I placed tender kisses inside the palm of Roc’s hand and closed my eyes. I knew this could have been a lot worse. “I’m just glad you’re okay. If something happens to you, I’d probably go crazy.”
“Nah, don’t do that. I’ll be a’ight and I’m thankful that it wasn’t my time to go yet.”
“Me too,” I said, leaning down to kiss his very dry lips. Our tongues added a little something extra, and I felt so relieved that he’d be okay.
“Listen, I’m not going to stay because you have many people waiting out there to see you. Let’s just say it’s crowded and I want to prevent any more confrontations. I’ll call to check on you, but please call to let me know when you’re going home. I want to help you get better any way I can.”
“You gon’ take care of me, is that what you’re sayin’?”
“I always do, don’t I?”
Roc snickered. “Hell, yeah. I can’t complain.”
I slightly turned to make my exit. “Bye Snookums,” I said. He kissed his hand and blew his kiss in my direction.
I could barely make it to the curtain before he called my name. “Yes,” I said, making my way back up to him.
“Come here, let me whisper somethin’ in yo’ ear.”
I leaned down, putting my ear close to Roc’s lips. “That ass lookin’ real good and I hate like hell that I missed out tonight. I had a surprise for you too.”
I turned my head, and was now face-to-face with him, breathing in his words. “You want to tell me now or save it for later?” I asked.
“Now,” he whispered. “I took my GED test today. I’m positive that I did real good, but the results won’t come back for a few weeks.”
Honestly, I wanted to cry. Maybe a GED wasn’t a big deal to some people, but for Roc to even put forth the effort to do it, it truly meant the world to me. If anything, it proved to me that he wanted to make some changes in his life and that’s all that mattered.
“I’m so happy for you,” was all I could say while continuously pecking his lips. “Things are going to get so much better, just wait and see.”
As soon as Roc spilled the words, “All because of you, things will get better,” his son came into the room. So did Vanessa and I couldn’t help but take an extra peck on his lips. Afterward, Roc turned his attention to his son.
“What’s up, man,” he said smiling. He reached out his hand and his son gave him five. I said good-bye to Roc again and he winked. I ignored Vanessa on my way out, walking right past her. And just as I got ready to leave the hospital, that’s when she called after me.
“Excuse me,” she repeated at least three times. I kept on walking as if I didn’t hear her and didn’t stop until I got to my car. Then I quickly turned around.
“May I help you?” I asked.
She folded her arms, and tooted her lips. Much attitude was on display, and with that, she wasn’t getting much of anything else from me.
“Are you supposed to be pregnant by Roc?”
“Are you supposed to be Roc’s woman?”
“Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. You can count on that.”
“Well, if you’re his woman, then I suggest you go inside and discuss your issues with him. And if you’ve committed yourself to him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, then you have a serious problem on your hands. He’s not with you for that many days and hours, and I know that for a fact because he’s with me. Stop calling my house, little girl, and grow the fuck up.”
I got in my car to leave, but not before she called me every name she possibly could. Even one of the ladies from inside had to come outside to calm her down. She gave me a devious stare and I waved good-bye to her as I drove off.
No doubt, things were looking up. I’d gotten a new job as executive administrative assistant working for the VP at another college, but I wasn’t going to make a transition until my current position ended. I wanted to send a message that I appreciated the fourteen years they’d given me and leave on a good note. Mr. Wright agreed that it was the right thing to do, and the only thing I was sad about was not being able to work for him. Recently, I confessed that I hated my job, but the truth of the matter was it was my responsibility to make things better and that enabled me to appreciate my blessings even more.
Roc had been out of the hospital. He’d spent numerous days at my house and some days at his. He’d even started going to church with me on some Sundays and I was so grateful for the change I was starting to see in him. Not once did he mention anything about what had gone on between me and Vanessa, but I was sure—positive—that he’d gotten an earful from her, especially about the baby. But, as usual, he kept quiet. He was just that kind of man, and he knew how to play his hand. Bringing up Vanessa’s name would require him to discuss his relationship with her, and he wasn’t going to do it. If he did, I knew he’d lie his butt off so why waste the time? In my heart, I knew Roc cared for her and their son kept him tied to her. I felt as if he cared for me too, but caring for me just didn’t seem like enough. I turned my focus on getting him to see that there was a more prosperous, legitimate life out there waiting for him. Maybe then, he’d view his future as I did. He had gotten the news that he’d passed his GED test and we celebrated that day like none other. I cooked dinner for him, had balloons all over the place, and gave him a keepsake personalized frame that he could put his certificate in. Sex was on the agenda that night and Roc continuously told me how grateful he was for me. It was my goal for him to start seeing the light, and that had been my intentions for as long as I could remember.
Summer was back in action and the weather in St. Louis was doing its thing. The sun was shining bright as ever, sizzling at ninety-six degrees. People in my neighborhood were outside washing cars, taking walks, swimming in their pools or jogging. I was standing on my front porch waiting for Roc to come get me, as he’d offered to take me to the park. My belly was sprouting out enough where anyone could tell there was a baby inside. I continued to work out and cutting back on the chocolates were the best things I could’ve done for my body. My hair had grown even longer, and for the day, I took the easy way out, putting it into a ponytail. My maternity white shorts were knee-length and the turquoise shirt I wore criss-crossed over my healthy breasts, loosing up around my stomach. My turquoise sandals had a tiny heel, displaying my freshly done pedicure.
I could hear the music, but the loud zooming sound is what confused me. When the yellow Lamborghini with tinted windows pulled in my driveway, I wasn’t sure who it was. That wasn’t until the side door flipped up and Roc got out. He was dressed down in some baggy khaki shorts, a black wife beater, and black leather tennis shoes. It looked as if he’d gotten more tattoos on his arms so I moved closer to take a look.
“What you think?” he asked.
I searched his arms, but there wasn’t anything new. “I think you look gorgeous,” I said, smiling.
“Nah, I mean ’bout the car. Do you like my new ride?”
“It’s nice. I can’t wait to see how fast this thing goes,” I said sarcastically. “I’m sure you’re going to show me.”
Roc laughed, flipping the door so I could get in. He got in, covering his eyes with dark shades.
“How are you supposed to see with those dark shades on and these tinted windows?”
“Trust me, I can see. Just make sure yo’ seatbelt is on.”
I made sure it was fastened and Roc took off. The Lamborghini was moving fast, leaving nothing but dust behind it. I hung on for dear life, and as Roc swerved in and out of traffic, I asked him to chill out.
“Baby, you can’t drive slow in no car like this. It kind of takes over. You wanna drive to see what I’m talkin’ ’bout?”
“No, but your foot is the one controlling the accelerator. Lighten up, okay?”
Roc cooled out a little, but when we hit the highway it was all over with. He took it to the limit, zooming past other cars like a NASCAR driver. I just kept my mouth shut, as the last thing I n
eeded was for him to turn his head toward me and start fussing. It was best that he kept his eyes on the road.
I was relieved when we got off the highway, but nervous when we had to drive through the city. Everybody was looking into the car, trying to see who it was. Several cars paced the sides of us, and I wasn’t sure what was going to go down. Each time, Roc sped away from the cars, and when he finally parked the car at Forest Park, I dropped my head back on the headrest, thanking God for my safe arrival.
We got out and started to walk the trail. My arm was tucked into Roc’s and we moved at a slow pace.
“It’s hot as hell out here,” he said. “I’m only walkin’ for an hour today, after that, I’m outta here.”
“Fine with me. As long as you stop on the way home and get me some frozen yogurt.”
“It’s your time to buy me some. I paid last time.”
“I got you, you know I do.” We walked silently for a moment and I could tell he had something on his mind. So did I. “Since you got your GED, what’s next?” I asked.
“I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout takin up a trade or goin’ to a community college. Ain’t nothin’ in stone yet,” Roc said, moving his shades to the top of his head. He squinted from the sun shining in his face. “But, listen, I need to tell you somethin’, Dez.”
Whenever Roc was willing to tell me something, I worried. My stomach had already rumbled. “What’s up?” I asked.
“A few weeks ago, Ronnie got arrested. He was released on bail, but he gotta go back for his trial.”
I wanted to jump for joy, but played down how happy I was that this man would possibly be away from Roc and out of his life.
“I’ll be called to testify on Ronnie’s behalf, but things may get a li’l tricky.”
“What do you mean by that? I mean, if Ronnie had done something wrong, you can’t perjure yourself and lie for him. That would put you at risk and possibly come back to haunt you.”
Roc stopped in his tracks and turned me to face him. “There’s a plan, and all I gotta do is follow through with it. I hate comin’ at you like this, but I don’t really have any choice.”
I had a frown on my face and didn’t like where this conversation was going. “What are you talking about? Please stop beating around the bush.”
“What I’m sayin’ is, I gotta do some shit you may not like. It’ll all be worth it in the end, and I’ll be free from this shit once it’s done.”
I stood stone-faced, looking into Roc’s eyes with tears welling in mine. I felt the bullshit about to go down.
“Baby, don’t look at me like that. You breakin’ my heart, but I gotta do this. I owe Ronnie my life and you don’t know what that man has done for me.”
“What do you have to do? Tell me and stop—”
“I gotta take the fall. The only way he gon’ get out of this is if I do it. Ten years, baby, that’s all I gotta do.”
“Are you kidding me!” I yelled. “Ten years! You are willing to do ten years—I can’t believe this shit!” I turned around, abruptly walking back to the car. I smacked away the tears that fell from my eyes and Roc rushed after me.
“Dez,” he said, grabbing my arm to halt my steps. “Ten years ain’t much. I can get out on good behavior and may be lookin’ at even less than that.”
My mouth dropped open, and if I had a gun, I would have killed him. “Can you stand there and say to me that ten fucking years in prison is not that much! How can you say that, Roc, when by the time you get out I’ll be in my fifties. Your baby . . . oh God,” I cried harder, unable to control my tears. “Your baby will grow up without—”
I gasped, holding my stomach. This was too much. Roc pulled me close to his chest and did his best to soothe my pain. Nothing in life prepared me for this moment and how in the hell did I manage to let something like this happen?
“Don’t do it,” I cried more with every deep breath I took. “Please don’t do it.”
Roc didn’t say anything else. He knew, as I did, that he wasn’t going to change his mind. On the way to my house, we didn’t stop for frozen yogurt because I didn’t want to. And when we got to my house, I got out of the car, not wanting him to come inside with me. There was nothing else left to be said, and through my eyes, Roc had chosen Ronnie over me and his child.
I went to the bathroom to wipe my tear drop stained face clean. My eyes were red and I wished like hell that what he’d told me was in a dream. It wasn’t and it was time to face reality. I had fooled myself into believing that Roc could be better than what he was. He was walking away from all the progress he’d made and what a waste of time it had been. He knocked on the bathroom door.
“Do you want me to stay or go?” he asked.
“Do what you want!” I said.
“I wanna stay, but you act like you don’t want me around. I’m dealin’ with this shit too, Dez, and the last several weeks of my life ain’t been no picnic. I had to tell you what was up, and if I didn’t say nothin’ you would have been mad at my ass for not tellin’ you.”
I sniffled, wiping my noise with Kleenex. “Is there anything I can say or do to get you to change your mind? Please, Roc, tell me. If you won’t do it for me, do it for your baby. What about your baby? He or she will need you and I can’t do this by myself. Don’t do this to us. Think about the baby, okay?”
“Open the door. I can’t talk to you like this.”
I opened the door, falling into Roc’s awaiting arms. “I already thought about all that you sayin’ Dez, and you know how much I wanna be there for my baby. The police are willin’ to let some of this shit slide, only if they get me or Ronnie to do the time. If not, he’ll be looking at twenty or thirty years. I can’t let that shit happen. That nigga took care of me when I was a baby. If I didn’t have him, I would’ve been dead. You gotta understand why it’s important for me to do this and I hate like hell I’m bringin’ this kind of hurt to you.”
“When is his trial? How soon—”
“It starts in a couple of weeks. Until then, I’m gon’ spend as much time with you as I can, but I gotta get busy tying up some loose ends too. Let’s pace this one day at a time, and I don’t want to spend these days arguin’ with you or with you bein’ upset.”
Roc was right. His mind was made up and what good did my being upset do for me? It did nothing but add to my hurt and made me even sicker.
Roc had been busy “tying up his loose ends” and as the days and nights ticked away, I was getting more scared by the minute. I couldn’t stop crying and was on an emotional roller coaster. Whenever Roc came over, I put on my game face for him. I knew he was worried as hell about going to jail, but he played it down as if it didn’t bother him. That was until we talked about it one night, and after he came clean about some of the things he and Ronnie had done, a tear fell from his eye. I was crushed and it made me fight even more to try to turn this mess around.
I wrote letters to Ronnie’s attorney, the prosecutors, and even to the assigned judge, in an attempt to clear Roc’s name. No one had replied, but when I got another interesting letter, I dropped back on the couch in my living room and started to read it. Months ago, when Roc had given his professional photos to me, I sent his pictures to some of the connections I had made when pursuing my modeling career. One of the modeling agencies had inquired about Roc’s pictures and forwarded them on to a well-known beverage maker and upcoming clothing-line establishment in New York. They wanted Roc to call right away and this could be his chance and the opportunity he needed. Excited, I rushed over to the phone to call him. His voice mail came on and I left a message for him to call me back. An hour had gone by, and I was so anxious to talk to Roc that I snatched up my purse and left.
Other than that one time, I had never gone to his penthouse before, but I was going there today. I had to prove to him that there was a way out of this and that the doors were opening for him to come in.
It took forty-five minutes for me to get to Roc’s penthouse in downtown St. Lou
is, and when I got there, I rushed to take the elevators to the seventh floor. I could hear the loud music coming through the door, and paused before knocking. I wasn’t sure what I was about to get myself into, but Roc had to change his mind about going to jail, and do it fast.
I knocked, but no one answered, so I knocked again. My knocks got faster and harder and that’s when Roc pulled the door open. The look on his face said it all—I wasn’t supposed to be there. He was shirtless, high as hell, and his jean shorts hung low on his waist, showing his boxers. The loud rap music continued to thump in the background and marijuana smoke filled the air. I could hear people talking and much laughter as well.
Roc appeared to have seen a ghost and my presence wasn’t enough to put a smile on his face. “What you doin’ here?” he asked. He attempted to close the door, but not before somebody pulled on it to open it wide. I figured it was Vanessa, but instead, it was another young woman. I hadn’t seen her before, but just like me and Vanessa, she was very pretty.
“Who is this?” she said, sipping from the straw that sunk into her tall glass of Long Island tea.
“Gon’ back inside. And don’t be walkin’ up to my door unless I ask you to.”
The chick rolled her eyes at me, gave her lips a toot, and walked away. Before Roc shut the door, I could see his uncle Ronnie in the background, a few more fellas, and even more women.
Roc folded his arms, cocking his neck to the side to stretch it. “What’s up, ma?”
I wasn’t about to shed one tear about this, and it took everything I had to hold back my feelings inside. I swallowed hard, blinking my eyes.
“So, this is how you do it, huh?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Sometimes. Even more so lately. Now, why you here?”
I gave him the envelope, placing the contact letter on top. “They want you to call them. I hope like hell that you do, but the ball is in your court. You may not get another opportunity like this, Roc, and it would mean the world to me if you would take it.”
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