Maybe he was sabotaging himself and hoping she’d stop it before he did? But there was no getting over the fact he’d been a little desperate for Catrina to stay.
And then there had been that jolt when he’d helped her stand at the rock pool. Unconsciously his hands came together to replicate the action, as if to see if he could still feel that vibration that had taken them both by surprise. It had been bizarre, and he’d seen the shock in her face—apparently he hadn’t been the only one to feel it—before he’d picked up Piper to give himself a moment to recover.
He wished he’d told her it was Piper’s birthday tomorrow. Because at lunch, after an initial stiffness, conversation had felt so easy. It had been strangely healing to have her sitting opposite him as they both watched his baby playing. When Catrina was there it was easier not to think about where Piper’s mother would be tomorrow.
The guilt hit him like a fist in the chest and he sucked in his breath. What was he doing? How could he think that? He was a coward and tomorrow he’d celebrate Piper—he needed to be man enough not to cower in a corner feeling sorry for himself. He paid the bill and gathered Piper up in his arms.
Tomorrow he’d survive and Monday he’d see about getting a job.
* * *
Sunday morning Finn woke with a headache. Unusually, Piper had been unsettled most of the night and he wondered if they were both coming down with a cold. Or if the emotion of the coming anniversary of Clancy’s desertion was rubbing off him and onto Piper.
He took two paracetamol and a vitamin tablet, and hand-squeezed an orange to give Piper with her breakfast. Because she was still asleep, he decided they wouldn’t go out for the day if they were both unwell. He looked at the two wrapped presents he had for Piper. One was a tiny gardening set in a flower-decorated garden basket and the other a push-along block set for inside or out.
The cupboard above the sink drew his eyes and he crossed the room and searched for the packet cake mix he’d thrown in there a month ago in case he needed to make Piper’s birthday cake. The packet mix came with little blue cupcake wrappers, pink frosting and fairy princess stickers to press into the icing after they’d been cooked.
The instructions seemed basic and he set it all out, with the candle, for later when he could make some noise. He glanced across at Piper but she snored gently and he wandered to the front of the beach house and stared out at the waves across the bay.
He could see Catrina walking along the breakwall and watched her brisk walk as she strode further away, the wind whipping her hair across her face. He wanted to wave and call her and share the burden and the blessing of this day with her, but knew he wouldn’t.
‘Last thing she needs,’ he told himself out loud, keeping his voice quiet.
‘Boo,’ said a little voice from behind him and he turned to see Piper standing in her cot with her bunny cuddle blanket over her face.
Despite his aching heart, he smiled. ‘Where’s Piper?’
Piper pulled the blanket off her head and appeared like magic. Her eyes crinkled with delight at her own cleverness. ‘Boo.’
‘There she is.’ He crossed the room to her but before he arrived he put his hands over his face and then pulled them away. ‘Boo to you too, missy. Happy birthday, Piper!’ He lifted her up out of her cot and hugged her. She gurgled with squirming delight and he had to force himself not to squeeze her too tight.
He began to sing ‘Happy birthday’ but faltered halfway through when he thought of Clancy and all she was missing. Forcing himself to finish the song, he carried Piper over to the window. ‘It’s a breezy sunny day for your birthday. What would you like to do?’
Piper put her head on his shoulder and snuggled in.
Suddenly it was okay again. They could do this. ‘You feeling a little fragile today, poppet? Me too. But I’m making you a cake this morning. You can help by pushing on the stickers. It will be our first cake but your daddy is a doctor and supposed to be very smart. I’m sure we can manage little pink cakes for our birthday girl.’ She bounced with a little more enthusiasm in his arms.
‘Then we can sit outside and let the sunshine and fresh air kill all the germs, if there are any. No work today. Lazy day.’
He put Piper down on the floor and she crawled away from him to her box of toys in the corner with just a little less than her usual surprising speed.
He watched her go and thought about looking for childcare tomorrow. If he couldn’t find anything then they’d leave it all for a while longer. That thought brought comfort. Surely it would be hard to find someone in a small town like this at such short notice.
He glanced out of the window again down to the beach and saw Catrina was on her way back. She didn’t pass his house, or hadn’t in the past or he would have noticed, and he leaned towards the window and saw her moving up the hill towards the cliff opposite the lighthouse. She’d said ‘croft’ yesterday. Maybe she was in one of those three little cottages on the cliffs that matched the lighthouse. All white stone.
He’d liked the look of them but the real estate agent had said they weren’t for sale. He’d never actually gone up that way towards the hospital along the cliff path. Maybe it would be a nice place to go for a change when he went walking with Piper. Just in case he was missing out on a good walk, he reassured himself. But not today. He had promised he’d never drop in uninvited and had no intention of doing so.
Except the morning dragged. They went to the beach but the wind was a little cool to get wet and if Piper was coming down with a cold he didn’t want to make it worse. Before long they went home and played inside. But he felt closed in staying indoors. Piper seemed to have recovered and before lunch she’d become unusually bored.
So after lunch, full from eating little pink cakes and with a sealed bag holding an extra one, he hefted Piper onto his back and went for a walk up the hill.
Yes, he nodded to himself dryly, towards the cliff path, not totally directed to one of the crofts that he wondered might belong to Catrina, but certainly it felt good to be outside, with a fresh breeze blowing the cobwebs and fingers of darkness from his lowered mood.
‘Dad, Dad, Dad,’ Piper burbled from behind his ear—so Piper liked being outside too, and it was her birthday. He was supposed to be doing what she wanted. Each of his steps up the hill lightened his mood and the hill path was well maintained and solid under his feet. He could feel the exertion and decided Catrina could probably run up this hill if she did it a couple of times a day. He wasn’t quite up to that yet.
The path forked towards the cottages one way and down onto a cliff edge path on the other and he realised the crofts had hedges around them for privacy from below.
That was good. He wouldn’t want anybody to be able to peek into Catrina’s house just by walking along the path, but it was a tiny bit disappointing that he couldn’t see any of the buildings up close. Then he rounded a bend and the path snaked up again and as he trekked up the hill he realised they’d come out past the cottages.
Quite ingenious really. At the top they came out onto a little open area with a bench and an ancient telescope that had been cemented into the footpath to look out to sea.
He paused and bent down to peer through it, which was hard with Piper suddenly excited and bouncing on his back, when a voice spoke behind him.
‘I bet Piper is heavier going uphill.’
He could feel the smile on his face as he turned—he hadn’t imagined her.
‘Hello there, Catrina.’
‘Hello, you two, and what are you doing up here in the clouds?’
‘We’ve never been here before. And it’s Piper’s birthday.’
Her face broke into a shining sunbeam of a smile and she stepped closer to drop a kiss on Piper’s cheek. ‘Happy birthday, sweetheart. I hope Daddy made you a cake.’
Piper bounced and crowed.
‘Of cours
e. Though really we made cupcakes with pink princess stickers.’
This time the smile was for him. ‘I wish I could have seen them.’
It felt good to know he’d thought ahead. ‘By a stroke of luck, we do have a spare one in our bag which I’m sure Piper would love to share with you?’ He looked around and considered the logistics of Piper and a cliff edge. Maybe not.
It seemed that Catrina got it in one. ‘It’s too tricky here for a birthday girl. Come back and I’ll show you the croft. We can sit on the balcony; it’s well fenced and safe.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
Trina
TRINA TURNED ON the path and directed them along the other fork back towards her house, beckoning them to follow. Thankfully, facing the other way, Finn couldn’t see the expression on her face. She still couldn’t believe she’d invited them into her home. So blithely. Since when had her bravery suddenly known no bounds?
Well, she could hear Finn’s springing footsteps behind her as she led the way around the loop that led to the cottages again and within seconds they’d popped out onto the road outside the last croft, where Myra and Dr Southwell lived. As they passed the door opened and the older gentleman stepped out.
He smiled when he saw her, and then his face lit up further when he saw who followed her. ‘Trina. And Finn. And Piper. Hello. Delightful. So, you’ve met.’
Trina could feel herself blush. ‘Hello. Yes. At the beach.’ Glancing around for inspiration to change the subject, she added, ‘Lovely day.’ Not only had she invited a man back to her house but she’d been caught in the act. Everyone would know. Dr Southwell wasn’t a gossip but, seriously, Ellie’s father-in-law? Small blinkin’ towns.
Trina blushed again under Dr Southwell’s pleased smile.
‘The weather is super. Love to stay and chat but I’m off to the hospital.’ He waved and strode off.
Trina shrugged off the awkwardness with determination. ‘So that’s who lives next door on this side and my boss, Ellie, and her husband, who happens to be an obstetrician, Dr Southwell’s son, live on the other side.’
He looked around at the three crofts as they came to hers, and paused. ‘You’re well covered for medical help then.’ He smiled a little awkwardly.
‘Never too many in an emergency.’ She smiled back, too concerned with whether she’d left the house tidy before he arrived to worry about trying to read his reaction to her neighbours. She indicated her own front path. ‘Come in. It’s small but compact, much like yours is, I imagine.’
‘Yes. Tiny, but I like it. You’ll have to come and see my renovations.’
Not your etchings? She thought it and smiled to herself. Didn’t risk saying anything in case he heard the amusement in her voice. At least she could be amused by something that she would have run a mile from a month ago. In fact, she could have rubbed her knuckles on her chest. Darn proud of herself, really.
She pushed open the door and was glad she’d opened all the blinds this morning. With everything open the sea seemed to be a part of the room, with all eyes being drawn to the open French windows out onto the little terrace. She gestured him to walk that way.
‘Great view,’ Finn said after a low whistle. ‘That’s really magic.’ He walked slowly to the French windows and absently began to undo Piper’s straps.
Trina came up behind him and undid the other one. ‘Here, let me help.’ She lifted Piper out of the straps and set her down. ‘There’s nothing to climb on. I only keep the swing chair out there and it’s against the house wall. It has to come in when it’s windy.’
Piper crawled straight for the rails and her little hands grabbed on as she pulled herself up. She bounced on the balls of her feet. Finn followed her out and Trina stood back a little and admired them both.
A bouncy, healthy little girl and her gorgeous dad. She wasn’t sure when he’d graduated from attractive to other women to gorgeous for her, but she had to admit he made an admirable picture with his big shoulders and strong back silhouetted against the ocean. His long fingers rested lightly and then the curved muscles in his arms bunched as he gripped the rail for a minute. She wondered what he was thinking about as he stood guard over his daughter, his powerful thighs either side of her as one hand left the rail and brushed her small head.
Then the penny dropped. Piper’s birthday. And his wife had left soon after Piper’s birth. That made this time of year a distressing anniversary as well as a day for celebration for Piper. Tough call. She hadn’t even crawled out of bed on the anniversary of losing Ed.
Why hadn’t he said something yesterday? Then she chastised herself. Why would he share that with a stranger?
She swallowed past the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. ‘Would you two like a cold drink?’ She managed to even her voice. ‘I have a spill-proof cup I use for one of my friend’s daughters.’
‘Piper has her water here, thanks.’ He came back in and bent down to Piper’s pack. Pulled out a little pink pop-top bottle. ‘She’ll use hers.’ Then he pulled out a Ziploc bag. ‘Aha! Here’s your part of Piper’s birthday cake.’
He glanced back at his daughter. ‘Probably best she doesn’t see it as I had no idea she could gobble as many as she did and she’ll be sick if she eats any more.’
Trina nodded and swiped the bag, turning her back to the veranda and opening the seal. She lifted out the little blue-papered cake and admired the rough pink icing and slightly off-centre sticker. ‘It’s magnificent.’
‘Piper put the stickers on herself.’
‘Clever girl.’ She looked at him. ‘Clever Daddy for the rest.’
He looked at her. Maybe saw the lingering distress in her eyes and he closed his own for a minute and then looked at her again. Nodded. ‘So you’ve guessed it’s a tough day?’
‘You have a different set of triggers but I was just thinking I didn’t even get out of bed when mine went past.’ They needed to get out and fill the day with something. ‘How about we go for a walk along the cliffs further? There’s a really cool cave overlooking the ocean about a kilometre north I could show you. And there’s a sweet little dip of green grass Piper would love.’ She smiled at the thought. ‘She could probably log roll down the tiny hill. I watched some kids do that one day and it looked fun.’
She saw relief lift the creases from his brow. ‘That does sound good. Is there somewhere you’d prefer me to change Piper before we go? I have a change mat.’
‘You have everything!’ And wasn’t that true. ‘Change mats are great. You can use my bed and save you bending down. I’ll make a little snack for the meadow.’ She turned away. Excited for the first time in a long while with a task she couldn’t wait to play with.
She slipped in two small cans of mixer cordial that she’d bought on a whim. A packet of dates and apricots for Piper. She even had arrowroot biscuits, perfect for a little girl to make a mess with. Threw in some crisps, two apples and a banana. It all fitted in her little cool bag she carried to work each day, along with the tiny checked throw she had never had the opportunity to use for a picnic.
They set off ten minutes later, Piper bouncing on her daddy’s back and Trina swinging along beside them as if she was a part of the little family. She winced at her instinctive comparison. No. Like a party of friends. Looking out for each other.
The sun shone clear and warm on their backs as they strode along the path. The sea breeze blew Piper’s bright golden mist of hair around her chubby face as she chattered away. Trina decided Finn looked so much more relaxed out in the open. It made her feel good that she’d helped.
A cruise ship hugged the horizon and she pointed it out to Finn. Piper saw a seabird dive into the water far below and they had to stop and watch for a minute until it came out again with a fish in its beak.
Trina admired the skill of the surfers, bobbing and swooping like brilliant supple-bodied flying fish on the cu
rling waves.
When she commented, Finn shared, ‘I love surfing.’
‘I’ve never tried.’ Maybe she could add that to her adventure list.
Finn said, ‘When Piper is old enough I’ll teach her to surf. This looks a great place to do that.’
‘Dr Southwell used to surf every morning before he was married. Though I have to admit he did come a cropper when he was washed off the shelf last year.’
He looked back the way they’d come. ‘Really? Ouch. Which shelf?’
She pointed. ‘The ones under the cliffs, with the rock pools we were in yesterday.’
Finn frowned. ‘It doesn’t look dangerous there.’
‘It is on a king tide. And his timing was off if you ask him. They lifted him out with a chopper but the good news was his son met Ellie, my boss, when he came to locum while his father was away, and they married and are having a baby. That’s why I’m doing Ellie’s job for the next year—hence the change from night duty.’
‘Happy ending.’ His voice held only a trace of bitterness. She got that. But she’d moved on herself, thankfully.
She wondered if he’d heard his own subtext because his voice came out warmer than before. ‘So were they all the people in the restaurant on Friday?’
She’d forgotten. ‘Yes, that’s right—you were there. With Piper and your sister.’ She thought back over those present. ‘They were celebrating Ellie’s leave and my promotion.’
‘Congratulations.’
She laughed. ‘Thanks. First day tomorrow. We’ll see.’
She thought back to Friday and the pleasant lunch. Her own surprise to see Finn there. With another woman. Felt just a little embarrassed now she knew it was his sister. Hurried on in case it showed on her face. ‘The other older lady at the table is the one who makes the most divine cakes—Dr Southwell’s wife, Myra.’
‘I guess I’ll get to know them all. Dr Southwell’s offered me a place in his practice. I’ll start as soon as I can find day care for Piper.’
Healed by the Midwife's Kiss Page 5