Bride of Second Chances

by Nordin, Ruth Ann

  Hank nodded and Irene said yes.

  Jane had no doubt the children missed her and she missed them as well, but she couldn’t believe that was why her brother paid her a visit. “I miss you both, too,” she carefully said before looking at her brother. “And what of you, Will? What’s in it for you?”

  He chuckled and motioned to the children. “Nothing’s in it for me. I am doing fine.” He paused and looked at Hank and Irene. “The children, however…”

  Her spine stiffened. She knew right away what he was doing and hated him for it.

  “It seems the four-wheel bicycle thing I invested in hasn’t turned out exactly as I hoped.”

  “I could have told you that. Or I did. I can’t remember.”

  His eyes grew wide and he nudged the children who smiled wider at her. “You’re right. You were right about Micah, and you were right about the bicycle idea. You bet I’ll be listening to everything you have to say from now on.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. From here on out, I’m going to be smart and do the right thing. No more foolish decisions. And as soon as I get my wages in two weeks, I’ll be on firm financial footing again.”

  She gulped, knowing she was going to hate herself for what she was about to ask but needing to because of the children. “Firm financial footing?”

  “It’s nothing, Jane. Just a minor inconvenience. Susie will find a way to put food on the table. I’m sure there are some old staple items in a cupboard somewhere.”

  Her gaze fell to Hank and Irene who were staring at the floor. She had no idea if Will was telling her the truth or not, but she wouldn’t be surprised if he squandered so much of his money that his family didn’t have enough to eat. Hank’s stomach rumbled, and something in her snapped.

  “You will stop investing in your friends’ business ventures,” she demanded as she stood up and handed his son back to him. “I’m not going to help you out again.”

  He took his child and didn’t reply.

  Her cheeks flushing from a mixture of anger and humiliation at being used, she strode to the kitchen and grabbed the jar off the shelf so she could collect enough money to buy two weeks’ worth of food. When she returned to the parlor, she said, “I’ll pick out the things you’ll need at the general store, and it’s up to Susie to make the meals. My place is here now, so I won’t be going over there to cook a single thing.”

  Looking relieved, he jumped up and nodded. “Yes. Whatever you say, Jane.”

  Clutching the money in her hand, she sighed. “With the exception of one meal. The children will eat something here before we go to the store.”

  “Thank you, Jane,” Will replied.

  “Is he hungry?” she asked, motioning to the sleepy baby.

  “No. Susie fed him before we left.”

  “Then go sit in that rocking chair and soothe him to sleep while I feed Hank and Irene. I even have some cake they can have for a treat.”

  The children’s faces lit up.

  “We missed your cakes,” Hank said with unbridled enthusiasm.

  Smiling, she motioned for them to follow her into the kitchen. “I’ll let you select the piece you want.” Without another look in her brother’s direction, she led them to the cake and proceeded to make their sandwiches while they cut out the pieces they wanted.

  ***

  As Jeremy walked home from visiting a parishioner who’d asked for his advice on a family matter, he neared the cemetery, his steps slowing. He knew he should visit Rebecca’s grave. He hadn’t gone since before he and Jane went to Omaha, and the longer he put off going, the harder it was to do. Taking a deep breath, he shoved his hands into his coat pockets and traveled the path that would take him to her grave.

  The basket he’d set out last time he’d been there made him wince. The flowers hung limp. He’d never let the flowers wilt before. He had to remind himself that Rebecca’s body might be under the ground, but it didn’t mean she was there. Glancing up at the sky, he wondered if she knew how long it’d been since he last came to pay his respects to her. He stared at her headstone, trying to decide what to tell her. Did he tell her he was happy? Did he tell her Jane was expecting a child? Did he tell her that he and Jane would be going to South Dakota once the temporary preacher arrived in two months?

  At the sounds of footsteps, he turned and saw Jonathan and Marcy heading his way. Marcy held their daughter in her arms and was saying something to Jonathan who nodded. He considered leaving before they could see him, but Jonathan made eye contact and smiled. Knowing he was stuck, he stayed still and forced a smile in return.

  “How are you doing?” Jonathan asked as they approached him.

  Jeremy cleared his throat. “Not bad. And you?”

  “We’re fine,” he replied.

  “She’s growing up fast,” Jeremy said, motioning to their daughter who was cooing.

  “Yes, it’s amazing how fast little ones grow. I hear you’ll be a father before the year is up.”

  “Yes.”

  Marcy shifted her baby from one arm to the other. “It’s a shame Rebecca never got to have a child. She hoped for one, but I guess the Lord didn’t see it fit to give her one.”

  “The Lord has His reasons, Marcy,” Jonathan said, his tone firm but gentle.

  “I suppose,” she softly replied and turned her attention to the basket besides the headstone, and Jeremy immediately wished he had thought to toss it aside before she could see it. Her eyes met his and she frowned. “I remember coming out here and finding Rebecca’s grave cared for. I should have brought something out.”

  Jeremy’s face flushed in embarrassment.

  “Marcy, that’s enough,” Jonathan muttered under his breath.

  “I should bring out something nice, Jonathan,” she said. “I’ve been negligent. She was my dearest friend in the entire world.”

  “Then do so next time you come here,” he quietly told her. Turning to Jeremy, he smiled. “I hear you’ll be taking a leave of absence.”

  Clearing his throat, Jeremy nodded. “For a month. The preacher who’ll be taking my place is on his way to California.”

  “It might be good to get away, even if it’s for a short time.”

  Jeremy’s eyes shifted to Marcy who gave him a disapproving look before he returned his attention to Jonathan. “I think it’ll be good for Jane and me. We’ll get to see a part of the country we’ve never been to.”

  “Did I ever tell you that Marcy and I went out of state one time? It was to Texas to visit a relative.”

  Marcy shuddered. “Horrible cockroaches down there. I’ll be glad if we never go back.”

  Jonathan chuckled. “One found its way onto her pillow. I never heard a woman scream so loud. I thought someone was killing her.”

  “Oh, it wasn’t that loud!” she admonished, bouncing her baby in her arms. “Those things are filthy.”

  “But they’re better than a rattler.”

  She closed her eyes and shivered.

  “Yes, well, I better go,” Jeremy said. “I promised Jane I’d be…” He glanced at Marcy, noting the narrowing of her eyes, and decided it was best if he didn’t finish his sentence.

  “Give Jane our congratulations,” Jonathan replied.

  “I will, thank you.”

  As he turned to leave, he caught the slight shake of Marcy’s head and decided to ignore it. His good mood was officially ruined. When he passed the tree where he’d etched his and Rebecca’s names on their wedding day, he wasn’t sure how he felt. Of course, he loved Rebecca, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel it was too much for anyone to expect him to remain as devoted to her memory as he once was.

  She died, and she wasn’t coming back. Why should he remain stuck in the past? What was wrong with wanting to move on and find what joy there was to be had in this life? He did everything he could to keep Rebecca alive. He went out in the middle of the night to get the doctor. He stayed by her side and made sure she took her medicine. He fed her an
d gave her water. He prayed for her. He did everything he could and nothing saved her. It wasn’t like he stood by and did nothing.

  By the time he got home, he was fighting back tears. He was tired of crying, tired of trying to hold onto the past, tired of feeling guilty for wanting to enjoy life again. He stood by the front door and took several deep breaths to compose himself before he opened it.

  “Jane?” he called out.

  The house was quiet. He went to the kitchen and saw the note she’d left for him on the table telling him she went to the general store and would explain why when she returned. Unsure of whether he was relieved or disappointed, he set the note down and hung up his coat and hat.

  The house was unbearably quiet. After Rebecca died, he got used to the silence, and most of the time, he welcomed it. But he didn’t welcome it anymore. He contemplated going to the general store but figured Jane might be on her way home. If that was the case, she’d be home soon anyway so there was no point in leaving.

  Standing by the closet, he closed the door and remained in place for a good three minutes. The only sound he heard was the ticking of the clock in the parlor, and he could swear it ticked in time with his heartbeat. He recalled bringing Rebecca home on their wedding day, the excitement he felt as their future lay before them. All the plans and hopes they’d had. How she fussed over decorating the house and how she enjoyed company. Often when he came home, someone would be visiting. There were times when Jane had come by to visit, and Jane would either come alone or bring Hank and Irene with her.

  And Jane was the one who listened while Rebecca told her all about her plans for the day. He hadn’t noticed how content Jane was to pursue activities without others until he saw her without Rebecca. It seemed to him that Rebecca needed to be around people as much as Jane needed to be alone, which was why most of the people in the congregation didn’t seem to care much for Jane. They misunderstood her quiet nature for indifference. Jane did care. She’d make things for people who needed them which she’d give them without them often knowing about it. If they knew how much she did without expecting anything in return, they wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss her.

  He rubbed his eyes and went to the kitchen so he could look out the window. She wasn’t walking down the path toward their house. Sighing, he headed for the informal parlor. Maybe if he worked on the sermon for Sunday, he could make the time pass faster until Jane was back, and he wouldn’t notice the horrible silence.

  Funny he should notice the silence. When he was home, Rebecca talked. If she wasn’t talking to him, she was talking to a visitor. Jane didn’t talk often. She would talk to him if he was in the kitchen or the parlor, but she didn’t bother him when he was in the informal parlor. Even so, he would hear her moving about the house, sometimes humming and sometimes talking to herself. He didn’t know why he thought it was cute that she’d comment on something she was doing.

  The last time he overheard her was when he was here in this room. She was sewing a shirt for an older couple whose wife’s arthritis had gotten so bad she couldn’t do it anymore. “I can’t believe I picked the wrong buttons,” she’d said from the parlor. She’d groaned and fiddled with something before she said, “That’s better.”

  The memory brought a smile to his lips. No, Jane wasn’t Rebecca, but why should she be? Jane was perfectly wonderful on her own merits.

  He sat at his desk, noting the way the chair scraped across the floor. He hoped Jane would be back soon. The house was empty without her. His life was empty without her. With a heavy sigh, he opened the Bible and gathered his papers to prepare his sermon.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jane returned home, wondering if she made the right choice in helping her brother. For sure, she didn’t want this to be a trend. He promised he’d stop spending money, and she prayed he meant it. Maybe knowing his children were hungry because he failed to provide for them was what he needed to see how destructive his spending habits were. She knew she’d have to tell Jeremy where most of the money in the jar went, and she wasn’t looking forward to it. Most likely, he wouldn’t be pleased. But she couldn’t let the children go hungry, and she decided she’d stress that if he got upset with her.

  She opened the door and stepped into the house. The scraping of a chair from the informal parlor notified her that Jeremy was home, and she fought the urge to leave. Sooner or later, she’d have to face him, so it might as well be now. She shut the door and waited in the entryway. Bracing herself, she cleared her throat.

  As soon as she saw him, she said, “I can explain about the money in the jar.”

  He walked up to her and kissed her. “What money?”

  Surprised, she glanced at the kitchen where the jar sat on the shelf, depleted of money. The thought occurred to her that she could ignore the topic, but it was a temporary delay in the inevitable conversation they’d have. He’d notice the lost money, and he knew she didn’t come home with anything. “I had to take some money from the jar. Two weeks’ worth of groceries, to be exact.” Before he could speak, she added, “But I had a good reason. My brother’s children were hungry, and I couldn’t let them stay that way. I could hear Hank’s stomach growling from across the room. Now, I know this is my brother’s fault, and he needs to be held accountable for what he did, but I can’t see teaching him a lesson at the expense of the children. I didn’t give him the money. I took it to the general store and bought the groceries to make sure he didn’t do something foolish with it. If I handed it to him, you’d have a right to be upset, but since I didn’t, then you don’t. I used wise judgment in this situation, so you can’t get mad at me. And no, I won’t give them anything else. I made it clear to him that this was only happening once.” She crossed her arms and waited for him to criticize her.

  “Am I supposed to be mad at you?” he asked.

  She couldn’t tell if he was teasing her or baiting her, so she opted to choose the safest route. “No, you’re not.”

  Sighing, he gave her a good look. “Did your brother get mad at you when you spent money in the past?”

  “I didn’t go over what was provided for me often. There were two times when I had to, and those were good reasons. I told him so, too.”

  “But he didn’t believe you?”

  “I’d rather not discuss it. It’s in the past, and I’d like to keep it there.” Stepping by him, she took off her hat and opened the closet door.

  “I’d give you my opinion on your brother, but that’s not the point of this discussion so I won’t.”

  After she put her hat on the shelf, she eyed him warily. “Good.”

  He went over to her and helped her take off her coat. “I’m not your brother, Jane. I’m not going to get mad at you for spending money on food for our nephews and niece.” As he hung her coat up, he continued, “We’ve been married for four months, and you still think you have to give me an account for every penny you spend. When are you going to learn you’re free to do whatever you want with the money in that jar?”

  She didn’t know what to say, so she shrugged.

  He closed the closet door and took her hand in his so he could kiss it. “If I should get mad about anything, it’s that you never spend money on yourself.”

  Her skin tingled, and for the life of her, she couldn’t remember what they were talking about or why she’d been so worried when she came home. He often had that effect on her. She’d be in the middle of talking about something, and all he had to do was touch or kiss her and she’d forget everything but him.

  “I want you to spend something in that jar on yourself next time you go to the store,” he said as he caressed the palm of her hand. “I don’t care what it is as long as it’s something you want.”

  “What?” She was certain he said something.

  He pulled her into his arms and pressed his forehead to hers. Stroking her lower back, he asked, “Isn’t there anything you want?”

  She gulped. She hadn’t been forward, not to the point of voici
ng what she wanted. “Uh… I like it when you kiss my neck.”

  He leaned back and laughed. “Haven’t you heard anything I said?”

  Her face flushed, she replied, “You asked me if there’s something I wanted.”

  “Yes, but I was talking about buying something from the store.”

  “Oh.” Now her face grew even warmer. “Oh! I thought you meant… Well, never mind. It’s not important.” Really, he had his hands all over her, and he expected her to think of buying something?

  “Don’t be embarrassed, Jane,” he whispered. “I’d rather kiss your neck than have you leave me so you can run off and buy something.”

  She didn’t think her skin could grow hotter, but it did. Pulling her close to him again, he kissed her neck and her toes tingled. Sighing, she leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him. She thought she might melt into his embrace every time he held her.

  “So you’re not mad at me?” she murmured as his lips brushed the skin beneath her ear.

  Chuckling, he whispered, “I love you, Jane.”

  “You do?” She thought to ask about Rebecca, but then thought better of it. Why would she want to remind him of her sister and ruin the mood?

  “Yes, yes I do. I love you.”

  And then he was kissing her neck again, and she gave Rebecca and Will no more thought. She tilted her head to the side and closed her eyes, aware that her body was getting ready for greater physical intimacy with him. Lovemaking was quickly becoming her favorite pastime, something she often wondered if she should enjoy as much as she did. Her mother had referred to it as a marital duty, which was why Jane decided when she married Jeremy that she wouldn’t deny him if he wanted to be with her that way. Not that she had any idea of what that way meant, but now she did and looked forward to it.

  His lips traveled from her neck up to her jaw and then to her chin before he kissed her on the mouth, and she parted her lips so his tongue could brush hers. She clung to him, moaning when he lowered his hands and cupped her butt.