A Cowboy for Mom

by Honor James

  “Whatever. Do what you want, Carson. I’m too tired to argue,” she said very softly. “You know…” She walked away from him and toward the house. Looking back at him, she said, “Do you know for fifteen years I’ve loved you. Even before that. I think that I’ve loved you since I was six but that was never enough, was it?” She hesitated. “I was never enough, was I?”

  “You don’t get it,” he said behind her. “I never fucking stopped loving you!” he yelled back at her. “You ripped my fucking heart out when you vanished, and just when I think I might be able to live without you in my life, you come wandering back in. Fuck it, do what you want, Jen, you always have and you always will. After all, look out for number one, right?” She heard the crunch of gravel and knew he was walking away from her.

  She shook her head and sighed. “Yeah, but my number one is our daughter.” Her heart broke all over again. It was the exact same feeling she had when Bev told her to take a hike, just this time it was him telling her to get out of his life. Yep, wonderful.

  Sadness dragged at her as she walked into the house and pulled out her suitcase. “Come on, Care, we are leaving.” She didn’t give a good hot damn what the studio did to her at this point in time. Couldn’t be worse than she felt at the moment.

  Carrie looked at her mom, frowned, and sighed. “This is crazy. You are in love with him and he broke your heart again, didn’t he?” She shook her head and put the things she had pulled out back into her backpack. “Fine. Let’s get out of here. I thought it might be different, but obviously I was wrong. He’s just as much an ass as I thought he was.”

  She paused and shook her head. “No, Carrie, that’s not who he is. He’s not an ass. He is your father. He’s a good man who got the short end of the stick. You are never to talk about him like that. This is all on me, not him.” Again she was taking the blame for everything. “So lose it, little lady. Later I will have my attorney get in touch with him, and they can work out a schedule so that you can get to know him. He’s a good man, and he is your father.” She turned her back once more and finished packing. “Now then, you ready?” At her daughter’s nod, she smiled and gave her a hug. “Come on, little love, let’s go home.” Wrapping her arm around her daughter’s shoulders, she led her out and toward the SUV.

  “You’d best just shoot him now,” Esther said as they stepped off the porch. “After the last time it would be less painful to watch than to see him fall back into that hole again. Hell, I’ll even load the ammo for you and point you to where he went so you can do it quick like.” She moved into the light from the spot she’d been in on the rocker.

  “If you leave, don’t even bother contacting him again. He’ll be so broken, it’ll just be like twisting the knife, Jennifer MacElroy. Yeah,” she nodded when Jen jolted. “I knew who you were from the moment you stepped foot on this property. But I thought I’d wait and see how it played out. My mistake—thinking you’d actually grown up and grown a spine in all that time, and a pair of eyes. That boy’s been hurting for you for fifteen years, just like I think you have for him. Idiots, both of you,” she said. Crossing her arms over her chest, she lifted her chin. “So, should I load the Winchester for you, or are you going to get your head out of your ass and get his screwed back on straight again?”

  She shrugged and looked at Esther. “He’s made it clear he doesn’t want me around. I think I should just take his word for it.” Jennifer was pissed that yet another person was making this all her fault—again. “So I would suggest that before you make him the martyr, you talk to him about what he wants. Get in the car, Carrie.” she told her daughter. “Time to go home.” She eyed Esther, and when her daughter was in the vehicle she said, “He wants me gone, I’m gone. I suggest that you talk to him about what he wants instead of putting the blame on me. I didn’t appreciate it then and I don’t appreciate it now.”

  “My God, are you truly that blind?” she asked. Shaking her head, Esther suddenly looked exhausted. “Go, you’re going to do just what you want to do, just as you did then, with the full knowledge of what your actions will do. So go.”

  “Esther, stop,” came Carson’s voice, quietly from behind her. “This isn’t her fault so let it drop. She owes me nothing and never has. I sent her running and I’ll have to live with that knowledge until the day I die. Let her be,” he whispered. Then he stepped around her and paused slightly. “Be happy, Jen. That’s all I ever wanted for you, be happy and have a good life.” Stepping around her, he trudged up the steps into the house past Esther, who looked ready to cry.

  She snorted and shook her head. “Yeah, that happiness won’t come. It was taken from me a long time ago.” She looked to Esther and said, “You might want to put your words to him. I’ve never stopped loving him, but obviously he stopped loving me a long-assed time ago.” She turned and walked away. Maybe it was better that way.

  “My God, are you stubborn, both of you. You damn well know he loves you. He wouldn’t be letting you go when you’re so damned miserable even being near him if he didn’t, you ungrateful woman. And you, you are letting the only person you truly loved just leave out of some stupid need to redeem yourself for the vile things your sister did? You are an idiot and an ass and don’t deserve either one of those girls. Either you two fix this right now and figure out your sister set this up long ago to ensure you never stayed together, or I’m bloody well shooting you both.”

  “What are you talking about, Esther?” Carson’s voice had a hard edge to it.

  “That party, the one where you went crazy and yelled at her…” the older woman sounded really hesitant suddenly. “Bev’s the one that set it all up. She put the bug in your ear with all her talk of seeing Jennifer with other guys and then arranged for that boy to grope her a little. She knew how jealous you got in regard to her and arranged it so that you’d break up with her publicly.”

  “Why?” he hissed, sounding really pissed suddenly.

  “Because she always had to be number one, you know that. We both know that’s why you kept Jen away from her, to keep her from being exposed to your sister’s venom. That’s why you never told Jennifer a damned thing about your sister and you know it. Even then, you stubborn ass, you were protecting that girl.”

  “She’s right. God, I knew you had a sister but I never met her and now I know why. She was a bitch to the utmost and highest regard,” Jennifer told him. “And you are the only man that I’ve ever been with, the only man that I’ve ever cared for, the only one that I’ve ever loved, and that bitch took that from us. I’m really freaking damn glad that she’s not here, or I likely would have to beat the hell out of her.” Which was the truth. “So I guess the question is, do we let her continue to win?”

  He was staring at her, wary again, as Esther finally left the porch and went inside the house. They spent a long time just staring at one another before he stepped off the porch and came toward her. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he looked down to where he was scuffing a boot in the dirt. “Don’t go,” he said quietly, his body language screaming that he was ready for her to hurt him again, was waiting for it.

  She didn’t hesitate and stepped in closer to him. “I want to stay, I want all of those years back, Carson. I want you to get to know Carrie. She’s actually a pretty great kid,” she admitted softly. “And looks just like your mom. I swear I’m shocked you didn’t realize it sooner.” She shrugged and added, “Then again, the color of her hair would throw anyone off, huh?” She heard the soft sound of a door and then watched her daughter dragging their bags back into the house. “Well, looks like I’m staying.” She wanted him. God, nothing had changed. Nothing at all. She still wanted this man more than anything in her life. She still loved him, with all her heart and soul.

  He reached out to her but his hand hesitated slightly before capturing the one she lifted to meet him. “I don’t remember what my mom looked like,” he admitted. “Those weeks before the accident aren’t all I lost, Jen. Even with the photos around the p
lace, I have a hard time recalling faces from memory. But the one thing I’ll never forget is how much I love you, how much I’ll always love you.”

  She moved in closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She looked up at him and smiled. “And I’ve always loved you too.” She lifted her face to him. “I really think that you should kiss me, Carson MacDonald, and then I think that we should go somewhere to have ‘alone’ time. We have a lot of years to make up for.”

  Blinking down at her, she felt his hands come to rest lightly on her hips. “Are you sure, Jen?” he asked. “I don’t want you feeling like you have to stay. I have no right to ask that and I don’t want you feeling guilted into it for any reason. I want you here, for the rest of our days if I can manage it, but I have to know.” His fingers tightened a little before he whispered, “Please?”

  “How about you shut up, Carson, and just kiss me? I’m exactly where I have wanted to be for the last fifteen freaking years.” She tightened her hands around his neck and pulled him closer. “Now, are you going to kiss me, love me or not?”

  Her answer was his lips meeting hers, in a hot and heavy kiss. His hands slid to her ass and hauled her up against him tight as he teased her mouth open and slid his tongue in deep to tease her own. A low growl came from his chest and a hand slid into her hair, tugging her head back to deepen the kiss.

  Jennifer jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, and kissing him just as desperately. When she pulled back she was panting. “Fifteen years has been far too long to go without making love. I need you, Carson. And please, God, do not tell me no,” she begged him. “Can we get to your room or the barn, anywhere, I just need you,” she whispered.

  “Room,” he said with a groan, squeezing her ass harder. “But you’ll need to walk, love. I’d carry you but I could very well end up embarrassing myself when we both fall down.” There was a story there, one she’d have to get out of him eventually. He loosened his hold on her ass, only a little though.

  She unwrapped her legs from his waist and slid down his body. “I will walk.” She slipped her hand into his and added. “Just don’t ask me to let you go. I don’t want to wake up and this be a dream. I don’t want to lose this connection to you, please?”

  “Never.” He squeezed her fingers. Walking into the house, he locked up the front and led her up the stairs. At her room he paused and tipped his head to the door. “Do you want to check on her before we get into something entirely inappropriate for her to know about?”

  “I should, but knowing her she orchestrated this whole mess.” She laughed. “She’s been wanting to get to know you for awhile now. Tomorrow I will deal with our far too stubborn daughter. For now, this is about us. Right?” she asked with uncertainty in her voice. “This is what you want, right?”

  Nodding, he tugged her with him to his room, thankfully a full room away from the one where their daughter slept. Pushing the door shut behind them, he dragged her into his body. Cupping her face, he lowered his head and kissed her lightly.

  She kissed him back, and the smile on her face was clear. “Have I mentioned to you just how much I have missed this?” she asked quietly and rubbed against him. “The last time we were together is the last time I was with anyone, so it’s been a very long time for me.” It was best he knew now. “But I’m pretty sure we have to get naked, right?” she asked with a grin.

  “Naked, yes, definitely naked,” he said. Letting her go, he pushed her back toward the bed. “I think you need to strip down right quick.” He was working at his own shirt with one hand, the other on her belly, moving her backward.

  She began to strip, tossing her clothes willy-nilly around the room. When the backs of her legs hit the bed she climbed up in it, kicking her jeans off, and then pushing her panties off and tossing them as well. She held her hand out to him and motioned for him to come closer. “Carson.” She whispered his name in utter and complete reverence and love.

  After he kicked off his jeans, he took her hand in his and climbed up on the bed. With his body, he pushed her down into a reclined position. His lips found hers, kissing her with hunger as he pressed closer, his body rubbing against hers.

  Jen wrapped her legs around his hips, her arms around his neck and pushed her body against him. “Carson, God, I need you honey,” she whispered her admission to him. “I don’t think I’m going to last much longer.”

  “Try,” he advised with a smile. “At least for a little while,” he said. Nuzzling at her cheek, his mouth slowly trailed down her throat to the hollow where he inhaled deeply. A low groan slid out of him as he pulled her in closer to him. “I’ve missed you so much, Jen. If this is a dream, please don’t ever wake me up.”

  “Same here,” she whispered against the side of his neck. She held on to him, her arms clenching him so tightly that he might just squeak, but didn’t. “I’ve missed you, Carson. Every day I wanted to call you, each moment I wanted to send you a message.” She whispered her confession to him and lifted slightly. “Please, no more teasing us,” she begged him.

  Holding her tight, he kissed her lightly on the neck. “No more teasing,” he promised, giving her another little squeeze. Then he tugged back slightly and made a face. “But I should probably attempt to see if there’s a condom somewhere in the house that I can dust off.”

  “I’m on birth control. I wasn’t when we got pregnant before but I am now and have been for years. You have been my only lover so there shouldn’t be a question of disease.” She shook her head. “But if it makes you feel better, yes, please find a condom. Soon. Very soon.”

  He chewed his lip as he stared down into her eyes, obviously weighing the options, one of which meant getting up out of the bed and trying to find a condom. He looked around the room with a frown and then down at her. “I’d rather not have to hunt one down since I’m more than sure I’ll have to go to the bunkhouse to find one. I haven’t really had any interest in being with anyone but you and I know I’m clean. The four billion tests they like running on me yearly tell me that much for sure.”

  That had her smiling and she pulled him closer. “Then I really think that you and I should perhaps get busy. Later, if you want to change to using a condom you can, but right now, right now, I need you,” she whispered softly. “Love me, Carson.”

  Tipping her chin up, he kissed her, his fingers drifting over her throat and down. Cupping a breast, he squeezed lightly, flicking his thumb over the tight nub as he settled over her a little more. Sucking on her lower lip, he nipped gently before kissing her again, his attention moving to her other breast as he shifted his weight.

  “God, that feels amazing.” She had her hands fisted in his hair, her head arched back, and eyes closed. She was soaking up the feelings, the connection to him that she had was more than physical as well. “Carson.” She whimpered his name, begging him to finally bring them together.

  “Soon,” he said quietly. His lips were moving down her throat and over her chest toward her breasts. Then his mouth wrapped around a nipple and sucked, hard. Rolling the tight bud against the roof of his mouth, his hands kept moving. They were lower now, stroking over her hips and thighs. One slid between her legs to cup her pussy, a finger sliding through her slick folds and flicking her clit lightly.

  “Jesus,” she whimpered, and her whole body quaked in pleasure at his touch. “Carson.” She couldn’t seem to find more to say than his name and crying out in pleasure. This was all so much, too much, but not enough. Her hands moved from his shoulders and head, if he was going to tease her, she sure as hell was going to tease him! She moved her hands slowly down his chest, fingers gently tracing his nipples, and then further down to the turgid and ready flesh of his penis. She grinned as she closed her hands around it, the look on his face, the sheer shock in his features was a pleasure in and of itself. “More,” she demanded softly.

  Her answer to the demand was two of his fingers thrusting into her pussy and a kiss of teeth to her nipple. Switching to h
er other breast, he sucked hard on the bud as he thrust his fingers in and out of her body. His thumb was rubbing over her clit, the work rough and had just enough texture to send shivers through her body.

  Jennifer couldn’t hold on another moment. Her hands squeezed his penis tightly, she shivered, and gave up the orgasm that was tripping through her. She screamed as she came. God, she knew that was something she needed to hold back on but she couldn’t, she screamed as she came, loudly.

  His laugh of pleasure was slightly pained and he had to pry her fingers from his cock. Dropping a kiss to her belly, he moved lower still, keeping his member out of her reach as he brushed kisses lower and lower. Then his mouth was on her clit, his tongue flicking out to tease the tight bud, his fingers still pumping in and out of her.

  Jennifer lifted her ass from the bed and fisted her hands in his longish hair. She shivered and wiggled under him. “Carson.” She begged him. “Jesus, you are killing me here, honey. I need you. God bless, I need you to fill me up.” She was close to coming again, damn, she was so very close.

  “Come again,” he said, sliding his tongue over her lower lips. “Come again for me so I can taste you, Jen. Then…” He smiled and bit her clit lightly. “Then I will fill you up with my cock and take us both over the edge.”

  “Thank God,” she whimpered and wiggled again. “Oh hell.” She dropped one hand from his hair and fisted the bedding under her body. She lifted for him once more and shuddered in pure pleasure. It didn’t take her long before she was screaming once more.

  As he moved over her body he was panting slightly, a smile on his lips though. “Damn woman, you’re just as loud as I remember. Hot,” he chuckled. Leaning in, he slid his tongue up her throat and then kissed her lightly as he settled between her legs, his cock rubbing over her swollen clit and through her folds.