Timid

by Devney Perry

  “Thanks,” she said as I walked out.

  I held my breath until I was safely in my office, then I plopped down behind my computer. My stomach rumbled. I needed another Snickers, but they were in the kitchen’s candy stash.

  Dropping my head into my hand, I stared unblinking at my desk. Why? Why was he here again? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone to move on with a crush-free life?

  “Knock, knock.” Hazel walked into the office.

  I peered around her, expecting to see Jackson on her heels, but she was alone.

  “He left. I told him I was too busy for lunch and using me as an excuse to see you was lame.”

  I giggled. “Definitely lame.”

  She sat in the chair across from my desk, staring at me without a word. The silence went on long enough it was getting strange, but then she winked. “Make him work for it.”

  My eyebrows came together. “Work for it?”

  “For you. Make him work to win you over.”

  “Oh, no.” I waved my hands in the air, swatting that idea away. “I’m done with that. It’s too late.”

  “Uh-oh.” She frowned. “What did he do?”

  Hazel knew I’d always had a crush on Jackson. Everyone knew, except for the man himself.

  While I’d managed to hide my feelings from Jackson, I hadn’t been so inconspicuous with the rest of Lark Cove. Apparently, my longing looks and sheepish waves were quite obvious. I did my best to hide those, but my traitorous cheeks always flushed when Jackson was near.

  Hiding them wasn’t as easy, especially in a town where everyone seemed to be watching and wondering, Will today be the day Willa makes her approach? The answer was always no. I’d never been brave enough to risk that kind of rejection.

  Not that it mattered anymore.

  “He didn’t do anything,” I lied. “I’m just ready to move on. He’s not the man I thought he was, and I’m at the point in my life where it’s time to get serious about finding the right guy.”

  Hazel’s frown deepened. “Is this about him kissing Thea? Because there was nothing to that. He was just trying to piss off Logan.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “It’s not about that kiss.”

  Though, I wish I hadn’t had to witness it firsthand.

  Thea had invited me to Charlie’s sixth birthday, and it took a lot of nerve for me to even attend the party since it wasn’t long after Jackson had kissed me and forgotten. But I worked up the nerve to see him again because I didn’t want to miss Charlie’s special day.

  I arrived at Thea’s lakeside cottage—the one she and Charlie shared with Hazel—just in time to catch Jackson kiss Thea.

  There was nothing quite like the pain of watching your long-time crush kiss another woman.

  Especially a woman like Thea. She was gorgeous, with shiny, dark hair and seductive brown eyes. She was brave and confident and sexy. In other words, my polar opposite.

  I ran away from the party, too upset to stay. A few days later, I’d all but convinced myself that Jackson was in love with Thea, so I mustered all my courage and stopped by the bar to ask for certain. Thea swore up and down there was nothing between her and Jackson but a sibling-type love. I believed her and decided it would be best to forget the whole thing.

  Just like it would be best to forget all things Jackson.

  Still, the mental image of his lips on hers made me nauseous. The idea of him and any other woman made my stomach churn.

  Maybe that was the reason for his appearance last night. Had he run out of tourists to bang? Was I just next on his conquest list?

  “I don’t know what’s going through your head, but steam is going to come shooting out of your ears at any moment.”

  I focused on Hazel. “Sorry. I’m . . . mad.”

  “At Jackson?”

  “Yes.” No. Not really. I was mostly mad at myself. I was mad for giving him my focus for so many years.

  “Good,” Hazel declared. “Be mad. Take it out on him. I’m sure that whatever he did, he deserves it. Just like he deserves a thump on the back of the head every now and again.”

  “He deserves it,” I muttered.

  “Just don’t be mad forever. I’m not sure what has finally caused that boy’s eyes to open, but I’m glad for it. The best thing that could happen to him is you.”

  I opened my mouth to respond, but I had no idea what to say, so I just nodded.

  Hazel gave me a small smile and stood, going back to the kitchen without another word.

  I stared at the empty doorway, replaying her words.

  Make him work for it.

  Maybe Hazel was on to something. Jackson had a lot of work to do if he was going to prove his sincerity. My guess was that he’d be bored with his pursuit within the week and move on to someone easier.

  And after that happened, I’d truly be free to move on.

  Maybe the quickest way to let him go was to watch him walk away.

  Make him work for it?

  I could do that.

  “You keep staring at that door like you’re expecting someone.” Wayne chuckled from his stool at the bar.

  “Nah.” I tore my eyes from the door and opened the dishwasher, letting the steam bellow out. As it did, my gaze drifted back to the door.

  Wayne laughed again and took a sip of his beer. “Who are you waiting for?”

  “No one.”

  That was bullshit. I was hoping Willa would come in, though I wasn’t sure why. She’d blown me off today when I’d stopped by the camp under the guise of inviting Hazel to lunch.

  I’d caught her off guard when I’d shown up at her door two nights ago. She’d made it clear that I’d done something to irritate her. I just had no idea what.

  That’s why I’d gone to the camp today. I’d assumed that in broad daylight and dressed in something other than pajamas, she’d explain the problem. But hell, she wouldn’t even talk to me. She’d barely looked at me before whipping that hair around and rushing out of the kitchen.

  When I’d asked her last night if I was missing something, she’d said yes. But what?

  The only women I irritated on a regular basis were Hazel and Thea. Both of them were lousy at keeping their mouths shut, so whenever I pissed them off, I knew about it five seconds later. Willa’s silence was bothering me, almost as much as being turned down for a date.

  I never got turned down.

  Though, I don’t think I’d ever really asked a woman out before. I didn’t date. I hooked up. And the women I hooked up with didn’t get asked to dinner, unless they were eating here at the bar. They got asked to bed, then sent on their way after we were done.

  But with Willa, I wanted more than an easy fuck. It wasn’t every day I met a woman who had no qualms about slamming a door in my face. I had to admit, it was kind of a turn-on. I wanted to spend some time together and get to know her. Maybe that would shake the damn dream out of my head.

  Though, dreaming about her and all that hair wasn’t really a hardship.

  Because, fuck me, that hair was incredible.

  It’s what had caught my eye in Thea’s drawing. I wanted to spend intimate hours with that hair. I wanted it wrapped around my hands and threaded through my fingers. I wanted to feel the silky ends tickle my bare skin. Just thinking about her hair made my dick twitch.

  I needed more of that hair and the woman who grew it. If she wouldn’t agree to a date, I’d have to learn more about her in other ways.

  “Hey, Wayne. You know Willa, don’t you?” I asked.

  He choked on his beer. “Willa Doon?”

  I handed him a stack of napkins to clean the beer slobber on his chin.

  He dried his face and gave me a sideways glance. “Yeah, I know Willa.”

  “What’s she like?”

  “She’s great. Her dad is the science teacher so I’ve known her since she was little. She used to come into the school with him during the summers. They’d practice his new experiments before school started.”
>
  “Nate’s a good guy.” He was one of the first people I’d met when I’d moved to Lark Cove. He didn’t come down to the bar often, so I didn’t see him much, but he always waved and asked me how I was doing whenever we bumped into each other around town.

  I felt like an idiot for never noticing his daughter. How old was she? Nate wasn’t all that old. And his wife, Betty, looked like she was in her forties, not old enough to have a grown daughter.

  “How old is Willa?”

  Wayne shrugged. “I don’t know. I see so many kids at the school they all kind of blur together.” He thought about it for a minute. “If I remember right, she graduated the same year I got divorced. And that was eight years ago, so . . . twenty-six.”

  Twenty-six. No wonder I hadn’t noticed her years ago. She was too young.

  I was thirty-one. She’d been a teenage girl when I’d moved to Lark Cove. I didn’t have a lot of limitations when it came to the women I took to bed—women were beautiful creatures, no matter their shape or size—but they were all women.

  Except Willa wasn’t a teenage girl anymore. She’d grown into a stunning woman. A woman I should have noticed long before last night.

  How had I missed her?

  She came into the bar every now and then. I’d served her and her friends drinks. When she came in with her parents for pizza, she sat quietly and listened while Nate and I shot the breeze.

  Oh, fuck. How many times had I called her Willow? I was such a prick.

  “She does good work at that camp,” Wayne said. “Her parents have been bragging for weeks about her saving it.”

  I nodded. “I’m glad it all worked out. I’ve heard nothing but good things about that camp, and it would be a shame to see it close.”

  Logan may have bought the camp, but I liked the idea of giving Willa all of the credit instead. My eyes went back to the door, hoping it would push open and she’d walk inside. But it stayed closed.

  “Uh, I don’t know if you know this or not, Jackson,” Wayne said carefully. “I think Willa might have a little crush on you.”

  “No shit?” Then why had she turned me down for a date? Twice?

  He shrugged. “Just a guess.”

  So not only had I not noticed her, but I’d also missed the fact that she was interested in me. How was that even possible? Wayne had to be wrong. Willa had never once batted her eyelashes my way, given me a seductive smile or flashed me a cleavage shot. I was good at picking up on subtle hints from women.

  Wasn’t I?

  So how had I missed Willa’s?

  “Are we talking about the same Willa? Long, blond hair. Delicate face. Big blue eyes. That Willa?”

  Wayne nodded. “The one and only.”

  “Well, if she liked me before, she’s over it now,” I told him as he drank his beer. “I asked her out twice in the last twenty-four hours and got shot down both times.”

  He sputtered his beer again. “You’re kidding.”

  “I think I pissed her off.”

  Wayne started laughing. It began as a slow chuckle that grew and grew until the other patrons in the bar all stopped talking to watch him belly laugh.

  “Remind me to start charging you double for beers,” I muttered after he pulled himself together.

  “I don’t know what you did,” he wheezed, “but it had to have been bad. Willa is the sweetest girl in Flathead County. How’d you manage to make her angry?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  He scoffed.

  “Really!” I held up my hands. “I don’t know. I know I’ve slipped a few times and called her Willow. But in my defense, I’ve always sucked at remembering names.”

  The only way I remembered a new name was to do what Hazel had taught me in high school. I said a name ten times in my head or I came up with a pneumonic device. But neither trick had helped me get Willa’s right.

  “You do suck at names,” Wayne mumbled. “You thought my last name was Brown for the longest time.”

  Brown, like the color of his chocolate hair. “I—wait, your last name isn’t Brown?”

  “Christ, Jackson.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s Black.”

  “Sorry. Damn it,” I huffed. “At least I’m great with faces.”

  Bullshit with me for twenty minutes and I’d remember you for years. Tell me your name once and ask me to repeat it weeks later, not happening. Working at the bar suited me perfectly. I recognized repeat customers by their faces and got away with calling them by a generic nickname.

  Hey, man.

  Good to see you again, sweetheart.

  Welcome back, buddy.

  No names required and I was still the cool bartender who remembered his patrons.

  How was it that I hadn’t really noticed Willa’s face?

  “You really don’t know what you did to make Willa mad?” Wayne asked.

  “No idea,” I muttered and grabbed a glass. “I need a beer.”

  I filled it up, then shut off the tap. I examined the white foam around the rim, but before I brought the glass to my lips, I stepped over to the sink and dumped it out. Just two days ago, I’d made the decision not to drink as often and I sure as hell could go more than one day without a beer.

  “So what are you going to do about her?”

  Good question. I blew out a long breath. What was I going to do?

  I could just leave her be. I’d asked her out and she’d rejected my offer. It was done. Things would probably be simpler if I just moved on.

  There was a woman in the corner booth who’d been eyeing me all night. I bet she wouldn’t turn me down if I asked her to come home with me later. But the problem was, I didn’t have the slightest bit of interest.

  When I’d delivered their latest round of drinks, the woman had eye-fucked me. Normally that look would be enough to stir some interest, but my dick was fast asleep. At the moment, it only came alive at the thought of Willa. Just remembering how she looked earlier today in the camp’s kitchen, with her hair loose down her back, gave me a semi in three seconds flat. Saturday night, after she’d slammed the door in my face—twice—I’d walked home with a raging hard-on.

  Something about her just did it for me.

  So was I going to let Willa be? Would I take her rejection and move on?

  Hell no.

  I grinned at Wayne. “I’ll think of something.”

  Maybe I’d swing by the camp again tomorrow. Maybe I’d leave a note with some flowers by her door. I was in the middle of brainstorming other ideas when the front door swung open and Willa walked inside.

  I did a double take to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

  The sunshine streamed in behind her, making her hair look like waves of gold. She had a heart-shaped face, her high cheekbones flushed and rosy. Her blue eyes were mesmerizing, the color of the lake on a sunny day.

  How had I missed this? How had I missed her?

  Willa looked around the room, searching. When she found me, she froze, still standing in the doorway.

  I smiled and lifted a hand to wave, but before I could say hello, she was spinning back around and running out the door.

  “Wayne,” I called as I jogged down the length of the bar. “You’re in charge.”

  He laughed and threw up his hands. “Free drinks for everyone!”

  The bar erupted in laughter, but I didn’t stop moving. I ran past the tables in the middle of the room, nearly slipping on a pile of peanut shells, and yanked open the door.

  “Willa! Wait!”

  She was halfway to her car already. At my call, she glanced over her shoulder but didn’t stop. If anything, she seemed to be walking faster.

  Just not fast enough.

  My boots thudded hard on the gravel parking lot as I sprinted to catch up. I reached her side right as she beeped the locks on her SUV.

  “Hey,” I panted, standing by her door. “Why did you leave?”

  “I, um . . .” She fiddled with the keys in her hand. “I changed my mind
.”

  “Changed your mind about what?”

  She closed her eyes, drawing in a long breath. Then she squared her shoulders, lifted her chin and looked me right in the eyes. “What do you want, Jackson? Why are you asking me out?”

  Her questions caught me off guard. No woman had ever asked me why before. They’d all just said yes.

  “I, uh . . . don’t know.”

  “You don’t know.” She huffed and yanked open the door to her car, tossing in her purse before climbing inside, muttering, “Stupid idea. Stupid. Stupid.”

  “Wait.” I grabbed the door before she could swing it closed. “What was a stupid idea? Coming here?”

  “Yes,” she snapped. “I should have stuck with my original plan.”

  “What plan?”

  “To stay away from you.” She tried to shut her door, but I held it tight. “Let go, Jackson.”

  “No. Just . . . just one second, okay? Clearly, I did something to piss you off. But I’m not sure what I did. So at some point, you’re going to have to spell it out for me.”

  She frowned, tugging the door handle harder.

  Still, I didn’t let go. “You want to know why I’m asking you out? I guess . . . because I want to get to know you. I don’t know, something about this,” I waved my free hand between us, “feels different. Special.”

  Her mouth parted and her eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. Though she did stop jerking on the door handle.

  “Come inside,” I pleaded. “For just a little bit. Come sit in there and hang out. I’m sure Wayne’s passing out free drinks at the moment so you can at least take advantage of one of those.”

  Her lips turned up, just a bit.

  “Please?” I was begging now. I never begged.

  Willa made me stand there, sweating from the summer sun and her intense stare, until finally she gave me the smallest of nods.

  I did my best to hide my smug smile as she grabbed her purse and slid out of the car. As soon as she was clear of the door, I closed it behind her and walked with her back into the bar.

  I opened the bar door for her, and sure enough, Wayne was making himself comfortable behind the bar. Though it didn’t look like he was giving away drinks.