by Megan Noelle
“In love with whom?”
“Back then, in high school. I told her everything. Turns out I was only feeding my enemy information to use against me. Do you know she married my first boyfriend and kept the boy I loved away from me?” Through the hysteria in my voice and liquor in my body, I’m sure wasn’t allowing my thoughts to come out very clear.
“Slow down; help me understand what you’re talking about.” Bless this man and his unfailing patience.
“Jayme! She was my best friend in high school. After I slept with Oliver, she knew how badly I wanted him to call. How badly I wanted him—and she’s the direct cause of why he never said anything to me.”
“When the hell did you sleep with Oliver?” There was a fire in his eyes, and if I didn’t know better it looked like some level of jealousy was taking over. I’m sure it was just me seeing things, though.
“Senior year.” Corey blew out a sigh and it softened his rigid posture.
“Where were you tonight, Dani?” How was this at all relevant to the bitch I was complaining about? Well, I suppose he wanted to know where this was suddenly coming from, especially since earlier this morning I was just fine.
“On a date with Ollie. He told me everything that happened with that whore.”
“Is that why you wanted me to bring you home earlier?” My rage calmed down as I stared into the distraught face in front of me. It was as if I was just now realizing Corey was here. Not just here, but he was hurting—all because of me. In a moment of drunken weakness I shared far more than I ever planned to. Not because I didn’t want to tell him, but because something in my heart told me it was going to pain Corey to hear it.
I was right.
My hand brushed along the side of his face and I grabbed his jaw. “He showed up and asked me; it wasn’t planned out.”
“You look beautiful, Danielle.” Through the tears that finally stopped, I smiled. How could I have been so inconsiderate to this beautiful man?
“You look like my knight in shining armor. What are you doing here anyways?”
“Well, I got a call from someone pretty damn important to me and it is very obvious that something was wrong. You better believe I’m going to respond to it.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here.” Corey stretched forward and delicately placed a kiss to my forehead. When he stood up and moved from the bed, panic set in.
“Where are you going?” I asked, but with the sudden fear that he was leaving it came out more life: wheareUgoing?
Corey’s mouth pulled up in amusement. “To get you some pajamas. You don’t want to ruin that pretty dress, do you?”
I glanced down at my specifically chosen date outfit and shook my head. At the end of the bed I curled my body into a ball, while Corey searched through my drawers. With his next question, I saw the extreme measure he was going through to avoid eye contact.
“Did he kiss you?”
“Who?” I asked,feeling myself slowly fade into exhaustion.
“Oliver—tonight.”
Oh—duh. “Yes.”
“Are you going to go out with him again?” I shrugged my shoulders. Corey turned back towards me with sweatpants and a tank top to throw on.
His hand extended out to me; I took it without hesitation. I was pulled into a standing position and very carefully, Corey peeled the clothes from my body.
Maybe it was because I was drunk; maybe it was because I was tired. But I stood there and let Corey take control, all the way down to my strapless bra and panties. By the time we got there, I was almost panting with the desire spreading through me for him. Only him. My eyes were locked on his face and I had a good feeling if a bomb were to go off right now—I’d still only be able to see Corey.
With my gaze fixated on him, it was as if a fog lifted from my mind. Why have I been running from him? In the short amount of time I’ve known him, I’ve grown more attached to him and felt an undeniable connection. Smoking hot body aside—there were so many things I’ve grown to love about him. When he’s around me I see that he is different; his heart is kinder than any other I’ve known, he can be gentle and sensitive. Yet, he also knows how to keep me on edge, can make me laugh and whenever I’m around him—I felt at ease. There has to be a reason my heart swells when he’s near and why I couldn’t let him go. Although deep inside, I knew I should.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Danielle.” I reached up onto my toes and clasped my lips over his.
“You’re far too good to me.”
His piercing blue eyes held mine with such intensity—I knew he wasn’t joking. “Someone has to be.”
Corey slipped the top over my head and pulled the pants up around my waist. The two of us crawled into bed and our bodies instantly melted together, to sleep away the memories from this exhausting evening.
* * * *
Pounding and beeping—that’s what I had the pleasure of waking up to. The beeping was a direct result of my alarm with a death wish; reminding me it was Monday morning. Yippee. Whereas, the pounding was the mixture of white wine and tequila swirling around inside my brain. Confirming just how terrible of an idea that was. Apparently, I could be very impulsive when I get pissed off.
I reached over and smacked my alarm clock; silencing at least one of the obnoxious sounds. Rolling over, I accidently ended up smacking Corey’s chest. The next mistake was when he moved his arm to cover me, pulling me into his warm chiseled body. What I really needed to do was get up and shower—not lie in bed any longer. Today would be long enough with that massive hangover, without adding a late start on top of it. But it just felt oh so good to snuggle into his body, letting his arms hold me tight. Corey’s mouth woke up before his eyes opened. His lips slowly planted kisses along the length of my jaw and neck.
The tingling heat quickly spread to every part of me; including my very sore brain. “My head hurts.” I whined into his mouth. His blue eyes fluttered open; he held his weight above me, staring down into my face.
“What all did you have to drink last night?”
“A shit ton of white wine at the restaurant, and then even more tequila when I got home.” Corey’s jaw tightened under his skin; his fingers stopped stroking the hair from my face.
“Well, that would do it then. Get up; I’ll start a shower for you.” Corey moved from the bed, emptiness settled into my heart, but my head was in far too much pain to question the reason.
“You’re not going to join me in there?” The question came out before I could stop it. Corey’s face flinched at my words, then softened into what looked to be pain—followed by his eyes hardening as he turned back to face me.
“Not today.” The stern tone took me by surprise, but not as much as the way the rejection felt in the pit of my stomach.
“Corey,” I called out to him before I could stop. When he turned to look at me, he waited for a response. Those usually beautiful and comforting blue eyes looked colder than I had ever before seen. “I’m sorry you had to deal with me as a blubbering mess last night.”
Corey sighed; I couldn’t help but notice his reluctance to meet my eyes straight on. “You never have to apologize for being a drunk and sad to me. It’s that kind of thing I want to be here for.”
“But you don’t have to.” The words caught in my throat for an inexplicable reason. His eyes cast a glance to the floor in front of him.
“I don’t really have a choice anymore.” I opened my mouth to respond but he cut me off.
“You need to shower so you’re not late for work. I’ll make some breakfast.” With that he left the bedroom—and me—stretched out across the bed. Something was definitely wrong. Not only did he stop what could have been, a heated session in bed, but he also turned down taking a shower with me. Not to mention, I have never seen him look so distraught in all the time I’ve known him.
My throat thickened as a sensation of tears forming, struck me. Before I lost complete control, I gathered random articles of clothing f
or work and rushed into the bathroom. Steam was already swirling around the enclosed space, with the water piping hot—just the way I liked. As I scrubbed away the events from last night and the awful memories of Jayme—I found myself in complete hysterics. My shoulders heaved with deep cries that shook my body—hitting me hard.
Why was I crying so much?
Even more than that—I wondered why I longed for Corey to hold me and take away the pain. The thing that hit me the hardest was he was here—just on the other side of the door, but I’ve never felt so far away from him. It was clear he was hurting it was obviously something from last night that made him act that way, but my drunken stupor blocked it out. I doubted it was because of my date but there must have been something I said after it that set him off.
It made me wonder though, why it hurt so bad to see the distance slowly growing between us?
My shower ended and I forced myself to pull it together. Whatever the problem was—I needed to put on my big girl panties and handle it. After drying off, I yanked on the outfit I selected. My head still throbbed from my liquor choices the night before. I made the decision to keep off the hair dryer but to prevent me from looking like the hung over mess I was—I pulled my hair into an intricate twist on top of my head. Once finished, I made my way out to join Corey.
The smells emanating from the kitchen were intoxicating; fluffy pancakes, warm syrup and crunchy bacon awaited me. There was a flashback of the first day he was here and made the same breakfast—oh how things had changed. I was shocked when the tequila mess was picked up, the dishes were already in the dishwasher, and my plate was served. The only evidence from last night were the yellow daisies sitting in the exact same place I left them. They looked wilted, pathetic and out of place.
“It smells delicious.” I added timidly.
“Thank you; I put a couple Advil out for you.” He said, motioning to the white pills next to a fresh glass of orange juice.
“Okay, thanks.” Corey was already finishing his breakfast, as I took my first bite. Okay, so he was very upset about something if he didn’t even want to wait for me.
We continued in silence, the only sounds were the dishes clanking as Corey placed them into the dishwasher. He then moved over to the flowers and picked them up as if they were poison ivy.
“What are you doing with these?” The defensive side of me kicked in. I wanted to say, whatever the hell I want— they’re my flowers, but I didn’t. Corey wasn’t mad at me—he was wounded. Maybe because I inquired about his past hookups and requested Jayme not be one of them. Maybe because he was forced to drive over here last night and take care of me. But of course, he could just as easily be mad that I went on a date with another man.
“I meant to put them in a vase last night.” He nodded and tossed them back onto the counter; a few petals fell off with the force. Turning away from me, I saw how tensed up his shoulders were. His body was rigid and stressed— never a way he usually left my place.
“Well, I’m going to head home and just get ready for work there.”
“Oh, alright.” I whispered, feeling the air leave my lungs. Whoever this was—it wasn’t the Corey I loved being around.
He made it about five steps toward the door before he whipped around. The agony in his eyes had been replaced with fury as he stared me down.
“What the hell are we doing, Danielle?” I sat there, stunned. Not only was I not expecting a fight—I had no idea where this was coming from.
“Eating breakfast?” I responded coyly.
“No,” he threw down his jacket and keys on the side table by the front door. “Between you and me. What is this?”
“You mean what are we?” Corey gave me an incredulous look before nodding.
“Yes, Dani—what are we? Because I sure as hell couldn’t be more confused.”
“What…how….why are you confused?” I stuttered out. Trying my damndest to smolder the defensive flames before they shot up out of control.
“One minute I think I have a handle on what we are. We’re extremely close, spending every free minute together. We’re sleeping together but I feel like here I sit—waiting patiently for you to open up to the idea of more. Then next thing I know, you’re going on dates with other guys; they’re buying you flowers, bringing you to a nice dinner, and kissing you goodnight. What am I supposed to do with all that?”
“I don’t know, Corey. We talked about this in the beginning—we’re nothing serious and I don’t know when any of that changed!”
“When did we talk about this?” He asked, thrusting his hands on his hips.
“A while ago—I thought we made that clear?” I desperately needed to back down—to apologize. This was already twisting my body up into knots. We were on the verge of treading a very dangerous path and I didn’t know if we were going to make it out intact.
“So wait—you don’t want anything serious, or you don’t want anything serious with me?” “What do you mean?” My defenses quickly rose; they were all I had.
“You’ll let that punk take you on a date, but I get to clean up the mess afterwards?” My jaw dropped.
“I never asked you to come over last night and clean up my mess, Corey!” I yelled.
“Yeah, but you sure as shit didn’t push me away either.”
“You’re right, my bad. But now I am—thank you for breakfast, but get out.” Corey’s jaw flitted under his skin; his eyes blazed with the fire igniting inside us both. He reached down and scooped up his jacket and keys again, stomping off towards the door.
I turned back to my plate; the door opened and slammed shut.
“God damnit, Danielle!” I spun around to see he hadn’t left after all. “I am so crazy about you, but I don’t know what to do!”
“What are you talking about now?” My arms were flailing around as the steam poured from my ears.
“How do you not see it? You are a brilliant woman but you can be really stupid sometimes.”
“Oh yeah—nice one, Corey. Pile on those compliments, baby.” I rolled my eyes.
“Did I hurt your feelings, honey? Shit, at least I didn’t call you after going out with another woman! When I dropped you off yesterday afternoon I spent the rest of the fucking day thinking about you. Hell, I spend most every day with you on my mind, but I have to fight like hell to even be a footnote in your goddamn day! What the hell do I have to do to get you to see how much you mean to me?” Tears streamed angrily down my cheeks; hands on my hips. My posture was stern but my body felt weak.
This was all wrong.
Corey was falling for me—I had a feeling deep down, but never did I believe it was as much as he apparently was. A part of me wanted to forget everything, jump into his arms and never let go. That didn’t change the past, nor did it change the fact that my time in Serenity Cove was limited.
“This wasn’t supposed to mean anything.” The argument felt pathetic, but it was all I had.
Corey shook his head, threw down his jacket and crossed the floor in a few steps. He grabbed hold of my face and pressed his mouth to mine. A moan of protest left me because I knew his lips on mine would be more intense than I could handle right now. Tears streamed out, fire raged inside and I forgot everything I fought against. With our mouths locked and moving together, I felt everything that he was feeling. This kiss was passionate, hungry and possessive but there was also the pain behind it—of everything I was putting the both of us through.
The only thing I knew was how right this moment felt.
“You’re telling me that doesn’t mean anything?” He asked, his eyes searched my face for hope.
There was nothing I wanted more, than to have the ability to tell him the depths of feelings I realized I had for him. But for now—I just couldn’t. My head shook a fraction of an inch, and that was enough for him.
“Thank you, Danielle.” “For what?” I asked; through the blur my tears created.
“For being the first woman to ever break my heart. You ha
ve fun on your next date with a dude that sure as shit doesn’t deserve you!” With that he yanked open the door again, closing it behind him with a house trembling slam. My knees gave way on the spot and I was left nothing more than a sobbing mess.
Why couldn’t Corey have come into my life before the other shit heads had a chance to taint my outlook on love? Because of the way every single one of them left me a big ol’ mess, made me wonder if there was a love that existed—outside of movies. Corey was supposed to be the fun, easy-going friend I occasionally had sex with—not the guy who ended up heartbroken by me.
A few years ago I would have ran after Corey then told him I wanted him, needed him, and couldn’t live without him. I wasn’t that girl anymore—I couldn’t be that girl anymore. This girl needed to stand on two feet without using a man’s shoulder to support me. Corey was amazing, and easily one of the best guys I have ever known, but that didn’t change anything.
I wasn’t looking for a serious commitment and apparently he was. This thing—whatever it was between us had to end—and now it did.
Prying Open the Wounds
Slumped down in the chair behind my desk, my nails drumming against the armrest; this was how I’d spent the first two hours of work. Between the massive headache and even bigger heartache, I felt like doing nothing. When people (mainly Bailey) asked about my zombie-like state, I said it was Monday; nobody wants to do work on a Monday. My mind kept wandering back to the blow out argument that morning. Why had I been so stupid to call Corey the night before—knowing that I was going to hurt him? I wasn’t that naïve to believe he didn’t have any feelings for me what-so-ever. So the cause of our fight could solely be chalked up as my fault.
What I had to keep telling myself was it really shouldn’t matter if I had gone out with Ollie or not. Corey and I weren’t exclusive—we weren’t anything, even if I knew he wanted more. Nothing for me had changed. I hadn’t headed back home to put down roots and start a new relationship. I’ve had enough of those disastrous times; all I wanted was to have fun. Except there was nothing about the situation, that was fun. I felt sick, crummy, and like a terrible person. No string attached sex—right, like that has ever worked.