Devouring Raine

by Zoey Derrick

  “Who the hell is Sam?” I turn to Addison. There is a loud noise outside then something hits the side of the bus.

  She sighs. “Dex met her in San Diego, she was a friend of mine who came to the concert. She and Dex met, she threw herself at him and…well…he took her bait.”

  “Oh! Oh…So she’s the one that destroyed my apartment?”

  “We don’t know that yet,” Mills answers my question.

  “Shit,” I say as I stand up and go as quick as I can, flying down the steps, and off of the bus. Dex is walking away from the bus. A billow of smoke in his path. I run as quickly as I can toward him. “Dex.”

  He throws his hands up and keeps walking.

  “What’s going on?” I hear Kyle as he approaches. He’s carrying a couple bags of stuff from inside the store.

  I nod in the direction of the bus. “They’ll explain it. I have to go after…” I don’t need to finish my sentence before Kyle nods, walking away and onto the bus.

  Dex has stopped at the edge of the parking lot. I move quickly to catch up to him. “Don’t come any closer.”

  “That’s not how this works, Dex, you know that.”

  “Well, now it does.” He hangs his head.

  “What the fuck does that mean?”

  He doesn’t answer me and I make moves towards him. “Stop,” he commands. His voice has that power over me and I stop dead in my tracks.

  “Don’t do this,” I breathe. “Don’t shut me out. We talk about this, Dex.”

  “If that cunt is responsible for your apartment, I will never forgive myself.”

  “We don’t know that, bubba, we don’t know if it was her, or Michael, or someone else entirely. Why are you being like this? I’m not mad at you, even if she’s the one responsible for it. We both have pasts, it’s a part of who we are, there’s nothing we can do about it except move forward.” I take a step toward him and he doesn’t stop me so I take another step in his direction.

  He turns on me, throwing away his cigarette as he charges toward me. His hand splays wide over my face, fingertips sliding along my features. “I’m poisonous. I will forever fuck up everything good that comes into my life. I refuse to fuck you up too.” He side steps me and walks back toward the bus.

  “Dex!” I shout after him, but he keeps walking. “Dex!” I cry out and he ignores me. “Damn it, Dex, what the fuck are you doing? Are you fucking insane? If you think this changes anything about how I feel about you, you can go fuck yourself,” I shout at him. He finally slows and stops, hanging his head.

  I back up to the curb he was standing at and sit down, wrapping my arms around my legs. I can’t stop the uncontrollable sobs that are tearing apart my body, my heart and my soul.

  Dex never came over to me. In fact, he walked on board the band’s bus and packed a bag before climbing on board the crew’s bus. He didn’t say a word to me, or to anyone else in the process. I climbed into my rack and curled in on myself.

  When we arrived in Orlando, I got a room by myself. Addison tried on numerous occasions to talk to me. I’m sure she, better than anyone, could understand what I was going through, but I didn’t want to get into it. When I told her I wasn’t going to the show, she didn’t press the situation any.

  I decided, after Dex moved buses, that I needed to give him some space, some time. He needs to sort through his shit before we can even begin discussing what happened.

  Rusty kept me up to date on what was happening with my apartment. I’d finally been shown pictures of everything. It was quite possibly the second worst experience of my entire life. Though the result was better having seen it in pictures versus in person. Mills had filed the insurance claim and the appliances, as well as painting and wall repair, was being handled by the complex. Once the money from the insurance company comes in, I will have to pay them for the damage done. It was after that that Rusty told me he had a crew ready to go in and trash anything that was damaged, destroyed or otherwise unusable. Which, from what Ryan had told him, there wasn’t much that was going to be salvageable. I told him to trash everything.

  I cried myself to sleep that night.

  In the course of twenty-four hours, I’ve lost my apartment, I’ve lost my boyfriend, I’ve lost everything I’ve ever worked for.

  Friday morning, I booked airfare back to LA. I told Addison that there was too much going on back home, with my apartment and everything that I needed to head out early. She assured me that it was no problem and that she’d send over the details on the flight to Denver after the break. Around noon, I called Cami and filled her in on everything that had happened with my apartment, with Sam and of course with Dex. I told her that I would be leaving for the airport in a couple of hours. She tried to talk me into staying, but agreed that I needed to deal with my stuff back in LA and the sooner I could deal with that, the easier it would make it to return to the tour in twelve days.

  Mills refuses to let me take a cab to the airport. Telling me that with everything that has happened, he wants me to be escorted there. I didn’t have it in me to argue with him about it. Despite the fact that most of the band and crew had gone to Disney early this morning, Mills was making arrangements. I don’t know if Dex went along and I didn’t ask either. It’s been nearly two days without a word from him and I think I know where I stand with him. Not that it makes it easy, in fact, it takes all the energy and strength I have to put on a brave face long enough to make it into the car and to the airport.

  “Come on, Raine, open up. Please.”

  I keep pounding on the door, eventually I’ll annoy her enough that she’ll answer. I’ve fucked up, yet again, royally. Though I doubt an apology from me is going to be enough to set things straight between the two of us.

  Pound, pound, pound. “Come on, glowbug, please, open the damn door. I need to talk to you.”

  The hallway is empty. Everyone has gone to Disney, including the crew. I texted Kyle who said that Raine hadn’t gone along, so she should be here. “Please, Raine, open the door.” I bang my head against it before turning around and sliding my ass down the door to sit in front of it. She can’t go anywhere without running into me and it doesn’t stop me from bouncing my head off of the door every few minutes reminding her that I’m still sitting outside her door.

  “Dude, wake up.”

  “Wha…oh crap,”

  Raine…

  I stand up and turn around, before I can knock Beck stops me. “She’s not in there.”

  “Where the fuck did she go?”

  “You don’t know?”

  “What don’t I know? Beck…”

  “She went home,” he says stoically.

  “Home?” I breathe, confused. “When?”

  “Her flight left twenty minutes ago.” I deflate. “What the fuck did you expect, bro? After what happened Wednesday night, did you honestly think she’d stay around here? Her house has been fucking destroyed, by one of your cunts, mind you, and you want her to stick around while you walk around with your head up your ass.”

  I slam Beck into the wall. “You don’t know jack fucking shit.”

  “Really? Because we’ve all fucking seen it, Dex. We witnessed what you did Wednesday night. I’m pretty sure she told you that your past doesn’t matter to her and you fucking pushed her away. All she ever fucking did was love you and look at what you’ve done.”

  Rage and the urge to knock him the fuck out courses through me until I realize that he’s fucking right.

  The elevator chimes and I make a dash for it, standing off to the side while the guys step off. Before it closes, I slide in and push L. “Dex!” a bunch of people shout as the door closes and descends into the lobby.

  “Hi, you must be Ryan?” I say to the strange man standing in my apartment.

  “Hi Raine, yup, I’m Ryan.” We shake hands. I got over the shock of my apartment from having seen the pictures. Though my kitchen is barren of appliances and my furniture is piled in the middle of the living room. The paint a
ppears to be gone from the walls and the apartment smells like fresh paint.

  “I don’t know how to thank you for staying here,” I tell him, fighting another emotional crying jag. It’s all I pretty much did on the plane ride home.

  “It’s no problem. I haven’t been able to stay here the last two nights, because there are no appliances and the water is shut off. Security is keeping an eye on the place. They have a guy walking or biking past every twenty minutes or so and then at night they have one stationed here inside. I hope you hadn’t planned on staying here?”

  “No, I’m going to check into a hotel after I talk with the complex about my lease.”

  He nods his understanding. “The furniture in here wasn’t touched too bad, your bedroom is another story. We’ve gotten rid of just about everything in there. I imagine by tomorrow it will be empty for you.”

  “Thank you so much for all you’ve done.”

  He smiles widely at me. In another world, I may have found him attractive, but I can’t even begin to fathom that idea at the moment.

  I take a few minutes and wander around my now bare apartment. Ryan leaves with me, locking the door and we nod to the security guy. Ryan flags him down so that he can introduce me to him and the guy is nice enough and tells me that he’ll pass along the information to the rest of the staff.

  I walk around to the leasing office and end up spending more than thirty minutes with the manager. They don’t want to let me out of my lease without a fuss. I told them that it’s unsafe for me to live there anymore and that I have police reports and documentation to back that up. When I tell her that the apartment will be available by tomorrow, it gives her enough time to re-rent the apartment before next month. She also tells me that my security deposit will be returned because the damages have already been paid for.

  “Who paid for it?”

  She looks in my folder. “A gentleman by the name of Mills.”

  My heart sinks. “He didn’t have to do that,” I whisper. I vow to send him a text message after leaving here.

  We talk for a couple more minutes and I tell her that I will hand in the keys by Monday morning.

  After leaving her office, I sit in my car and text Mills.

  Raine to Mills: Thank you for covering the appliances in my apartment. I will pay you back as soon as the insurance money comes in. X Raine

  Mills to Raine: I didn’t pay for it, Dex did.

  “What?” I breathe.

  Raine to Mills: Your name was on the information they have?

  Mills to Raine: My name is on most dealings with the bands finances. It’s part of what I do. Glad you made it home safe. How’s the apartment coming?

  Raine to Mills: Oh, well thank you for taking care of it. Apartment is nearly empty, Ryan isn’t staying anymore, can’t, no appliances or running water. Should be empty by tomorrow. Turning in the keys on Monday.

  Mills to Raine: Where will you go now?

  Raine to Mills: *shrug* not sure yet. Need to find a new apartment.

  Mills to Raine: Addison’s offer stands.

  Raine to Mills: I’ll think about it, thanks again.

  Mills to Raine: I know you’re hurt and upset, but I feel it’s important to tell you that Dex is missing.

  Raine to Mills: WTF as of when?

  Mills to Raine: about half an hour after your flight took off. We know he’s here in Orlando, but unsure of where.

  Raine to Mills: Keep me posted.

  Mills to Raine: Will do.

  I throw my phone on the dash and take off out of the parking lot. It’s four o’clock so I head for the office.

  When I arrive, I take the express elevator up to the top floor. When I round the corner I can see Cami in her office.

  “I was wondering if I’d see you today. Sit,” she says and I take the seat in front of her desk while she gets up to close the door. “How are you?”

  “A fucking mess,” I tell her honestly.

  “I can imagine.”

  “I need to discuss an advance on my salary.”

  “No discussion needed. What do you need?” she asks as she takes a seat.

  “I need to move. I need to buy all new furniture, clothes, things like that.” Tears well in my eyes, the breakdown that I know has been coming threatens and in front of my boss. “I have no idea how I’m going to pay it back, but…I don’t know what else to do.”

  She stands and comes around her desk, bringing a box of tissues with her. She sits on the edge of her desk and holds out the box to me. I pull a couple of Kleenexes from the box and wipe my eyes.

  “You’ve been around me long enough to know that I look after my own, regardless. If you keep going the way you are with what you’ve been doing with 69 Bottles, you’ll be able to pay it back in no time at all. But until then, I’ll deduct twenty-five dollars a paycheck.”

  “Cami, I…”

  “Hush.” She gives me a smile, “I’d do it for anyone who works in this building. Use your credit card. I’ll authorize all your charges and we’ll pay for them. I’ve made reservations for you at the Hyatt downtown. It’s one of their studio rooms so you’ll have a kitchen and it’s close to shopping and dining.”

  I start to cry a little harder.

  “It’s reserved through the Wednesday you’re supposed to leave for Denver. After that, we’ll go from there. Do you have your car?” I nod. “Okay, so you’re good on transportation and when you find an apartment we’ll get what you need for your deposits, provided you can’t use the credit card to do it. But right now, I want you to go, get yourself checked in, get your clothes to the laundry, and take a deep breath. It’s all going to work out. One tiny step at a time.”

  “I don’t know how to thank you.”

  She smiles at me. “Like I said, we take care of our own.” She reaches onto her desk for something, and comes back with an envelope. “I was hoping you’d come by.” She hands me the envelope. It’s not full, but it’s not thin either. “There’s two thousand in cash…”

  “Cami, I can’t…”

  “You can, and you will. Use this for food, gas, take care of your last minute bills for your apartment, whatever it is that you need.”

  “That was all paid for by my living stipend, I don’t need this much cash.”

  She waves it off like it’s nothing. “Just keep it. You never know when you’ll need it. Payday is next week, by then you’ll be good. Living in a hotel can be expensive.” She runs a hand through her hair. “Believe me, I know.” She winks.

  I try to smile.

  “Come here,” she says and I stand up. She hugs me hard. “It will all be alright, believe me.” She squeezes one more time then lets me go. “So what’s going on with Dex?”

  I shrug, “Honestly, I have no idea. He hadn’t talked to me since Wednesday night and I left without saying good-bye. I haven’t heard from him since then.”

  Cami and I talked a little more before she dismissed me around five to go home to Jaden and Tristan. But not before inviting me for dinner. I declined, saying I wasn’t going to be good company.

  When I climbed back into my car I fought the breakdown that was threatening me. I needed to keep it together just long enough to get checked in, get the door shut and then I was free.

  I drove, painfully slow, through LA rush hour traffic to get to the Hyatt.

  “Raine Montgomery.”

  “Oh yes, we were expecting you.” She moves quickly in getting my keys for me and telling the bellhop with my luggage the room number. He takes off before I do for my room.

  I sign the check in slip and she directs me to the elevators for my room.

  Almost there.

  As I reach my floor and round the corner the bellhop that had my luggage is coming toward me with an empty cart. I palm him a twenty and thank him before disappearing into my room. The minute the door shuts, I fall against it and slide down into complete and utter darkness.

  Alcohol…

  Drugs…

  Al
cohol…

  Pain…

  Pain is the best medicine.

  Pain cures more than it causes.

  The hum of the tattoo needle fires up for about the hundredth time since sitting down in this chair more than two hours ago.

  Alcohol was my goal.

  Tattoo shop across the street…that’s where I ended up.

  The place was clean, the portfolios were nice, the dude exceptional and more than capable and willing to put me in the chair.

  I’ve decided that there is someplace far more sensitive than one’s ribs. The breast bone, collar bone and neck. I knew that there was a reason I’d been saving this spot. But until I walked in here, I had no idea why.

  As I watch him go to work, he’s wrapping up. Nearly done. Soon the endorphins will take over and I’ll be able to walk out of here.

  She left.

  She packed her stuff and left.

  Do I blame her?

  Fuck no.

  I put my head back against the chair and close my eyes.

  I can still see her, curled up, arms around her legs, sitting on the curb. I knew I needed to go to her, but I knew then that I’d damaged things. I’d hurt her, I’d upset her. I needed to pull my poisonous ass away from her before I completely shattered her. But in reality, I poisoned her more by walking onto that other bus. I realized the moment my head hit the rack that I wasn’t where I wanted to be, only where I thought I wanted, thought I needed. What I needed then and need even more now, is the reason I’m in this chair.

  My phone buzzes with a text, probably the thousandth one I’ve received since sitting in this chair. Fuck ‘em, whoever they are.

  I hiss through my teeth as he cuts in a little deeper, running over already torn up flesh. I soak it up. Let the pain radiate outward, out across my body, to my fingertips and toes.