Everything You Told Me

by Lucy Dawson

  I make my way over to the sink on autopilot, to do Chloe’s drink. I can see why Ron made his mistake. He saw Kelly arrive at our house, but presumably missed her leave. The height difference between Caroline and me is very similar to the one between Kelly and me – but ultimately, he saw on the film what he wanted to see: Kelly the celebrity, pissed. Only it wasn’t her.

  It wasn’t her!

  I start to fill the small plastic cup on the draining board. I accused Kelly. She and Will have separated – and all along it was Caroline? She did all of this?

  But why?

  For a moment I can’t move. I’m completely unable to process what I’ve just seen, and the cold water begins to splash all over my hand. I look down at it and suddenly a hideous thought slams into my mind: Chloe. Is that why she’s been sick this morning? Has Caroline done something to hurt my little girl? I shut off the tap and dash into the living room, spilling water everywhere in my haste.

  Chloe is still sitting quietly on the sofa.

  ‘I’ve got your drink, darling.’ I close the door to Matthew’s office quickly and hurry over to Chloe, putting my hand on her forehead. It’s still cool, and her cheeks are a normal colour. I kneel down and peer at her closely, placing my fingers on her wrist to feel for her pulse, which doesn’t seem to be faster than usual. I listen carefully to her breathing, which is normal too. Her pupils aren’t dilated, and she’s sitting upright, not floppy-limbed or unresponsive.

  ‘Clo, did Granny give you anything to eat or drink this morning?’ I try to mask the panic in my voice, and force myself to smile at her.

  Chloe shakes her head.

  ‘And you don’t feel really, really sleepy, or like you want to be sick some more, nothing like that?’

  She shakes her head again.

  ‘Granny didn’t tell you it was a secret, what she was giving you, and that you shouldn’t tell anyone?’

  ‘No.’ Chloe looks thrown, and I can see I’m now confusing her. ‘Can I have my drink now?’

  I pass it to her and watch her sip carefully. Should I just take her straight to the doctor? She seems OK, but… Caroline wouldn’t hurt Chloe, though, surely? She adores her. Doesn’t she?

  ‘It doesn’t hurt when you swallow?’

  ‘No, Mummy. I can’t hear the TV.’

  ‘Sorry,’ I say anxiously. ‘Just stay right here, I’ll be back in two seconds.’

  I dash back into the kitchen and pick up my phone. I dial my mother and simultaneously pull the computer towards me, pressing play and intently watching the film as it re-runs and I wait for Mum to pick up. I cannot believe how calm she is. Caroline appears completely unperturbed – as if putting her comatose daughter-in-law in the back of a taxi with some stranger is a perfectly normal occurrence. Anything could have happened to me in that car.

  Mum picks up. ‘Hello, love! How are you? I was just about to call, but you beat me to it!’

  ‘I can’t really talk, Mum. Chloe’s just been sick. You and Dad haven’t got anything, have you?’

  ‘Oh no!’ Mum exclaims. ‘Dad doesn’t feel quite right this morning, actually, he’s got a dicky tummy. I didn’t think to let you know, love, I am sorry!’

  ‘No, that’s really great, actually.’ I feel wobbly with relief. ‘Thanks. I’ve got to go.’

  I hang up just as it gets to the part where Caroline serenely turns to make her way back into the house, and I shiver, as if someone standing behind me has just breathed on the back of my neck. While I’m now reassured that Chloe is probably all right, Caroline remains unquestionably dangerous. This woman I have known for nearly a decade, who I’ve trusted, has not only betrayed me completely, she tried to hurt me. How the hell can this be?

  I watch her close the door to my house and, as if I’ve been struck, I ball up my fists, still holding my phone, and press my knuckles into my temples, drawing my elbows tightly into my body, in total disbelief as I think about staggering around on that clifftop, confused and completely spaced out as I nearly fell… What did she give me to make me feel like that, to be so out of control and not be able to remember a damn thing? My breathing begins to speed up as the enormity of my discovery starts to sink in. If I’d fallen, I’d have died.

  Everyone would have believed I’d killed myself.

  I gasp as it hits me – is that what was really supposed to happen?

  I lift my head wildly, just in time to see, out of the window, Caroline appear around the corner, pushing my son up the drive, apparently happily singing to him.

  I slam the lid of the laptop shut and, fingers shaking, yank out the small card, shoving it in my pocket, before rushing to the front door and flinging it open, just as she arrives in front of me.

  She smiles, slightly flushed from the effort of the walk, and turns the pram so I can see Theo lying there happily. ‘Hello, Mummy!’ she says. ‘We had a lovely time, didn’t we, darling?’

  I fight every single instinct in my body to dart forward and rip my son out of the pram before slamming back into the house, so I can lock her out. She drugged me. This is real, and there must be a reason why she’s acting as if there’s nothing wrong now. Does she have something else planned? That has to be why she’s had no problem in staying here so much – unfettered access to us all. I stare at Caroline, terrified. Swallowing, I try desperately to gain control over myself so that she doesn’t realize that anything is wrong.

  She looks at me, puzzled, putting her head on one side. ‘Sal, are you all right? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’

  For a moment my mind goes blank, but then my mouth just opens, and from nowhere I find myself blurting, ‘It’s Chloe.’ I move forward carefully and start to undo Theo’s straps with fumbling fingers, before lifting him out and clasping him to me tightly. ‘Her temperature’s shooting up and I’ve just discovered I’ve got no Calpol.’

  She frowns with concern. ‘Poor little scrap. It sounds like she’s got gastroenteritis. Do you want me to pop out and get some?’

  ‘Would you mind?’ I gabble desperately. ‘I don’t want to leave her, and obviously Matthew’s working.’

  ‘I’ll go right now. Let me just get my purse.’

  ‘No! I’ve got cash here.’ I grab for my handbag – thankfully lying open on the floor of the hall, its contents already spewing out onto the carpet – and reach for a ten-pound note. She mustn’t come in and see that Chloe isn’t feverish; she’ll know instantly that something is up. ‘Here.’ I shove it at her. ‘Take this.’

  ‘I need my car keys, Sal,’ she says slowly, looking at me.

  I turn away instantly so she can’t see the fear in my eyes, and, thank God, there are her keys sitting on the sideboard. I snatch them up and thrust them at her too.

  ‘I’m sorry, Caroline, I don’t mean to rush you, I’m just really worried about her.’

  ‘She hasn’t got a rash or anything, has she? Her feet and hands are a normal temperature?’

  ‘Yes, they are, and there’s no rash. It’s just the fever.’

  ‘OK, well try and remember that’s a good thing, her body is fighting off whatever it is. Just keep her hydrated. Where’s the nearest chemist? Actually, anywhere will have Calpol, won’t they? I’ll nip to the garage, that’s probably easiest, I’ll be able to park faster. I’ll be right back, don’t worry.’

  I nod mutely and watch as she walks smartly to her Mercedes, blipping it open before climbing in and reversing out of the drive carefully. I listen until I can’t hear the car any more, and slam back into the house before breathlessly leaning on the closed door as I try to think what to do. I’ve probably got about ten minutes at the most before she comes back. Do I go and tell Matthew now? Show him the film? But he’s going to be appalled – he’ll confront her instantly, and the children are here. It will escalate, maybe even furiously, and now I know what she’s capable of, I can’t risk that. None of us are safe, potentially not even Matthew. It’s incredible that this can be true, but I have to get the children away from here
– as soon as possible.

  Theo bounces around on my hip as I hurry into the sitting room and crane to see if I can hear Matthew on a call. I can. Thank God. He won’t notice a thing.

  ‘Chloe, darling,’ I hasten over to the sofa, ‘we’ve got to pop out for a little bit. Can you come and get your shoes on?’

  She looks up in dismay. ‘But I’ve only just started watching this.’

  ‘I know, but I need you to come out with me.’

  ‘But I don’t want to. My tummy’s still achy.’

  ‘That’s why we need to go out, to get some sweets to help your tummy.’ I try to smile. ‘Come on, the sooner we go, the sooner we’re back again. You can choose the sweets,’ I cajole.

  She considers this. ‘Can I get one of the chocolate eggs that has a toy inside it?’

  ‘You can get two if you come right now.’

  Her eyes widen in amazement and she rather shakily gets to her feet. She really is under the weather, the poor little thing, but we have to leave. Immediately.

  Buckling them both into their car seats, I shove the change bag and the food bag containing Theo’s bottle, a drink for Chloe and a couple of baby pouches into the passenger footwell, carefully strap my laptop on the seat itself, and set off.

  ‘That’s fast, Mummy,’ remarks Chloe after a moment or two.

  ‘It is a bit, isn’t it? Sorry,’ I agree, trying to smile as if nothing is wrong. ‘Tell me if you feel sick again, won’t you?’ I glance at her anxiously in the rear-view mirror.

  ‘Where are we going to get the chocolate eggs from?’

  ‘Well, we’re going to get them in a little bit. We’ll have a drive first,’ I say, trying to think straight. What am I going to do? I can’t take them to Mum’s. Any sudden dramatic disappearance will make everyone think I’m having another breakdown or ‘crisis moment’, only this time they’ll tell the police I’ve got the children with me. I feel nauseous at the thought of being pulled over en route by a wailing squad car, blue lights flashing – then a terrified and ill Chloe and Theo being dragged out of the car by a police officer, for their own ‘safety’.

  ‘Hang on a minute, Clo,’ I say, and I take a sudden right-hand turn off the main road into a housing estate, then turn left into a small cul-de-sac. There’s no chance Caroline will happen upon us here on her way back from the garage. I pull over and reach for my phone to text Matthew.

  Just taken Clo to doctor. Sure she’s fine, but so hot I think they should check her out. Didn’t want to disturb while you were on phone. Could you tell your mum I’ll be back soon, so she doesn’t worry?

  He’s going to say do I want Caroline to come down to the surgery, I know he will. Sure enough, he texts exactly that, seconds later. Will it look suspicious if I don’t say yes? I chew my lip worriedly.

  No, it’s OK thanks. Chloe will want to go back in her car if she arrives and don’t want to risk Clo being sick in it. Tell your mum I’ll be back in an hour at most.

  There, that’s plausible, isn’t it? Caroline probably won’t think anything more than I’m just being neurotic about Chloe. So now I have about an hour before either of them will begin to suspect something. I lift my head, stare out of the windscreen for a moment, then make my decision and return to my phone.

  Hi Liv. Sorry I didn’t call earlier, and hope it’s OK, but I’m on my way over now. You still in? x

  I hit send. Please be there, Liv. Please don’t have already had your delivery and gone out…

  Thank God, the three scrolling dots of her typing a reply appear instantly.

  Definitely still here. See you in a bit xx

  I throw the phone down on the passenger seat in relief and, checking over my shoulder, pull out onto the road and start to turn around.

  ‘Are we going to get my eggs now?’ says Chloe.

  ‘Yes. We’re going to get them on the way to Liv and Kate’s.’ I give her a wide smile in the rear-view mirror, and she looks doubtfully back at me.

  ‘Am I well enough to go to Kate’s house?’

  ‘Oh, I think so, yes, darling!’ I lie airily. ‘You’re fine. You don’t still feel sick now, do you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Well, there you go then!’ I smile at her again, and she looks marginally less worried, before, unusually for her, lapsing into silence and staring out of the window. I glance over at Theo, who has already fallen asleep, and exhale heavily. This is the right thing to do. I can’t go to Mum’s and I can’t go to the police either. All the film shows, as far as they’d be concerned, is Caroline putting me in a taxi. That’s hardly illegal. I have no proof that she drugged me – and Caroline knows that. She’d explain it all away to them, and who would they believe anyway – the nutter they picked up on the clifftop in her pyjamas, or the respected psychologist with an unblemished record?

  Matthew is the person who really needs to see this film – and Liv knows enough about the situation to understand the significance of it too. I can trust her with this, I’m sure I can. I’m still angry with her for telling Matthew what I did all those years ago – but I can at least see she had good intentions, which were rooted in her caring about me. She will understand exactly why I want to get the kids away from Caroline, once I tell her the whole story.

  Except, what is the whole story? We reach the main road and I pull out into the anonymous flow of traffic. I have absolutely no idea why Caroline has done this to me. I’ve known her for years. I’ve liked and respected her; I thought she felt the same way about me too.

  How, then, can she have let me believe this was all Kelly’s doing? I even thought at one point that I might be seriously ill. She watched me flounder around in confusion, and all along she knew – she knew – exactly what had happened, and she was totally prepared to let Kelly, an ex-patient, take the blame for everything.

  Maybe that’s it. Perhaps this is about Kelly, and not me. Has this been about her using me to get back at Kelly somehow? What really is the deal between those two?

  But even if it has been Caroline’s intention all along to ruin Kelly, why would she put me at such serious risk?

  I shift in the driver’s seat uneasily. There is no escaping the fact that she did me actual bodily harm. She drugged me. Was it when she and I had the second glass of champagne, after Will and Kelly had gone home? She had plenty of time to slip something in my drink then. Jesus – this is horrific – she talked me through all of the various drugs that can cause memory loss, utterly calmly, when she knew what she had done? That’s psychotic.

  And I begged her to back me up by telling Mum, Dad and Will about Kelly’s toxic past. No wonder she didn’t want to! In fact, what’s to say it’s even true? I don’t know what to believe any more.

  I grip the steering wheel more tightly and think about her telling me that sixty-five thousand pounds was a small price to pay for Kelly disappearing off into the sunset and leaving us all unscathed. I trusted what she said implicitly, while all along, she was the one who had hurt me.

  I still don’t understand.

  Why has she done this?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  ‘Oh my God,’ breathes Liv, watching the film intently. My laptop is balanced on her knees, as the girls sit on the opposite sofa, completely absorbed by Frozen on the TV, and I jiggle Theo. ‘You’re right. It’s definitely you being put in the taxi, and it’s definitely –’ she peers closely at the screen – ‘not Kelly who’s doing it.’

  ‘Would you say it’s this woman?’ I hold out my phone, showing a family shot of me standing next to Caroline in our kitchen, who is holding a four-week-old Theo, while Chloe stands delightedly in front of both of us.

  Liv gasps. ‘Isn’t that Matthew’s mother?’

  I nod.

  Liv’s eyes widen in shock. Her voice drops to a horrified whisper. ‘His mother did this to you?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You’d gone to bed, totally as normal?’ Liv asks eventually, apparently, like me, trying to make sense of this.<
br />
  ‘Yes. I remember I could barely keep my eyes open, but I’m like that all of the time. I felt a bit sick too, but I assumed that was just me not being used to drinking any more.’

  ‘Then you woke up the next morning in Cornwall, in the back of that taxi?’ Liv points at the screen, and I nod.

  ‘And all along, you really did have no idea what had happened to you, until you saw this film?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  ‘I need to show it to Matthew, so he can see it with his own eyes, because I don’t ever want her near my children, or me, ever again.’

  ‘You don’t think you should just go straight to the police?’

  I shake my head. ‘This doesn’t prove she drugged me, and they won’t be able to charge her with anything. When Matthew watches this, though,’ I lower my voice, so the girls can’t hear, ‘he’ll realize that his mother has been lying all along, and that she’s dangerous.’

  ‘I don’t think you should risk going back to the house to show Matthew if she’s there too,’ Liv says, concerned. ‘What if she becomes really nasty and turns on both of you? Who knows what else she’s capable of?’

  ‘I’m not going to take the kids. I know this is a huge ask, but can they stay here with you?’

  ‘Of course,’ she says instantly.

  ‘Thank you so much,’ I say gratefully. ‘I’ve brought all of Theo’s stuff, and Chloe probably won’t want much to eat, if anything. I’ll be back by two.’

  ‘And if you’re not?’ Liv says. ‘Who do you want me to call in the event of an emergency?’

  ‘My parents,’ I say instantly. ‘I’m going to leave you their numbers, and one for my brother too. Don’t let the kids go to anyone else.’

  Liv starts to look frightened. ‘Even Matthew?’

  ‘No, sorry, I meant anyone other than him or me. But don’t worry, I’ll be back, Liv.’ I reach out and put what I hope is a steady hand on her arm. ‘I promise I will.’

  ‘I really don’t think you should go back to the house. Make Matthew meet you in a public place somewhere so that if she insists on coming too, she can’t make a scene.’