Like Cats and Dogs

by Kate McMurray

  Randolph came back a moment later and said, “Cute.” To Diane, he said, “And next door is a veterinary clinic?”

  “Yes. One of the biggest in the neighborhood. They’re actually the only clinic in this part of Brooklyn that does emergency medicine and stays open all night.”

  Randolph nodded thoughtfully. “Interesting. Good to know. Well, it was nice meeting you ladies. Maybe I’ll see you around the neighborhood.”

  Randolph left with Newton in tow. Diane stayed quiet until they’d vanished from view. Then she said, “He’s trying to buy the building.”

  “I figured. I heard a developer bought the Star Café.”

  Diane turned to Monique. “Can I have an herbal tea, dear? Do you have that rooibos today?”

  “I do,” Monique said, fetching a cup.

  Once Diane had her tea, she headed toward the cat room, so Lauren followed her there. Diane greeted Paige and Evan before settling on a sofa.

  “That Randolph fellow wants to buy this building, too,” said Diane. “Which is comical. I have no intention of selling. Honestly, I think he wants to buy up buildings on this block to level them and put in a mall. No appreciation of history, these developers. This building has been here since 1923! It’s got character! There’s a rumor that Truman Capote slept with a man who lived in this building! How can you tear it down to put in a mall that no one is even going to shop at?”

  “Or they’ll put up a flimsy new apartment building that looks all sleek and modern on the outside but falls apart once tenants move in,” said Paige. “A friend of mine lives in one of those new buildings in Crown Heights and all her appliances broke down the first month she lived there and the building has mice.”

  “Gross,” said Evan.

  “It doesn’t matter,” said Diane. “I’m not selling. I figured I’d meet with the guy when he contacted me to see what he’s about, but he practically got out the tape measure when he was in here, and I did not approve of that.” She shook her head and groaned. “What’s up with you girls? And Evan? How are you all?”

  “Lauren hated the new vet, then she loved the new vet, then she hated him again,” said Evan.

  “Traitor,” Lauren muttered.

  Diane laughed. “That sounds fun. Winnie and I got our start that way, actually.” Winnie was Diane’s late wife.

  “Oh?” said Evan, leaning forward.

  Diane sipped her tea and gave Evan an appraising look. “Our first meeting was very awkward and we got off on the wrong foot. That was, gosh, 1975, maybe? I had just finished law school, and I went to this reception for female law professionals. Safety in numbers, you know. It was very hard to get a job if you were a woman in those days, unless you wanted to take dictation for one of the partners, which I did not. Winnie was a paralegal for a huge, evil corporate firm in Midtown, and I got a little idealistic with her the first time we met.”

  Lauren chuckled, picturing it. Diane had a bit of a retired hippie vibe. Winnie had died before Lauren had met Diane, but she’d seen pictures, and she could just picture someone as crunchy granola as Diane meeting a buttoned-up paralegal.

  “Anyway,” Diane said, “I ended up getting a job at her firm, because I have principles but I also had rent to pay. So of course I ran into her in the company cafeteria one day, and she let me have it for being a hypocrite, which I deserved. Things were pretty prickly between us for a while. But gosh, she was just so beautiful. My Winnie had a lovely face and these pretty blue eyes, and she wore her hair long in those days, and I had such a crush on her even though we generally argued whenever we ran into each other. And then one day I ran into her and we didn’t argue. I didn’t know if she was gay, and I didn’t know how to ask her, but we got to be friends, and then one day we got to kissing, and the rest is history.”

  “That’s so sweet,” said Paige.

  “So what I hear you saying,” said Evan, “is that you met this woman and then you argued whenever you met and then one day, instead of fighting, you made out, and then you fell in love.”

  “That’s about it, yeah,” said Diane.

  “Don’t even, Evan,” said Lauren.

  Evan crossed his arms and looked smug. “Because Lauren and Caleb fight, except one time, instead of fighting, they made out.”

  “Evan!” said Lauren. Although she probably should have felt relieved Evan didn’t say she and Caleb had slept together.

  “I can’t believe you told her that,” said Paige, giggling.

  Diane laughed. “Oh, honey, I know exactly how that goes.”

  “We’re not compatible,” Lauren said. “We’re not! He’s an arrogant know-it-all whose heart has been replaced with robotic parts or something, because he doesn’t seem to feel human emotions. He’s rude. He thinks the Cat Café is ridiculous. And he just got divorced and doesn’t want a relationship. What on earth could we be to each other?”

  Evan mimed making dollar bills rain.

  “What does that mean?” Diane asked.

  “Evan bet Lauren ten bucks she’d marry Caleb,” said Paige.

  “He’s going to lose that bet,” said Lauren.

  “I’m not. You just heard how hard she protested. She loves him. She’s going to marry him.”

  “Nope,” said Lauren.

  Diane clapped. “Oh, I do love you guys. But Dr. Fitch seems like such a nice young man. I’m surprised you don’t get along.”

  Lauren sighed.

  “I’m not even saying you and Dr. Fitch will be like me and Winnie. Because Winnie was one in a million. God, I miss her sometimes.”

  Lauren reached out and touched Diane’s arm comfortingly.

  Evan, who had always been uncomfortable with deeply emotional moments, said, “But you can see certain parallels.”

  “Maybe,” said Diane. Her smile was enigmatic.

  Lauren shook her head. “You’re wrong.”

  “I take cash or check,” said Evan.

  Lauren rolled her eyes and left to check on Monique. She heard Evan and Diane laughing together behind her.

  ***

  Caleb was manning the front desk when Lauren walked into the clinic. When she spotted Caleb, she frowned.

  “It is I, chopped liver,” he said.

  Lauren sighed. “Is Olivia here?”

  “No, she left about twenty minutes ago. Her daughter had a sporting event of some sort. That kid does, like, eight sports, so I don’t remember which one it is tonight. Soccer? Who knows?”

  “Yeah, thanks. Damn.”

  “What do you need?”

  The grimace Lauren made told Caleb all he needed to know about how much esteem she held for him. But she said, “She said she had flyers for the kittens that I could distribute during the adoption event. She said to come pick them up tonight.”

  “Yes, I have those.” Caleb pulled a manila envelope from a drawer in the desk. “Olivia doesn’t know you and I are sworn enemies, so she left them for me to give you.”

  “You’re not my…” Lauren pressed a hand to her forehead, took a deep breath, and held her hand out for the envelope.

  Caleb held the envelope for a moment. “You’re going to take this the wrong way, but I find you incredibly hot when you’re mad at me.”

  It was a dumb thing to say. He knew it would offend her. But once the thought popped into his head, he couldn’t stop himself from saying it. Because the truth was, though he didn’t relish arguments, part of him enjoyed riling her up.

  “That… That was a terrible thing to say.”

  “It’s true.” Might as well lean in, he reasoned. He grinned at her. “You’re standing there glowering at me, and you’ve never looked sexier.”

  She frowned. “Isn’t that, like, sexual harassment?”

  He felt guilty for a brief moment, thinking maybe he’d crossed a line, but the way her face went cri
mson indicated maybe she was into it, too. Was he an asshole? Probably. “You don’t work for me. I’m not even propositioning you. I’m just stating a fact.”

  She looked flustered, which was gratifying. “You’re an arrogant prick, you know that? You think just because you lay on some bullshit backhanded compliment, I’ll sleep with you again.”

  He shrugged. “Will it work?”

  “No. Remember how we don’t even like each other? Not two days ago, you came into my place of business and told me how silly it was.”

  “Actually, you told me I thought it was silly.”

  “You didn’t disagree.”

  “It’s not for me to say!” He shot out of his chair. “You know what I think? I think you provoke me on purpose. I think you think I’m pretty sexy when we’re fighting, too. In fact, I think that we’re making a mistake yelling at each other now when we could just be ripping each other’s clothes off.”

  Her jaw was loose, her gaze intense. “Give me the flyers.”

  He held the envelope behind his back. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

  She blew out a breath that made her bangs jump. “Okay. Fine. Maybe I enjoy our sparring matches a little. Gets the adrenaline up. But are you seriously suggesting we fight and then have sex, as if that’s a normal way to conduct a relationship?”

  “What relationship? We don’t have to be friends, even. But I think you’re hot, you think I’m hot, as I recall, we were pretty hot together, and so we could do something about that.”

  “So what are you proposing? An enemies-with-benefits relationship?”

  Caleb laughed. The absurdity of the situation hit him all at once. But then he realized it wasn’t actually a terrible idea. “I mean…yeah.”

  Lauren nodded slowly. “Is anyone else here?”

  “There are no other humans in the clinic right now, if that’s what you’re asking, but I should warn you Doug is due back any minute. We ran out of coffee this morning and he can’t get through the overnight without it, so he ran to the bodega on the corner. But then I’m off work and, as I recall, you live right upstairs.”

  “You make an interesting point.”

  Caleb wasn’t sure if he was a jerk for feeling a little smug that he’d persuaded her. He wasn’t even sure she’d been persuaded. And this was nuts. Was he really propositioning a woman he couldn’t seem to get along with?

  Yes. Because she got his blood pumping the way no one had in a very long time.

  He handed over the envelope. Lauren took it and lifted the flap to look inside, then slid the envelope into her bag. This was where she should have probably thanked him and left, but instead she stood there, staring at him.

  “So,” Caleb said.

  “Just sex. That’s what we’re doing. No romance, no flowers, no chocolates, none of that.”

  “Basically. Only if you’re into it, though. If you’re not, I was joking.”

  “But you weren’t joking. You want to have sex with me.”

  Caleb walked around the desk and stood in front of Lauren with no furniture between them. “I do. But only if you also want to. I know what I said was inappropriate. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you or anything. But if you think about it, this could be ideal. Neither of us wants a relationship, but we could probably stand to have some fun.”

  “Sexy fun.”

  “Of course.”

  He couldn’t read her facial expression. She did look great today, though. Her long hair fell around her shoulders, her purple button-down strained a little at her breasts, and her short corduroy skirt showed off her gorgeous legs.

  “I’ll pick another fight with you if it makes a difference,” Caleb said. “Cat lady.”

  She shot him a wry smile. “Actually, you want to grab some dinner before we do anything else? I skipped lunch today and I’m starving.”

  “Sure. That Italian place across the street any good?”

  “Yeah. A little pricey, but they make their own pasta and mozzarella in-house.”

  Of course they did. Brooklyn was full of places like that. The owners were probably some Italian family from South Brooklyn with a marinara recipe they’d passed down for generations. Caleb salivated thinking about it.

  Doug came back in then, carrying a whole sack of groceries.

  “You moving in?” Caleb asked him as he unpacked the bag near the coffee maker in the waiting room.

  “It’s the overnight shift. I need snacks. This is the city that never sleeps, but the only thing you can get delivered here at two in the morning is pizza.”

  Caleb laughed. Around his old place in Boston, everything was closed by midnight, even some of the bars, and no food could be delivered after nine. New Yorkers didn’t know how to cope with the fact that things closed and not everyone wanted to work all night.

  He caught sight of Lauren in his peripheral vision, her face inscrutable. Actually, it looked like she was trying really hard to look friendly and placid and utterly failing. She was still hot and bothered. Caleb wondered if he could keep that going through dinner.

  “Well,” Caleb said. “If you don’t need anything else, I’m gonna head out.”

  “Yeah, I’m good. Hello and goodbye, Lauren,” said Doug.

  “I came by to get the kitten flyers,” Lauren said, patting her bag. “Are you coming by the big party next week?”

  “If I’m not working, then yes.”

  “We’re going to be fighting to the death to decide who has to work the overnight the night of your adoption party,” Caleb explained. “Or, you know, we’ll draw straws or something.”

  “We heard there’d be free liquor,” said Doug. “It’s gotten contentious.”

  “You’re liquoring people up to talk them into adopting cats, aren’t you?” said Caleb.

  “I would never,” said Lauren with mock outrage. “I’m merely throwing a party. The aim is for people to adopt cats, yes, but we also want them to have a good time. Well, and Paige figured free booze would attract some of the local hipsters.” She rocked on her heels. “Can I see the kittens?”

  “Oh. Yeah, I’ll take you back there.”

  Lauren looked in on the kittens while Caleb went to the office to grab his stuff. When he popped back into the back room to fetch her, she was cooing and making baby noises to the kittens.

  “They’re so cute with their little scrunchy faces.” Lauren’s voice got higher and squeakier as she spoke.

  “They seem to be doing pretty well. I’ve been keeping an eye on Giant because he’s slow to eat sometimes, but he’s playing with the other cats and he seems very friendly.”

  Lauren looked up. “Could he still be sick?”

  “I think he may have a weak stomach, but he can live a full life if his eventual owners are careful with what they feed him. Or he’ll grow out of it. It’s hard to say with kittens this little.”

  Lauren stroked Giant’s head, and he purred gently and pressed up against her hand. She cooed at him.

  “We usually wait until they are about twelve weeks old to adopt them. They can eat regular kitten food by then. So they’re with us a few more weeks.” Caleb let out a breath. Her compassion was charming, but he didn’t want to spend all night squatting next to a kitten pen. “You read to go?”

  “Yes. Bye, little kittens. See you soon!”

  They left together a few minutes later after a lot of baby talk to the kittens. As they waited to cross the street, Caleb noted this felt suspiciously like a date.

  But, no, they were just fueling up for the hot night they were about to have. They didn’t like each other much. This was not a relationship.

  If he kept telling himself that, he might start to believe it.

  Chapter 12

  Dinner was…civil. There was a brief argument about whether to order red or white wine; Lauren won and they
ordered a bottle of white. It was a draw about whether cat pheromone diffusers actually worked to help keep cats calm—she’d seen them in action, Caleb remained skeptical—and they’d agreed to disagree about something regarding raw food diets for cats. The final argument was over dessert—they agreed to split something until it became clear Lauren wanted tiramisu and Caleb wanted cheesecake and there would be no compromising. There were instead two half-eaten desserts.

  Lauren let Caleb into her apartment and closed the door, feeling a little awkward now. They really didn’t see eye to eye on anything, did they?

  Except the crazy thing was Caleb was right; the more they argued, the more worked up Lauren got, the more sexually aroused she was. Caleb was very handsome, his light brown hair getting a little long on top and sometimes falling into his eyes, a couple of days’ worth of beard growth on his jaw giving him a slightly scruffy look, and his crazy athletic body all adding up to a quite appealing package.

  So basically, whenever they fought, she also wanted to rip his clothes off.

  But she wasn’t sure how to get the ball rolling now.

  “I’m feeling the need to call you fat and stupid,” she said.

  He laughed. “To quell your desire or to ramp it up?”

  “The latter. Why is it that fighting with you gets me so revved up?”

  “There’s probably some brain science behind that.”

  “I’ve got some beer in the fridge if you want a drink while I catalog your faults.”

  Caleb followed Lauren into her kitchen. She was a little more self-conscious about her living space now that she knew he lived in Brooklyn Heights. Her place was clean but sparsely decorated, a large open space with a bedroom off to the side. The sofa was secondhand, the TV had been a gift from her parents, and the dishes had once belonged to Evan, who had spotted some colorful china on sale one day and decided to replace half his kitchen. Most of the cups in the cabinet had logos printed on them, one of the bookcases tilted slightly, and the computer desk in the corner had come with her after an old roommate had left it behind. Her mattress, at least, was fairly new, but it wasn’t until recently that she started making enough money to even just live without roommates, let alone replace all her old furniture.