coffee.

  “Oh yeah. Everything is fine.” Hawke slept in my bed the other night, but it wasn’t weird at all, surprisingly. Now that I knew he would only be a friend, I stopped hoping for something more. But it did frighten me how natural it felt. It didn’t feel uncomfortable to sleep beside him. I didn’t have a single guy friend I could do that with. “Our landlord is kicking us out for a week because they are redoing the floors. Now Marie and I need to crash somewhere.”

  “Where are you staying?”

  “Not sure. I need to figure that out.” I rubbed my chin as I brainstorm
ed.

  “Axel?”

  “No.” I released an uncontrollable laugh. “God, no. I’d only go there if I didn’t have any other choice.”

  “A girlfriend?”

  “I have a few, but they’re already pretty crowded with their other roommates…” There was a solution to my problem but I just had to find it.

  “Who’s Marie staying with?”

  “A guy she’s seeing.”

  He took another drink of his coffee.

  “I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I always do.”

  “Why don’t you stay with me?”

  Did he just invite me to crash at his place? “Seriously?”

  “Why not?” he asked. “I’m hardly there anyway because I work all the time. It only has one bedroom but you can have it. I can sleep on the couch.”

  “Uh…” That was nice of him to offer but I wasn’t expecting it. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. Let me know.” He left cash on the counter then walked away with his coffee. He sat down in a booth then began to work on his laptop.

  Marie came out a moment later. “Anthony just texted me and said I could stay with him. He said you can have the couch if you want.”

  Crashing at Marie’s soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend’s house didn’t sound fine. “Hawke just offered to let me stay with him. I think I’ll do that.”

  “Stay with Hawke?” she asked incredulously. “For a week?”

  “What’s the big deal?”

  “Uh…you almost slept with him.” She snapped her fingers in my face like I needed to wake up. “That’s a pretty big deal.”

  “That was almost two months ago. Now we’re just friends.”

  She rubbed her temple like she had a headache. “How can two people go from practically ripping each other’s clothes off to being just friends?”

  It didn’t make sense to me either. But it just worked with Hawke and I. “I can’t explain…”

  “Well, try.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “You wouldn’t understand.” I couldn’t believe I was about to say any of this out loud.

  “You’re going to tell me anyway.”

  “Hawke and I…I told you we had a connection the moment we met.”

  “Yes, I remember.”

  “Well, that connection is still there. It’s like…whether he’s a boyfriend or a friend, he needs to be in my life. I can’t explain it better than that. I just…need him. And I’m pretty sure he needs me too. I feel like he’s meant to be a part of me in some capacity.”

  Marie looked even more confused.

  “I know it sounds crazy but…I feel like our paths were meant to cross.”

  “Because…?”

  “It’s one of those things that you just know. Trust me on this.”

  “You think this guy is your soul mate or something?”

  “No, that’s not what I said.”

  “Girl, I’m starting to think you’re crazy.”

  I knew how crazy I sounded from her perspective. “It’s one of those things that no one understands. But I know I understand it. And that’s all that matters.”

  Marie sighed like she was ready to drop the subject. “Just don’t get hurt, okay?”

  “I won’t.”

  “Because I’ll kick his ass.” She pointed her finger in my face like she meant business.

  My lips softened into a smile. “I know.”

  ***

  Hawke was still in the lobby when I clocked out, so I slid into the seat across from him. “Still working?”

  He shut the screen of his laptop with a faint smile on his lips. “Work never sleeps.”

  “Will you always work this much?”

  “Not when I stop being an intern. I’m doing all the grunt work no one else wants to do. But when this is over, I’ll have everything I’ve been working so hard for.”

  “So, you want to be an investor?”

  “In a nutshell.”

  “But that sounds…boring.”

  He smiled like he wasn’t offended. “It’s like gambling but with more research. You’re always trying to figure out where the next big thing is going to come from. When should you sell? When should you buy? It’s actually really interesting.”

  “Hmm…I’ve never thought about it that way.”

  He placed his laptop in his bag. “Baking doesn’t seem very exciting, but I’m sure it is.”

  “It’s very exciting. When I see your face light up every time you have one of my muffins, it makes it all worthwhile.”

  He closed his bag and left it on the seat next to him. “How was work?”

  “It was okay. I only managed to get one bean in my mouth.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Sorry?”

  “I was trying to catch the coffee beans in my mouth but I kept missing. You know…” I reenacted the movement for him.

  “Oh. Time well spent.”

  “When there’re no customers, you have to entertain yourself.”

  “Have you thought any more about my offer?”

  “Does it still stand?” I asked.

  “Of course it does. However, I have one condition.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Which is?”

  “You have to show me that beautiful ass—just a peek.”

  I rolled my eyes but couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. “Nope.”

  “Then you at least have to cook for me all week.”

  “That I can do.”

  “Without wearing any bottoms…”

  I scrunched up a napkin and threw it at him. “Pervert.”

  He chuckled. “I never told you I wasn’t.”

  I pretended to be offended but it only made me feel warm inside.

  “So, when are you being kicked out?”

  “Monday.”

  “That gives me plenty of time to get rid of all the filth.”

  I pulled my hair out of the hair tie and let it fall to my shoulders. Hawke’s eyes immediately went to the strands and his expression changed. I fluffed the hair around my scalp with my fingers. After being pulled back all day, it felt good. “You seem like an organized person.”

  “Sorry?” A blank expression was on his face.

  “You said your place is covered in filth. But you seem so clean.”

  “Oh…” He finally came back to the conversation. “No, I live like a pig just like every other guy.”

  “I’m so excited to stay with you…”

  He chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’ll give it a thorough cleaning. Just don’t tell your brother you’re staying with me.”

  “Why?” That was an odd request. “He knows we hang out.”

  “I don’t want to give him the wrong impression. Knowing him, he’ll jump to the worst possible conclusion. He doesn’t act like it when you’re around, but he’s fiercely protective of you. If he thought I even touched your hand, he’d come after me with a chainsaw.”

  “That’s a little excessive…”

  Hawke shrugged. “He’s your brother. If he’s crazy, you’re crazy.”

  “That’s a slippery slope…”

  His phone lit up on the table with a message. I knew I shouldn’t read it but I did. Come over tonight. It was from a girl named Brittany. I quickly looked away like I hadn’t read it.

  Hawke locked the screen so it turned black. He knew I saw it.

  I kept acting like I didn’t. I knew what he did in his spare time. It shouldn’t bother me but sometimes it did. It wouldn’t matter if he seemed happy, but it was clear he was miserable. It seemed like he was making himself suffer on purpose.

  But why?

  “I should head home,” Hawke said as he slid out of the booth.

  Or you should head to Brittany’s. “Me too. I have to start packing. Ugh, I’m not looking forward to that.”

  “I would offer to help, but I don’t want to.” He gave me a smile that told me he was joking.

  “I’ll see you later.”
/>   “Bye, Muffin.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “What did you just call me?”

  “What?” He turned back around. “You’re the muffin girl. So, I’ll call you Muffin.”

  “That’s the silliest nickname I’ve ever heard.”

  “And yet, it fits you perfectly.”

  ***

  “Do not have sex with him.” Marie had her hands on her hips like a mother hen.

  I rolled my eyes just to piss her off. “First, you tell me to sleep with him. Now you forbid me?”

  “Are you saying you want to sleep with him?”

  “Of course not. But you need to chill. I wouldn’t be going over there unless I was comfortable being around him. Besides, he probably won’t be around much anyway. He’s too busy working and fucking whatever he finds in a bar.”

  Marie caught the bitterness in my voice. “So, he’s a manwhore?”

  “That’s putting it lightly.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “It sounds like that bothers you.”

  “It doesn’t bother me.”

  She raised an eyebrow.

  “Okay, it does sometimes. I just think he’s better than that.”

  “Better?” she asked. “Guys like getting laid. He’s living the dream.”

  “But he’s so miserable.” I shook my head. “I know he isn’t happy. It seems like he does it…just as a means to an end.”

  She shrugged. “We all have needs. Look at me, I’m going out with Anthony for another week so I have somewhere to sleep.”

  “Slut,” I mumbled under my breath.

  She swatted my arm. “Coming from the girl about to spend the week with a fuck machine.”

  “He’s not a fuck machine,” I said defensively. “He’s a lot more than that.”

  “Touchy touchy…”

  A knock on the door ended our conversation.

  “Looks like your ride is here.” Marie opened the door and saw Hawke on the other side. He wore running shorts, a t-shirt, and his aviators. He looked beautiful…like always. “Hey.” Marie gave him a cold welcome.

  “Hi.” He stepped inside and immediately moved to my side. Then he flexed his arms dramatically. “Your strong man is here to move your things.”

  I grabbed his bicep and squeezed it playfully. It was solid like concrete. I tried to hide the dreamy look on my face. “Get to it. Everything is in my room.”

  “Yes, Muffin Girl.” He squeezed my side playfully before he walked down the hallway. I stared at his toned ass in his shorts. It was so nice I wanted to take a bite out of it. I fantasized about seeing his naked body when I felt a hard stare burning into my skin.