by Quinn, Taryn
Snow clung to the glass in fat flakes, the promised storm arriving on gusts of wind that rattled through the trees. Hannah didn’t seem to notice. She was scanning titles, one arm securely around Lily while she talked softly to her, sharing her finds.
“Oh, Stephen King. He’s scary. Too much for you. Same for Dean Koontz. Kylie Brant. Serial killer? Yeah, no. Where’s the shelf for smart little girls?”
Feeling more than a little foolish, I pointed at the bottom shelf. “Those there.”
Hannah marched over to me and held out Lily, who looked as panicked as I did.
I could hold her. I could. I did all the time.
Well, sometimes.
Occasionally.
Hannah’s face softened. “Just for a second. I want to look at the books.”
Swallowing hard, I lifted Lily into my arms. Her forehead wrinkled as she stared fixedly up at me, her gaze saying everything I was thinking.
You suck at this.
I adjusted her in my arms so she was more comfortable, then reached up with my free hand to sort of pat her head. Awkwardly. While Lily stuck her chubby fist in her mouth and started to self-soothe.
I couldn’t blame her. I needed to self-soothe too.
“Oh, look at all these Little Golden Books! You have so many. Wow, seriously old.” Hannah sat down cross-legged on the antique rug and paged through a couple of them.
“From my childhood.”
“Super old,” she said over her shoulder, although for a second I thought I saw a glow in her eyes.
So brief that it might’ve been a flick of a lighter in the darkness.
“Keep that kind of talk up and I’ll begin to think you have some kind of older man fetish.” I hoped Lily wasn’t listening. Not that she cared much for what I had to say when she had her delicious hand to snack on.
Hannah continued flipping through the book. “Who’s saying I don’t?”
She was acting weird, all right. Not flirty exactly. But she definitely wasn’t backing down if things went in that direction.
Maybe she was testing my resolve from the other day. Maybe this was all a game to her.
Maybe I was too fucking horny and it was highly inappropriate while holding a baby in my arms.
“The Shy Little Kitten? Scuffy the Tugboat? No way. Oh, these are so sweet. You kept all these?” She glanced at me. “For your own kids?”
She’d already looked away again by the time I managed to speak. The excitement on her face and in her voice was intoxicating, but it vanished far too fast. “I guess so. I’m not sure why we kept them. My grandmother was their steward though. She bought me almost all of them.”
“Not your mother?”
“My mother didn’t worry overmuch about my reading habits.”
I carted Lily over to where Hannah sat and joined her on the rug. I made a cage out of my spread legs and set Lily on the floor, surprised that my arms were aching a bit. Not from being sore, but because they were now empty. Lily had felt right in them.
Hannah looked at where Lily was trying to push herself up using my legs for balance, her lips twitching. Still not a smile, but if anyone had been able to get one from her, it was Lily. “She’s ready to run.”
“Not yet, dear God. I have to finish babyproofing the house.”
“Easy enough to do when it’s empty.”
“That’s a good point. Maybe I’ll leave it this way.” Thoughtfully, I scratched my chin.
“This room isn’t empty.” Hannah craned her neck to take in the ornately carved desk that had been a holdover from my apartment. My laptop and my files were stacked on top. “There’s even seating that isn’t the floor.” She nodded to the chaise across from the desk, another piece from my apartment.
“This is where I spend most of my time. For you, it’d be the kitchen.” Almost as an afterthought, I reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair that had escaped from her braid behind her ear.
She sucked in a breath as if I’d held a lit match to her skin. Lily whipped her head around, searching for the cause, shifting toward Hannah as if she could help.
Instead of dropping my hand, I leaned forward to slip it under her braid, casually cupping the back of her neck.
Lily watched us with huge eyes, gnawing on her lower lip.
“Such an angel.”
“Are you talking about me or your daughter?” For some reason, she lingered on those last two words, and they hung heavily in the air between us.
She didn’t know, did she?
I certainly hadn’t told her. I didn’t think my grandmother would have either. And Hannah definitely hadn’t let on before that she knew Lily wasn’t biologically mine.
But Crescent Cove wasn’t a huge place. People talked. It wasn’t a secret that I’d adopted Lily after Billy’s death.
I had far too single women approaching me in the grocery store for that very reason. I might not have ever heard the term DILF—or else I’d blocked it out—but my grandmother wasn’t wrong that there was such a phenomenon. Its existence was the main reason I’d turned to grocery delivery services.
If I had to speak to one more woman meaningfully squeezing melons while she eyed me up and down…
“Lily. I’d call you something else.”
She wet her lips. Whether she knew that was a provocative move, I didn’t know. She’d been a virgin.
Until that night.
Until me.
Until us.
Every possessive molecule of my body roared to life at the thought. I was the only man she’d been with. Ever. And perhaps I wasn’t the only one remembering how it had been between us.
Focused on her mouth, I leaned in, my gaze lifting to her eyes. The panic trapped in those startlingly blue depths made me pause. “Hannah?”
She reared back and jumped to her feet, sending the pile of children’s books tumbling to the rug. “Sorry, I have to pee.” She practically shouted it as she fled from the room.
“The bathroom is down the hall, second door beside the—” I trailed off as a door shut somewhere in the distance.
Either she’d already found the bathroom or she’d split. Rightly so.
Christ, I was an asshole. I’d promised not to make any moves on her because of Lily, and I hadn’t even made it a full hour since she arrived.
Lily looked at me accusingly, then sank down onto my leg. Once I’d steadied her, I waited for her to drop her tiny head into her hands. She seemed as defeated as I felt.
So much for having my libido under control. It was as off the rails as the rest of my life.
I could only hope Hannah wouldn’t file a suit against me for inappropriate workplace behavior. Or do something even worse.
Like leave.
Eleven
I gripped the sides of the toilet and prayed to die.
This could not be morning sickness. It was evening. Not to mention, I hadn’t had a lick of it until I’d known I was actually pregnant. Unless Asher’s child had decided to put on a show to let me know he or she was here.
Got it, kid. You can stop anytime now.
Wiping a hand over my sweaty forehead, I leaned up to hit the flusher, then another two times for good measure. Gross. The bowl had just stopped circling when once again, I felt that telltale feeling in my throat.
Seriously?
I stared up at the ceiling and tried counting backwards. Then times tables. Then a list of all the reasons I hated men and their penises, especially Asher’s.
I’d just made it to needing a Tylenol for your achy jaw post BJ—and this reason was one I’d borrowed from Gabriela, because I’d never even given a blowjob—when the threat of puking again became a reality.
Once it was over, I wiped my mouth and rolled to my side on the floor.
Dear God, make it stop.
I laid there, clutching my belly, wondering if maybe this was actually a case of food poisoning. Not from my cooking. Absolutely not. But after my doctor’s appointment, I’d stopped off fo
r a sandwich at the café. Vee’s chicken salad on a croissant was delicious, and she was as skilled behind a cutting board as I was.
But maybe the chicken was bad. Maybe there was a salmonella outbreak.
Oh, God, yes, please.
Because if I was going to have to deal with this for months on end, I might as well off myself now.
Morning or evening sickness didn’t last the whole pregnancy, did it? Unless my child was an alien.
An Asher alien.
A cry sounded from another part of the house and I tried to get up. It took two tries—Asher’s bath mat was surprisingly comfy—but I gained my feet just as the door shook from the force of his knock.
“Hannah, you need to come out. Now. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
Still a little woozy, I held a hand to my head. “You didn’t?”
“No.” A pause. “Okay, yes, I did. You probably can tell I’m very attracted to you.”
The irony made me shake my head as I gazed down at my belly. So much for thinking my cooking had been the culprit for my tight jeans. More like Asher’s swimmers.
“Other than the fact we’ve already…” I cleared my throat. “Not particularly. But thank you.”
“Thank you?” he echoed. “Did you miss the part where I just tried to kiss you?”
“Huh. No kidding. Seriously?”
I wasn’t a complete moron. I’d been aware of his hair tucking and leaning in routine, but the kiss warning hadn’t gone off in my brain. Probably due to the more pressing concern in my stomach. And throat.
I wiped the sweat off the back of my neck. And all over.
“Hannah, you don’t sound like yourself. Please, come out here and we’ll talk.”
Rather than respond, I moved to the sink. I’d rinsed out my mouth half a dozen times, plus washed my hands a time or twenty with his spruce-scented bar soap, when I chanced a look at the mirror. Offhandedly. Just to make sure I didn’t look as bad as I felt.
There was no stopping my moan.
Dear God, did he need an eye exam? How could he be attracted to me right now? I looked hideous. Blotchy face. Red-rimmed eyes. My face even seemed puffy. Too much salt?
Too much baby?
“Hannah? I’m coming in.” He didn’t give me a chance to say no before he flung the door open. Because I hadn’t locked it. I’d been more focused on getting to know his toilet than worrying about potential interruptions.
Though now that I was thinking about it, I did need to pee. Badly.
Asher stepped inside and halted, his expression conveying everything I’d feared. Hot mess was an apt description for the look I was currently sporting.
“Are you okay? You groaned.”
I nodded weakly. “Sorry. Just a little bit ill.”
Hi, understatement. Nice to meet you.
“Oh, shit, really? Like a bug or something?” He was already sliding past me to open the medicine cabinet. He emerged with a first aid kit.
I couldn’t help laughing. “What are you going to do with that?”
He frowned. “You’re laughing?”
“I’ve been known to now and then, yes.” He was the oddest man sometimes.
“Not around me, you don’t. Your laugh is beautiful.” He reached up to tuck my hair back again, and I let him because he had a way of charming me that I didn’t have any defenses against.
He was just so...Asher.
“I haven’t had a lot of reasons to laugh for a while now.” I cleared my throat and made myself focus on the kit in his other hand rather than the warmth of his fingers still tucked behind my ear. As if he couldn’t bear to move back.
He must be seriously sex-starved. How long had it been for him anyway? Surely, it couldn’t have been since we…
Hmm. Could it?
“I understand that. I do,” he said, although I hadn’t argued. He finally let his hand fall away from my face, then tucked it in his pocket. “My best friend died in the fall.”
It was hard to keep my face composed. I felt so guilty for not letting on that I knew. But if I did, then we’d probably have to discuss Lily. And I didn’t know if I had the mental fortitude for that right now. Just remaining upright was difficult enough.
“I’m so sorry. What happened?”
Ugh. I’d just had to ask that, hadn’t I? Might as well compound the guilt over not admitting that I already knew.
“Construction accident. Freak thing. He had a ton of years on the job, but he was up on a roof and—” He broke off as I swallowed hard. “You don’t need to hear all that. But losing him was tough. The hardest thing I’ve ever been through, other than losing my grandfather.”
Since I already knew Lily’s mother hadn’t been his partner, I didn’t bother with that line of questioning. Not even for the sake of pretending not to know anything. I’d tell him that I knew soon enough.
Probably as soon as the room stopped spinning.
“I’m so sorry,” I said again, brushing my hand over his arm. “A best friend can be as close as family. Sometimes closer.”
“Yes.” He nodded and shut his eyes. “Like a brother to me.” He released a breath and opened his eyes again, looking down at my hand on his arm before he met my gaze. “Let’s get you into your room.”
“My room? I didn’t plan on staying today, Asher. I didn’t bring a bag. I thought this was just an exploratory visit.”
That was one word for it.
“Yes, well, I’d like you to stay here on a more permanent basis, as we discussed. But nothing is set in stone. Besides, I don’t think you’ll be leaving anytime soon anyway.”
“Why?”
Instead of answering, he opened the first aid box and pried out what looked like two small candies. “These were my grandfather’s special elixir.” His voice was somber as he placed them in my palm and closed my fingers around them. “They’ll help settle your stomach, guaranteed.”
“Is it that obvious what kind of ill I meant?” I frowned. “How old are these things? And what’s in them?” I couldn’t take just anything, now that I was having a baby.
God, would that idea ever become more normal? The word baby blazed through me like fire every time I even thought it.
“There’s no expiration date on them. Made out of natural stuff. Honey, ginger, mint. A few other ingredients. I’d take one now and save one for an emergency. They’ll fix whatever ails you. He used to swear they were magic.”
I eyed them dubiously in their wax paper wrapping. “I don’t want to take your last few.”
“I have a few more in here. Go on, I insist.” He smiled down at me and for a second, I got dizzy for a whole new reason. God, he was gorgeous. “I won’t poison you, Hannah. I need you too much.”
How I longed to hear him say those words in another situation. When we were naked and in bed, wrapped up together. Nothing between us but skin and sweat.
Oh, and that bean-sized baby growing in my belly that would change everything.
More changes.
But if Dr. Ellis had been right, at least I wouldn’t be alone to figure them all out. That wasn’t even what I was most frightened about. Asher had already begun to prove himself as a stand-up man who handled his responsibilities. Not that I relished being another one of those for him.
I was scared I wasn’t up to the task of being a parent. That I couldn’t give to a child when I still felt so hollowed out and empty inside after the loss of my parents. I had barely lived myself, and now there would be a new life.
And what about Asher? He’d been thrust into a role he’d never anticipated. To saddle him with another child when he clearly didn’t know what to do with the first almost seemed cruel.
As if fate was laughing at us.
Two incompetent strangers, thrown together to raise a baby.
Two babies.
Except we didn’t feel like strangers anymore. And my feelings in his direction were already overwhelming. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to spe
nd time with him and Lily. I wanted to make him smile and to watch his serious hazel eyes soften as he looked at me, just as they were right now.
I wanted far too much, and telling him about this baby might kill my chance at all of it. It would change me from the woman he was attracted to into one more responsibility.
One more task on his list.
“Why can’t I leave?” I whispered, far too aware of how much I wanted to stay.
In this mostly empty house with its magical library and comfy bath mat and baby laughter.
With Asher.
He put the first aid kit back in the medicine cabinet and nudged me out the still open door. Without saying anything, he took my hand and led me down the hall and up the stairs.
I should’ve shaken him off. We weren’t a couple. But I liked his big hand enclosing mine far too much.
At the top of the stairs, he turned and headed down the hall past several doors. He opened one slowly, and I swallowed a sigh as the nursery came into view.
The fully outfitted nursery, where so much of the rest of the house had still been in transition.
Soft butter yellow walls were decorated with zoo animals that matched the brightly colored rug on the hardwood floor. A tall white rocker piled with pillows stood between the windows, and I gasped as I glimpsed all the snow outside.
Holy crap, when had that happened? Exactly how long had I been tossing my cookies?
Asher stepped behind me and cupped my shoulders. When he spoke, it was near my ear, fluttering my messy braid. “Told you.”
“Guess the forecasters were right.”
“Guess so.” A shiver went through me as I tucked the candies into my jeans pocket. Was I imagining things or had he pressed his lips against my earlobe, just for a second? “I hope you don’t have anywhere you need to be tonight.”
Twelve
Yes, I do. Right here.
But in lieu of answering, I moved to the crib. The railings on this one were much higher and the mattress was lower. Either he’d had the setup at this house correct the first time or he’d listened to my advice.