by Megan Noelle
A knock on my office door drew my thoughts back to the present. The door opened to the sight of bright yellow daisies. A delivery man appeared behind the flowers with a large smile on his face. I remained impervious to the sight, which I suppose was pretty unusual for someone receiving a bouquet of flowers.
“Delivery for a Miss Danielle Hamilton; I was told I’d find you in here.”
“Well, you found me.” He set the flowers down on my desk and held out a palm pilot for me to sign. With a sigh I stood and gave the man a courteous smile.
“Case of the Mondays?” he asked.
“Oh yeah.” If he only knew.
The man smiled and tipped his hat at me. “Just remember doll face, they all end eventually.” That made me smile as I thanked him again, more genuinely this time.
He left and Bailey stepped in with her arms across her chest and one eyebrow raised.
“Who died?”
“Huh?”
“The flowers,” She pointed to my daisies. “Yellow flowers are what you send someone who lost a family member or when someone’s sick. So who died?”
I slumped back into my chair. “No one, they’re from this guy.”
“Are you going to read the card?” Bailey waltzed into the room and began searching the bouquet for one.
“I really don’t feel like it.”
“Well, I’ll read it for you.” She pulled the little card from the envelope and sat down in the chair across from me.
“Dee—here’s to second chances—Ollie.” Bailey flipped the card on the desk and watched my face remain unaffected.
“What’s going on with you? You look like you ran over a small child on the way to work.”
My mouth twitched up at her humor. “Just kind of got into it with Corey.”
“You’re still seeing him?” She asked; not even bothering to hide her surprise.
I shrugged. “Not exactly, I mean…yes, but not like that.”
“I’m confused.” Join the club… I thought.
“We’re not doing anything serious, but I guess it is serious and I just don’t know what to do.”
“I warned you, Danielle. Corey doesn’t do relationships, and now you’re left hurting because of it.”
“No, that’s not exactly it.” Bailey waited for me to continue. “Corey’s the one who wants more; I don’t, and it is causing some serious shit between us now.”
“You’re serious?” she asked, shocked.
Nodding miserably I sighed. “I don’t understand how I can mean so much to him. I’m nothing special and I have serious issues and crap surrounding me.”
“So where does this Ollie guy come in?” Bailey asked.
Double Sigh. “Just another poor sucker wanting more from me than I have to offer.”
“Well cheer up, you have a visitor.” I perked up in my chair. For the first time since arriving to work I felt interested in something. Bailey smiled a sympathetic smile.
“Relax, it’s not one of them.” My slight excitement dissipated again.
“Just out of curiosity, which one were you hoping for?” Bailey inquired. I looked at her, thought about ignoring the question but decided to answer. “Corey.”
“Well if it’s worth anything—you must be special—Corey doesn’t want just anyone.” Bailey turned to go but I stopped her.
“Mind moving the death wish flowers to some other place in the Inn?” Her mouth quirked up in a smile as she scooped up the bouquet.
“Happy to, boss.”
“Dani!” My eyes shot up to see the bouncing bride-to-be, Emily. Her face was stretched into a grin that was making my cheeks hurt.
“Emily, hi! What are you….did we have an appointment for today?” I tried to match her excitement, or at least not look like the blob I’d resembled all day.
“No we didn’t, I just wanted to stop by. Is that okay?”
“Of course it is!” I said, happy to have a distraction from my own depressing thoughts.
“Great.” She breathed a sigh of relief.
We left the office and went to the banquet hall to examine the space. We did a walk around and I instructed her as to the layout for the reception; the dance floor, the DJ stand, the bar, the head table for them plus their wedding party. Emily smiled, but the more we talked the more I noticed there was something behind her eyes I didn’t expect to see. Her grin was forced, voice caught in her throat, and the rims of her eyes looked to be doing overtime to hold back a heavy flow of tears.
At first I had every intention of ignoring the obvious signs. Not because I was some heartless bitch that didn’t care. Actually, it was because I had been on the verge of tears myself and if she started I didn’t know if I could have kept myself from holding back. Seeing her though, I couldn’t just ignore it. Emily didn’t come here to check out my progress—she came to talk.
“Emily, why don’t you tell me what’s going on,” I pressed, and her face scrunched up before a wave of tears poured out.
“Oh Danielle, I am so scared!” Her hands covered her face. I pulled her into my side and lead her to some chairs.
“Why are you scared, Emily?”
It took a couple more minutes of sobbing before she calmed enough to respond. “This is just such a big step. What if my Benny isn’t the one and we have this big wedding and end up divorced in a year?”
My first reaction was to say, that was the whole reason I didn’t even want to think about marriage. Saying that would NOT have been what she wanted to hear. Instead I reached over and pulled her hands away from her face.
“Does Ben make you laugh?”
“Yes.”
“Does he make your day better just by being there?”
“Always.”
“Do you have moments where you could strangle him because he is so damn stubborn or frustrating?”
She let out a loud laugh and nodded. “Oh yeah.”
“Your life seems empty, when you look back to before you were together.”
After a moment and a long sigh she agreed, “Yes.”
“And without realizing it Ben has become your best friend? The first person you want to share something good with. The first person you want to have there when you’re having a meltdown. And the only person you want to be with at any given moment of the day?”
Emily nodded, while the tears continued to stream down her face. “I do hope we can have what you and Corey have.”
“What?” Hearing his name sent a searing pain through my chest.
“You know all this because you found the one, right? I mean—you have the one you want and there’s no other?”
“Oh Emily…” The look on her face made it impossible to turn her down. Damn Corey for putting that thought into her head—he was the last one I had wanted to talk about.
“Don’t tell me you broke up?” The terror on her face pained me. Why was she so invested in us, and why was the question even more painful to think about?
“No, no, nothing like that. Just a big fight but those happen and you work through it. The way you and Ben will if something happens because your relationship is so much more important than any little thing that might come up.”
“It’s just that easy?” Emily asked with a smile. I shook my head. “No, it’s work and you have to fight like hell every day to keep hold of what you want. The point is— you found the one you want to fight for and from what I saw—he’s going to fight for you too.” Emily smiled and placed her hands over mine.
“You’re right, Dani, I knew there was some reason I ended up here out of the blue.” I smiled too but inside I hurt more than before. The empty feeling was in direct relation to Corey no longer being a part of my life. I ached to call him, wrap myself up in his arms and forget our ugly fight ever happened.
“Now why don’t you go on home and let Ben show you how much he loves you.” Emily wiped off her mascara stained cheeks as best she could.
“I think I will.” We stood and she pulled me in tight f
or a hug. “I also think you need to take your own advice, Dani.”
“What do you mean?” Emily released me.
“Go make things right with Corey; it’s so obvious he cares about you. Everything will be okay.”
Her hopeful face reminded me of a little girl, still holding onto the beliefs of childhood fairytales.
“Of course it will.” I flashed her my best smile even though I was about to lose control on the inside.
After walking Emily out to her car I returned to my office to mourn my pathetic attempts at a normal life.
Monday never got any better; I was home by 6 and asleep by 8. Tuesday didn’t improve much. My work day was long and painful but I worked through the discomfort to distract myself. At least I could say I got a lot done— Emily’s wedding was planned and basically ready to go. Once that was completed I went through the books, reviewed the budget, submitted the alcohol order and did payroll for all the employees.
That night I wasn’t in the mood to be alone again so I made myself welcome at my Grandparent’s house. My Grandpa noticed the mood I was in, but chose to be the silent helper—which I greatly appreciated. My Gram on the other hand did her best to beat me down with all the questions she had. Why was I so depressed? Was it the Inn? Was it my mother? Did I miss New York? Was it a boy?
Each question passed and with each answer I tried to act like nothing was wrong. She knew better of course and I realized her worry was more rooted in the secrecy she endured with my mother all her life. Since this was not an issue of safety or drugs, I decided it was fine to keep it to myself. As frustrating as it was to be interrogated, it was better than being alone.
Wednesday was when Ollie decided to call a dozen or so times. I had sent a text on Monday thanking him for the beautiful flowers—which I hadn’t seen around the Inn since I asked Bailey to move them. Ollie wanted a return on his investment; another date, another night to spend with me. My stomach churned at the thought. There was only one person I wanted to spend time with, but that wasn’t an option. Of course, I could let go of my resolve and let it become an option, but then I reminded myself, nothing had changed.
I still wasn’t ready for a relationship. I didn’t want to get hurt, let alone hurt Corey in return. He deserved better than that—truth be told—that man deserved much more than I could ever give him. Even knowing all this, he was the only one I thought of—constantly.
Every time the phone rang I jumped—hoping it was him. A car would drive past the front of my house and I stared at it until it disappeared, willing it to be Corey. But it wasn’t him. This was one fight he wasn’t about to cave on and I wasn’t any closer to giving him what he wanted.
Wednesday night I ended up in a 3-hour phone conversation with Gabby. I sobbed to her as I spewed out all that had happened between Corey and me. She listened patiently, cooed when appropriate and sighed disapprovingly when she heard more about my stubbornness. Gabby decided I was clearly out of my mind if I was still holed up in my home when I longed to be with Corey. I told her she didn’t know what she was talking about, but overall it was nice to relax with her on the phone. When my eyelids could no longer remain open I said goodnight and welcomed sleep with open arms.
All day Thursday I was on edge, uncomfortable and unfocused. Maybe Gabby had a point about keeping Corey in my life, since he seemed to be the direct cause of my slump. That night I returned home and paced the living room, deciding what my next step needed to be.
I changed into a pair of light-wash jeans, a gray hoodie and Pumas while letting my hair fall around my shoulders. This night I would not use my body to make it all better—I was going to use my heart.
The closer my car got to the bar the louder the pounding against my chest grew. My palms- sweating against the steering wheel as I gripped till my knuckles were white. After a few minutes I convinced myself to get out of my damn car and woman-up already. I mean this was Corey!—Why was I making it so difficult??
I pulled the door of the bar open, made a few steps inside and felt my heart twist around as I took in the sight in front of me. Corey stood behind the bar popping the top off a beer with a grin from ear-to-ear while a scantily clad woman captured his attention. Her hair was raven black and hung long down her back; she wore a yellow tube top and black skirt that clung to her thighs. The woman reached out and took the beer from him after rubbing her hand down his arm in a purely flirty manner. What killed me was the way he responded with desire in his eyes and scanned her body as he leaned in toward her. The girl oozed desperation, but the thought that she wanted him just for his body sent a fire through my body. This slutty bumblebee knew nothing about him or wha amazing fperson he was and she never would. It was girls like her that made me furious—Corey deserves so much better than someone like that.
Someone like me.
I felt the bile rising in my throat at the sight—I was a fool to come. Corey turned toward the door and our eyes locked. His surprise to see me wasn’t held back, the need I felt to talk to him echoed back in the blue of his eyes.
I turned and pushed my way back out as fast as humanly possible. I couldn’t get out of there quick enough and hurried towards my car. I had just about made it when someone came running up behind me.
“Danielle, wait—what are you doing here?”
Reluctantly I turned, arms wrapped tight around myself. A few tears were already in the process of rolling down my cheeks as the scene before me seared itself into my brain.
“Nothing, I shouldn’t have come,” I breathed out; frustrated and embarrassed all at once.
Corey crossed his arms over his chest but didn’t back away. “Why did you come?” His voice softened; true concern in his eyes.
“I’m a mess.” I let out a laugh as more tears streamed down and my voice caught. “I just wanted to tell you that and I don’t know, I just…” I paused; shaking my head, looking away from Corey’s gaze.
“You just what?”
“I just wanted to talk to you and apologize for the way I acted the other night.” We were both silent as I continued staring at the ground.
Corey took a few steps toward me and slowly moved his hands up my neck to frame my face. “I want to hear what you have to say, but not here.”
“I’ll come back,” I said; meeting his eyes for the first time. The look he gave me had me wanting to throw my arms around him and just hold on to all I’d desperately missed over these past few days.
“No, I want to talk now but… will you go somewhere with me.” There it was again, that vulnerability I didn’t want to turn down. Before I realized it, I found myself nodding.
“Yes.” He smiled.
“Okay, just wait right here for a second. Don’t go anywhere.” This time I smiled. “I’m not going anywhere,” I said. He gave my shoulders a quick squeeze before running back into the bar. Before I knew it he returned and gestured for me to follow him behind his building. I followed, but my arms remained tangled across my chest.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” The words left before I could stop them. Corey turned toward me and immediately got what I was implying.
With a look back at the bar he said, “Trust me,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “You are a welcome interruption. I just ran back in to let Jerry know I was leaving and that he was in charge of the bar.”
“Oh, alright.”
We walked around to a small garage that I hadn’t noticed before. Corey knelt down at the bottom of the door and turned the dial on the lock until it clicked open. Slowly he pulled the door up and sitting inside was an all-black, shiny motorcycle. I let out a sarcastic smile as I rolled my eyes.
“How cliché—guy covered with tattoos owns a bike. Very original.” Corey shot me a wink. A smirk tugged on those tantalizing lips. I watched as he kicked the stand up on the bike, threw his leg over and started backing out. The ease with which he maneuvered the heavy motorcycle and the way his jeans tightened very nicely over his rear end lit a fire deep within
that had been dormant all week. There was a black, full coverage helmet on the back; Corey picked it up and held it out to me. I cocked an eyebrow at the gesture.
“I never let anyone ride with me, so I only have this one. I want you to wear it.”
“Well, why do I get to ride it then?” I asked as the corner of his mouth twitched up.
“You’re special.” Cue the warm fuzzy feeling.
“Special….as in quit eating the paste?” He let his head fall back laughing—Lord, I missed that sound. He took hold of my hand and pulled me to him.
“No, as in if something happens during this ride I want...” He trailed off, shaking his head at his words. “I need you to be safe.” Corey secured the helmet around me and smiled. “Looks pretty damn cute if you ask me.”
I sighed; there was no reason to fight it. The reason he wanted me to wear it was one of the sweetest things I’ve heard. Besides, I’d missed being around Corey and didn’t want to kick start our night with another argument.
Corey offered up his hand to help me steady myself so I could swing my leg over; I sat down and put my feet up on the pegs. Corey reached behind him and brought my arms around his waist. With that he gave the bike a kick, gunned the throttle and off we went into the night. This was my first time on the back of a bike and the first couple miles were borderline terrifying. The wind whipped past us and the bike moved with the slightest shift in movement beneath us. My arms squeezed so tight around his waist I wondered if he could breathe but he seemed calm—relaxed even.
The ride scared me. The only light in front of us being his single headlight, but being this close to Corey took my fear away. Eventually I found myself actually enjoying the rush and speed. The wind howled past us silencing everything but my own thoughts and all of them were centered on the man I was holding onto.
We rode up a hill and pulled off at a spot overlooking the lake. A single picnic table rested against the grass and a swing hanging from a tree branch resembled the one in my backyard. The moon shone brightly in the background casting the only light on this picture perfect place. Corey steadied the bike and I flipped my leg over and pulled the helmet off my head. I held it out to him with one hand while I furiously worked to smooth my hair back into place. He smiled, taking the helmet from me, and returned his hand to lace with mine.