by Quinn, Taryn
I grinned as I took in Lily’s little face pressed against the bars of her crib. “Aww, you’re in jail, huh, honey? You’re being so quiet. So good.”
Somehow the praise sprung Lily into action. She lurched to her feet and banged her fists on the bars, then lifted her arms toward me as I leaned over to free her from her pretty white prison.
“You’re definitely her favorite,” Asher observed as I picked her up and cuddled her close. I was beginning to get used to the feeling of a baby in my arms.
Good thing.
I nuzzled her soft red curls. She smelled like powder and soap and…eww, dirty diaper.
On cue, Lily let out an inhuman wail.
“That time again, hmm?” With a resigned exhale, Asher came forward to pluck her out of my arms.
Shocked into silence, I watched him lay her efficiently on the little changing table beside the crib. He swapped off her old diaper with a minimum of fuss, pausing for a second to tickle her chubby belly. Baby giggles filled the room.
Such a wonderful sound.
He put the clean diaper on her, then struggled to get her back into her green striped onesie. I hurried forward to help, but he muttered, “I’ve got it. This is the one part I can do.”
I stepped back and let him show off his skills.
When she was dressed again, he passed her back to me like a sweet-smelling, slightly squirmy football. She snuggled into my embrace like she never wanted me to let her go.
My chest ached as I turned with her to the window. “She should go out and play in this kind of weather. It’s probably the last storm of the season.”
“You’re sick.”
I remained quiet. I wasn’t going to tell him that my sickness had already abated.
Not yet anyway.
Soon enough, I would have no choice but to reveal all. For today, for him, I could pretend our lives hadn’t irrevocably changed.
And for me.
“I’m feeling better.” It wasn’t a lie.
“Yes, but going outside in the cold with a baby might wear you out. Although if you try that candy, you might be protected.” He raised his eyebrows at me as I glanced over my shoulder at him.
“You’re relentless, Wainwright.” I shifted the baby so I could thumb one of the candies out of my pocket. “Humoring you,” I added, unwrapping it and popping it into my mouth.
It didn’t taste particularly good, but the honey eased the lingering irritation in my throat and the mint was pleasing enough. Within a few minutes, I couldn’t deny I felt a little better. My touchy stomach had been given enough time to settle, of course, but I could give Asher this small win.
“You’re right. It’s magic.”
Asher nodded as if he’d expected nothing less. Then he went to the closet and withdrew a pair of bright purple boots and a pair of mittens, along with a navy blue snowsuit.
Lily stirred in my arms, her legs already pumping.
“She’s excited?” I guessed.
“No. She hates this thing.” He shook the snowsuit, and Lily made a face. “But she loves snow, and she knows what this means.”
Yet again, he plucked Lily out of my arms. I waited for him to dress her to go outside as capably as he’d changed her, but he glanced at me expectantly.
“Some help, please. We don’t have long before she messes up her diaper again. Or wants to eat. Or both at the same time.”
I helped him bundle her into her snowsuit before we got her into her mittens and boots. She immediately started trying to get the boots off, banging her feet and making faces.
With a sigh, Asher tipped back his head as if he was used to this routine.
“Not a fan of footwear, I’m guessing?”
“No. She hates shoes and socks. Sometimes she hates clothes, period.”
“Oh, naked baby, huh? Are you a naked baby?” I pulled down Lily’s hood to make her laugh. She fought it off and I did it again, playing peekaboo with her while Asher went down the hall to get his own gear.
He returned wearing a leather coat and a long blue scarf that seemed handmade.
“A present from an old girlfriend?”
Why had I said that? Probably to keep from flinging myself at him like a horny chick who had no fear of getting pregnant.
Too late there.
“Hardly. I’ve never dated a woman who knits.” He angled his head. “Do you?”
I snorted. “Do I look like the crafty sort?”
“You look like you could do anything you put your mind to.”
“So do you. Hold your daughter.” I passed Lily to him. He fumbled her for a few seconds before settling her on his hip as he’d seen me do.
I nearly smiled. Progress.
It wasn’t until we stepped outside onto the wide porch with its twin rockers and copper wind chimes, now circling madly in the breeze, that Asher’s voice snapped out again. “Where’s your coat?”
I was wondering the same. Actually, I knew right where it was—hanging on its peg in my coat closet. I just hadn’t expected the weather to turn this cold this fast. “Didn’t realize I’d be playing in the snow this afternoon.”
“Here. Hold your…Lily.” He handed the baby to me and quickly shucked off his jacket. I started to protest, but he wrapped it around my shoulders before taking Lily back into his arms. “Much better.”
Since my teeth were a moment away from chattering, I shoved my arms into the sleeves and basked in the warmth. In the glorious smell of leather and Asher’s woodsy cologne. “Thank you. But you’ll freeze.”
“I’m hot-blooded.” Jauntily, he flipped his scarf over his shoulder. Lily grabbed for it and shoved the end into her mouth, causing him to laugh.
“I can vouch for that.” I’d made it halfway down the stairs when a perfectly packed snowball hit me in the back. I pretended to ignore it, but as soon as my foot hit the snowy walkway, I scooped up snow and flung it over my shoulder at them, giggling as most of it blew back in my face.
“Great job packing the snow.” Asher shook his head in mock disappointment and turned to set Lily on a little pile near the steps. She immediately began whipping her arms through the snow on either side of her as she laughed and laughed.
Lily’s giggles were the sweetest thing I’d ever heard.
I was so distracted by her antics that I wasn’t paying attention as Asher crouched to pack another snowball, which he then winged at me. I screeched as cold streaked down my back.
His response? He laughed so hard he almost fell on his ass.
“Would’ve served you right,” I said while he scrambled to right himself.
I turned to pack some snow of my own, taking my time to shape the ball. It was coming down so hard that I had to keep blinking it out of my eyes. I would probably get a chill soon, thanks to Asher’s sneak attack, but I was pretty toasty in his jacket.
I shifted back with my arsenal of three snowballs and nearly swooned at Asher helping Lily smash the snow between her palms. He was leaning over her and she was pounding the snow with delight. Her cheeks were already ruddy from the cold. I hurried over to pull forward the sides of her hood—and realized far too late that Asher had laid a trap.
A snowball came flying right at my face. I ducked and slipped, falling backward onto the sidewalk.
All at once, fear rushed into me.
Genuine fear.
Not, oh, yeah, I’m pregnant, hope I’m okay, but actual cold-blooded terror at the thought of something…well, dislodging my baby.
My baby.
Thank God. I wasn’t a worthless mother after all. Maybe I really could do this.
“Are you okay?” Asher’s voice was thick with worry.
I struggled to sit up and nodded, casting my gaze down at my lap.
You okay in there, bean?
Pea was probably more accurate at this point. I didn’t know all the stages, but he or she had to be minuscule right now.
So easy to harm.
“Hey, hey, look at me. Did y
ou get hurt? I’m sorry. I should’ve been more careful. Let me carry you inside.” Asher tipped up my chin, his beautiful hazel eyes narrowed on my face. They were the greenest I’d ever seen them.
Sneakily, I pulled a snowball from my pocket and nailed him dead in the nose.
Mashing it in for good measure while he sputtered and laughed and called me names not befitting a parent.
He grabbed my hand, now red and nearly numb from playing in the snow with no gloves, and kissed every one of my fingertips. When he finished with that hand, he picked up the other and did the same, then tucked them between his palms to rub some warmth back into them. Snow dripped from his face, clung to his eyebrows, and his hands were as red or redder than mine, but he didn’t seem to notice. All his attention was centered on me.
Suddenly, I wasn’t that cold anymore.
“Deserved it.” The rumble of his voice tweaked something low in my belly. “My penance is to carry you inside.”
I nudged him back and looked up at the cloudy sky, currently a slate gray tinged with the orangish-pink hues that came with a storm. His house had so many security lights that the lawn was well-lit. Beyond that glow, the world was freezing and dark.
Being here with him and Lily made me feel safe and warm. Even if my ass was parked on an icy sidewalk and snow was falling so very fast.
“I may be a dude who doesn’t date much, but even I know better than to answer that question.”
He started to rise but I stopped him with a hand on his cheek. “You don’t date much?”
“No.”
“Define much.”
He took a few seconds to answer. “You’re the only woman I’ve slept with since… I don’t know. It’s been a damn long time.” He took a quick, deep breath. “What about you?”
“I’ve never slept with a woman. Should I try it?”
I waited for him to suggest a threesome or something else that fit the typical crude male response. Instead, he somberly shook his head. “I don’t recommend it. It’s terrible.”
“Oh, is that so? Is that why you found me arousing even after I’d been draped over your toilet?”
His smile almost made me smile, and that never happened. But I’d laughed so much in the last half hour. Being with him and his girl made me happy.
Scarily so.
“I’d find you arousing in any and all states.” His gaze dropped to my mouth and lingered. “Problem for me, since now I’m paying your paycheck.”
“One of them,” I reminded him. “And it’s only a problem if we make it one.”
“Is that so?” His gaze still hadn’t left my lips.
And I liked it. A freaking lot.
Rather than answer, I glanced over my shoulder to where Lily was happily bouncing her legs and throwing snow on herself. “Your daughter seems to enjoy this weather.”
“Told you. She’d stay out here all night if we let her.”
It was such a small, stupid thing, but that he included me in the decision-making process for Lily made warmth spread inside me. “I’d love to play out here with her some more, but next time, I better bring some gloves.”
Asher frowned and grabbed my hands again, bringing them to his mouth to blow lightly on them. The heat from his breath tingled over my skin. “None in your car?” When I shook my head, he frowned again. “You should have a kit in case of breakdowns. Spare gloves, jumper cables, tire iron, donut, an extra coat, a spare—”
“Asher, I can’t use those things, minus the coat and gloves. So, why have them?”
“I’ll teach you. Do you have AAA?”
I was afraid to tell him and cause him to stroke out. “Hey, Lily,” I called, not expecting the baby to look up guiltily. She’d been shoving snow into her mouth. “You’re going to spoil your dinner if you keep eating that.”
She kept right on gnawing on her snowy hand.
“You already have Mom Eyes.” Asher sounded impressed. “Didn’t even have to look her way to know what she was doing.”
Little did he know.
I got to my feet with his help, and we went to join Lily. Well, I did. Asher went in the house and returned with two pairs of men’s size gloves, one set for each of us.
We played in the snow with Lily until my nose was frozen and running and the promised chill had sunk deeply into my bones.
Asher wasn’t much better. He’d sneezed about half a dozen times, which shouldn’t have been as cute as it was. Even Lily had had enough.
Bright side? As soon as we brought her in and gave her a bottle, she was ready for bed. I’d barely finished the lullaby I was singing to her before she conked out.
I rose from the rocking chair in the nursery and carefully placed her in her crib. Asher checked to make sure the baby monitor was working, then drew me out of the room.
“Hungry?”
“I could eat.” I couldn’t hold back a shiver.
Preferably while huddling under a dozen thick blankets.
“I’ll fix us something.”
At my dubious expression, he laughed. “You didn’t look in the freezer. I have stuff I can heat up. Made by my grandmother.”
“Oh. Okay. Whew. I thought you were going to cook.”
“And you assume I can’t?”
“It’s the usual way with most bachelors. Are you going to prove me wrong?”
Sheepishly, he scratched the side of his neck. “Alas, no.”
“Thought so.”
“While I’m heating up dinner, you should take a hot bath. Warm up. I’ll start a fire.”
“In the living room?” He’d indicated in passing earlier that the place had a few of them.
“I could,” he said carefully. “But there’s also one in the master bedroom. We could eat in there.”
“On the floor?”
“Or in bed.”
When I didn’t answer, he stepped back. Both figuratively and literally.
“There’s a room made up for you too. You can just go to bed on your own if you prefer. It’s not fancy,” he added as if he figured I expected to sleep on 1000-thread count sheets. “I assumed you’d want to have a hand in designing it, so I just made sure it had the basics.”
“All I need is a bed.” I pushed a hand through my hair, afraid to imagine how it must look after our time outside. Oddly, I didn’t much care.
The way Asher gazed at me this evening had never changed. He always looked at me as if I was a goddess. It was addicting.
Intoxicating.
Frightening as hell, especially considering everything I wasn’t telling him.
“We have those.” Asher smiled and turned away, but I laid a hand on his arm to make him face me.
“I want to sleep with you. I do.”
He frowned. “Sounds like there is a but coming. Message received. I know the job thing makes it awkward. I can’t decide if I’m grateful to Gran for bringing you back into my life or mad at her for making it so I can’t be with you.” His frown eased into a smile, as his expressions so often did. That his smile made the worry lines around his eyes turn into sexy crinkles was just a bonus. “Nah, that’s a lie. I’m grateful. I’d given up hope of ever finding you again.”
My heart started beating way too fast. “Did you try?”
“No.” His eyes darkened until I couldn’t see where his pupils ended and his irises began. “We made an agreement. I’m in no place for a relationship. As you indicated you weren’t.”
“Did I say that?”
If I had, I was a moron.
I was so used to being alone now that I was too wary to risk caring about someone, only to lose them again. As much as I claimed I wanted freedom, the biggest box I’d ever been trapped in had no sides.
Loneliness was endless and vast, with no date of reprieve.
Asher chuckled. “More or less.”
“You said it first.”
Maybe. I wasn’t even sure. I’d been in hardcore defense mode.
So determined to lose my virginit
y and learn all the secrets of the world. But I wouldn’t fall in love and get my heart broken. I would leave before that happened.
So much for that.
He chuckled again. “I don’t remember that part.”
“Me either. My memories are centered on other things that happened that night.”
“Me too.” He was back staring at my mouth again, and the wild heartbeat in my chest was now also beating between my thighs. “That was the other reason I never looked for you. I knew if I found you, I wouldn’t be able to let you go this time.”
I had to tell him. It wasn’t fair to keep such important things secret.
Two important things. My guilty conscience was about to explode.
“I know Lily isn’t your daughter,” I blurted, shutting my eyes while the words echoed in my head.
That was how I told him? Really?
He didn’t move back. Nor did he look away once I dared to open my eyes again. “I wondered if you might know. Or had figured it out.”
“Why?”
“It’s common enough knowledge. Billy’s accident was big news for a while.” He dipped his hands in his pockets. “I’m sure you figured something was up when you saw how fucking clueless I am when it comes to taking care of her.”
“No. I assumed you were the typical workaholic rich guy who couldn’t wait to pass her off on someone.”
His jaw locked. “And now?”
“Now I see you’re trying the best you can. No one hands out manuals on how to be a parent, even if the kid is biological. Never mind if you fall unexpectedly into the role.”
“I’ve made mistakes. If it hadn’t been for my grandmother—”
I reached up to cup his face, waiting until he had no choice but to meet my eyes. “You’re doing everything you can for that little girl. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t be here.”
“She deserves more.” His voice was raw. “I don’t feel how I should feel.”
“Love grows, no matter who it’s for. Her father chose you because he thought you could handle the job. I may not know you well, but I can tell you don’t just deal with things. You do your very best. Always.”
“What if my best isn’t good enough?”