In My Office, Now.

by June, Victoria

  "Mrs. Goldstein," Ethan drawled smoothly, taking me by the elbow again and ushering me past the stunned woman. "Have a good night."

  I could feel her eyes follow us down the hall.

  Ethan practically shoved me into his apartment, his mouth set in a grim line. My heart was beating rapidly, the thrumming in my ears from his possessive kiss dying down only as Ethan stripped off his jacket and shoes and stood waiting while I did the same.

  "Fuck." He muttered, striding past me into his apartment; silently I followed. "Now the whole fucking building is going to know."

  I could feel my anger rise again. "What's wrong with that?" I asked sharply. "You're not ashamed of me, are you?"

  "No Emma, I'm not ashamed of you." His voice sounded suddenly old, tired; Ethan sighed. "I just hate gossip. And that old biddy will tell everyone. By tomorrow morning they'll all be talking."

  Smiling faintly I crossed the living room to stand beside Ethan as he stood glaring out the huge window onto his balcony. The lights of the city beyond threw his handsome face into relief, etching the strong lines of his cheekbones and jaw with a dim glow. He was such a study in contradictions; tough-talking and rude one moment, passionate and masterful at times, and weary and irresolute the next. I touched his arm hesitantly; not at all sure what he really wanted from me.

  "Let them talk," I suggested, not wanting to hide the teasing grin which had snuck across my face. "I suspect you've given them so little to talk about over the years. So they'll know you have some young thing up here, who cares?"

  Ethan stood stock still, no emotion betrayed on his chiseled face; I had to admit to myself that he frightened me. How much did I really know about the Dragon? He was a damn good architect, that much was evident; but outside of his professional life I knew absolutely nothing about him. I guessed he wasn't quite old enough to be my father, but he was definitely over forty. Personally I liked the little creases around his grey-blue eyes and the smattering of grey hair at his temples. I'd always been attracted to older men, but had never done anything about it.

  At twenty-nine you'd think I would know more about men; but honestly, I don't. I have had exactly three boyfriends since high school, which means that I've slept with exactly three men, and one was so awful it shouldn't count. Calling my past boyfriends 'men' hardly qualified either; Craig was a bass player in a band, didn't have a real job, and lived with his mother; Andy made cappuccinos at my local café, fancied himself a writer, and lived with his mother; Victor was an artist with a show at the local gallery, a bevy of admiring female followers, and lived with his mother.

  "What are you thinking about?" Ethan asked gruffly, shocking me from my reverie; no one had ever asked me that before. His body was a solid wall of warmth beside me and together we looked out over the dark city skyline. The view from Ethan's apartment was amazing.

  "I was thinking you're the first man I've been with who didn't still live with his mother." I tried to hide my smile, but failed.

  It must not have been the answer Ethan was expecting to hear; his laugh was abrupt and sharp, as if it had been forced from his chest. He coughed, laughing and shaking his head.

  "What were you thinking?" I asked bravely; my stomach was in knots, afraid of what Ethan would say in return.

  "I was wondering what I was doing when you were born."

  That was not the answer I was expecting. I shrugged. "I don't know. How old were you in 1978?"

  There was silence for a moment. "Fifteen."

  "Did you wear bellbottoms and listen to disco?" I couldn't resist teasing and was rewarded with a rare smile.

  "No disco, although I might have owned one pair of bellbottoms." Ethan turned to stare down at me. "If you decide to leave now, that's fine by me."

  Again, that was not what I was expecting to hear. "Having second thoughts?" I chided, watching as the lines softened around Ethan's eyes.

  "No. But I thought you might."

  I made no move to agree or disagree, and instead returned my attention to the brilliant city skyline beyond the balcony doors. It seemed easier to look out there than at him.

  "You know, I wanted you the second I saw you come waltzing into Maddock Architects."

  I was speechless for a moment. "I… I thought you hated me."

  Ethan chuckled warmly, sending a shiver up my spine. "If I hated you Emma, I wouldn't have brought you home."

  "But this afternoon in your office, what about all those terrible things we said?"

  He reached out and tucked one wayward curl behind my ear. The brief touch of Ethan's fingers against my neck made me gasp. "I think you have a great deal to learn."

  There was a small hint of challenge in his voice and the tiniest edge of condescension which teased at my temper; I'd never desired someone before who I wanted to fuck one minute and throttle the next. Ethan said he wanted me the moment he saw me, and yet he'd treated me with disdain and contempt mixed in with grudging acceptance and antagonistic passion; he was right, I guess I did have a lot to learn, because I sure didn't understand what the hell was happening between us.

  "I suppose you're going to volunteer to teach me?" My voice came out edged with scorn I didn't really feel, it just felt safer with the Dragon if I had my guard up.

  Ethan arched an impossibly handsome eyebrow derisively. "I told you that you could leave if you wanted to; I'm hardly keeping you here against your will."

  I am so in over my head. My heart was beating frantically and I could feel Ethan looming over me again, but still I kept my gaze glued to the view outside. I wanted him; he knew it just as well as I did. Everything felt like it was spinning out of control and I knew I wasn't ready to let go. I shot a sidelong glance up into Ethan's face, once again his eyes were steely blue and completely impassive; if it hadn't been for his passionate kisses earlier, I wasn't sure I would really know that he did want me.

  When I opened my mouth the words that came out were completely unexpected. "I still have a lot of work to do on the Kendall house and the meeting is pretty early tomorrow. I should go." I turned my back on Ethan and crossed the room to grab my coat and the drawings I'd brought with me. As I slipped my shoes back on I looked quickly his direction; Ethan remained at the window, alone in the darkened room, his aloof features dimly lit by the glow of the city lights beyond. If he'd looked lonely or regretful that I was choosing to leave I might have stayed. But he didn't, so I left.

  Chapter Two

  That night I pulled an “all-nighter”, the first since university; partly because I was frantic to get the project presentation perfect for Mrs. Kendall, and partly because I was too keyed-up to sleep anyhow.

  Sleeping with the Dragon would have been a huge mistake, I kept telling myself over and over as I sat hunched over my drafting table in my tiny apartment, fingers frantically sketching out page after page of architectural details, until everything down to the antique hinges on the doors were documented. I didn't want to miss a single feature, terrified that Ethan would find my mistakes and parade them in front of everyone.

  I'm so freakin' unprofessional, so stupid for falling for the Dragon's little game. I'm no different from any other junior architect in the firm; he'll chew me up and spit me out, just like every other underling he's sent running in the other direction. Only this time he would have gotten a little ass on the side, which would have been convenient for him and a big mistake for me.

  My mind raced as I showered and dressed for the big meeting, all the time praying that Ethan wouldn't be awful to me, wouldn't reveal anything to Maddock or Mrs. Kendall that would betray what had happened between us the night before.

  Stupid, stupid, stupid; the chorus ran through my head as I went through my morning routine, struggling to make the bags under my eyes look less harsh; I wasn't going to let Ethan think my sleepless night was on his account.

  The lights were on in Ethan's office when I arrived, but the door was closed and I couldn't tell if he was there or
not. I didn't see a trace of him until the meeting was about to start.

  "Let me do the talking, Emma." The Dragon drawled expressionlessly as my shaking hands tacked the preliminary plans to the boardroom cork board.

  I opened my mouth to argue, but Maddock stood watching the two of us warily. Grimacing I nodded, too tired to argue; besides, I was scared I'd say something stupid and fuck up with Mrs. Kendall anyway.

  Ethan sailed through the presentation in an almost pleasant manner, answering Mrs. Kendall's obsequious questions with practiced flair. Maddock added his own opinions, and I sat shamefaced and silent through the entire proceeding. I didn't care so much Mrs. Kendall hardly seemed to notice me after we'd been speaking so often or that Ethan was taking control, but his smooth, detached manner pissed me off. Did nothing rattle him?

  I smiled when I should have smiled, passed the appropriate plans and papers Mrs Kendall's direction when prompted, and signed off on the contract and estimate like a good little girl, all the time hearing the meeting through a fog of exhaustion. Ethan barely spared me a glance, although he did give me due credit on the sketches, which surprised me. Seated at the head of the table, Mr. Maddock beamed down on us like some benevolent overlord while I struggled just to maintain a professional veneer.

  Mrs. Kendall fawned and gushed, agreeing without question to every expensive renovation we proposed and before I could really get a handle on what had taken place, she'd signed all the paperwork, commended us on our good work, and bustled from the room.

  I sat at the boardroom table, exhausted and dazed. Maddock sent me a wide, Cheshire-cat grin that I couldn't help but return.

  "Nice work Anderson, Emma. The firm is very pleased with your progress." He patted me on the shoulder in such a fatherly manner I just about burst into tears of exhaustion. "Didn't I tell you that Mrs. Kendall would be a great client? And I knew that you and Anderson would make a great team. This project is going to be wonderful. Mrs. Kendall has some very influential friends in this city. You just watch, soon enough the two of you will have more project offers than there are hours in the day."

  I mumbled my thanks as Maddock waltzed out of the boardroom, closing the door behind him; Ethan remained silent as he stood in the corner, watching me with hawk-like eyes as I gathered up our drawings and put them in order.

  "Emma," his voice was low, hinted with a note of warning. I couldn't look at him.

  "That went well, don't you think?" I asked brightly, hating the chipper tone I used. "She didn't say 'no' to anything."

  "Emma." Ethan hissed.

  "So, you'll start on the working drawings, and I'll put in a call to tender and see if I can find us a good contractor and a structural engineer; I think the roof needs more work than we originally supposed. I know Wesley Bruch does a great job on historical restorations, I wonder if he's available? I'll call him this afternoon and get him to send us a quote on his rates. Maddock probably has a list of contractors the firm has worked with before; I'll get a hold of it." I packed the signed paperwork into the appropriate files for the administrative assistants.

  "Dammit, Emma!" Ethan actually sounded earnest, and I looked up at him in shock. For a moment he almost sounded human.

  "What Ethan?" I asked wearily, tired not just from the late night I'd had, but from this endless game we seemed to be trapped in. "I suppose you want to talk about last night, want me to apologize for leading you on, or whatever the hell you call it. I'm not going to."

  "I don't want an apology." Ethan ground out, through clenched teeth. "I told you that you could leave if you wanted to. I wouldn't, however, mind some sort of explanation."

  I sat still for a moment, processing the request. Did I feel that he deserved an explanation? He'd phrased the question almost politely, a new tactic. I didn't trust him, but felt compelled to be honest.

  "I shouldn't have gone home with you last night, it was a mistake."

  "Nothing happened." The fact was stated coldly. Ethan's face was expressionless.

  "I know, but it was a bad choice regardless. I shouldn't have kissed you either." I lowered my eyes to the tabletop, tracing the grain of the wood with a shaky finger.

  "If I remember correctly, I kissed you." Ethan said bluntly.

  "Fine," I conceded, waving a hand dismissively. "Still, going home with men I hardly know is not a habit I've formed over the years. I've never done it Ethan, I shouldn't start now. I wasn't thinking clearly last night, but sleeping with you would have been a mistake." I went back to tracing the lines of the wooden tabletop, watching out of the corner of my eye as Ethan began to pace the room.

  "It's not professional, Ethan. It's not right. I have my career to consider, my reputation; as do you. I've risked too much to get a job at this firm, worked too hard. I can't throw it all away simply because I want to sleep with you. I'm not that sort of girl, and I don't think you're that sort of guy either.”

  Ethan was behind me now, pacing back and forth like a caged leopard. I blundered bravely on. "We have to work together to get this project finished and then maybe I'll talk to Maddock and ask that we never are partnered again. He won't like it, but it might be best."

  Ethan leaned over me from behind, bracing his arms on the table on either side of me, whispering in my ear. "What about us?"

  "What about us? Nothing happened, Ethan. We should keep it that way."

  "Why?"

  I wanted to spin about and look him in the face, but he blocked all efforts to move my chair; his breath was hot against my neck, his voice low and sensual in my ear.

  "W-why?" I sputtered, stunned at the sudden change in events; a moment ago I'd felt in control. "I just told you why."

  "No," Ethan purred dangerously in my ear. "You spouted off a load of bullshit, all the prim and proper arguments, but you still haven't given me the reason why you left last night."

  "I told you, it isn't right."

  I couldn't see his face, but I knew one raven eyebrow had shot instantly to the ceiling. "I'm single; you're single. I want you; you want me. What's the problem?"

  I sighed in frustration, feeling the heat rise in my face. "Fine Ethan, I chickened out. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

  "Why?"

  Fuck; it figured that the Dragon wasn't going to make it easy for me. "You scare me. This scares me," I touched the back of his hand tentatively, watching as his long fingers jerked reflexively. "I told you, I don't do things like this. I never have. And you make me feel…"

  "Young?"

  I almost laughed. "Yes. Young. And inexperienced. And foolish. You got me to admit it. Happy?"

  "What sort of person do you think I am, Emma? Some violent ravisher of innocent girls? Some depraved pervert who preys on a smaller, weaker victim?"

  "That's the problem!" I cried. "I don't know anything about you. What sort of person do I think you are Ethan? I hardly know. You stomp around this office, snapping and growling at anyone under you; you have the reputation of tearing junior architects to shreds if they so much as look at you the wrong way; you yell at me one minute and kiss me the next; you bring me home and then let me leave without so much as a word. So do I know what sort of person you are, Ethan? No! How can I? You won't let me."

  "Do you want to reform me, Emma? Turn me from this bad guy into some shining hero?" Ethan's voice was low and hard as steel. I was glad my back was to him; I didn't want to see his face when he spoke like that.

  "No," I whispered shakily, feeling a small frisson of doubt inch in beside my frustration. "I'm not here to save you Ethan. I just want to know you."

  "What do you want to know?" His voice was chilly with sarcasm. "That I'm 44 years old and I have two failed marriages? That I've worked for Maddock for almost twenty years and I'm starting to think he'll never make me a partner in this fucking firm? That I've watched a hundred junior architects come and go and you're the first one even worth mentioning? That you're so unaware of your talent that it scares me?
r />   "You're better than me Emma, better than everyone else in that room out there, and instead of making me proud it makes me angry, because I feel like I've accomplished nothing in my life. And to top it all off I want you badly, more than I've wanted a woman in a very long time.

  "It keeps me awake at night, thinking about you and all the things I want to do to you. I don't care Emma, if you're young and inexperienced, I want to teach you everything I know about sex; to bend you over and fill you so deeply it makes you scream; to fuck you until neither of us can stand or think straight; to feel your fingernails scrape along my spine as I come inside you."