Everything You Told Me

by Lucy Dawson

  I look down guiltily.

  ‘I know you two have never really got on, and that’s fine. I mean, obviously I’d have liked you to, it makes me sad that you don’t, but it’s one of those things. I had hoped that you’d at least be able to be polite to each other for my sake, but I really didn’t expect anything more than that. I had pretty low expectations.’

  ‘Will, if it had just been about—’

  ‘Can you let me finish, please?’ He holds up a hand. ‘I didn’t know where to put myself after what happened to you last Friday. I felt I’d completely let you down. I was devastated you’d not been able to talk to me about how you must have been feeling, and I wanted to do whatever I could to support you. I still stand by that, but you know, Sal, part of me actually now hopes you might be ill, and that there might be a justification for you behaving like this, because even before all this shit in the papers happened, going through Kelly’s belongings was completely unacceptable behaviour. You then went on to attack her, and accused her of drugging you, as well as stealing sixty-five thousand pounds from your house.’

  ‘I did not attack her,’ I say hotly. ‘That’s an outright lie. She was deliberately trying to scare Mum by making out that I’d gone mad or something!’

  Will focuses on me intently. ‘She was frightened of you, Sal. Actually frightened. She said you were behaving erratically, and it’s pretty hard to refute that in the face of your allegations. Why didn’t you just raise these concerns with me, rather than go through our flat?’

  ‘I knew you wouldn’t believe me. You all think I’m suffering from some sort of delusional paranoia, and that I’m increasingly mentally unstable, which is just what Kelly wants you to think.’

  ‘No, she doesn’t. She thinks you’ve made all of this up. The whole thing, right from winding up in Cornwall through to “being ill” – because she’s convinced this is about you and Matthew having problems, and you trying to do something about that. Like I say, I’d almost rather believe you’re ill – although either way, it’s very clear to me you need help.’

  ‘Or you’re completely wrong, someone has tried to hurt me, and none of you are helping me protect myself, or my children.’

  ‘Let me ask you this outright, then: do you honestly think Kelly drugged you and stole that money from your house?’

  I hesitate. ‘Yes, I do.’

  A strange look passes over his face. A mixture of disbelief, anger, pity – and fear.

  ‘And so here I am, back at square one,’ I say. ‘You all think I’ve lost the plot.’

  ‘Or,’ he mimics me, ‘you know exactly what you’re doing. Surely you can see, though, that implicating other people, people that you don’t like, to make it appear that in fact they are—’

  ‘Will, don’t tell me you actually believe her crap story about her dad hiding half a million quid in shopping bags in the loft?’ I interrupt. ‘Kelly knew sixty-five grand was in the holdall under the stairs at mine, she saw it when she went looking for the spare pair of shoes after hers broke, remember? I don’t understand why you – and Mum, for that matter – have such a problem believing that she might be capable of drugging me so she could steal our money, when she’s devious enough to swap her engagement ring behind your back and set up those horrible pictures of me. The morning after the money vanished, she spent a huge amount of cash on that ring. You don’t think that’s odd? And how much do you really know for sure about Kelly – and her past? You’ve been together for eleven months. That’s nothing!’

  ‘So now you’re suggesting she’s made this stuff up about her mother?’ Will looks at me in alarm.

  ‘No,’ I admit. ‘I’m not. I know that’s true and I’m very sorry for her. But I think it also might have been what made her do things that perhaps you don’t know about. She’s very far from being a totally innocent victim in all of this.’

  ‘I completely refute that my being with Kelly for eleven months is in any way relevant. Someone you’ve known for eleven years is just as capable of turning out to be completely untrustworthy, and whether you think it’s crap or not, Kelly needed to lose some more of her dad’s money, and she thought that spending it on the ring was a really nice way to do it. It meant something to her, and—’

  ‘Oh Will, please!’ I interrupt. ‘It’s the most ludicrous story I ever heard! I love you, but really – how stupid are you?’

  He stares at me. ‘That’s enough, Sal. Whatever your reason, it’s not acceptable to speak to me like that.’

  ‘Oh, shut up!’ I finally lose my temper. ‘Stop speaking to me like you’re a bloody counsellor. I wound up in a fucking taxi at the other end of the country and yet not a single member of my own family is listening to me when I tell you all that something is badly wrong, and I can’t remember what happened. Then when it becomes apparent to me who is to blame, no one believes me because your lunatic fiancée has done such a great job of making me look like I’m the crazy one, and now, to cap it all, you think I’ve gone to the press, when actually, I’ve done nothing wrong.’

  ‘Well, Sally, you certainly did something. You had a suicide note on you. Your phone messages were all cleared, you had a large amount of cash to pay the taxi, and you’ve tried to do it before. Maybe you don’t want to remember it, but it did happen. And what was the first thing you did when everyone let you go off on your own? Go to the flat to confront Kelly! You cannot refute that you have become completely obsessed by your dislike of her… Irrationally so, to the point of deliberately making public something I trusted you with.’

  ‘What was the first thing I did when “everyone let me go off on my own”?’ I repeat in astonishment. ‘I wasn’t aware anyone had let me do anything.’

  ‘You know everyone is very concerned for you right now, Sally, and paying close attention to what you do. That can come as no surprise, so don’t pretend otherwise.’

  ‘The Friday night I was abducted—’

  ‘Oh Sally! Come on! Abducted?’

  ‘Yes, abducted!’ I insist fiercely. ‘I had shopping lists on my phone that I intended to use, I had a sleep log, I was timing Theo. The so-called note was something I’d written to Matthew earlier in the week. I was not planning on killing myself. Why would I even do that? What logical reason could I possibly have?’

  ‘What logical reason does anyone ever have?’

  Through the monitor, Theo grizzles briefly. Great – we’ve woken him up.

  ‘I would never do that to my kids,’ I continue, lowering my voice. ‘And I’m amazed that you all seem to have disregarded everything you know about me, and the fact that I’m telling you I didn’t do it! I know you think that I’ve become obsessed with Kelly, but she isn’t the person you think she is.’

  ‘Fine,’ he says angrily. ‘Come on then – let’s entertain this bullshit theory of yours for a minute. So, according to you, Kelly comes over, sees a bag of cash under the stairs, then what – drugs you while we’re having our champagne together, presumably?’

  I meet his gaze squarely. ‘She was on her own with the drinks for long enough to put something in them. That’s what I was looking for in your flat – I think she’s on really strong prescription-only sleeping pills. If she’d have put one of them in my drink, I’d have been out of it within about half an hour to an hour.’

  ‘Then what?’

  ‘She came back to get her “forgotten” phone, stole the bag while I was upstairs, waited outside for me to pass out, then put me in the taxi and made off with the money.’

  ‘And you think her dad leaving some cash in his loft is implausible?’ He shakes his head in disbelief. ‘This is farcical. What about the fact your mother-in-law was in the house?’

  ‘I’m sorry – you’re suggesting Caroline did this?’ I gaze at him incredulously.

  ‘I actually meant you don’t think Kelly would have been concerned about Caroline hearing you being dragged down the stairs? But yeah – Caroline was there too; why can’t we point the finger at her?’
>
  ‘Er, why in the hell would my mother-in-law – a well-respected psychiatrist, who I’ve had a close relationship with for years – drug me to steal her own money?’ I stare at him.

  ‘I don’t know – you tell me, Sally! You seem to have developed a pretty fertile imagination over the last few days.’

  I take a deep breath and try to calm down. ‘In answer to your point about Kelly worrying Caroline might hear something, I told Kelly that Caroline had gone home. As far as she knew, I was there on my own with the kids. You’d already both seen Matthew leave. And Caroline wouldn’t actually have heard a thing – she had earplugs in, to block out Theo’s crying.’

  Will laughs harshly. ‘Of course she did! Silly me! Anyway, let’s carry on. How did Kelly get into the house once you were allegedly upstairs sparko?’

  ‘When she came back to get her mobile, she deliberately woke Theo up. I remember because I was really pissed off with her. I left her downstairs on her own while I ran up to close Theo’s door so he didn’t wake Chloe. Kelly would have had plenty of time to pick my keys up from the side. I wouldn’t have noticed they were gone when I came back down. I just wanted to get rid of her. She could have just let herself in once she saw my bedroom light go off.’

  ‘What about the note you had on you, then? How do you explain that?’

  ‘It was an apology I’d written to Matthew about a row we had. It was on my bedside table. Kelly got lucky with that. She must have been delighted to find it.’

  ‘She got lucky…’ he repeats slowly. ‘Wow. I just don’t know what to say to you, Sal.’

  ‘I’m telling you, I know she’s dangerous. You have to trust me.’ I refuse to implicate Caroline now, as it seems Kelly is about to end it with Will anyway.

  ‘I have to trust you, and yet you can’t tell me what it is that you apparently know?’

  ‘No, I can’t. I’m sorry.’

  ‘How convenient.’ He closes his eyes briefly, and looks as if he’s trying to plan what he’s about to say next very carefully. ‘I really don’t think you understand the implications of what’s happened, Sally. Given everything that appeared in the papers this morning, Kelly’s told me that if she stays with me, it’s on the understanding she never has to see you, or have you in our house. Try and understand the position that puts me in when I love you both.’

  ‘No, she’s talking about ending it with you because she’s got her cash – so now she’s off.’

  Will just stares at me. ‘What even started this? Is it to do with her being famous or something? It’s completely taken you over.’

  I stand my ground. ‘You know what, Will? I can live with you thinking this is all my fault, and that I’ve gone completely insane. I’d still rather you thought that – and Kelly is out of our lives – than do nothing, and she stays in them. The only thing I care about is protecting all of you.’

  There is a moment of silence, and then Theo starts to cry properly upstairs.

  ‘I have nothing more to say to you.’ Will gets to his feet, picks up his bag, and quietly leaves the room.

  ‘Sally, I’ve asked Matthew to come and get you, and take you home after tea. I’m so sorry, love, but I honestly think it’s for the best.’ Mum looks at me with concern as we’re both sitting on the bed in my old bedroom. ‘I feel completely torn, but the truth of the matter is Will’s got nowhere else to go.’

  ‘He’s got his own flat! He should be there. If Kelly wants to leave him, she should do exactly that, and just go.’

  ‘She is. She’s moving her stuff out tomorrow. She told him an hour ago.’

  ‘What?’ I’m flabbergasted. ‘But he told me earlier she was thinking things over, and he was giving her the space she needed.’

  Mum sighs. ‘Well, she seems to have made her mind up already. She doesn’t want to see him before she leaves, she said.’

  ‘She came to this decision remarkably quickly – and all because of what appeared in the papers today?’ I exclaim.

  ‘I think what happened between you and her at their flat frightened her very badly,’ Mum says carefully.

  ‘Oh, come on! She made the whole thing up – you weren’t there, I was. It was all an act. I get that she’s beyond hurt that everything is in the papers about her mum, but would you actually end a relationship over something like that? So much for her threats that she wouldn’t let anything separate her and Will.’

  Mum doesn’t say anything.

  ‘Does Will want me to go home?’

  ‘He’s very hurt right now. He doesn’t want you to feel pushed out, and he’s said if you need to stay, you can, but I think he’d find it easier if we could just let everything settle down a bit first. You probably should know Kelly asked him to cut you out of their lives completely, and he said no. That’s when she said it was over. I don’t want you and the children to go, Sal, of course I don’t. I want to look after you,’ she says, ‘but under the circumstances, I think it’s the only solution. Caroline is going to stay at yours for the next couple of days while we work out a better plan.’

  ‘Yes, Will mentioned you all think I need some “help”. Someone to supervise me?’

  ‘No! To give you a hand, love, that’s all,’ Mum says wearily. ‘I promise.’

  ‘Right, well, what do you want me to tell Chloe?’ I say, more quietly.

  ‘Just that it’s time to go home, only a little bit earlier than we thought it was going to be. She’ll be fine. Caroline will make a fuss of her. Get her to take Chloe on a few “Granny and Chloe” trips out. Come on.’ She pats my leg. ‘Let’s get you all packed. I don’t know how long Theo’s going to hang on with Dad downstairs, and Matthew will be here before we know it. Oh Lord! Is that the door now?’

  ‘It wasn’t me, Sal,’ Mel says desperately as the wind whips a wet strand of hair across her face and plasters it against her red cheek. She yanks it away as she stands on Mum and Dad’s doorstep in front of me. ‘I would never do that to you. I mean, I told Ed about it, I admit that, and he joked – we both did – about ringing the papers and selling our story, but we’d never actually do it. Not in a million years.’

  ‘But you’re the only person I told.’ I hold onto the front-door latch. ‘So if it wasn’t you…’

  She stands a little taller. ‘It wasn’t Ed,’ she insists. ‘Christ, Sal, I’ve been with the man for twenty-five years. I know what he’s thinking before he does.’

  I can’t help but remember Will’s comment about time spent together not equating to trustworthiness, and look down at the floor uneasily, not wanting to contradict her.

  ‘He wouldn’t, Sal, I promise you. You’re one of my oldest friends!’

  ‘Did you do it because I said I wished there was some way of getting rid of Kelly?’ I ask quietly.

  ‘No,’ she insists. ‘I didn’t. What, you think because you didn’t actually ask me not to say anything and it was just implied, technically I’d think I wouldn’t be doing anything wrong?’

  ‘I didn’t even think about that,’ I confess. But now you mention it…

  ‘I know you’d do anything for me, Mel,’ I say. ‘And I was very upset yesterday, but…’

  ‘It wasn’t me.’

  We look at each other in silence.

  ‘OK.’ I give up. ‘Look, Mel, I’ve got to go back in. I’m sorry, but we’re going home in a bit. Matthew’s on his way, and I need to get sorted.’

  ‘You’re leaving early because of this?’ She looks distraught.

  ‘Mummy!’ calls Chloe from inside the house. ‘Bing has finished and Granny Sue’s upstairs changing Theo!’

  ‘I’ve got to go in, Mel.’

  ‘Please – ring Will and tell him I’m really sorry, and it absolutely wasn’t me.’ She reaches out and grabs my arm. ‘You will tell him, won’t you? And your mum and dad, I don’t want them thinking badly of me either. Could I at least come in and talk to you while you finish packing?’

  ‘Will’s here, so I don’t think it’s the best idea,
’ I say uncomfortably.

  ‘What, now?’ Her eyes widen. ‘Why? Is everything OK? They haven’t—’

  I shake my head. ‘I can’t say anything more, Mel. I’ve said enough. I’ve really got to go. I’m sorry. I will call you when I get back though, I promise.’ I gently remove her hand, give her a quick, kiss, and close the door. From the sitting-room window, I watch her walk back down to her car, wiping her eyes, before getting in and driving off.

  I sink down heavily onto the sofa, putting my head in my hands – and I’m very glad when Chloe wriggles over, pulls my hands away, and gives me a warm kiss on my cheek. ‘I love you, Mummy.’

  I smile, trying very hard not to cry in front of her. ‘I love you too, Clo.’

  ‘You never, ever stop loving me, even when you’re cross.’

  She’s evidently picked up on all of the tension. ‘Never, ever,’ I assure her. ‘There’s nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you.’ I hug her to me. ‘I’ll always be here, and I’ll never let anything happen to you, Chloe. I promise.’

  ‘We’re on our way back now, actually,’ I say quietly into the phone, the hum of the motorway beneath us dampening down my voice, as Chloe and Theo sleep peacefully in the back of the car. ‘I thought maybe we could call in and see you tomorrow? At least then Kate and Chloe can have a play together. It’ll be something for Chloe to look forward to when she wakes up, and hopefully take the sting out of coming home early. Or you can come to us, if you’d rather?’

  ‘Whatever’s good for you,’ Liv says, slightly stiffly. ‘Matthew probably doesn’t want a house full of kids, though – I assume he’s working from home tomorrow?’

  ‘Oh, that’ll be fine, leave him to me.’

  There’s a pause, and for a moment I think I’ve lost her. ‘Liv? Are you still there?’

  ‘Yes. I am. Listen, Sal, I just wanted to say sorry – for everything. I’d like to explain myself properly tomorrow, if that’s OK? It’s probably better you come to us. We’re in until at least two anyway because I’ve got a new mattress being delivered.’

  ‘Fine. I’ll call you in the morning then, shall I? I’ll look forward to it.’