Timid

by Devney Perry

Just as I tugged my camisole up higher on my breasts, Jackson managed to get his note wedged by the lock and turned to leave.

  I stepped over to the knob, undid the deadbolt and opened the door.

  Jackson spun back around, his eyes taking in my bare feet and pajamas. “Hey. Sorry to wake you.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, chilled from the night air. It was August but nights in Montana were still cool. Not to mention that being around Jackson gave me goose bumps.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He bent and picked up the note that had fallen when I’d opened the door. He held it out. “I swear I’m not stalking you. But I didn’t think this could wait.”

  I took it from his hand and started to unfold it, but he stopped me. “Don’t read it. Not while I’m here.”

  “Okay.” I folded it back up, shoved it in my pants pocket and recrossed my arms.

  I didn’t say anything else, but I didn’t go inside either. I just stood there as we stared at one another.

  He’d chased me into the parking lot last night and told me that something between us felt special. Then he’d checked out that woman right in front of me. I’d had to sit witness as he’d drooled over her cleavage and raked his eyes over her ass as she’d strutted to the door.

  Had he gone home with her after I’d left? Did he even realize how much he’d hurt me? He treated me like second place. I was just a consolation prize. A nobody.

  I was right there—sitting right there in front of him—and he picked someone else. Again. The pain I’d felt at the diner came back in full force.

  I really needed that wish I’d made earlier tonight to come true.

  “Good night.” I gripped the door to close it, but before it moved an inch, he said the one word guaranteed to stop me and make me weak in the knees.

  “Willa.”

  My name, said in his deep rumble, had never sounded so good.

  “What?” I whispered.

  “Dinner. Tomorrow at the bar.”

  Was that a question or an order? I shook my head, closing the door another inch. “Good night, Jackson. Just . . . good night.”

  “Wait.” With one stride, he stepped close. Too close. My breath hitched as the heat waves from his chest radiated my way. My goose bumps grew their own goose bumps and it had nothing to do with the temperature.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I can’t get you out of my head.” Jackson lifted a hand and brushed his knuckles down my arm, all the way from my shoulder to my elbow.

  A shiver took a slow roll down my spine. “M-me?”

  “Yeah. You.” He ran his hand back up to my shoulder, sending a tingle of electric sparks to my fingers.

  The sensation made me sway on my bare feet.

  Was I dreaming? This had to be a dream. Or was it a prank? My heart dropped to my stomach as I realized this could be some twisted joke. Like the time in ninth grade when Oliver Banks had asked me to the homecoming dance only because his friends had dared him to ask Mr. Doon’s daughter. He’d danced with me once, then admitted he had a crush on Hannah and left to dance with her instead.

  Maybe someone had put Jackson up to this just to get a laugh. Was he making fun of me because of my crush?

  “Is this a joke?” I whispered.

  “What?” He gaped at me. “Why would you think this is a joke?”

  “Forget it.” His astonishment made me feel slightly better. “I have a long day tomorrow so . . .” I shuffled back a few inches.

  “Wait.” He reached out and cupped my elbow. “Why the hell would you think this was a joke?”

  “Just because,” I said, fighting back tears.

  I was exhausted and my wits were threadbare, so when I opened my mouth, the words in my head came out in a rush. “I’ve known you for years, Jackson, and you’ve hardly spoken to me at all. Then out of the blue, you ki—”

  I stopped before I blurted out that he’d kissed me before. There was no need to relive that level of humiliation. Since he’d forgotten about our night in the playground, I was going to forget it too.

  “I, what?” He nudged my elbow to keep talking. “What?”

  “You come here,” I said, recovering. “You come to my work. You tell me that something about us feels special, but then you check out another woman in the bar. Is that all you want? An easy score? Because I hate to break it to you, but I’m as far from easy as you can get.”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” He held up his hands. “I did not check that chick out last night.”

  “I was there. You looked right down her shirt and then at her butt as she left.”

  “That was not because I was interested in her. Trust me.”

  I frowned, sending him a silent yeah, right.

  “It wasn’t! You know what it’s like when you drive by a dead deer on the side of the road? You don’t want to look at the blood and guts, but you can’t help it. That’s how it was with that woman. And I only watched her leave because I was worried she’d twist her ankle with the way she was strutting around and then sue me.”

  “That’s . . . gross.” Although the roadkill analogy made sense.

  “I’m not here as a joke, Willa. And I’m not here because I think you’re an easy score.” He paused, then chuckled. “I’ve put more work into trying to get you on a date than I have with any other woman in years.”

  My jaw dropped. Had he just said that? Right when I’d stopped wanting to slam the door in his face, he’d ruined everything with that last comment. My hands fisted at my sides, my spine straightening into a steel rod.

  “Putting in some effort is funny to you? I know women normally just fall at your feet, but you’ll have to excuse me for not stripping off my clothes and falling naked into your bed. Really, I’m so sorry to disappoint you.”

  For once, my sarcastic comeback came at the right moment. Yes! I mentally high-fived myself.

  Jackson’s smile dropped. “That’s not what I meant. You took that the wrong way.”

  I didn’t care to know what the right way was. “Good night, Jackson.”

  “Dinner. Just one dinner and I’ll leave you alone.” He took my elbow again, stopping me. “Look, we don’t know each other all that well, but I’d like to change that. Start as friends. Go from there. Haven’t you ever seen someone before and just felt this need to know them?”

  Yes, I had.

  Nine years ago in a gas station.

  But timing had never been on my side. Back then—heck, three weeks ago—I would have agreed to dinner without question. Now, I wasn’t sure if having Jackson in my life was a good idea.

  I was inviting heartache to my front door.

  Before I could reject him, he let me go and took a step back. “Think about it. I’ll see you around.”

  Then he turned and jogged down my steps, crushing a few flowers with his boots as he went. Mom needed to get over and do some pruning. I was even having a hard time maneuvering the stairs amid all the greenery.

  I stayed in the doorway, watching Jackson as he descended the stairs and crossed my yard. Like he’d done before, he glanced over his shoulder, giving me one last look before continuing onto the school’s lawn.

  When he was gone, I went inside and closed the door. Then I sat on the edge of my mattress and flipped on my bedside lamp. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I slipped the note he’d given me from my pocket.

  Willa

  I’m sorry for calling you Willow.

  It won’t happen again.

  Jackson

  I snorted a laugh. I didn’t know what I’d expected to find in his note, but that wasn’t it.

  Setting the note down, I crawled into bed and snuggled in deep. I was beat and had another busy day ahead. I hoped I’d be able to fall asleep quickly and forget about the last ten minutes. But, just like the last time Jackson had graced my doorstep, sleep didn’t come easily. My thoughts were consumed with Jackson’s handwriting.

  And how much I liked se
eing my name written in his sloppy scrawl.

  The windows on my truck were rolled down as I drove through town the next morning, and the fresh air smelled like pine trees and dew. Not much could top this smell, except maybe Willa’s hair. I’d only gotten a hint of it last night, but it was enough to leave me wanting more.

  A lot more.

  It was cool this early in the day, but by ten o’clock, the summer sunshine would burn off the chill and it would be a hot one. If I didn’t have to work later, it would be the perfect day to take the boat out on the lake or go for a hike in the mountains.

  I might not have been born in Montana, but this mountain air called to my blood.

  Too bad my mother hadn’t dumped me somewhere like this instead of New York City. I might have had a happy childhood. But I guess things worked out for the best. I’d met Thea and Hazel in the city, which had ultimately led to my move here.

  And Lark Cove was where I was staying.

  The only reason I’d set foot back in New York was if Thea and Charlie decided to stay there with Logan. They’d only been gone a few days, but damn I missed them. I missed talking about stuff at the bar with Thea. I missed hanging with Charlie in her fort behind their house.

  For the first time in years, I felt the loneliness that had been so present during my childhood. Damn, I hope they come back. I wasn’t sure what I’d do without seeing them on a regular basis.

  Though I had to admit, chasing Willa this week had been one hell of a distraction.

  There wasn’t a cloud to be seen as I rolled down the highway, just the wide-open sky that was a shade lighter than Willa’s eyes.

  I stopped by the gas station to top off my gas tank and get a cup of coffee. Considering I walked most places in the summer, I rarely had to get gas this time of year unless I was taking out my boat.

  But I took extra care with my truck, never letting it get below a quarter full. I also made sure the silver exterior was washed and waxed regularly. I changed the oil at exactly three thousand miles and detailed the interior every two months.

  It was the nicest vehicle I’d ever owned. Actually, it was the nicest vehicle I’d ever been inside. When I’d finally had enough money to pay for a new rig outright, I’d driven my old Chevy up to Kalispell and come home with a big smile and a brand-new truck paid for in full.

  After my truck, I saved up for my fishing boat—also brand-new and also paid for in full.

  The only debt I had to my name was the mortgage on my house. It wasn’t new, but it was affordable and I’d been making extra payments to ensure that before I turned fifty, I’d be free and clear.

  I’d never wanted anything more than a life that was mine and mine alone.

  I didn’t want to depend on someone else’s hand-me-downs just so I had clothes to wear. I didn’t want to be at the mercy of the bus or train schedule in order to get to work. I didn’t want anyone to tell me where I had to live or the chores I had to do.

  My biggest goal was to be debt-free, and I was damn close to making that happen.

  I wasn’t a powerless kid anymore, stuck in a city alone. My life was mine, and it was a damn fine one at that.

  I finished up at the gas station and sipped my scalding-hot coffee as I drove down the road toward Willa’s camp. It was a gamble, showing up again this morning, but I was hoping now that she’d read my apology note, she’d finally cut me some slack.

  It hadn’t been easy to swallow my pride and write that note. But Willa was worth the hit to my ego and she’d deserved that apology for a long time coming.

  I turned left off the highway and onto the winding gravel road that led to the camp. It was nestled underneath a grove of tall evergreens, right on the shoreline of the lake.

  Properties like this had been slowly bought and developed in Lark Cove over the last twenty years. I had no idea how much the camp’s land was worth, but I was guessing it was more money than I’d see in my lifetime.

  I’d kill for a spot on the lake. I’d cherish a place where I could wake up and drink my coffee overlooking the water. I’d love a house with a dock for my boat so it could be ready and waiting at all times. But a home like that wasn’t in my future. Instead, they were reserved for rich guys like Logan Kendrick.

  At least he’d saved Willa’s camp.

  The gravel parking lot next to the camp was mostly empty, and just like I’d done the other day, I pulled my silver, half-ton Chevy next to Hazel’s Subaru Outback. I got out and took a look inside, seeing Charlie’s booster seat in the back. It was covered with snack crumbs, which meant it was time for me to take it for an afternoon since I kept Hazel’s rig just as clean as my own.

  With my coffee in hand, I followed the footpath down from the parking lot to the campground.

  The main lodge was closest to the parking lot and the first building visitors came upon. It was a huge log structure that blended in with the tree trunks. The main part of the building was a dining hall filled with wooden tables and folding chairs. At the back was the kitchen, bathrooms and Willa’s office.

  I’d gotten a tour of this whole place a few summers ago, courtesy of Charlie. I’d come out here to say hello to Hazel after she’d started volunteering and Charlie had dragged me all over the place, showing me each of the bunks and the inner workings of the lodge.

  Had Willa been there that day of my tour? If she had been, I hadn’t noticed. I’d been a blind asshole. All this time she’d been right there. If not for Thea’s drawing, I may have never opened my eyes.

  They were open now.

  I found myself searching for her constantly. If I was working, I kept one eye on the door, waiting and hoping she’d come into the bar. And if she didn’t, I’d hurry to close down the bar and hustle the few blocks to her street, wishing her light would still be on.

  It had been just days since I’d gone to her house that first night, not even a week, and I’d become completely infatuated.

  I liked how gracefully she moved, more like floating than walking. I liked the way her blue eyes were so pure and honest. I liked her shy smile and how she’d tuck her hair behind an ear when she blushed. It made me want to put my hand on her cheek with each flush just to feel its heat.

  I liked her.

  Willa kept asking me why I was into her, and though I’d done my best to explain it, I still didn’t quite understand it myself.

  She was just . . . special.

  I wanted to connect with her on more than just a physical level. Maybe I’d get that chance today.

  I scanned the rest of the buildings as I walked down the side of the lodge. Six small log cabins were scattered beneath the trees. Inside were kids’ bunks, some for boys and some for girls. I imagined they got a little chilly at night since there wasn’t much to keep out the cold, but I bet none of the kids cared when they were bundled up tight in a sleeping bag.

  A couple of boys came running out of the shower and bathroom building situated between two of the bunkhouses. They came hurrying past me on their way to a large firepit built in the middle of a clearing. Past it, lake water sparkled in the sun. A couple boats were out today. As soon as Thea was back from her vacation, I was taking a couple days off work and my boat would be out there too.

  My eyes tracked the kids as they hurried to take their seats on the log benches surrounding the firepit. There wasn’t a fire—I assumed the counselors saved those for nighttime. I bet they let the kids roast marshmallows all week. I bet those kids had a blast from sunrise to sunset.

  Would they let a thirty-one-year-old bartender come to camp? I’d missed all this kind of stuff as a kid.

  From the entrance to the lodge, a whole other group of kids ran outside. Eleven or twelve, they looked old enough to spend a week away from their parents, but not old enough to get summer jobs.

  I hit the double doors to the lodge and was about to step inside when a swish of blond hair caught my eye. From behind one of the small cabins, Willa walked toward the firepit with a group of girls.
>
  They were giggling about something. One of the girls tugged on Willa’s arm, pulling her down to whisper something in her ear. Whatever she said, Willa stood straight and began laughing with a wide and heart-stopping smile.

  My hand came to my chest, rubbing at the sternum. She was so damn beautiful it felt like my chest was going to cave in.

  I’d known Willa for years. I’d seen her face. Yet still, I’d missed her.

  How had I missed her?

  “You weren’t paying attention.”

  My head whipped around as Hazel stepped through the lodge’s doors and to my side.

  “I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” I said.

  Hazel laughed, her voice rough and hoarse from a thousand too many cigarettes. “You’re back.”

  I shrugged. “I was up early. Thought I’d come over and say hello.”

  Willa reached the pit and stood in the middle with all the kids situated around her. She was in jeans again, like she had been the other night at the bar. They molded to her firm ass and trim legs, accentuating every curve. The cuffs were rolled up at her ankles, just above her sandals. And she was wearing a red Flathead Summer Camp tee.

  Hazel was right. I hadn’t been paying attention. I just hoped that it wasn’t too late because I saw Willa now and wouldn’t be looking away.

  “How are you doing?” I asked Hazel as we stood and watched Willa with the kids.

  “Good. It’s quiet at home. Too quiet. I was thinking of coming down to the bar tonight to bother you.”

  I smiled and threw an arm around her shoulders. “That’d be great.”

  She leaned into my side, her arm going behind my back. Her frame was bonier now than I remembered as a kid. She’d gotten frailer these past few years. I’d been happy when she’d decided to stop working at the bar, but I wished she’d slow down even more.

  There was no telling her that. Hazel Rhodes did what Hazel Rhodes wanted. Period.

  “Have you heard from Thea and Charlie?” I asked.

  She nodded. “They called me this morning.”

  “Are they having fun?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  I grinned. “Good.”