by Ava Miles
She studied him for a long moment, making him feel totally exposed.
“I believe you,” she finally said.
He stopped holding his breath. “Thank you.”
She gave him a hesitant smile. “I know it won’t surprise you, but I didn’t sleep with anyone. There was an Italian man who pursued me while I was in Rome after our breakup, but I just couldn’t do it. I…still loved you too much, and it wouldn’t have been kind to him.”
He wasn’t surprised other men had wanted her, but he felt kind of glad there hadn’t been anyone, which also made him feel like a heel. “Thank you for telling me.”
“Jordan, I still have moments of worry that I might not be enough for you,” Grace said, her green eyes direct. “There are so many gorgeous women around you all the time. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, but I…crap…if we’re sharing, I might as well go all the way. I don’t want you to get bored with me, and being a new mom…well, I’ve worried about that too, Jordan.”
To give himself a little time to find his words, he stroked her cheek. “Grace, since the first day I kissed you, I’ve been scared of how much you make me feel. Before she died, my mom used to say, ‘that Grace is such a good girl, Jordan.’ You were a good girl growing up. You still are.” His mom had been over the moon when they’d started dating, but she’d died shortly afterward. It still saddened him she hadn’t seen how far they’d come, and it especially hurt that she’d never meet her grandchild.
“Good isn’t a compliment.” She made a face.
“It’s not something to be embarrassed about,” he told her, eager to make her understand. “When we first got together, you told me there had only been one guy in college, but you know I…wasn’t so discriminating.”
Plenty of girls had made crazy overtures because he was a football player. He hadn’t resisted some of them. He’d fallen into the same pattern when he and Grace had split.
“So let me be clear, while I completely and physically enjoyed your seduction scene tonight, it’s not something I expect—or need. I want you to share with me what you want to share. I’m glad you did tonight. But if you’re worried about being enough for me, you’re crazy. It’s the Grace that I know and love that I want to make love to. Okay?”
She smiled hesitantly. “I’m glad.”
His chest felt ten times lighter now. “I’m not scared of football, Grace, but I am scared of what I feel for you sometimes. I don’t ever want to lose you again, so you just keep telling me what you feel, and I’ll do the same. I’m in this all the way. I hope you know that.”
She sat up higher until she was lying on his chest, supported by her elbows. “The same thing that scares you scares me. Even if you had a normal body or a paunch, you’d still be it for me.”
He was oddly touched. “That’s good to know, I guess. I won’t be playing forever, and it would be devastating to find out after retirement that you were only in it for my hot body.”
Her laughter soothed his vulnerable heart. “You are pretty hot.”
“So are you,” he said, running his finger along her jaw. “I wish you knew what you do to me. Just by being you.”
She smoothed his hair off his forehead. “Even in my flannel nightgown and the missionary position?” she asked, a smile touching her lips.
He started laughing. “Even that. You do like your flannel.”
“Hey,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him. “It reminds me of South Dakota.”
He bit his lip to stop from making a Laura Ingalls Wilder joke. It was one of her favorite book series and a touchy subject. “Are we good now?”
“Oh, I hope so. If not, you’ll just have to tie a blindfold around me and do some more convincing.”
He blinked. “Seriously? You know I can pretty much go all night, Grace, but that would be pushing it.” In a flash, he had her on her back. “Just kidding.”
She rolled her eyes. “I was worried for a moment. You calling uncle? But let’s wait until tomorrow night. Ella is going to wake up at her normal time, so we should get a little sleep while we can.”
He gave her a soft kiss on the lips before turning and tucking her back against his body. “Tomorrow night then. Love you.”
She laid her hand over the arm he had wrapped around her. “Love you too.”
Right before Jordan fell asleep, he realized they were one step closer to him asking her to marry him.
Chapter 26
Grace was pretty pleased with herself: she had attended another game with Carlo in the owner’s box and managed to make nice with a few of the people in attendance. Chaz had asked again about when everyone was going to see a picture of their daughter, and Grace had finally told him flat out that it wouldn’t happen until Ella was older.
When she told Jordan how she’d handled Chaz’s question, he gave her his full support. His knotted brow told her he was a little anxious about the whole thing, but so was she, and it relaxed her to feel they were on the same page.
Their sex life blossomed despite the changes Ella had made to their schedule. Late evenings together were filled with lots of laughter and more pleasure than she expected a new mother to experience. Her heart was happy, and her body felt languid. She decided to grow her hair out when Jordan hesitantly shared he missed running his hands through it and feeling it brush his chest.
They asked each other questions. Listened. And shared their deepest thoughts and feelings—something they’d stopped doing before. Each day she fell more in love with him as a man. And then there was their daughter…
Ella continued to grow before their eyes. She started to babble, and Jordan loved to babble right back at her, which always made the baby laugh. When she popped her first tooth, Jordan raised her hands in the air like a champion. Family time became as special to them as the time she and Jordan spent alone, and that made her happiest of all. They had finally settled into a good groove.
They came to a mutual decision to spend Thanksgiving in Atlanta by themselves. Grace had to work that Friday and Saturday and Jordan had a game that Sunday. But Grace invited her mother to fly in for Jordan’s final game of the season the weekend after Thanksgiving. FaceTime was great, but Meg wanted to see her grandbaby again, and truth be told, Grace missed her.
When her mom arrived at the house the Saturday afternoon before the game, she held two brightly colored gift bags, one with a giraffe and the other a violet bow.
“Is that my Ella?” she asked, grinning from ear to ear. The baby babbled and leaned toward her with outstretched arms. “Yeah, you remember Grandma, don’t you, sweet girl? And Grace…you look good.”
“It’s so great to see you, Mom,” she said, holding a squirming Ella. “Jordan is sorry he couldn’t be here.”
She hugged Grace and Ella holding both bags. “I know he’s busy with the game tomorrow. Let’s go inside so you can open your presents, and I can hold this precious little baby.”
When they reached the den, they hunkered down on the floor. Grace pulled out the gift paper and tossed it out of reach so Ella wouldn’t put it in her mouth. She was sticking everything she could find in it these days, and since she could roll over like a pro, she could travel a bigger area.
“Oh, look,” Grace called out as she opened Ella’s present. “It’s a doll! Mom, did you sew this? It looks like the one you made me when I was little.”
“I was a little rusty, but after making two of them, I caught back on.” She laughed. “Your dad got weirded out by the first couple, so I put one of them under his pillow. I love keeping that man on his toes.”
Grace laughed with her, imagining her father’s startled reaction. Ella got a good grip on the doll and tugged it toward her, so Grace lowered her and the doll to the receiving blanket.
“Goodness,” her mom said. “It’s hard to believe she’s going on five months old already. Time flies.”
“It sure does,” Grace said, watching her daughter gum the doll’s brown hair, which her mom had made out of yarn. Sh
e waited for Ella to make a face at the taste and then shook her own head. “Yuck, yuck.”
“Her one tooth is so cute,” her mom said. “Any more of them?”
“Not yet,” Grace commented. “And I’m okay with that. I don’t want her to be without teeth, but it’s not so fun when I nurse her.”
Her mom gave a belly laugh. “I don’t miss those days. Nope, not one bit. All right, missy. Time to open your present.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything, Mom,” she said, pulling it onto her lap.
“Mother’s prerogative,” she said, patting Grace’s leg. “You’re my little girl too, even if you are a woman now.”
“Ah, Mom,” Grace said when she pulled out the small copper pot she recognized from her childhood. “This was Grandma’s saucepan!” Grandma had splurged on the pan on a long-ago visit to Chicago, and for a time, she’d been the only woman in all of Deadwood to own one. It was a treasured family possession that had been passed down to Grace’s mom ten years ago, upon Grandma’s death.
“I don’t use it much anymore,” her mom said, tracing the wooden handle. “I thought you might like it. Maybe you can give it to Ella one day if she takes to cooking like you and I did.”
Grace liked to think about all of the women in the family being connected by her grandma’s special copper saucepan. They leaned closer to hug one another again. This time, they held onto each other while Ella babbled in the background.
“You don’t have to tell me how happy you are,” her mom said, squeezing her tight. “I remember how miserable you looked when I came here when you were pregnant. My, how things have changed. Gracie, I’m glad everything is good between you and Jordan.”
“It is,” she said, smiling. “We’ve been close before, but we’re more in sync with each other than ever. When we’re together, we’re just together. You know? No TV or movies. We just talk and…” She broke off, appalled at what she’d almost said.
Her mother laughed in her ear and pushed back. “I know what a man and woman do, Grace. I’m so happy for you guys.”
“Me too,” she said, feeling her cheeks flush.
“Any talk of marriage yet?” her mom asked with a sly smile.
Her mom never beat around the bush. “Not officially, but we both feel like this is forever. I’m sure we’ll get there.” She was feeling more certain Jordan wanted her and her alone. He was stripping away all of her past worries—layer after layer of them.
“I’m sure you will too,” her mom said. “I’m happy to take care of Ella if you and Jordan want to get away for a few days or so once the season ends. Might be easier once you’ve weaned her, but it’s not impossible. You can pump.”
Getting away would be nice. Maybe they could go to Italy again and walk in Piazza San Marco in Venice, one of their favorite places in common. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Mom. I love Amy and all, but—”
“I’m your mom,” she said, leaning back on her elbows to recline beside Ella, who was kicking her feet with the doll against her chest.
“I’m feeling more confident about going to the games,” Grace said. “I’m not used to all the cameras yet, but I’m getting better about it. Jordan and I went out last Tuesday night and had a blast, but the reporters are never far away, including Farley. Or his fans.”
This time, he’d signed a few autographs while she’d waited for him at their table. She’d told him not to deny himself the connection with his fans, which meant the world to him. The chef had outdone himself on the meal, and afterwards, Jordan had used the leftover chocolate ganache he’d asked to take home all over her body. She wasn’t sure she was ever going to be able to make another chocolate dessert at Marcellos without blushing to her roots.
Of course, Farley’s comment in the paper the next morning that she hadn’t yet lost all her baby fat had dimmed her joy a bit. Jordan had called him a liar and a jerk and threatened to sue him. That had soothed her some.
Her mom looked over her shoulder. “Well, it’s six o’clock. I should get dinner started. I was going to make your favorite.”
Fried chicken. Yum. “Mom, you don’t have to do that. Really. I was going to put together an antipasti tray and make some shrimp scampi with linguini.”
“No,” she said with a determined shake of her head. “You worked today. You’re not cooking twice. Do you have chicken in the freezer?”
Grace rose after tickling Ella’s tummy. “No, Jordan has been eating more beef. And we’re out of milk for the gravy. Let’s just make what I had in mind.”
Her mom rolled her eyes. “I’ll just go to the store.”
“You know Atlanta traffic. How about delivery?”
“Grace.” Her mom held her gaze. “I’m making fried chicken.”
Her mother was immoveable when she was like this. Usually Grace ordered what she needed for the house at the restaurant and brought it home with her. Could she ask Jordan’s driver to go to the store for her? She hated to impose on him.
“What’s the problem here?” her mother asked, cocking her head. “I can handle the city traffic. I did when you were on bed rest.”
“But there was a local market around the corner,” she explained. “The grocery store is twenty minutes away down a major thoroughfare.” She hesitated mentioning that her mother grew flustered driving in the big city.
“Then you drive. Come on, Ella. Let’s go. Granny has chicken to fry.”
Grace realized she was wringing her hands. “Mom, I don’t usually take Ella out of the house.”
Her mother looked up sharply. “Ever?”
Her chest seemed to squeeze shut. “Well…Amy comes here, you know. I’ve taken Ella to the restaurant a couple of times, but she’s still pretty little.”
“Grace,” her mom said softly. “Are you telling me you haven’t left the house with Ella except to go to Marcellos?”
“The baby books say it’s not uncommon for a new mother to wait until her baby is a little older to take her on errands,” she said, her hackles rising. “I’m doing my best here.”
Her mom rose and wrapped her in a hug. “I’m not saying you aren’t. But Grace. She’s five months old. I know it’s a little intimidating to think about going out in public with her—not just because she’s little, but because of Jordan. Maybe I can help with that. We can go together for the first time.”
“Mom,” she said, her muscles tightening at the very thought. “I don’t…I don’t want to go out in public with her yet. I’m afraid something might happen.”
Her mom put her hands on her shoulders. “Gracie, it’s just the grocery store. It’ll be fine. We’ll be in and out before you know it. No one will be the wiser. Besides, you love going to the grocery store.”
“Not on a Saturday night,” she said, crossing her arms. “It’s a zoo.”
“Come on,” her mother said, giving her a playful shake. “It will be an adventure.” She picked up Ella. “Are you ready for your first trip to the grocery store, sweet girl? I wonder if you’ll like to cook like your mommy and your granny. Let’s get you in your carrier.”
Before she knew it, her mom had Ella buckled in and was carrying her to the garage. Grace’s legs moved like they were made of clay.
“Come on, Grace,” her mom called, opening the car door. “You don’t have to go. I can take her with me. I’ve got GPS on my phone.”
“No, I’m coming,” she said, grabbing her purse.
After securing Ella, they drove off. Grace’s hands were locked around the steering wheel.
“Breathe, Grace,” her mom said as they drove through the gates, her mom waving at the guards. “We’re just getting chicken and milk. Unless you need anything else.”
She shook her head. All she wanted to do was get in and out. “Nope, that’s it.”
Focusing on driving, she crawled along with the traffic on the main road.
“Goodness me,” her mother said after they waited through three green lights to turn left. “You weren’t k
idding about the traffic.”
No, Mother, she wanted to say, but bit her tongue. It took them thirty minutes to get to the store, and Grace was strung out by the time she parked in the crowded lot. There were cars everywhere.
“I’m going to carry her inside,” her mom said, lifting Ella out of her carrier. “Be easier than hauling this thing. Pretty cool, huh, sweetheart? Welcome to your first grocery store.”
Ella’s eyes were wide as she took everything in. When a Honda honked at a SUV for backing up without looking, she babbled wildly, drool rolling down her chin.
“See,” Grace’s mom said with a proud smile. “She’s eager to take in this new world. Come on, Grace. Let’s pop in and get what we came for. Won’t take but five minutes.”
But her mom was wrong this time as well. The aisles were packed with people shopping for dinner, and Grace’s nerves grew tauter when a few people stopped and stared at her, as if trying to place her. She told herself she was being paranoid—that no one would recognize her without Jordan—but her body felt like a tightly strung guitar.
“Why don’t you find the chicken while I grab the milk?” Grace suggested. “I can meet you at the checkout.”
Her mom narrowed her eyes. “Won’t be any faster, and Ella is enjoying looking around. Let’s stay together.”
As if to prove her grandmother right, the little girl babbled again and reached out to the balloons floating in the florist area.
“Fine,” she said tersely. “But let’s not dawdle.”
She increased her speed down the aisle, and her mom matched her. Ella continued to babble and take everything in. At least the baby didn’t seem anywhere near a meltdown. That would have been too much for Grace to handle.
Since they were there, she grabbed some sour cream in addition to the milk and followed her mom to the meat aisle. After looking over the choices, her mom pointed to a fryer.
“I’ll cut it up when we get home,” she told Grace.
Grace wrapped the fryer in a meat bag and twisted the top. “All right, let’s blow this joint.”