Sea of Memories

by Kelly Risser

  “Thank you.” Sera studied the postcard, taking in the details so she could visualize it later. She wanted to transport right away but that would be rude. Instead, she forced herself to sip her tea and chat with Calla. They ate several cookies between them. About an hour later, Calla yawned. “If I don’t get back to cleaning up, I’ll never get out of here tonight.” She stood and carried their empty cups to the counter. “Would you like more tea? You’re welcome to stay as long as want.”

  “No, I better get going.” Before it gets dark, she added to herself. She wasn’t sure how easy it would be to find Boyd once she transported. “Thank you for everything, Calla.”

  “Of course, sweetie.” Calla came over and hugged her tight. “That’s what friends are for.”

  Guilt sat in Sera’s stomach, mixing with the cookies. She wasn’t sure when, if ever, she would see Calla again. She hoped to, but it wasn’t like San Francisco and Los Angeles were right next door to each other. Still, the guilt didn’t stop her from scurrying around the corner and transporting to Fisherman’s Wharf. Once there, it took Sera a while to find Boyd. She was not used to human ways or their dwellings. She found a place called a gas station that had something called a phone directory where she could look up his address. There were several Boyds listed, but only three Daniels. She went to the houses one at a time. The first two addresses were dead ends. She had trouble finding the last address, but a man in a uniform gave her directions. It was a few miles away from where she currently was. She’d already lost half a day in searching. If this wasn’t her Boyd, she wasn’t sure what to do next.

  Her heart raced as she drew closer to the house. This had to be his. Would he be happy to see her? How much had Stephen beaten him? Whenever she thought of her foolish mate, her hands shook. What was the matter with him? He could dole out violence to a stranger, but he couldn’t give her a few words of love? While he might have said he wanted to keep her, his actions spoke differently.

  The blue house came into view. The yard was neat and trim. Someone took care of it while Boyd was away. She hurried up the walk to the door and knocked before she lost her nerve. She heard his voice on the other side.

  “What is it, Frank? I told you I’d pay you for cutting the grass lat—” Boyd stopped speaking when he opened the door. Instead, he stared at her in amazement. “You.”

  “Me.” She reached up and gently touched his swollen bottom lip. It was split and a scab had formed. One eye was black as well, but otherwise, he appeared unhurt. No broken bones, at least.

  “You’re here,” he said.

  “I am.” She shrugged, feeling awkward. He was still staring. “Can I come in?”

  “Of course.” He stepped back to let her through. “Please come in.”

  She stepped past him and looked around. His house was definitely masculine, but clean and welcoming. There were two navy chairs, a sofa, and a large, wooden box with a gray front. She pointed at it. “What’s that?”

  “A television. That’s where I watch the Three Stooges,” he said.

  “I see,” she said, although she really didn’t. Gesturing to a chair, she asked, “May I?”

  He made a frustrated noise, but he nodded. “Please, have a seat. I’m not being a very gracious host. I’m just so surprised you’re here. Can I get you anything? Water? Juice? Milk?” He ran a hand through his hair, causing strands to poke out messily. “Funny, I don’t even know what you drink. Are you hungry? I could make you a sandwich…”

  With a bemused expression, she watched him pace and talk. His nervousness helped her to calm. “Boyd,” she said his name to get his attention. He stopped pacing and looked at her. “Please sit.”

  Like an obedient puppy, he sat in the chair next to her. His eyes drank her in, the intensity making her blush. She lowered her gaze so she could do what she came to do—apologize. “I’m sorry Stephen was cruel to you.”

  “I understand,” Boyd said. “More than you know. If you were mine, I would fight for you too.”

  She looked up into his earnest face and smiled. “You would, wouldn’t you?”

  “With my life,” he agreed.

  They settled into silence. Sera stared at the painting hanging on the opposite wall. It was a swirl of blues with a bright yellow moon and golden stars. The art moved with energy and emotions, the swirling reminded her of her own feelings. Hurt, anger, love, hope, guilt… they whirled inside, threatening to break her.

  Boyd reached for her hand and held it. “Did you only come here to apologize for Stephen?” She bit her lip and shook her head. He continued, “Then what do you want, Sera?”

  “A chance,” she whispered.

  “With me?” His voice sounded incredulous.

  Could he be as uncertain as she was? She looked into his eyes; they were wide and vulnerable, the same way she felt. “A chance at love,” she clarified. “And I think I may find that… with you.”

  He stood and tugged her hand, pulling her with him. When he took her other hand in his, they faced each other, but he didn’t move closer. “And you’d be willing to give up everything for me?”

  She gulped. This wasn’t a small commitment. He was right. She would need to leave her old life behind, completely. “I would,” she said. “I am.”

  “No regrets?”

  “No regrets.”

  His eyes searched her face. She thought she might die if he didn’t say something soon—if he didn’t tell her that he accepted her, that he wanted her, and that he believed they had a real chance at love. But he didn’t speak. Instead, he captured her mouth in a passionate kiss, pulling her into his strong embrace. The room, the world, melted away as her heart sang. He wanted her!

  He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. “It humbles me how much you are willing to sacrifice for us. We have so much more to learn about each other, but I’m already in love with you,” he said, and his words warmed her heart. “And I promise you I will spend every day of my life making sure that you never regret your decision. I will make you happy, Sera.”

  She beamed at him. He would. She knew he would. Boyd was a good man, a kind, caring, loving man. It scared her to think about becoming human, but she could do it. For love, she would do anything. Her happiness rested in it.

  The hardest part was not making the choice to leave. It was facing her children and saying goodbye. The weight of it rested heavily on Sera’s chest. She knew what possibilities existed. They might hate her for it. Minimally, they would resent her. And they had every right. She was a selfish woman, choosing her own happiness over her children’s, choosing love of a man over love of family. On so many levels, it was wrong, and yet, she couldn’t help herself. This was what she wanted, consequences be damned.

  It was a sign that at no point did Stephen, or concern for him, cross her mind. He would be fine. He would move on. Maybe this would give him the chance—the freedom—to find his own love someday.

  She started with the oldest, knowing he would be the hardest. Kieran was like his father in so many ways—proud, stubborn, and idealistic—and so much like her in others—adventurous, passionate, and impulsive. The combination was explosive and made her son the boy he was. He had so much potential. She hoped he would continue to pursue greatness, because that was what she saw for him.

  Kissing his cheek, she woke him and watched as he wiped it away and glowered. “Uck. What was that for?”

  She raised a finger to her lip. Alexios was sleeping in the next bed over, and she wanted to speak to each of her children alone. Kieran nodded his understanding and crossed his arms. Since she could not take his hand, she settled for resting her hand on his knee. It was a sign that he realized how important this conversation was that he didn’t wiggle to get out from under her touch. He stilled and waited.

  The tears threatened to fall, but Sera blinked them back. She would not fall apart in front of her children. She needed to prove to them and herself that she was strong and confident in her choice. With a serio
us tone, she said, “I’m leaving, Kieran.”

  He tilted his head and studied her with intelligent eyes. “When will you be back?”

  “I won’t.”

  Now he moved suddenly, swinging his legs out of the bed and jumping up. Backing away from her, he said, “It’s him. It’s that human, isn’t it?” She paused, and then nodded. There was no use denying it. “You’re leaving us for a human? What’s the matter with you?”

  “Kieran, I—” She reached for him, but he backed away.

  His jaw set, he glared at her through his tears. “If you do this, you will be dead to me. I will have no mother.”

  Now, her tears did fall. “I deserve that.”

  “You’re really going.” His voice filled with bewilderment, and then hatred. “I hate you! I never want to see you again!”

  “Kieran!”

  He ran out of the room before she could stop him. Her shout woke his twin, who blinked at her in confusion. “Mother?”

  Taking a fortifying breath, she moved to her second son’s bed as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Why are you here? Where did Kieran go?”

  “Listen to me, Alexios,” she said and took his hand. “I’m leaving. Where I am going, I will not be back.” He stared at her with shimmering eyes, but he didn’t fight her. “I love you, Kieran, and Tyrese so much.” She touched his hair, so white and blond like his father’s. “I’m sorry, but I must do this for me.”

  “I don’t understand, Mother.” Alexios pushed back further until he was sitting upright on the bed. “Where are you going?”

  “Do you remember the human Kieran and I talked about?” she asked and Alexios nodded. “I’m going to live with him.”

  “You’re leaving us for a human?” Unlike Kieran, Alexios’ voice held no judgement, just confusion.

  “I’m leaving you to find love.”

  Now, he looked hurt. “You don’t love us?”

  “Of course I love you.” She pulled him into a hug and spoke into his hair. “But this is a different kind of love. This is a love between a man and a woman.”

  He squirmed out of her arms and stared at her. “You don’t love Father?”

  With a sigh, she said, “No, Alexios, I do not.” She didn’t add that Stephen did not love her either. It would not be right to bring him into this. The children would need him, and ultimately, it was not about him anyway.

  She waited as Alexios considered her words. Unlike Kieran, he internalized everything before he spoke. Finally, he said, “I think you should go, Mother. Don’t worry; I will take care of Kieran and Tyrese in your absence.”

  His words broke her heart. If anything would have made her stay, it was her sweet son telling her that he would pick up where she failed. “I can’t ask that of you,” she whispered and tousled his hair. “And you still have your father.”

  He stood and stepped back from her, a shadow of Kieran’s reaction, but a rebellion nonetheless. “I’m going to find Kieran. Goodbye, Mother.”

  The air shimmered as he transported. He didn’t even want to allow the time to leave the room. She let the tears fall. Her heart was already shattered, and she had one child left to tell.

  ****

  Sera tried to wake Tyrese, but the girl was a sound sleeper and barely stirred. By the light of moonbeams, Sera wrote her daughter a goodbye letter, trying to put words on paper that could convey how much love she had for her, and how much regret she felt for leaving. It wouldn’t be enough. It could never be enough.

  She removed the bracelet that was her Selkie fur and placed it in the envelope for Tyrese. It would lose its magic in a few months, but hopefully, the girl would be comforted by this piece of her mother.

  Brushing back the loose curls that had fallen on Tyrese’s forehead, Sera kissed her cheek and whispered. “Be well, my daughter. I love you.”

  With the last of her magic still in her veins, she transported back to Boyd’s house. He was waiting for her, and she collapsed in his arms, her magic and emotions spent.

  He carried her to the sofa and cradled her in his lap like a small child. While she cried, he kissed her cheek and murmured reassurances. Eventually, she drifted to sleep. Her heart was pained, but full. She gave up everything she had, but she found love. And it was common knowledge that love conquered all.

  “That’s it? She left you?” I stared up at Kieran in shock. Well, stared at his profile, really. His gazed was fixed on the ocean, his jaw set.

  “Yep.”

  “And you never saw her again?”

  “Nope.”

  “What did your dad do?” I knew Kieran was more bothered by his mother’s actions than he was saying, especially since he wasn’t saying anything at all.

  “What could he do?” Kieran turned and glanced down at me. “He took care of us and never mentioned her again.”

  “Sounds familiar,” I said. Kieran’s story wasn’t so unlike my own, except that he actually had the chance to get to know the parent who abandoned him. I didn’t, since my dad left when I was only a baby. Yes, I had gotten to know him over the last year and a half, but he wasn’t there through most of my childhood.

  Kieran made a soft noise and put his arm around my shoulder again, pulling me close to kiss the top of my head. “I guess we aren’t all that different, are we?”

  “Not really.” I shivered from the cold. We’d been outside for over an hour. The sun slid behind a cluster of clouds, and the temperature dropped. It was time to head back to the house. My grandparents were surely wondering where we were, even though it was kind of them to give me space and time to adjust. “Should we go back inside?”

  “Are you ready?”

  I grimaced and moved away from Kieran to stand. “I’ll manage.”

  We held hands and walked in comfortable silence. A question was burning in my mind. I tried to hold it back, but I couldn’t. “Do you want to see her?”

  Kieran slowed, but didn’t stop. His thumb caressed my hand as he considered the question. Finally, he said, “I’m not sure. My first reaction is to say no, I never want to see her again, but then I look at you and David. You gave him a chance, and now you have a relationship with your father. I don’t know if that’s what I want, but it would be nice to let go of the hurt and the anger.”

  “I can help you find her.”

  Now he did stop and stared down at me with a slight frown. “What do you mean?”

  “With computers and the Internet, it shouldn’t be hard, especially if she’s still in the San Francisco area.”

  “I’m not sure if she is,” he said. “She may even be dead.”

  My mind was already going to the searches I would run. “There’s only one way to find out.”

  Focused on my new purpose, it was easier to enter the house. I smiled at my grandparents, who were watching TV.

  “Everything okay?” my grandmother asked, her eyes full of concern.

  “It’s better now,” I said.

  She rose and gestured for us to follow. “You missed lunch, but I have a few things set aside for you.”

  Kieran and I sat at the table and watched as my grandma put out wrapped sandwiches, fruit salad, potato salad, and chocolate chip cookies. She poured us each a glass of lemonade. “That should tide you over until dinner,” she said with a wink. “Holler if you need anything.”

  She went back to the living room and left us alone to eat. “Your grandparents are pretty awesome,” Kieran said before taking a huge bite of sandwich.

  “Yeah,” I said. “They are.”

  Would I see them again after this visit? When I was in Ronac, it was easy to choose the Selkie life and be happy, but coming home brought back all the great things about being a human, like my friends and family. Not to mention computers, cars, movies, and malls. There were benefits to both lives, but only one had Kieran. I glanced at him. He stared back, his mouth full of food.

  Swallowing, he asked, “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  He waved his han
d at me. “Clearly, there’s something. I can practically see the wheels spinning in your mind.”

  “I’m just grateful for you.” I reached across the table and took his hand. “Thank you for comforting me today and sharing about your mom.”

  He made a face at me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah!” I laughed. “Are you almost done? I think my grandparents are waiting to visit with us.”

  He finished another half of sandwich in three bites and then grabbed a handful of cookies. “I’m ready now. Let’s go visit.”

  I glanced at his narrow waist, and then back at his full hands. “Where do you put it all?”

  He flexed his arms and grinned. “This temple needs fuel.”

  With a roll of my eyes, I pushed him into the other room.

  My grandparents found Kieran fascinating and asked him all kinds of questions about his family and home. He answered them in a friendly manner, and never once seemed to grow annoyed by their constant attention. After a while, though, I grew impatient and started asking questions of my own.

  “What’s new in town?” I asked. “How’s The Cove Inn?”

  “Lydia’s doing well,” my grandma said. “Much better now that Evan is home. What in the world happened to that boy anyway? Why didn’t you call and tell us he was in a hospital? His poor parents were worried to death.”

  “I, uh—”

  With me tripping over my words, Kieran cut in, “She didn’t know. Evan broke up with her the week before he went into the hospital.” He gave me a sympathetic look and patted my leg. “I think she was too distraught to tell you about the breakup.”

  Liar, I said telepathically.

  I’m sorry, he replied sarcastically. Did you have a better explanation?

  I wanted to stick my tongue out at him, but my grandparents wouldn’t understand that response, especially since Kieran was still looking at me like I kicked his puppy.