A Sinful Calling

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  Alicia and Levi rode along in silence, listening to a smooth jazz radio station.

  Levi held her hand, and Alicia loved how he still sent chills through her body when he touched her. Sometimes just looking at him, even when he didn’t know she was, made her heart flutter like a teenager in love for the first time.

  They continued on their way, but when they were about five minutes from home, Alicia’s phone rang. When she pulled it out of her purse, she got nervous and excited all at the same time. Her dad’s house number displayed on her screen.

  “Oh my God.”

  “What?”

  “This is from my dad’s house.”

  “Well, answer it.”

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Alicia,” Charlotte said.

  It wasn’t that Alicia wasn’t happy to hear from her stepmom, because she was. It was just that Charlotte usually phoned her from her cell, so Alicia had been hoping this was her dad.

  Alicia smiled. “Hey, how are you?”

  “Good. I just wanted to call to say happy Fourth of July to you and Levi.”

  “Thank you,” she said, looking at Levi. “Charlotte says happy Fourth of July.”

  “Tell her I said happy Fourth.”

  Alicia relayed Levi’s message.

  “So did you guys go to your mother-in-law’s as planned?” Charlotte asked.

  “We did. We’re just on our way home from there now. Did you guys enjoy the day also?”

  “We did, but it still wasn’t the same without you. I miss having you over here for the holidays. We all miss you.”

  “Well, maybe most of you, anyway.”

  “No matter what your dad says or does, trust me when I tell you he misses you. He never wanted to stop seeing you, but I don’t blame you for standing your ground about your husband. I would do the same thing if someone treated your dad that way.”

  At that very moment, Alicia wished she could hear his voice.

  “Mommy, who is that on the phone?” Alicia heard Curtina say.

  “It’s your sister.”

  “Ooooh, let me speak to Licia, Mommy. Please let me speak to her.”

  “Okay, okay. Alicia, here’s your baby sister. Goodness.”

  “Hi, Licia,” nine-year-old Curtina said.

  “Hi, sweetie. How are you?”

  “I’m fine. How are you?”

  “I’m fine, too.”

  “And how is Levi? Is he with you?”

  “He’s doing well, and yes, we’re on our way home.”

  “Did you go to his mommy’s house?”

  “Yep.”

  “Did you eat a lot of food?”

  “Unfortunately, we did. We ate too much. What about you?”

  “Yeah, we ate too much, too. Especially Daddy. And now he’s lying down in the family room already asleep. Can you come over, Licia? I miss you sooooo much.”

  Alicia’s hand shook, and she burst into tears.

  “Licia, what’s wrong?” Curtina asked. “Why are you crying?”

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” Levi said.

  Charlotte got back on the phone. “Honey, what’s the matter?”

  “I hate the way things are with all of us.”

  “I know,” Charlotte agreed, “and we have to find a way to fix this.”

  “I don’t know how.”

  “Well, we’ll figure out something, because it’s time to move on from two years ago.”

  Alicia sniffled. “Thank you for always caring about me.”

  “We love you, and don’t you ever forget that. I’ll call you tomorrow or Monday, okay? And maybe we can set up a day for me to bring over Curtina and little MJ.”

  “Sounds good. And hey, where’s Matt and MJ, anyway?”

  “After we ate, Matt took MJ to see his other grandparents.”

  “Well, tell him I said hello. I know he’s still not speaking to me all that much, but I still love him.”

  “He loves you, too. He just can’t handle that you and Dillon are as close as you are, but he’s going to have to get over that.”

  Alicia knew Dillon had slept with Matthew’s wife and that Matthew wouldn’t be happy about her forgiving Dillon. But she’d never imagined that Matthew would be upset with her for this long. He didn’t understand how she could have anything to do with Dillon, and he saw Alicia as a traitor.

  “Well, it was good talking to you,” Alicia said.

  “You, too. See you soon.”

  Alicia ended the call and leaned her head against the passenger window. Levi grabbed her hand again, but he didn’t say anything. There wasn’t much he could say at this point. Not much anyone could do at all, when her father wasn’t willing to accept Levi, and she wasn’t willing to be around a father who couldn’t accept her husband. So they were at a standstill. They’d been at one for all this time, and she didn’t see how it would ever change.

  Chapter 23

  After pulling into the driveway, Dillon had waited for Raven to get out, and when she didn’t, he’d gotten out of the car, marched around to the passenger side, and opened her door. She’d still sat there, pleading with him to tell her what she’d done so wrong, but he’d told her to get out and go in the house. When she’d refused, he’d waited until she had. After that, he’d gotten back in his vehicle and driven off. He’d left her standing and watching him, and he hadn’t had any sympathy.

  He’d needed to get away from her. Run from an environment that wouldn’t allow him to do what he wanted in peace. So he’d started on his way toward either Porsha’s or Taylor’s place, he hadn’t known which yet, but he’d also stopped at a liquor store. He’d promised himself that, at the very least, he wouldn’t purchase anything hard, especially since he had to drive, but he did buy a cold six-pack of beer. He hadn’t drunk anything while driving, but he had traveled down a long, two-lane country road and parked in a secluded area. This was where he’d drunk two cans, tossed the empties away, and placed the other four in his trunk. Before leaving Mitchell, he’d purchased a bag of ice and a small cooler, too. That way, if for some reason he was stopped by the police and they searched his car, they wouldn’t find any broken seals.

  Now, though, he lay next to Porsha feeling good again. He’d leaned more toward calling and going to see Taylor, which was where he actually wanted to be, but he knew he needed to make things up to Porsha from the other night. She’d been more upset than ever, and she’d been talking in ways he hadn’t counted on. She’d sounded almost desperate, like she didn’t know what she would do without him. It didn’t make sense to him, but he still needed her help. What she gave monthly to New Faith Christian Center was commendable and very helpful, but at some point, he would have to figure out the right way to ask her for a lump sum. It would be in the six figures, and he’d have to offer her a good reason to do it. He’d have to keep giving her the kind of attention she wanted and the sex she swore she couldn’t go without.

  Porsha turned toward Dillon, the side of her face resting against her hands on the pillow. “Thank you for coming to spend time with me. I never thought I’d be able to see you on the holiday. I thought you would be with Raven.”

  Dillon lay on his back with his eyes closed, not saying anything.

  “And I don’t think you’ve ever made love to me the way you did just now. It was so intense. It’s always great, but today it was the best ever.”

  Dillon still didn’t respond.

  “Baby, why aren’t you saying anything?”

  “I’m sorry, but if it’s okay with you, I just want to lie here quietly. Let’s just enjoy the moment.”

  Porsha nestled closer to him and did as he asked.

  But the truth was, Dillon wasn’t enjoying anything right now, because he had a lot on his mind. For one, he couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d turned on Raven and how angry he’d gotten at her. Yes, he hadn’t liked the way she’d acted at Sister Cunningham’s, but she still hadn’t done enough for him to stop speaking to her. He hadn’t ut
tered one word to her the entire ride home, and then he’d barely glanced at her when he’d left her standing in the driveway. In that moment, she was the last person he’d wanted to be around, and he was starting to wonder if his desire to drink had anything to do with it. Surely drinking a little vodka and a couple of beers wasn’t enough to alter his mind and feelings to such an erratic level.

  He just didn’t know, though, because he hadn’t begun to feel so out of sorts or anxious until the day he’d taken his first drink. But this all went back to his father and that hurtful radio talk show rant of his. Two days had passed, yet Dillon was still consumed by it. He’d thought about it on and off, day and night, and no matter how much he’d tried to say, “Forget my dad, I’m moving on,” he couldn’t. It just seemed that the only way to do that would be to hit him where it hurt. Dillon wished there was another way, but even God brought vengeance on the wicked.

  Dillon remembered years ago when he’d heard his dad quote the scripture: “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” Back then Dillon had rarely picked up a Bible, let alone read one, so he hadn’t even known what book of the Bible it was in. Today, though, he knew it came from Romans 12:19, and once when he’d been sitting at his dad’s church, listening to him, the words of this scripture had crossed his mind. It just seemed fitting because it defined how Dillon had the right to pay back anyone who hurt him. This was also the reason he couldn’t let his former fiancée, Melissa, get away with what she’d done, either. He’d thought he would start making plans to take care of her soon, but now he knew he had to gear all his thoughts, plans, and energies toward his dad. As for Melissa, he’d gone three years allowing her to think she’d gotten away with her dirty deed, so waiting another year or two to punish her wouldn’t make a difference. Actually, it would make his revenge that much sweeter, because the more time passed, the more comfortable and content she’d become with her new life, and then out of nowhere, Dillon would take everything from her. Her money, her happiness, her reason for even wanting to live. He would leave her be for now, but her day was coming and that gave him comfort.

  However, just as quickly as his spirits were lifted, he thought about Raven again. He was sorry for the way he’d acted this afternoon, and he knew he had to correct it. He loved Raven, maybe not as much as he’d been thinking, but he needed her by his side as first lady. He wasn’t like a number of pastors he knew who were hired by churches and could be fired at any time; however, he was smart enough to know that the majority of Christians wanted their pastor to be married. Some required it and wouldn’t support one who wasn’t. They wanted their leader to have a wife because if he didn’t, it might encourage too much temptation and he’d end up sleeping around with the many women who approached him. Dillon had even met some pastors who’d told him that not only was being married a requirement written in their employment contracts, it had been included in the bylaws at their respective churches. It was a rule that had to be abided by, and if that pastor separated from his wife for too long or divorced her, it was grounds for dismissal.

  Dillon also knew he had to fix things with Raven before the weekend was out, because even though she was looking forward to making an appeal to the elder board on Tuesday, things weren’t going to evolve the way she wanted. She wasn’t going to be his co-pastor, and that was a fact. He would then have to figure out yet another way to make things up to her and get her thinking about some new goal that would work better for her.

  But for now, he was done thinking about Raven, his dad, and anyone else who kept his mind swirling in too many directions. Instead, he was going to make love to Porsha again. Give her what she wanted. Satisfy her in a way that would last until the next time he could see her.

  Chapter 24

  Dillon rehearsed his lies one last time and then stepped out of the car. He’d just arrived home, and he knew he was about to enter a war zone. Raven had called him no less than twenty times, and it was going to take more begging and apologizing than usual to pacify her.

  He walked inside, and she never gave him an opportunity to close the door behind him.

  She rushed toward him and beat his chest with both her fists. “You must think I’m an idiot! Some desperate wife who won’t leave you.”

  Dillon caught both her arms in midair. “Baby, don’t do this. I’m sorry. I know I was wrong, and I apologize.”

  Raven tried to twist her arms away from him. “Let me go, Dillon. You’re just like your father. You have no respect for women, and now you’re sleeping with some whore.”

  Dillon wondered if she’d found out about Porsha or if she was simply speculating. “I would never mess around on you, and you know that.”

  Raven yanked away from him. “You don’t know who you’re dealing with. I’ve loved you and been there for you, and this is the thanks I get? This is the way you treat me?”

  “Baby, just listen to me. Please.”

  “Listen to what? More lies. Where were you, Dillon?”

  “I drove over to Chicago.”

  “For what?”

  “I needed to be alone. I was upset, and I just wanted to take a drive.”

  “Oh my goodness,” she said, laughing. “And you think I’m stupid enough to believe that? You drove all the way to Chicago and back just for the sake of doing it?”

  “I did. I know it sounds strange, but I had a lot on my mind.”

  “Well, even if you went all the way downtown that should’ve only taken you three hours round trip. You’ve been gone six. Six…whole…hours.”

  “I parked for a while and listened to music, and then I got something to eat. But I promise you with everything in me, I wasn’t with anybody. I was alone the whole time.”

  “I’m getting to the point where I can’t stand you. First you wouldn’t support my calling to become co-pastor, and then you humiliate me in front of all those ghetto people this afternoon. And now you’re messing around?”

  “But I am supporting your calling, and that’s why you’re coming to the board meeting on Tuesday.”

  “Only because I brought it up. If I hadn’t suggested it and kept trying to make my point, it never would have happened. You’d have been fine if I’d forgotten about it and given up. You never even cared. You just care about yourself.”

  “That’s not true. I’ve loved you from the very beginning, and I’ve always been indebted to you for loving me, helping me with the ministry, and for being loyal. Which is why I would never betray you.”

  Raven leaned against the granite-top island and folded her arms. “I’m not like your dad’s first two wives, and I hope you know that. From what I hear, he disrespected both of them whenever he felt like it, and he did it for a lot longer than I would’ve taken it. It took them forever before they finally got smart enough to leave him, but Dillon, just as sure as my name is Raven Jones Whitfield Black, I’ll become your worst enemy. I’ll take half of everything you have, and I won’t feel bad about it. I’ll do it publicly and very quickly.”

  She was more furious than he’d imagined. He’d known she’d be upset, and that he’d have to cower and make far-fetched promises, but now she was threatening him.

  “What have I done?” he said with tears filling his eyes. He wasn’t in the mood for crying, but this disaster here called for tears and anything else he could think of. “I should have told you what happened on Thursday. But instead, I kept it to myself, and I let it make me crazy in the head.”

  Raven pursed her lips, looking at him as though he were acting. Which he was, but she hadn’t left him a choice.

  She stood there expressionless, and Dillon dropped down on his knees, weeping. He gazed up at her, pleading with his eyes, but when she raised her eyebrows in disgust, he grabbed her around her hips and laid his head against her. Real tears fell, and he boohooed like a child. “Baby, please don’t leave me. I was wrong, but I really let my father get to me this time.”

  “Dillon, what are you talking about?”

  He b
ellowed some more, and she finally touched the top of his head. “What did your dad do? Tell me.”

  “He went on national radio saying what an awful person I was. He said I was lying about being called into the ministry, and that I had no moral values. But I had also called him the day before, and I didn’t tell you about that, either. He said he would never trust me again, and then he compared me to Matthew. So baby, even though I’ve always known my dad doesn’t love me, that really hurt. I grew up not knowing either of my parents, and I’ve always felt lost and rejected. Like nobody wants me, and now all that pain is causing me to hurt you.”

  Dillon kept his head pressed against her, and just as he was wondering if his story and tears were doing the trick, he heard her sniffling.

  He moved his head away from hers and saw her crying. Dillon had known she would identify with the last part of his alibi because of the terrible childhood she’d had. She herself still struggled with the memory of being tossed around to so many different foster homes.

  “Why didn’t you just come to me?” she said. “Why didn’t you just tell me what happened?”

  Dillon stood up and hugged her. “I couldn’t. Because what you also don’t know is that when I spoke to my dad, he said that he would never let me hurt any of his family members again. He spoke to me like I wasn’t part of his family. Like I was an outsider who had no right to call him.”

  Raven breathed deeply. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea what you’ve been going through the last couple of days, and you really should have told me. I’m your wife, and that’s what I’m here for.”

  Mission accomplished. Dillon hated using Raven’s feelings about her troubled childhood against her, but it was all he’d had left to make her sympathize with him. He didn’t like taking advantage of her pain, but she’d threatened him with too much. She’d sounded serious, and he hadn’t known another way to deal with it.