Sea of Memories

by Kelly Risser

  Boyd sat up slightly and shaded his eyes with his hand to stare down at her. “Should I take your silence as a yes?”

  “We are not married,” Sera said. “But we are together. “

  Continuing to stare at her, Boyd frowned. “You didn’t mention love.”

  Now it was Sera’s turn to frown. She shifted and sat up, suddenly uncomfortable under Boyd’s appraisal. What did love have to do with it? Selkies lived much longer than humans did. Love might come with time, but matings were typically arranged—an agreement between clans, a play for power. Sera’s own father, Jorge, sent her to the Alkana clan as a condolence when Stephen was seventeen and she was fifteen. Her father had been good friends with Stephen’s.

  “Do you love him?” Boyd asked quietly.

  “I’m not sure,” Sera said slowly. In honesty, she wasn’t sure she knew what that kind of love felt like. She loved her parents, especially her mama, and she loved her children with a fierce sense of pride and protection. With Stephen, she felt fondness, mixed with exasperation and confusion. Was that love?

  Boyd slid his finger under her chin and lifted it until her eyes met his. They were filled with a mix of warmth and sadness. “That’s a shame,” he said. “Life is short, and love, real love, is what makes it worthwhile.”

  Her skin tingled where his finger touched her. She was torn between breaking their contact and moving in for more. She settled for staring into his eyes, such a lovely shade, almost emerald. Clearing her throat, she managed to ask, “Do you love someone?”

  He dropped his hand, leaned back on his arms, and stared out at the sea. Sera waited, and the silence was not uncomfortable. She could tell he was trying to remember. Finally, he sighed.

  “I did, I think, once.” He glanced at her and blinked slowly. “I can remember the feeling, the euphoria of being together, but I can’t see her face. I’m fairly certain that we are no longer a couple.”

  There was a strange pang in Sera’s stomach, and she wondered why she cared. Boyd was practically a stranger, and a human at that. She had no business feeling anything toward him, yet she couldn’t deny the fact that she did. That would be something to ponder later. Regrettably, she had been getting less swimming in lately. She spent more and more of her free time on this little island. At first, she justified it by telling herself that Boyd was recovering, needed assistance, and wouldn’t survive without her bringing him food and water. While she still brought daily supplies, she now realized her visits were just as much for her as him. She enjoyed his company.

  He slammed his fist into the sand, startling Sera from her thoughts. Swearing loudly, he stood and paced a few yards away.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, unsure what caused his outburst.

  “Yeah,” he bit out. When he turned, she saw his eyes were filled with tears. She could read pain and frustration in his expression.

  She stood and crossed to him, stopping an arm’s length away to stare up at him. “You’re lying.” Tilting her head, she took in his clenched jaw and fists. “You are clearly upset.”

  “I hate not remembering who I am,” he said. “I hate when you leave each day and I’m left alone on this god-forsaken excuse of an island. But most of all…”

  He strode forward and embraced her, crushing her mouth under his. Shock had her reacting before she could think about it, and she kissed him back. When she was a young girl, she was once stung by a jellyfish. The memory of that intense pain never left her. She thought Boyd’s kiss might be that same intensity, but what she felt was not pain.

  When he stumbled back, breathing heavily, she touched her tingling lips and stared at him in wonder. No one had ever kissed her like that. He kissed her as though he were a drowning man and she was his air.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. Without looking at her, he turned and strode toward the cave. Sera didn’t trust herself to speak. She picked up the backpack and transported home.

  That night, once the children were tucked into bed and Stephen was snoring lightly, Sera crept up the stairs to the roof. Stretching out on her back along the cool surface, she stared up at the star-filled sky. Was she happy? She loved her children, but that wasn’t the answer. If she was honest with herself, she was happiest on her morning swims, happiest with her freedom and by herself. Did considering her own happiness make her a terrible mother? The boys didn’t really need her, but Tyrese did. While her mind mulled over the events of the last two moon cycles—the time that passed since she’d found Boyd floating in the water—her eyes took in the constellations and she quietly recited their names. Her father had loved the night sky and taught Sera everything she knew. Her favorite was Cassiopeia. Was she like the vain queen? Could she, would she, put her own happiness above that of her family?

  As she lay there, her back cooling against the tile, the night air hot and humid, her heart beat painfully. She never expected to feel anything for the human but sympathy. She wasn’t feeling sympathy now. Her fingers shook as she once again touched her lips and remembered the kiss. She was swimming in dangerous waters. Whether it was love or lust, she wanted more of Boyd’s kisses. She wanted his strong arms wrapped around her. Her body tingled as her imagination took over.

  She blinked and gasped. No longer on the roof of her home, she was laying on the sandy beach of Boyd’s island. The brilliant moonlight bleached the shore. She was alone.

  “Sera?”

  Not alone. Her heart raced at the sound of his voice. She was afraid to turn and look at him. She didn’t trust herself. I’m a mother. I have a mate. I have responsibilities. The phrases repeated through her mind, but her body betrayed her. It didn’t care about those commitments. It was in agreement with her heart, and her heart was here, on this island, with this man.

  She heard him approaching. Please don’t sit. Please go away. Her silent pleas went unheeded, and he lowered himself next to her. She could feel the heat coming off him.

  “Sera?” He said her name again and touched her hand. She jumped. “Are you okay? Why are you here?”

  It took all her strength to stare ahead, to not move, to not throw herself at the man next to her. Selkies were led by their hearts, and when emotions took over, reason disappeared. Her will was crumbling. Tears spilled from her eyes and slid down her cheeks as she fought with her nature, fought to do what was right. She had to leave. Now.

  “I-I’m sorry,” she stammered and jumped to her feet. “I shouldn’t be here. I can’t see you anymore. From now on, I’ll leave the bag by the cave entrance.”

  She snuck a glance at him. He wore a bewildered expression. His hair was rumpled and his shirt unbuttoned. His face fell, and he quickly stood. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed you earlier. I—”

  His words were lost when she yanked his head down and kissed him, throwing all of her conflicting emotions back at him. For a moment, he froze, but then his arms went around her and crushed her to him. The world spun. Were the stars brighter? She lost track of time as he held her. Their hearts thundered almost painfully. His hair was thick and soft, and she wove her fingers through it, holding onto him.

  With a loud gasp, she broke their kiss and dropped her head to his chest. They were both heaving deep breaths. She was shaking from her emotions, and she swore he was too.

  “Sera—” He spoke her name in a whisper. Was it a question? She didn’t know, but she shook her head in answer.

  “I can’t.”

  Before he could reach for her again, she disappeared, transporting home.

  Home. Where she should stay and never return.

  For the next two weeks, Sera managed to transport to the island, drop off supplies, and leave before seeing Boyd. From that first morning, he left the previous day’s bag with its empty containers outside of the cave for her to pick up. It relieved her that he understood and respected that she needed to keep her distance. At the same time, her heart was heavy. She missed him, and she knew that if he kissed her again, she wouldn’t want to stop
. What she felt for him was not what she felt for Stephen. These emotions were new, scary, and thrilling. She wished for a girlfriend now more than ever, someone to confide in and get advice from. She had no one who would understand. Then she thought of her baker friend, Calla. The full moon was in one week. They would be making their trek to the mainland. Could she convince Stephen to let her go to the bakery alone? Would Calla listen and give her advice? Sera thought she might. She felt a kindred spirit in the other female.

  The morning they were set to leave, Sera broached the topic with her mate. “Would you mind if I went directly to the bakery? I’d like to ask Calla if she would teach me to bake.”

  Stephen frowned at her, his fork raised partway to his mouth. “Why? What need have you of baking when we buy the treats we want?”

  “It would be fun,” she said. “I would like to try it.”

  “Fun?” He chuckled and took a sip of his coffee. “Have you been feeling alright? You haven’t been acting like yourself.”

  Sera’s heart quickened. Did he know? Although some Selkies could communicate telepathically or read each other’s thoughts, she and Stephen had never had that kind of connection. Was she so obvious in her thoughts and feelings?

  “All this talk of new tutors for the children, you’re taking longer morning swims, and now baking. It’s unusual, is all.”

  New tutor indeed. Stephen had yet to assign someone else to Tyrese. “And where is the new tutor?” she asked.

  “These things take time.” He waved his hand in dismissal. “Tyrese is fine.”

  “Have you tried working with her?” When she brought it up before, he promised to consider it.

  “I haven’t had a chance.”

  “That was more than a moon cycle ago!”

  Slamming his hands on the table, Stephen stood and glowered. “If you haven’t noticed, I am running an entire clan. It takes time and work to protect this island and its people. If you feel Tyrese needs tutoring, why don’t you do it?”

  He threw down his napkin and stormed out the door. Sera finished her breakfast, enjoying the silence. On one hand, Stephen was right. She could spend time training Tyrese. On the other hand, she disagreed with him completely. Her daughter did not need to be hardened into a warrior. Yes, she must learn defense. In fact, she was well on her way to mastering it, but there was no need to make her a soldier. Leave that to the men.

  When her plate was clear, Sera left to seek her mate and make amends. Fighting solved nothing, and if she wanted time with Calla, she would have to earn it.

  She found him in his room, reading the paper by the light of a window. He looked relaxed in the recliner, but he stiffened when he saw her. Sera bowed her head meekly in respect, although she felt anything but. “I apologize,” she said. “It was wrong to accuse you. I will find Tyrese a suitable tutor or teach her myself.”

  He folded the paper and set it aside. Studying her closely, he finally nodded. “Very well. I accept your apology. Are you ready to leave for the mainland?”

  She nodded and focused on holding back her excitement. Stephen would question her enthusiasm to meet with the baker. Sure, she loved sweets, but that response would only get her so far. No, she must appear as neutral as possible. She allowed a small smile to play upon her lips and draped her arm through his, allowing him to transport them both to the shore.

  A quick tug and pull in her abdomen, and then they were there, standing in their storage building at the pier. She took a fortifying breath and carefully spoke. “You never answered me earlier. Would you mind if I go ahead to the bakery and you meet me there?”

  To her surprise, he chuckled and patted her hand. “If it means so much to you. Perhaps it would be nice to not have to wait so many weeks in between visits. You could supply our treats instead.”

  “Very true.” She smiled at him in the dim light.

  He pressed several coins into her hand. “In case you need anything. Be careful. It may not be safe for a woman alone. Stick to the main walkways.”

  She kissed his cheek. “Thank you. I will.”

  The bakery was several blocks from the pier, but the sun was shining and friendly pedestrians were milling about. Sera hadn’t considered that Calla might be busy with customers until she neared the shop, so she was relieved to find the store empty when she entered.

  “Sera!” Calla smiled at her and stepped around the counter. “So good to see you. Has it been a month already?” Her warm laugh was like honey and sunshine. “Where’s Stephen?”

  “He’ll come by later,” Sera said, suddenly feeling shy. Perhaps she shouldn’t have come here. Maybe this was a mistake.

  The smile melted off Calla’s face as she watched Sera. “Is something wrong, darlin’?”

  “I-uh…” Sera licked her lip while scolding herself for being so foolish. She’d come this far. What harm could she cause? “I was hoping to speak with you.” She leaned closer and whispered, “Ask you advice.”

  Calla’s dark brows rose towards her springy, black curls, currently tamed by a bright pink scarf. “My advice? What advice can I give you?”

  “The kind only another woman can,” Sera confessed. “I have a matter that deals with the heart, and no girlfriends to confide in.” She gave Calla a tentative smile. “I was hoping you would be my friend.”

  If her open mouth said anything, Calla was momentarily speechless, but she recovered. Her full lips broke into a wide grin, and she put her arm around Sera’s slim shoulders. “Girl, I love to give advice, and my daughters won’t listen to me.”

  “You have daughters?” Sera realized how little she knew about this woman. How was she going to be able to open her heart to her? Then again, she chose Calla, not the other way around. And friendships had to start somewhere, right?

  “I have three of them. All teenagers, Lord have mercy.” Calla chuckled and guided Sera to a back room. “Come on, honey. I’ve got coffee and tea back here, along with a few treats that are too imperfect to sell, but perfectly perfect to eat and share with a friend.”

  It might be foolish, but Sera felt a surge of happiness when Calla called her a friend. The back room was warmly lit, and the smell of yeast and caramelized sugar was stronger here. Calla led her to a small table tucked into the corner.

  “What’ll you have, doll? Coffee or tea?”

  “Tea, please.”

  “Black or Chamomile?”

  “Black with cream and sugar.”

  “You got it.”

  Sera sat and waited, listening to Calla move around the kitchen. She returned to the table with two white mugs and a plate of scones and cookies. “Help yourself.”

  The perfectly imperfect treats looked delicious to Sera. She selected a small blueberry muffin and a sugar cookie. Taking a bite of the muffin first, she moaned when she realized it was still warm. “So good!” she exclaimed.

  “Tell me about it.” Calla selected a scone and took a bite. “Mmm. They are delicious, but this is not the best place to work if you want to stay thin.”

  Selkies didn’t worry about weight gain. They swam so much and burned so many calories that they worried more about maintaining their weight. It was extremely rare to find an overweight Selkie, and if you did, odds were that individual was very, very old. Still, Sera chuckled, knowing that was what Calla would expect her to do.

  “So,” Calla said, wasting no time. “What did you want to talk to me about? You’ve come to the right place. I’m a great listener, and I won’t tell a soul.”

  Sera set the cookie down, her appetite disappearing as nerves took over. “I recently met someone…” Sera’s voice died off as Calla’s eyes widened. She didn’t speak. Instead, she picked up her mug, which looked like coffee, and took a sip, waving her hand for Sera to continue.

  “He was injured, and I’ve been nursing him back to health…” Sera paused again and bit her lip, her fingers nervously picking apart the cookie.

  “Hon,” Calla said, covering Sera’s hand. “I’ve got
time, but you keep going at this pace and you’ll never get it all out before Stephen gets here. You met a man. Do you love him?”

  It took Calla getting right to the point for Sera to relax and be able to talk. Unfortunately, she didn’t have an answer. “It’s too soon to tell. He’s very good looking, and we can talk so easily, much easier than I can with Stephen. He kissed me, and later, I kissed him.”

  “Ooo, girl!” Calla’s eyes danced with delight. “He must be a good kisser then.”

  “He is,” Sera admitted, feeling her cheeks warm just thinking about Boyd.

  “But you’re married,” Calla surmised. “To Stephen.”

  Sera nodded, playing with her cookie again.

  “Do you love Stephen?”

  This time, Sera could answer, although her eyes filled with tears. “No.” Calla passed her several napkins and waited while Sera dabbed at her eyes. “He’s not a bad man, but our union was arranged. I respect him, I like him, but I don’t think I’ve ever loved him.”

  “Oh, doll.” Calla moved around the table and bent down by Sera’s side, looking into her eyes. “A marriage without love is no marriage at all. I knew arranged marriages still existed. I just didn’t think I’d ever meet anyone in one of them.”

  “What happened to your husband?” Sera asked.

  “Kyle.” Calla straightened and her eyes grew cold. “That man was a no-good drifter. He went to jail, and our marriage went with him. Calla Jones won’t be married to a criminal. My girls deserve a better daddy than they got.”

  “You haven’t remarried?”

  This time, Calla laughed. “Hell no! I’m much happier on my own. I have a house full of young women, and I can’t imagine any man wanting to take that on.” She sat back down and sipped her coffee, then glanced at Sera over the rim. “Enough about me, sugar. What are you going to do?”