A Sinful Calling

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  He’d decided that not only could he be his dad, he could be better. When it was all said and done, the good Reverend Curtis Black would be history and Pastor Dillon Whitfield Black would be all the city of Mitchell cared about.

  Chapter 2

  Alicia sat at the elegant twelve-seat mahogany dining room table, something that was much too large for four people, wishing time would pass by quickly. Dillon and Raven had invited Alicia and Levi over for dinner after church, but Alicia didn’t want to be there. Not because she didn’t want to spend time with her brother, but because she didn’t care to exchange small talk with his uppity wife. As a matter of fact, Alicia was getting to the point where she could hardly stand the sight of Raven, and secretly, she wished her brother would divorce her. In a perfect world, he would fall out of love with her for good, and that would be the end of it. Alicia knew it wasn’t right to want someone’s marriage to break up, but she couldn’t help the way she felt about Raven. Of course, Dillon had made it very clear how much he loved his wife, but this woman was proving to be a real piece of work. Actually, as far as Alicia was concerned, she’d always been that way, and Alicia just couldn’t see why her brother was so taken with her. It was true that Raven was a gorgeous woman who was very smart, but she also couldn’t be trusted; not when she’d stolen a hundred thousand dollars from the church where Alicia’s dad was pastor. The woman had stolen from God’s house, of all places, and she’d done it as though it were nothing.

  Raven did claim to be a different person, but Alicia didn’t believe her, partly because Raven spent a lot of time focusing on status and material possessions and partly because she seemed more concerned about gaining total control in the church than she was about building it as a whole. Actually, it was her history of stealing money and her deceitful character that had caused both Alicia and Levi to speak against her becoming New Faith’s CFO. Raven had insisted she was the best person for the job, but when neither Alicia nor Levi would agree to it—which had made all the difference, since Levi was steadily covering all the church’s operational expenses—she’d finally backed down. Raven hadn’t been happy about it, but Dillon had seemed relieved. He’d never gone as far as saying it out loud, but Alicia could tell that, to some degree, Dillon was glad she and Levi had spoken up, because he didn’t fully trust his dear wife to handle all the church’s finances, either.

  As far as Dillon and Raven’s personal relationship, however, Raven did seem to support Dillon on every level, and she also seemed to genuinely love him. But Alicia still didn’t like her. To be fair, Raven didn’t care much for Alicia, either, even though she pretended to because she knew how much Dillon loved Alicia. Alicia faked with her, too, for a similar reason: She didn’t want her brother to have to choose sides.

  Dillon and Raven’s sixtysomething weekend cook, Martha, set the final dish of food on the table and smiled. “Can I get you all anything else?” she asked.

  Dillon glanced at everyone. “No, I think we’re good, and thank you for everything, Miss Martha.”

  “You’re quite welcome, Pastor. I’m glad to do it.”

  “Yes, thank you,” Raven said in a demeaning tone while straightening the pearl necklace that lay against her St. John suit. “And I hope the rolls are warm this time. Remember, last Sunday you forgot to warm them up.”

  “I’m really sorry about that,” Martha said. “And yes, I warmed them up today for sure.”

  Raven picked up the metal tongs and lifted one of the rolls from the bowl. She purposely checked to see if Martha was lying, and Alicia wanted to shake her head. So pathetic.

  “Yes, you definitely remembered today, and I appreciate that. Especially since we have guests. Wouldn’t want to be embarrassed when there’s no reason to be.”

  “Yes, Lady Black, I understand.”

  Dillon seemed uncomfortable with the way Raven spoke to Martha and finally said, “Why don’t you call it a day and head on home. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and we’ll put the dishes in the dishwasher.”

  “Excuse me?” Raven said.

  Dillon looked at Raven and then at Martha. “Like I said, Miss Martha, we can handle the dishes.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Okay, if you really don’t mind.”

  “Not at all. We’ll see you next weekend.”

  Alicia watched Raven’s every move, but Raven didn’t say anything else. She always acted as though certain people were beneath her, specifically the “help,” so to speak, and Alicia didn’t like it.

  When Martha left, Alicia scanned the dishes of turkey and cornbread dressing, macaroni and cheese, fried chicken, and turnip greens, and Dillon reached for his wife’s hand. Levi grabbed Alicia’s. Normally, when Dillon and Raven had more guests, Dillon sat at the head of the table and Raven sat at the other end, facing him. But with there only being four of them, it didn’t make much sense, and Alicia wondered why they couldn’t just eat in the kitchen at their smaller table. Of course, Raven would never allow that, not with her always feeling the need to do everything in a big, formal way.

  Dillon bowed his head, and so did everyone else. “Dear Heavenly Father, we come now thanking You for the food we are about to receive. Thank You, Lord, for giving us this great day of rest and for allowing us to honor and praise You during service this morning. Thank You for my dear wife, sister, and brother-in-law and for bringing us together for this wonderful fellowship. Also, dear Lord, thank You for Martha as well as for the food she has prepared for us. Let it serve as nourishment for our bodies in Jesus’s name. Amen.”

  “Amen,” the others said.

  “Down-home cooking just the way I like it,” Dillon affirmed. “Miss Martha is the only person I know who can cook as well as my aunt, Susan, used to. I just love her.”

  Raven didn’t seem too impressed. “Yeah, I’ll give her that. She can definitely cook, but I’m glad she doesn’t cook like this all the time. If she did, we’d be as big as elephants. And eating this kind of food is way too unhealthy.”

  “Whatever, woman,” Dillon said, laughing and lifting a large spoonful of dressing onto his plate and doing the same for Raven. “But on a different note,” he continued, “I really think it’s time we figure out a way to roll out our next marketing campaign. We need to bring in a lot more visitors than we have been. The kind who won’t just visit but will ultimately become members.”

  “I agree,” Raven added. “We need to market Dillon and the church like never before, and if we put the right kind of dollars behind it, we can do that.”

  Levi scooped some greens from the large bowl. “I think it’s time we do a lot more marketing and advertising as well, and I also think we need to bring in a new marketing firm. We have a couple of good ones we’ve worked with in the past, but I think we need the best of the best this time around.”

  “Exactly,” Raven said. “Bringing in the best is the only way to get things done in a top-notch manner.”

  “I’m going to put together a few more ideas so we can begin discussing them on Tuesday at our elder board meeting,” Dillon said. “Especially since all the ministries will need to be included in the ads.”

  Alicia pulled her thick, shoulder-length hair behind her ear and ate a forkful of macaroni and cheese. She was COO, but she didn’t say anything.

  Until Dillon looked at her. “So, what do you think, Sis?”

  “I think doing a new campaign will be great, and I look forward to hearing some of your ideas.”

  “I look forward to hearing them as well,” Raven said, sounding as though she was worried that Dillon might share his ideas with Alicia first. This was the reason Alicia hadn’t commented initially.

  “Baby, of course. Since when do I work on anything relating to the church without asking your opinion?”

  Raven playfully bumped her arm against his, and Alicia wanted to roll her eyes. She could barely stomach Raven, and her feelings toward her were getting worse as time went on. It als
o didn’t help that while Dillon, Raven, and Levi had been talking, Alicia had glanced over at one of the curio cabinets and spied new vases that looked antique and pricey. It was true that Dillon earned a six-figure salary from the church and Raven was on payroll as well—since she was the head of the women’s ministry—but they didn’t bring home the kind of money where she could keep spending hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars on things they didn’t need. Not to mention, they had to be paying a pretty hefty mortgage for this richly constructed five-bedroom home that had six bathrooms. It wasn’t Alicia’s business, of course, and yes, her and Levi’s house wasn’t shabby, either, but she didn’t see how things would end well if Raven kept buying everything in sight. Alicia also wondered why Dillon wasn’t paying attention to the amount of money his wife spent, but it was likely because he was so taken with her. He was blinded by his feelings for her, but Alicia knew all too well what could happen when a person became obsessed with clothing, jewelry, and household goods—what it was like when someone spent beyond their means. She’d done the same thing in the past, and sadly, Raven’s shopping addiction was much worse.

  But to be honest, Raven and her excessive spending habits should have been the last thing on Alicia’s mind, because Alicia had her own problems and worries to contend with. She loved, loved, loved her husband, Levi, mind, body and soul, but for the life of her, she still couldn’t shake the guilt she’d been struggling with since Phillip’s death. She’d had an affair, Phillip had snapped because of how hurt and betrayed he’d felt, and the gun the two of them had tussled over had accidentally gone off and killed him. Two years had passed, yet she still blamed herself. This had also been the reason it had taken her a full year to actually marry Levi. And while she’d accepted the fact that her parents and stepparents blamed her as well, knowing she was no longer close to them still hurt her to the core. From the time she’d been born, she’d been a daddy’s girl, but even he didn’t talk to her as much as he once had. He didn’t treat her badly and had stated more than once that it wasn’t his job to judge her regarding the affair she’d had with Levi, but he was still gravely disappointed in her.

  Just thinking about it now and replaying every ounce of what had happened that night made her want to scream. The whole idea of it caused her to lose sleep, and her feelings of regret and deep remorse were affecting her marriage. She couldn’t remember when she’d slept more than three hours a night, and sometimes all she did was lie in bed with her eyes closed. There were many evenings when she didn’t sleep a wink, which was the reason she always drank loads of coffee at work, trying to stay alert. The entire scenario unnerved her, and she constantly hoped and prayed to move on from her past. All she wanted was to be happy with the man she loved—the tall, muscular, handsome man—who, after all this time, still loved her unconditionally and with everything he had in him. If only she could forgive herself and live a normal life, things could be good for her and Levi. They could enjoy the wonderful marriage they’d both dreamed about. They could settle into being the soul mates they’d known they were from the moment they’d first laid eyes on each other.

  Levi rested his hand on top of hers. “Baby, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she said, lying. “I’m good.”

  Levi gazed at her a few seconds longer, and while she knew he had a pretty good idea of why she was so preoccupied, he didn’t let on.

  Raven patted her lips with the linen napkin. “Well, now that we all agree that we need to create a whole new marketing plan, I have something I want to share as well. I’ve already shared this with my better half here, but Alicia, since you’re the church’s COO, and Levi, since all the elders report to you, I’m really hoping to get both of your blessings, too.”

  Alicia raised her eyebrows, wondering what this was all about. She looked at Dillon, trying to read his thoughts, but she couldn’t.

  “So what’s up?” Levi finally said.

  “Well, not only have I given this a lot of thought, but I’ve also been in deep prayer about it. I prayed because I wanted to make sure I was hearing God correctly.”

  Alicia stared at Raven. “And?”

  “He’s called me into the ministry. He wants me to serve as co-pastor alongside my husband.”

  Alicia slightly laughed.

  Raven frowned. “Oh, so you think my calling is funny? That it’s some kind of joke?”

  “No,” Alicia said. “I’m just a little shocked is all.”

  “Well, it’s true, and I’m not going to go against what God wants me to do. I’m going to be obedient.”

  “Wow, well, congratulations,” Levi said.

  Alicia turned and looked at Levi, who purposely stared at his plate of food, so then she searched her brother’s reaction. Dillon sat speechless, but Alicia could tell he had concerns. She had worries, too, because while New Faith was a non-denominational church, Alicia wasn’t sure the majority of the congregation would accept a wife being co-pastor. Not every church group was okay with having a woman as senior pastor. But more than anything, Alicia didn’t like it because she knew Raven wasn’t doing it because God had called her. She was doing it because she knew that being co-pastor would give her the kind of power, prestige, control, and say-so she’d been wanting since the beginning. Raven would even believe she could tell Alicia what and what not to do, even though Alicia was not only COO of New Faith Christian Center, she was COO of New Faith Ministries, Inc., too.

  Alicia wasn’t sure what it was she’d have to do to stop this crazy idea, but she was going to make sure Raven never became co-pastor or ended up holding any top leadership position in the church. She didn’t care what Dillon or anyone else had to say about it. Period.

  Chapter 3

  Dillon pulled the belt of his silk robe tighter with both hands and walked inside his prayer room. He closed the door, took a deep breath, and kneeled in front of the wooden bench. He rested his arms on the purple velvet that covered it and closed his eyes.

  “This is the day the Lord hath made, so let us rejoice and be glad in it. Dear Heavenly Father, I come to You right now, thanking You for yet another day and joyful morning. Thanking You for waking me up in my right mind and in good health. Thanking You for my beautiful wife and my awesome church. Lord, I thank You for all the members who have so graciously joined our congregation over the last couple of years, and I thank You for bringing my sister and I so much closer. Thank You, Lord, for my amazing brother-in-law, Levi, who has helped me and the church financially in ways that we couldn’t have made it without. Then, Lord, I now come, asking You to direct my path. Show me what we need to do to build up our membership. Tell me what we need to do to grow our church family so that it increases well into the thousands. I also ask that You would help my sister, Alicia, because while she rarely talks about it, I know the death of her first husband is still haunting her. She’s very troubled by it, so, Lord, I ask that You give her the kind of peace she needs. Give her what she needs to move on, so that she can enjoy the life she now has with Levi, a man who loves the ground she walks on. Then, Father, I ask that You would change my wife’s heart about wanting to become co-pastor. She says that You’ve called her to do so, and while I realize none of us is supposed to question someone else’s faith, I know with all my heart that what she’s done is call herself. I know this, because I did the same thing. You never called me, either, but I’m hoping someday that You will, so that I won’t have to lie about that anymore. I’m asking You for this blessing, because I’m very good at being a pastor. You gave me the kind of speaking ability that only great ministers tend to have, and I just don’t believe You would gift me with those sorts of skills for nothing. I don’t believe You would place it in my mind to start a church in the middle of my apartment and then give me more than a thousand members so quickly; not if You didn’t want me to be a pastor. Not if You didn’t want me to become the most well-known pastor in Mitchell. I just don’t believe You would do that and not have your reasons. And my p
arishioners really love me. They listen to me, they respect me, and they show me the kind of love every pastor hopes for. I realize I still make lots of mistakes and that I struggle with quite a few sins, but in Romans three, twenty-three, it says that we all have sinned and fallen short of Your glory. Then, in first John, chapter one, verse nine, it talks about how if we confess our sins, You are faithful and just and will forgive us for our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I know some people believe that if you deliberately continue to sin, you won’t be saved. But based on everything I’ve read in the Bible, I have to believe in the philosophy once saved, always saved. Which to me means that as long as I believe in You and I’ve accepted You as my personal savior, I’m good. Once I accepted You, I was guaranteed a place in heaven. So, Lord, I’m going to try to do better, but I’m glad to know that when I fall astray, You still won’t leave me. I’ll still have You to come to, and You’ll still forgive me and welcome me with open arms. I have to say, though, there is something else weighing heavily on my heart, and since You know everything, You already know what it is…and I need Your help. To this day, no one here knows that after I left Mitchell three years ago, I became an alcoholic; that after Melissa stole all my money and my dad wouldn’t forgive me, I drank to mask all my pain. They don’t know that I got so drunk I couldn’t keep a job or that I sold Aunt Susan’s house and spent every dime of the proceeds on alcohol and living expenses. No one knows that losing her home is the only thing that made me go into treatment…and they certainly don’t know that, for some reason, over the last three months, ever since I started seeing Porsha, I’ve had these cravings again. Alcohol nearly ruined my life, and I can’t afford to go down that road again. So, dear Lord, I’m asking You to remove that craving from my mind. Remove it from my spirit. Help me to focus on building up my church. Help me to see my dream come to pass of being the wealthiest and most powerful pastor not just in Mitchell, but in the whole state of Illinois. And then if You see fit, help me to become the most well-known pastor in the country. You said in Your Word that You would give me the desires of my heart, so I ask You for these and all other blessings in Your Son Jesus’s name. Amen. Amen. Amen.”