Balder

by Camille Oster

  "Perhaps you should rest," Balder suggested. "It would be wonderful if you could dine with all of us tonight. Like we used to do, remember."

  She blinked, but he wasn't sure if it was an acknowledgment of what he was saying. He hoped so.

  "I will come and speak to you again tomorrow. And when you are ready, we will walk in the sunshine." He smiled even though he knew she didn't see it. Her eyes were still on the scenery outside. "It is a nice village. The humans are happy. We will be too—in time."

  Balder's heart was heavy when he left Nanna's room. It seemed she wasn't entirely free yet, but he would make her so. She needed to break out from inside her mind, which had imprisoned her for so long. Perhaps he would find some fragrant pine for her. She'd always loved the forest. It was where he had first seen her—riding her horse, away from her father's house. He had followed her that day, seen her bathe in the lake, and he had fallen in love with her.

  Returning to the great hall, he saw Vali entering.

  "How is she?" he asked, obviously noting which direction he had come from.

  "Better. Slowly, she improves."

  "Good."

  Balder sighed. "Brother," he started. "When you battled in the end. Did you see what happened to Forseti?" It was a question he hadn't dared ask until now, but when Nanna recovered her speech, she would ask. She had loved that boy more than anything in the whole world.

  "I did not see," Vali asked. Then Vali smiled as he recalled something. "He was the wisest of us all. But I did not see what happened to him during Ragnarok. I did not see him cut down. Fighting was never his first choice. A man of words and law, but Ragnarok was beyond his mighty capabilities to mediate. A good man. I wish you would have known him better."

  "But you survived. How did that come to be?"

  Vali stroked his chin. "I do not know. I was simply awoken by Lily. I know not how I came to be there, or who placed me there."

  "Someone must have placed you in a hall in Midgard."

  "I have memory of fighting and I have memory of waking, but nothing in between."

  Magic, Balder wondered. Or else Vali had not been conscious. "There is someone else." Unless Hel had done it, which he categorically knew she hadn't. It would never serve her to save a god like Vali. Or if so, it had not worked out as she’d intended. Could she have done this? No, it didn't suit the way she thought. Hel was immediate and self-centered. It would never strike her to hide a god away in a hall for thousands of years.

  "There is someone else," Balder repeated. But he had no idea who. They were not in the charred remains of Asgard, and in all their time, they had not come to Helheim. The animals of Yggdrasil did not seem to know of this person, so they didn't travel about. Perhaps they had eventually succumbed, or were slumbering just as Vali had.

  Chapter 15

  BACK AND FORTH HEL paced, her hall empty and forlorn. Ganglati and Ganglot stood by, awaiting orders in case she should give them. She could feel their beady eyes on her. "Go away!" she roared and they scurried out of sight. "Lying bastard," she muttered, but she was talking about Balder now. He'd promised he would come back, but as soon as he was out of sight, he'd walked away from that promise.

  Of course she knew that the enchantments that kept him calm had been stripped from him, and he'd been so cold when he'd come for that mouse of a wife—who had never loved him in the first place. And he didn't love her, but men were stupid when it came to matters of the heart. They saw what they wanted to see and paid little attention to the truth.

  For centuries Hel had given her home and her bed to him, and he appreciated none of it. Ungrateful bastard, and stupid enough to prefer the bed of the woman who had never truly loved him.

  Turning back to the hall, the emptiness of the space pressed down on her. She was alone now and may well be for a long time, the only survivor of her family line. With a sigh she walked over to the window, crossing her arms as she looked out on the placid lake. Snow fell and melted into the water. It was always beautiful; she'd always felt Helheim was beautiful. Not everyone agreed, but they were mostly dead now, and those who still lived should die.

  But she would not be ignored so easily, cast aside as though she meant nothing. It was time to tell them that she was not one to be trifled with. She would be an enemy to regret if they made her into one.

  "Get my horse," she ordered into the silent emptiness of the hall. Her voice echoed off the tall ceiling, sumptuously painted by the best craftsmen that had ever lived. They all came here in the end.

  Scurrying told her her demand was being met. Her horse was being brought out of its stable. Time to send a message, she determined.

  Collecting her sword, she tied it to her belt. It wasn't inconceivable that they were expecting her. Balder had been her lover for centuries, and although he might deny it, he knew her well. A lover was the most dangerous enemy to have. But that went both ways. While Balder might deny that she knew him, she understood more about him than he understood himself.

  With head held high, she strode out of her hall and approached her horse, held still by Ganglot. "I will return shortly," she said. "And I won't be alone."

  Her gate was being repaired after Balder and Vali's vandalism. They would pay for that too. Some time and she reached the glittering and golden roof of the bridge across the river Gjoll. The icy waters tumbled beneath her as she urged the horse to jump in. Helhest was used to this ritual and the icy waters didn't hurt either of them.

  Her horse and hounds were feared as much as she was, because the humans could see them. They did not see her—unless she wanted them to. She did not bring her hound today, because his howls would notify her presence, and she didn't want that today.

  Darkness met her on the other side as Helhest stepped out of a stream. Balmy warmness met her. It was summer or close to. Hel despised the clingy heat of Midgard summers. The moon was high and bright, showing all of the saccharine landscape. How could anyone prefer this to the beauty of Helheim?

  Lights shone from the open windows of the cottages that surrounded what had to be Vali's hall. She rode past them, taking in the lay of the land. Slowly, she approached Vali's hall and looked inside one of the windows, seeing the two of them sitting around the table, feasting and drinking. Women surrounded them, including the vapid Nanna, who looked sunken in on herself.

  Why anyone would want to lay with her, Hel had no idea. She had beautiful hair and to some degree her face, too, but her misery shone through every part of her.

  Then there was another woman, growing with child. Vali's hand rested on her arm. This was his woman. Blond, young and beautiful—and she was breeding. Piercing jealousy bit into Hel. It was the one thing she could never do. Her body did not give life. She took life.

  Pushing the feeling down, she turned her attention to Balder, who was smiling with his mead cup in hand. He liked being here—liked being away from her. His golden hair shone by the light of the fire. He was still the most beautiful man she had ever seen, and for thousands of years, she had known his touch. How dare he rob her of that? Ungrateful for all the things she'd given him.

  With disgust clenching her stomach, she turned away. So this was their new start, where they would build the new world of gods and men. Well, she would not simply be ignored.

  Riding away from the hall, her gaze searched the cottages until she found something of interest. She would be taking enough of them to let the gods know she had been there. Five, she decided, her eyes settling on a handsome young man. She would fill her hall with young men, eager and willing to serve her.

  Stepping down, she left Helhest to wait as she walked into the cottage. The young man sat with a group of men, too old to be with his parents, too young to have his own children. Perfect. Placing her hand on his jaw, he shuddered for a moment, then relinquished as she pulled him to her. He lay unconscious in her arms as she went to the next house, picking the most beautiful and strong men she could find. Four she had by the time she returned to her horse and
placing them down in front of her as she mounted.

  Her work done, she looked back at the hall where they were merry and content. In the morning, if not before, they would know she had come. It wasn't enough to decimate the population, but her presence would be known. She wasn't quite angry enough to wipe out the humans. She needed them—perhaps more than anyone else. Without humans, there would be none to claim, none for Nidhogg to drain and eat. It was a sufficiently large change that she was not prepared to entertain it.

  Taking Vali's woman would also be a blatant provocation. By the look of it, Vali would be incensed, and they had already proven she had no might against them coming to her hall and taking what they wanted. Vali might seek to destroy her if she threatened his woman. But saying that, she was stronger now. She had four handsome men who would serve as her warriors.

  Over time, she would rebuild her army.

  The four handsome bodies in hand, she rode out of the village and toward the stream. Bugs buzzed around the fields. She hated the awful flying critters and the incessant noise they made. Behind her, she heard cries as the death of one of her men was discovered.

  Stopping, she turned her horse around to look back. There wasn't much to be seen, but there would be when they discovered that four of their best and strongest had just been claimed. They were hers now.

  Perhaps they needed to learn that pledging allegiance to a god had consequences. Particularly if those gods then came and stole from her.

  With a snort, she turned the horse around again. Balder could enjoy himself in the bed of his cold and stiff wife, who probably shuddered at his touch. It would serve him right.

  Approaching the stream, she and her cargo dove in, emerging out the other side with the sharp and cutting cold of Gjoll. With a sigh of relief, she met the comforting sights of home.

  Her servants were still working on the gate, shifting large planks of wood to replace the destroyed ones. "Make it stronger," she ordered. "I want it unbreakable."

  With flat, glaring eyes, her servants just stared. As usual, they were too stupid and lazy to understand.

  "Make it thicker," she said. "With more iron. I don't want Mjolnir to be able to break it."

  As she rode through the broken gate, the men lying across the shoulders of her horse breathed to life.

  "Hello, my darlings," Hel said. "Welcome to your new home. You will be pampered and valued in my hall."

  Actually, she was looking forward to the company. Young, handsome men vying for her attention. It could be worse. And maybe she would find someone who cared about her, someone worthy. It was rare amongst humans, but it could happen. Right now, though, she didn't care about worthy—strong and handsome would do.

  Chapter 16

  THERE WAS COMMOTION in the village when Nanna woke in the morning. A clear, sunny day, but something had happened. There were tears and lamentation.

  It wasn't as though she was curious, as such, more that she noted that something was going on.

  A young girl had been tasked with assisting her, and the girl walked into the room. She smiled warily. The girl didn't like this task—didn't like her. That didn't bother Nanna in the least. She didn't care at all if anyone liked her. In fact, she was still ambivalent about even existing here at all. Not that there was anywhere else particularly she would like to be.

  Sitting in her typical seat by the window, she looked out at the landscape over the rooftops. She liked sitting here the most, simply sitting on her own and not speaking. Saying that, she was more aware of the people around her now.

  A noise at the door made the girl pause, but Nanna didn't bother to turn to discover who was visiting.

  "You may go," Balder's deep voice said. Nanna was getting more used to hearing it, more used to having him around. He came to visit her each day. He was attentive, and it was his guilt that drove him. But she knew he wasn't responsible for what had happened. Hel was. Still, he tried to convince her, over and over again.

  The girl left the room and Nanna could hear Balder sitting down on her bed.

  "Hel has been in the village during the night," he said after a while. "She took a group of young men."

  So that was the reason for the crying and lamenting. "She seeks to punish you," Nanna said. It was rare that she spoke and her voice sounded foreign in her head.

  "Yes," Balder admitted. "She is filling her hall with young men. I can't think of another reason for her to take them. Four men do not make a sufficient army to protect her if we should ride on her again."

  "Hel cares not for protection," Nanna stated. Hel cared about Balder, and nothing else. Anything she could do to punish Balder for his desertion, she would. But the desertion was just punishment for her. Pain and death meant nothing to Hel, but abandonment did. Balder didn't understand that. They had been lovers for so long, but he didn't understand the woman he had been enthralled with.

  Hate for Hel was perhaps the only emotion Nanna felt. It fuelled her when nothing else did. Not that she particularly wanted the hate. Hate served no purpose, and she knew it. Still, it felt good simmering inside one's soul, especially in the absence of anything else.

  Balder shifted closer and he took her hand. "I have said it before, but I am so sorry for all that has happened." It was genuine. Nanna knew his sentiment was genuine. She had ignored him and his sentiment for quite a while.

  "I know you are," she said. The first time she acknowledged his apology.

  "I will build you a hall. A magnificent one. We will be happy again."

  Could she feel happy again? It would be lovely to think so. It wasn't something she was capable of yet, but each day, her body and mind came a little more unfrozen. Could they be happy again? Could they love again? Balder seemed to want that.

  A smile flittered across her lips, but it was for his benefit more than any real sentiment. She just didn't feel anything.

  "Do you wish to go outside today?" he asked.

  Did she wish to go out there? She had stayed in this room, in this seat, day in and day out.

  "Yes," she said. In fact, she longed to feel the wind and the touch of grass.

  "Then I will walk with you."

  Along with her mind, her legs were just as numb, slowly coming back to life. Offering his arm, she took it and they slowly walked out. She couldn't entirely bring herself to look at Balder properly. That would perhaps come one day, but right now, it was enough to acknowledge that he was there.

  Perhaps she feared the emotions that would come. It was what had always been with him—emotions. The whole spectrum, but she wasn't ready to feel—or even discover what she felt about him.

  The sun pelted down on her skin, which was almost translucent in its paleness. Balder had recovered his golden hue, if he’d ever lost it. He had always been beautiful—perfect even. There had been times when she had marveled that he had been hers. Times when she hadn't understood why he'd wanted her so much. She was seen as a beauty herself, but he had been a god and she a mere human.

  There was still commotion in the village—people darting between cottages. Funeral pyres being built on the nearby field.

  "We do not think she will come again soon," Balder said. They had obviously spoken about it. "She has the means to take every human here, but she did not. This cannot be about wiping out the humans. She only took four young men."

  "She wants toys to play with," Nanna said. Balder never saw Hel for what she was, but Nanna always had. "She is punishing you and will take these men to her bed."

  "Then I feel sorry for them," Balder said after a while. "We cannot let her take more. We are seeking ways to guard against her."

  "You cannot guard against death. She is integral to life."

  "We cannot have her come here and ravage our village out of spite."

  Well, they had a problem there, because Hel was spite personified. And her issue was with Balder. Maybe Vali too as they’d broken into Helheim against Hel's wishes, but mainly it was Balder she was angry with. Hel would not l
et go of that anger so easily.

  Leaving the village, they walked out to a rocky outcrop. Physically, Nanna was getting tired from the exertion. "I will sit in the grass for a while," she said. Balder nodded and went to sit with her. "But you should leave me here for a while and go help with the funeral preparations. I am sure they can use you."

  "I'm not sure I should leave you."

  "I am a mere stone's throw away from the village. No harm will come to me."

  Uncertainty creased his brow, but she wanted to be alone and wouldn't hear otherwise. He finally gave in and left her.

  The grass was cool under her legs as she sat. Bees were buzzing nearby. Flowers with their colorful and delicate petals circled her. How long had it been since she had seen flowers? A long time.

  It was comforting sitting in the nature of Midgard. These were sights and sounds of her childhood, when she had been happy in her father's hall. Everything had been so bright back then. She had been loved and treasured, promised as bride to a respected warrior, Hotherus.

  Then Balder had come and had fallen in love with her. He had scared her in his single-minded determination to have her, even as she had been a bride, then wife of her intended. Balder had battled for her, and Hotherus had defeated him, hiding her away in his district. For a while, she had thought it over and that they were going to start their married life, but Balder would not let it be. Again he came, and that time, he had killed Hotherus.

  The pain of it echoed through her chest. She had been devastated by her husband's death. They had not known each other long enough for it to be love between them, but she had held great hopes for their future together. A future that wasn't to be, because a god had seen her bathe in a lake and determined he had to have her.

  How she had feared him, but he had been gentle, slowly coaxing her to accept him. Not that she’d had much choice. He'd taken her to Asgard, away from her family and her kind, and all she'd had was him. His family had been accepting, and all there was left to settle was her own acceptance of her new life. Eventually she had.