The Order of the Elements 01 - Breaking Point

by Jess Bowen

  “Like?”

  Phoebe bit her lip before answering. “Well, you, for one. Eternal love. The ultimate cliché but something every woman hopes for, me included. And my friends. I wouldn’t want to watch them die, even though I know it would be better for them to end that way.”

  His eyes suddenly blazed. “Do you believe that’s what we have?”

  “Yes. Cliché or not, I believe in it, and I believe in us.”

  His hand was on her neck, pulling her forward. Phoebe’s heart raced like it only had so many beats left and was trying to squeeze them all in before the end. His face was inches from hers, and all she could see were his eyes as they burned into hers. She felt his breath on her lips, and they parted in anticipation. Sapphire nudged Phoebe in her side and abruptly pulled her out of paradise.

  She was too dazed to even scold Sapphire for being rude. Not that she could find it in her power to scold her. She knew Sapphire was hungry. Phoebe’s stomach growled loudly in confirmation. She hadn’t eaten in over six days, which meant Sapphire hadn’t either.

  “Of course, this is all purely hypothetical,” Dorian said, regaining his casual attitude.

  The façade he was trying to pull off wasn’t quite complete; his eyes still burned with desire. “Yes, but to have you—forever?” His scent still assaulted her nose. “Selfish, but I wouldn’t stop myself if I had the opportunity.”

  Phoebe’s stomach growled again, loudly. “Let’s get you something to eat, and then we’ll discuss hypothetical matters, shall we?” he suggested.

  She couldn’t deny that she was starving, but she also couldn’t deny that she would much rather stay there with him. “Okay,” she agreed.

  If she was going to spend quality time with him, she would rather not have her stomach interrupting. Dorian stood up before Phoebe could even swing her legs over the edge of the bed, and he pulled her up and cradled her in his arms.

  “I can walk,” she said halfheartedly.

  She didn’t really mind being held against his chest and being taken care of. She also didn’t mind the feeling of security and protection, but she didn’t want him to think she needed him to do that for her.

  “I know,” he said and carried her out anyway.

  Dorian carried her all the way down the hall as she savored the feeling of being alive. The Haven had always been exquisite, but if it were possible for it to become even more beautiful, it certainly seemed like it was now. It still amazed her that this one small spot in this world was peaceful and perfect while everywhere else was so imperfect. With their first test over and her hope restored, she realized that as long as there was still someone willing to fight for the outcome they desired, there would always be hope that the beauty and peace in the Haven would once again spread to the outside world.

  They only had to figure out the cryptic prophecy, but they had not the slightest idea where to start. Not to mention, everyone was being a thorn in her side about this whole recovery thing. She sighed.

  “Don’t think about it,” Dorian murmured.

  Don’t think about it? This coming from Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected about everything. Phoebe needed to figure out how to work her new talent. Surely it would give her some insight into the prophecy.

  “I can hear your heart racing. Please give yourself a few days to relax.”

  Okay, so if she just focused and concentrated, she figured she should be able to find her power. Then she had to figure out how to trigger it—a word, an image, something. She tried to remember what the prophecy said—something about an elixir…

  Dorian stopped abruptly, set Phoebe on her feet, and turned her to face him. Sapphire continued on to the dining hall, tired of waiting.

  “What are you doing?”

  Dorian didn’t answer right away. Instead, he unleashed the full force of his intense gaze and overpowering love on her. Her breath caught, and her heart skipped several beats before racing as fire shot through her veins. His cool fingers traveled lightly from her shoulders to her wrists, and goosebumps erupted in wake of his trail. He pulled her arms around his waist and then cradled her face between his hands. He leaned down and brushed his lips from her forehead to beside her ear. His breath was warm on her face, and she felt like her heart was about to explode out of her chest.

  “I am knowingly making you apathetic to everything but me,” he whispered in Phoebe’s ear as a shiver traveled down her spine.

  Phoebe couldn’t think of a coherent response as his lips continued their light trail down the side of her neck and his fingers tangled in her hair. She tried to breathe, but it only happened in little spurts when it was absolutely necessary. His arms slipped around her waist and pulled her into his body until she was molded to it. His lips traveled over her collarbone, leaving a trail of fire behind, and then he pulled his face back up to hers.

  Finally, something popped into her blank mind. “That’s not fair,” she said breathlessly as his thumb traveled down the side of her face. It really wasn’t fair to hold that kind of power over another human being.

  “Just a few days; that’s all I’m asking,” he said softly in a seductive voice that made her already pounding heart leap faster.

  “One day,” Phoebe said, trying to make her voice sound strong but completely failing.

  “One week,” he offered and pulled her face closer to his.

  “Two days.”

  “Five.” He pulled her face a little closer. Her frazzled thoughts completely fuzzed out.

  “Three,” she managed in a tiny voice.

  “Four.” His lips were centimeters from hers.

  “Deal,” she muttered, and her lip brushed his.

  His thumb traveled over her lips, and he rested his forehead to hers. She made some strange noise in frustration, a cross between a grunt and a huff. Then her stomach again growled inconveniently. “You need to eat, and we’ll finish this…discussion…later.”

  “Promise?” She slurred her word slightly.

  “Promise. And by discussion, I mean I have other things to tell you.”

  “Okay,” Phoebe replied in a daze. Her mind slowly cleared as he pulled away and picked her back up. All she knew was that he had promised that there would be a “later.” She could handle that.

  When they made it to the dining hall, Sapphire was already eating. Ethan had seen Dorian and Phoebe coming down to get some food, and everyone had beaten them there. They had managed to scrounge up enough food to feed an army, causing Phoebe to wonder if she’d really lost so much weight in a few days that they thought she needed twelve hundred pounds of food to eat. It took her a while to notice that Hector wasn’t there.

  Phoebe was distracted from her “later” plans with Dorian as she thought over questions she had for Hector. Everyone seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood, and rightly so, as she sat and ate and they talked. Nobody mentioned her outburst from earlier. They didn’t want to think about it anymore than she did. Nothing too eventful happened while she was eating, unless Evan throwing pie at her face would be considered unusual. It wasn’t, because he missed, as always. Now, if he’d have hit her, that would have been unusual.

  After she had eaten her fill, she decided she would really like to go for a walk in the gardens. It was January, but even with the cold, the flowers still bloomed as brightly as always. Sapphire stayed with Evan and Bree while Dorian took her hand and led her through the peaceful hallways.

  “Where is everyone?” Phoebe asked, noticing it was unusually quiet.

  “Training, of course,” he answered.

  “Oh, right.”

  They cut through a hallway that was a shortcut to the entrance hall. A hand grabbed her wrist. “Phoebe?” Phoebe knew the voice, but the touch attached was all wrong.

  “Hector, what are you doing here?” she asked, surprised by how light his grip was compared to what she was accustomed to from him.

  “I was just coming back from the lake. I was hoping I could steal a few minutes of your time?” H
e glanced at Dorian.

  Phoebe turned to look at Dorian; he looked perfectly relaxed. “I’ll meet you in the garden, okay?”

  “Okay,” he said before squeezing her hand and walking away.

  Hector turned to the door behind him, opened it, and pulled her inside before snapping the door closed. He turned to look at Phoebe and crossed his arms, then uncrossed his arms; he took a breath like he was getting ready to say something and then let the breath back out.

  “Hector, what’s wrong?” Phoebe asked. She had never seen Hector look uncomfortable about anything.

  His eyebrows knitted together. “I don’t know exactly. That’s why I needed to talk to you.”

  “Well, okay, what do you need?” she asked, unsure of what exactly he wanted her to do.

  “I want you to read me. I know that you can now.”

  Phoebe looked at him suspiciously. “What am I supposed to be looking for?”

  The thoughts and emotions of everyone else in the Haven buzzed in the back of her mind, but she couldn’t feel anything in particular from Hector at the moment. If she was going to focus, she needed to know what exactly to focus on.

  He clenched his hand into a fist and then forced himself to relax it. “I need to know…exactly…how I feel about you.”

  Phoebe’s jaw clenched shut, and her eyes narrowed. “Why?”

  He stepped forward and reached toward her, but then his hand dropped. “Because I don’t know.”

  “We’re friends,” she said through her teeth.

  His dark eyes finally met hers and something sparked in them. Or maybe that was hers? “Is that all? What about what happened in the mountains?”

  Did he have to bring that up? Phoebe hadn’t forgotten, but she didn’t want to talk about it either. “What about it?”

  “I kissed you.”

  She nodded as her stomach clenched uncomfortably. “Yes, out of necessity.”

  His eyes clouded. “But you kissed me back.”

  Phoebe’s face burned, and she dropped her eyes from his. “And?”

  His finger was under her chin, forcing her to look at him. “You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything. Even with my talent working, I felt it.”

  Her skin felt like it was crawling, and she squirmed uncomfortably. Her throat constricted. “Hector, it’s not like that for you and me. We’re friends, best friends, but nothing more.”

  He didn’t look convinced. “Do you know why my talent finally turned off?”

  Phoebe tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “No.”

  “Because I trusted you.”

  Phoebe couldn’t do this. She could not be having this discussion with her best friend. “Why?”

  “Because I knew you wouldn’t hurt me. After I kissed you, I just knew that it was impossible for you to hurt me, even when I was vulnerable.”

  Phoebe squirmed again, and it felt like someone had turned the temperature up way too high. “Don’t turn this into something it’s not. We’re friends, I promise you that, but nothing more.”

  He dropped his hand from her chin. “I don’t believe that.”

  “Then why are you asking me?”

  He shrugged. “Because I don’t know for sure. It’s so strange to feel things again. It feels strange when I see you with Dorian. It makes me upset.”

  No. No. No. No. No. “It’s just a hormone thing. You’ll get used to it.”

  He inched closer, and this time Phoebe took a step back. His eyes clouded over, and then his face relaxed. “I don’t want to get used to it. I’d rather not feel that way.”

  Phoebe threw her hands up in the air, suddenly very irritated. “I don’t know what to tell you then! I am and always will be with Dorian, and I am and always will be your friend, but that’s all.”

  He held up his hands in surrender, and Phoebe immediately felt bad for berating him. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just confused. I’m not trying to steal you away or anything; I just want to understand,” he explained.

  “Well, now you do.”

  She turned to leave, anxious to be away from this uncomfortable situation. He grabbed her arm. “Don’t be angry. I’m sorry, okay? Maybe I didn’t phrase it right, but all this stuff is new to me. I just…I thought you should know.”

  Phoebe’s anger vanished. She couldn’t be mad at him. “I’m sorry too. I just don’t want to make things weird, and trust me, this kind of talk will make things weird.”

  He smiled warmly. “All right, then, zero weirdness. Friends?” He stuck out his hand.

  She shook it and smiled. “Friends. Now, I have someone waiting for me. I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “Sure thing!”

  Phoebe turned and walked out the door. She tried not to think about their awkward conversation. Not because it made her ill, but because he was right. She had kissed him back. She had felt something. She groaned to herself. It was nothing. She knew it had only been misplaced want. She had wanted Dorian, but Hector had been available at the time. Now that was over and Dorian was waiting for her.

  The sunlit, peaceful halls of the Haven calmed her thoughts. Phoebe still thought it was a little too beautiful. A bandage. Only now, she saw the bandage in a different light. Yes, it was still covering up the festering wound beneath it, but bandages served their purpose well. While they hid the wound from sight, they gave time for healing and reflection. Bandages helped ease the mind and soothe the senses. They allowed for hope and renewal. For if all they ever saw was the infected wound, how were they to believe it could ever be any better?

  A brighter day was coming, a day when a bandage would no longer be necessary. But for now, Phoebe was thankful for the peace that it offered. It was all about perspective.

  Epilogue

  The sky had never been more blue, and the garden had never been more beautiful, and he had never been so certain of what he was about to do. He had suffered the pain of loss too many times to count, and he would not let that pain consume him again—at least, not as far as she was concerned. Too many times he had thought she was gone. Too many times he had grieved over her absence. He wouldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t.

  It was selfish. Probably the most selfish thing anyone would ever do in the history of the world. To knowingly pass on this burden to her was a truly deceitful and life-altering crime. He had tried to protect her. Really, he had. But all that protection had done thus far was bring them both pain. Pain and anguish that he couldn’t take much more of, and he didn’t think she could, either.

  Even now, as he waited for her to join him, his arms ached from her absence. He could have turned his back. He could have continued on the path she had already thought he was on. Time might have healed her wounds. She was strong, but not strong enough. The strength and power she personified at any given moment wasn’t always enough. She needed him. He felt that need all the way to his soul, and he couldn’t deny it anymore because he needed her just as much. He could fight it, if he really wanted to. But he was tired of fighting. For once in his life, it was time to give in.

  He heard her light steps on the garden path, and he had to fight with his muscles to keep himself in place and appear relaxed. If only she knew how just her presence really affected him. Her footsteps paused, and he heard the delicate snap of a flower being picked. She continued down the path, and just before she appeared around the fountain, the full force of her scent of rainwater and lilies assaulted his senses. It was intoxicating. She was intoxicating.

  Her eyes were clouded, like she was thinking about something, but she had a pleasant smile on her face. She stepped into a pool of sunshine and stopped. She smiled widely and turned slowly as the sunlight hit her face. He had nearly forgotten that feeling.

  The feeling of realizing he was alive when he had never thought he would take in another breath of air. Everything was brighter, more beautiful, and more exquisite. Could he take that from her? Could he steal that joy that lit her face and made her eyes dance?

  Unable to si
t in place any longer, he rose from his seat on the bench—the bench where he had first realized he could no longer ignore the power she held over him—and stepped into the sunlight with her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into him. He liked it when she forgot how small and truly delicate she was to him. She could beat anyone as far as strength went, but to him she was a delicate flower that could be snapped as easily as the tulip she held in her hand. She needed protection whether she thought so or not.

  Her long brown hair cascaded down her back as she looked up at him, and the sun made her eyes sparkle, and again he doubted his decision.

  “What did Hector want?” Dorian asked, stalling.

  That small moment of doubt caused him to rethink everything and to not think it over at the same time. He knew what he wanted and what he had to do to get it. The real question was—could he do it? Would he be able to live with himself afterward? As if he would have a choice.

  The smallest amount of tension filled her eyes and then vanished. “Nothing really, he just wanted to ask a question about his power.”

  Her voice soothed his worries and reinforced his previous decision. He couldn’t lose her again.

  She looked thoughtful for a minute and then turned her attention back to him. “So, we have a discussion to finish. Do I get to hear the secrets of Dorian now?”

  She smiled and any doubt at all was erased from his mind. “Something like that,” he replied.

  She looked a little overexcited, but before she could start asking any questions, he pulled her closer and ran his fingers over her cheekbone. Anything she had been ready to say died in her throat as her breath caught in surprise. Her blindingly blue eyes stared into his with a slight emptiness. He smiled and leaned down to press his cheek against hers and whisper in her ear.

  “Oh no you don’t. We’ll do this my way, or I don’t tell you a thing.”

  Dorian ran his fingers down her throat and collar bone and pulled his cheek from hers, keeping light contact as he did so. As his hand came back up and cupped her chin, he could feel her pulse racing. The tiniest hint of doubt filled him again. He ignored it.