Fool For You

by Megan Noelle

  “How do you know how long it’s been?” She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes like a sullen teenager. “I have no doubt that from the moment the two of you met, you have been together. Well, you met months ago so now it is time.”

  “I’m really not following how you are coming to this conclusion. Even if we have been together from the moment we saw each other it still hasn’t been very long. What’s the rush?” I argued but the look on my Gram’s face told me she remained unconvinced.

  “We are not going to be around forever, Danielle. I would like to see you walk down the aisle and meet my greatgrandchildren. If I didn’t think you two were going to last, I wouldn’t bring it up. However, I see you two and know this is the man you are going to marry. So why put it off?”

  “Well Violet, my sister is actually getting married in a little under a month now so my family’s attention is on her at the moment. It just wouldn’t be fair to Karly or Dani to announce an engagement right now. Both women deserve their special moment.” Corey chimed in; a wave of relief rushed over me. Even I had to admit it was a nice save. I chanced a look up at my Gram and luckily she didn’t seem the least bit suspicious. In fact, she was nodding in complete understanding of what Corey said.

  “So, after the wedding you’ll announce it?” She pressed on. I downed the white wine in front of me; Corey really did know how to pick out a good bottle. When I entered the liquor store for wine I usually just grabbed the first one I saw and called it a day.

  “After they return from their honeymoon, because Karly would probably kill me if she came home and found out she missed all the excitement.” Grandma chuckled, as I stabbed another noodle. This was getting way too serious for me. Corey bringing up his sister launched both Grandparents into further questioning about his family. For this part of the meal, at least, I was able to happily add in information. Without a doubt, I loved Corey’s sisters and I had no problem sharing that fact with my dinner companions.

  The night wore on and I watched as three of the most important people in my life became closer. Corey fit in perfectly with both of them. He was able to talk sports, cars, and many other things along those lines with my Grandpa. Yet, he was also able to talk with my Grandma about her interests and willingly helped her clean the dinner dishes. It should have absolutely pleased me to see how happy everyone was but I couldn’t rid the sinking feeling that everything was about to blow up in my face. Before we left that night, Grandpa gave me a big hug and told me how much he enjoyed Corey but not to feel rushed. Which would have been nice if my Grandma hadn’t whispered in my ear not to screw this up the way my mother did.

  Corey kept my hand locked with his in a death grip, that he refused to let go. When we pulled up outside of my house, I felt myself very casually trying to send him home. Corey simply shook his head and walked us both inside. When I asked him why he was being so weird (ironic I know—since I was the one being strange) he took my face between his hands.

  With his eyes piercing through mine he said, “Because I feel it Dani, you’re going to run from me. This dinner freaked you out and I get that. Just remember, it doesn’t change things for us, okay? We did this because it was easier to spend an evening as the happy couple than listen to her complain about it.” I bit back my sob. I must be really transparent if Corey knew exactly what my issues were.

  “I’m fine; I’m not going to run.” I tried to sound convincing.

  “Bullshit.” Guess it didn’t work. “I’ve worked so hard to get to this point with you and there is no way I’m letting go now. Deal with it, Sweets.”

  That night we curled up as we did every night before, but I felt the walls closing in around me. I struggled to catch my breath and I didn’t know what was going to happen, or even what I wanted to happen at this point. Even though I knew I had almost total control over what went on between us, I was still afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. We were here together now but when I woke up the next morning there was no telling what emotions were going to take over. So tonight I let myself cuddle close to Corey’s side. Memorize the way he felt pressed against me, his smell and even the way his slow even breaths moved his solid chest. I found myself praying that all would feel okay in the morning, but I already knew that wasn’t going to happen.

  Shying Away

  Corey looked depressed and downright fearful, when it came to leaving me the next morning. I wished I could persuade him that everything was okay but it would have only been a lie. My hope was that spending the day at work, would help clear my mind and by dinner time everything would be okay. Then I would rush to Corey’s side and tell him I was a fool for overreacting. That everything really was perfect between us. In the back of my mind, I knew it was a long shot but I had to hold onto something.

  At work, holed up in my office, I received a text that I knew was coming. But I was even less prepared for it than I had been when I first heard about it.

  Gabriella: It’s a done deal! Erik’s expanding and has already told me he’s pulling out all the stops to bring you back to us, D! You’re coming home, baby!!

  After staring at the life changing words for a good half an hour, a knock sounded against my door. I almost forgot I was still in my office, while my mind raced through all the possible scenarios that came from a single text. Bailey walked in with concern on her face—even she knew something wasn’t right but thankfully didn’t push it.

  “You have a delivery.”

  “Okay?” The caution in her tone confused me.

  “Are you sure you are ready for it?”

  “You’re scaring me, but yes Bailey, I can handle whatever it is.” With a sigh she nodded and left the room again for a minute. When she reappeared I couldn’t see anything but the beautiful bouquet of bright red roses and in the center was a single pink orchid. My jaw dropped, as Bailey carefully placed it on the desk in front of me.

  “Do you know who they could be from?” She asked. I had my suspicion but decided not to jinx it and plucked the card from the single most beautiful flower arrangement I’ve ever seen. My fingers moved at a snail’s pace to pull the little card from the delicate white envelope. With a deep breath I read:

  Danielle—

  I’ve told you before that I will compensate you for the twelve packs of cigarettes I’ve confiscated—and here it is. Each rose I hand selected because you deserve only the most beautiful things in this world. The orchid however is special. This isn’t anything owed to you but instead I needed you to understand what I see when I look at you. An orchid is the flower of magnificence that represents love, beauty, wisdom, strength and so many more things. To me—that is you. Don’t run from me, baby, I need you more than I have ever needed another. Yours…

  Corey 27.

  Tears filled my eyes from the moment I began reading and by the end I was an absolute wreck. Why couldn’t I give in to him and make everything work out? Whether it simmered down to family, New York or a complete mental issue on my part; the fact of the matter is I am a fool for Corey and now it was time to say goodbye.

  The tears poured relentlessly from my eyes, drowning out everything around me. The feel of soft hands pulling my shoulders into their side told me Bailey was still around. For half a second I considered making her leave me alone to wallow in self-pity, but I couldn’t. If I was home it would by Gabby’s arms comforting me and now I craved that comfort more than anything. From the text though, I knew it was only a matter of time before I could cry into the arms of my best friend.

  Well my best friend…until Corey came along.

  The rest of the week dragged out in an excruciating way. Corey called multiple times and whenever we talked, I came up with yet another excuse to avoid seeing him. He was getting desperate and it was killing me. But I continued to convince myself that it was easier to keep distance now, than grow even closer and have to walk away when I didn’t have the strength to.

  Lucky for me, Gram was right about the Inn basically running itself. I don’t know
why I bothered to come in some days to be honest. I would sit at my desk doing absolutely nothing except weep or stare off into the distance, thinking of the ticking time bomb hanging over my shoulder. Then I realized the only reason I was getting out of bed to come into the office, was my roses. They reminded me of the beauty and pure passion in my relationship with Corey and the way I so desired things to be. But Corey hadn’t fallen for the real me, because I didn’t even know who the hell that was.

  Before I left New York to come here, I thought I knew myself. The strong, independent, take-no-prisoners, Danielle. Tough when it came to winning over a client and selling a product. I wasn’t self-conscious and learned to tune out the demons from my past, but here and now, they’ve all been unleashed. They hung over my shoulder, reminding me of the damaged heart and shattered soul I’ve experienced more days than not. I wasn’t meant to be loved by someone like Corey and the sooner my call from Erik came, the sooner things could return to normal. Corey deserves someone who knows his worth and who can give him the life he wants.

  I’ll never be that girl—I don’t know how. A few things during the week distracted me (minimally) from my depressing thoughts. The first of which were the multiple phone calls from Gabby, filling me in with little updates about the company. Mostly though, she tried as hard as she could to get me to talk about what was hurting me so much. I was barely holding it together as it was; the second I were to tell Gabby about my Corey dilemma, I knew the tears wouldn’t stop. She let it go eventually, when I promised to tell her everything when I was back home.

  Since I forfeited my apartment in the city before moving here, Gabby offered up the second bedroom she had. It was currently being used as a closet because yes—this girl had enough clothes to fill an entire guest bedroom and no—I am not over exaggerating when I say fill. At least that helped ease the transition back to the life I had been so devastated over leaving in the first place.

  The second distraction was Ollie, who stopped by (usually unannounced) with some sort of junk food. How he knew I was in serious need of chocolate and ice cream—I didn’t know—but I wasn’t complaining. It wasn’t as if I wanted him around but at least I was no longer tied to him emotionally.

  I did find it funny that in the beginning the thought of running into Ollie, had my heart beating like crazy. He was the one person I was sure I was always going to hurt over, which is why I opted for a physical distraction in the first place. Now it was Ollie I was using as a distraction; while the person that was supposed to represent nothing but a good time, is the one person I am most torn up about losing.

  The third distraction was my mother. I hadn’t spoken with her since our visit, despite the amount of times she called my phone. I hadn’t been ready to handle her drama again but this time when she called, I caved.

  “Baby girl, I have missed you!” I didn’t respond. “Listen, I’m sorry for what happened when you came to visit. I really don’t know what caused me to behave that way.”

  “Drugs, mom.” I deadpanned.

  “You know I’m in prison right? They don’t exactly give drugs out to inmates, Danielle.” She was trying to make the situation lighter with a joke; I wasn’t biting.

  “Yes, I realize that, but the outburst was because you were having withdrawals, and took your shit out on me the way you always have.” Damn—that felt good to say.

  “Danielle—I…”

  “Why did you call, Audrey? Why do you keep calling?”

  “You’re my daughter!” She sounded exasperated, as if that was the most obvious answer in the world. I suppose it could have been if this wasn’t my mother and if she hadn’t put me through a lifetime’s worth of her bullshit. “Oh gee, you remembered.”

  “Don’t be this way, Dani! I’m really trying to get better!” She pleaded which may have softened my defenses a little, if it wasn’t for the week I was already having.

  “You’re not trying to get better, mother. Being holed up in a fucking prison cell doesn’t count as recognizing you have a problem, that has affected more than just your selfish ass.”

  “Listen Danielle, I’m up for parole soon and if I get out I will try my hardest to prove to you how sorry I am.”

  “Do me a favor.”

  “Anything, sweetie.”

  “If you get out—don’t come see me. Please continue your life as if I am nothing more than the burden you’ve treated me as, because I’m done.”

  With that I hung up the phone and immediately felt a little better. I’ve been waiting years to say those things to her. It’s just too bad it took being an emotional wreck, to have the courage to burn her with the truth.

  * * * *

  It was now Sunday—a week since the last time I’ve seen Corey—and I was already going a little stir crazy. There wasn’t one thing I didn’t miss about him, and it seemed that every time I was about to call him I got another text from Gabby. Each one assuring me that Erik was going to make a play for my relocation back to the city—soon. That was enough to keep my fingers from dialing Corey, even just hearing that beautiful husky voice on the other end would be my undoing.

  It was a cold December day and sitting inside next to my fireplace, was what I should have been doing. The walls were confining every sorrow-filled thought that crossed my heart, though. Instead, I pulled an over-sized sweatshirt on over my jeans with a pink knit cap and sat outside on the tree swing. The chill wind whistled past me and numbed my face and chin but being numb was preferable to hurting anymore. In fact, I was so lost in the feel of the wind against my face, that I failed to notice I had a visitor.

  My heart leapt into my throat and tears were already pressed against the back of my eyes—ready to spill out. Corey stepped into the yard from the outdoor gate, immediately I wanted to rush to him. His hair wasn’t styled in the typical fashion and the bags under his eyes made me wince. It was a slap in the face to see the effect my plan was having on him. Ignoring Corey and the issue completely was hard enough, but none of that prepared me for the sight in front of me now.

  “Dani, you have to talk to me. Whatever I did—whatever I said just tell me, so I can fix it. Please baby, I’m begging you.” Corey closed the distance between us and latched his hands onto the ropes on either side of my face so I had no way out.

  “You didn’t do anything.” I whimpered out. The smell of aftershave and Corey rushed around my senses, reminding me just how badly this was killing me.

  “That’s such bullshit! Tell me Danielle, because I’m not going anywhere.”

  “But I am.” When I met his eyes, I nearly burst into a mess of tears. The typical piercing baby blue eyes, I loved so much were almost gray. He looked completely drained of all other emotions but the same longing that was suffocating me.

  “What are you talking about?” Even as he asked the question, I knew he had the answer.

  “The expansion is set in stone. I’m waiting for my offer before I move back.” Some reason I couldn’t use the word home anymore. It didn’t fit for the city and it has never fit for Serenity Cove.

  “Don’t go, Danielle.”

  “It’s my job.” The answer felt lame but it was all I had to give.

  “But that’s not your home, Dani, not anymore.” I bit down on my lip to hold back the sobs that were already shaking my chest.

  “Yes it is.”

  “This is your home. This is your life. The Inn, this house are all yours now and you can stay right here and turn down the offer to go back. Danielle, I can’t imagine you not being here. Please, don’t go.” His voice broke, a single tear rolled down his cheek as he begged me to stay. I refused to look into his eyes but the sight of another tear rolling down his cheek in my peripheral vision, started the flurry of my own waterworks.

  “Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Corey, please.” The words choked out but he shook his head furiously.

  “You’re the one making it hard for us! You’ve been fighting me since day one, for whatever reason! I’ve
been trying to prove to you that we can make it and recently you’ve let yourself believe it too. I can see it in your eyes that you feel it too, Danielle. You want me just as much as I want you.” All I could do was continue looking at everything but him. The sight of him was enough to send a shooting pain through my heart but the words he poured out onto me were my downfall.

  “We’re just friends, Corey.” Even I didn’t believe the words. “Damnit, Danielle! When are you going to get it through your head that we have never just been friends!” His hands reached out and gripped my chin forcing me to look at him. “I am in love with you, Danielle Hamilton. I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you since the moment you walked into my bar, and I’m even more sure I always will. For so long I convinced myself that I could accept you as a friend and whatever else you wanted. But I can’t anymore, Danielle. Don’t go back to New York, baby.” Tears clouded my vision but I watched as Corey lowered his mouth to mine.

  As much as I told myself to push him away—I couldn’t. My tongue danced with his while my hands fisted his shirt into my hands. I squeezed my eyes shut and cut off the exit for the million or so more that threatened to expose themselves. Corey wrapped his arms tight around my body, as he pulled me into him as if he couldn’t get enough. The millions of different things I felt during our absence swirled around us. Pain, agony, longing, desperation, passion…love. All surrounded us, taking my breath away and leaving me nothing but an empty shell.

  I’m not sure how long we stood that way but the pain ripping through my chest told me, I was making a mistake. Whether the mistake was to leave Corey or to turn down my return to the city—I’m not sure. So without thinking, I chose the one I thought I needed to let go.

  My hands shoved hard against Corey’s shoulders, until he stood a foot away from me. Chest heaving, while his lungs gathered in the loss of oxygen; his swollen lips parted for more. I looked into his eyes and wrapped my arms tight around the gaping hole in my chest.