by Julia Mills
Regaining my ability to speak at the same time that Bert and Cassie simultaneously slammed their doors shut and Trixie ordered, “Head ‘em up and move ‘em out,” I took a huge cleansing breath and counted to ten… then twenty…then gave up looking for calm and twisted in my seat so I could see all my passengers. Everyone was all smiles and looking at me like I was Willy Wonka giving out free chocolate, so I tried my best to push my frustration away and speak in a halfway decent tone when I asked, “What in the name of bat wings and bullshit are you people up to now?”
Shockingly, it was Bert who answered. “We’re all going back to Hell. That was the plan all along. The girls need the power of three to work the spell that will get your enchantment back but Trixie had to know if you had the hellfire in you before she would commit to going back.”
Slowly turning my head, sure that if I wasn’t careful it would begin spinning like a top on my neck and I would spew pea soup all over the car, I looked at Trixie who was meticulously examining her nails and through gritted teeth snarled, “You had to do what?”
“Well, I had to know you had the fire. I mean, come on, I’m going back to Hell before my mission is complete. I could get in trouble or something and I had to know it was worth it.” She stopped, looked up at me from her nails, batted her eyes and continued, “I mean I love Hunter like a zombie loves brains, and you seem like a real nice little Hellhound but this is my butt we’re talking about and although it’s a little wider than I would like at my age, I still want it to stay right where it is.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised. I should’ve known there was a catch or a hundred catches, sixty-seven monkey wrenches and a million things I didn’t know about this plan to set my life back on its shitty undead course and let me have my Hunky Hellhound but no, just no, enough was enough. (I know, I said that before but this time I mean it.)
Pulling up my big girl panties for the millionth time since getting squashed by the number ten bus, I put my lawyer’s hat back on and I asked, “And at no time did you think this was pertinent information to share with me?”
Trixie’s brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed as she slowly answered, “Well…no, I…”
“Just answer the questions as I ask them, please.” I waited for her to nod and then continued, “And you now think the best course of action is to return to Hell?”
“Yes, but…”
“What do you hope to accomplish once there?” I interrupted, sitting up taller in my seat.
There was split second pause where Trixie’s eyes flashed up to the right before she said, “I want to help my boy, Hunter… and you, of course, you.” But I knew she was lying and so did Lola.
“Liar, liar, pants on fire, beyotch, Heidi’s got you now. Go girl. Go on, get her. Make the lying witch pay.”
Leaning forward while my alter-ego continued to cheer me on in my head, I looked right into Trixie’s eyes and said, “Are you sure that’s your only motivation?”
(Now, I would like to tell you that she told the truth and I finally knew what was really going on. I’d like to tell you that but then I’d be lying and like I told you before I don’t lie so I guess I have to tell you what really happened. Hang on, it’s a doozie.)
Closing the distance between us, the tip of Trixie’s nose bumped mine, fire flashed in her eyes (Not, just a flash of anger, real, honest-to-goodness fire.) and smoke come out of her nostrils as she rumbled in a low-otherworldly voice, “My only motivation right now is to keep from having a hot dog roast with you as the guest weinee. If my nephew didn’t love you so much, I’d flambé your ass and serve you to my gremlins with an apple in your mouth for Friday night dinner.” She breathed more smoke into my face and added, “Now, shut your door and buckle up. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.”
Without a second thought and not breaking eye contact with the crazy frizzy-haired witch, I reached behind me, slammed my door shut and pulled my seatbelt around me. No sooner had the belt buckle clicked into the latch than Trixie, still glaring at me, grabbed Cassie’s hand as the red-headed witch shoved it between us and together they chanted, “From the moon above to the moon below, we two of three seek the one we know. We are going to Hell and hope all will be well, for we need our sister dear to complete the spell. Our Hunter needs his Aunties near, and also his mate who’s a pain in the rear. Help us Hecate, hear our prayer. Help us dear mother, help us fly through the air.”
I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t been there, but I swear to God or the Devil or whoever I’m supposed to be swearing to these days that no sooner had the last word crossed their lips than the Ladybug Express lifted off the ground, began spinning in circles and I just about lost my lunch. It bears mentioning that at this point, I was no longer staring at Trixie but was instead, gripping the steering wheel like it was next season’s Louis Vuitton with my eyes closed so tight my cheeks almost met my eyebrows and screaming like a gaggle of teenagers at a Zac Efron movie.
I have no clue how long we played spin the Ladybug Express but when the car finally stopped turning and landed with a kerplunk, I had my door open and was jumping out before the dust settled. In retrospect, I should’ve looked before I leapt because I found myself face to face with not only six Cockatrices, (You remember them, right? The Devil’s big bad uglies that are seven-feet tall with the body and tail of a serpent, wings of a dragon, head, neck and tail of a cockerel and the face of a rooster Yeah. Them. I know. I’m an idiot.) but also Luci, a snarling pack of hellhounds and…drum roll please…Lucifer himself.
Wondering how long I had before I was bird food, hellhound chow or a smoldering pile of ash, I nearly crapped my pants when Bert, who I now knew was taller than before, less green and abundantly less stinky exited the car, stood by my side and finger waved to Luci.
Next was Cassie, who looked a little worse for wear, I guess from being in Hell and not in the sunshine, but nonetheless was still stunning and still smiling (I swear she had two expressions, smiling and smiling.) and waving to Lucifer and his daughter while making kissy noises at the hellhounds.
I looked for Trixie and surprise, surprise - she was nowhere to be found but in her place appeared Matilda in puff of grey smoke that smelled of fish, cigarettes and booze. With her usual panache, she farted as she walked, swatted me in the arm and asked, “What took you so long, bubbala? Hunter’s been kvetching thinkin’ he’d never see you again. I finally had to give the boychick a sleeping draft. He’s gonna be mad he missed this, but you’ll make it right for me won’t you, bubbala?”
Nodding, because frankly I couldn’t speak and I was scared past shitless, past straight and right into barely breathing from worrying about what the King of Hell, his daughter and their posse were going to do, I was glad to see the little ball of piss and vinegar and really happy Hunter wasn’t there to see me go up in flames…literally. The standoff came to screeching halt when Trixie appeared from behind a gnarled bunch of brambles that hissed and growled when she walked past it wearing a slinky red dress with spaghetti straps, a plunging neckline, a slit that almost touched her ‘whoopie pie’ and ‘do-me’ pumps with five inch heels that made my mouth water. (Sue me. I’m a shoe whore.).
Every eye was riveted to her as she fluffed her white-blonde curls that were no longer frizzy but perfectly coiffed ringlets that bounced when she walked, made a show out of stepping over a puddle of oozing goo and flounced right up to Lucifer with a bold, “How’s it goin’, big guy? Long time no see.”
To which the King of Hell replied, “Damn Trix, you look good.”
That alone was a shock that sent my blood pressure into the stratosphere and blew my mind but when Luci jumped up and down, clapped her hands and squealed, “Woohoo, mom’s home,” I fainted.
Chapter Fourteen
Thank Satan I wasn’t out longer than a few minutes, since everyone but Bert just left me laying on the hot, dead ground while they questioned Trixie and Lucifer. Apparently, no one but the couple and their daughter knew what had happened
all those centuries ago. Matilda was appalled and threatened bodily harm to not only her sister but also the King of Hell for keeping a secret like that from her and for having such a dingbat as a daughter. (Yes, she said that out loud in front of everyone. The woman has absolutely no shame.)
Cassie was gushing, hugging Luci and talking about all things pink *shudder*. She clearly had no issue with her sister’s deception and was just thrilled to have a niece, even if she was a dingbat.
I was completely and totally, without question done with the lot of them and after climbing to my feet and dusting off my favorite leather pants, walked over to the ‘happy family’ and announced, “You are the most dysfunctional, twisted, unbelievably insane group of individuals I ever met and I used to defend CEOs and stockbrokers. To say that your family tree is not only twisted and gnarled, but the low hanging fruit make Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum look like they belong in Mensa, would be the understatement of a lifetime. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I. Have. Had. Enough.” And with that I turned on my heel, marched in the direction I believed my dungeon was in and did not, under penalty of death by my own hand, look back at the idiots who’d somehow made me believe I had a chance at happiness with my Hunky Hellhound.
Hours later and no sign of Hotel Hell, (Yes, that is really the name. Don’t blame me. I didn’t pick it. Hell, I didn’t even pick being in Hell.) I plopped my butt down on a steaming rock and contemplated how to get out of the mess I’d landed in. Watching some horrid cross between a bass, a snake and a turtle jump out of the water, chomp down on some unidentifiable creature with wings and an elephant’s trunk, I wondered if I could actually die again out here in what accounted for the wilderness in the Underworld. Something told me I was just stuck, but a girl can hope, can’t she?
Hours passed, or so I guessed, since the sun never shines in Hell and the moon stays in the same frikkin’ position all the time giving the steamy landscape a kind of dark purple creepy hue. The only way I had learned to mark time was by what kind of critter that was milling about. The closer it got to what was considered nighttime, the ickier the wildlife became and at that very moment the ickiest of the icky were peeking out from behind the brambles and boulders.
I was busy counting the bubbles gurgling on top of the fluorescent orange water when the sounds of lava crunching reached my ears. I thought about running, but then decided maybe it was better to let fate takes it course. At least if I got eaten by whatever foul abomination was approaching, I wouldn’t have to watch Hunter and Luci and their two-point-four children live happily ever after.
Picking up a rock, I was contemplating throwing it at the ‘basnaktle’ (I saw it first, so I named it. Get over it.) when huge hands clamped over my eyes and a low British-accented baritone rolled through my body. “You’d rather throw rocks at fish than come and see me?”
Grabbing his hands, I pulled them off my eyes at the same time that I spun around and with barely a glance at his magnificent face I planted my lips on Hunter’s and kissed him for all I was worth. His arms were immediately around my waist and he lifted me off the ground as our kiss deepened and all thoughts of stupid witches and prissy princesses flew from my brain. For that moment in time, I was in the arms of the man I loved and there wasn’t a damn thing even the Devil himself could do about it.
Winding my legs around Hunter’s waist, it took a second for me to realize we were moving. Well, not just moving but hauling ass. I was torn between asking where we were going or continuing to kiss my Hunky Hellhound and you guessed it…I opted for making out with the hot guy. (Don’t judge. It was probably gonna be our last time together.)
Time seemed to stand still even if we weren’t, but all too soon, Hunter stopped moving, pulled back from our kiss and looked into my eyes. I was scared to speak. Didn’t want to ruin the moment but you know me, (Or at least you damn sure should by now.) I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut and so I asked, “How are you here? I failed. I can’t shift into a Hellhound. I can’t challenge Luci and…” I couldn’t finish, couldn’t say the words, it just hurt too much but then looking at the smile on Hunter’s face, I went from sad to pissed in a matter of a heartbeat.
Beating on his chest with my fists, I yelled, “You’re smiling? This is the last time I’m ever gonna get to kiss you, be with you, see you when you’re not with that pink ball of happiness and fluff and you’re smiling?” I thunked his chest with my fist. “Put me down you beast. Put me down now.”
Pulling me tighter and kissing up my neck, he whispered in my ear, “Oh darling, you have no idea what a beast I can be,” then he kissed his way back down my neck while his hands did an amazing job of stripping me down to my black lace bra and panties, before I knew what was happening.
I opened my mouth to give a half-hearted protest but Hunter was quicker, covering my lips with his and sliding his tongue along mine until all thoughts of everything but he and I together fled from my brain. The contrast of the cool stone wall at my back and the trails of fire my Hunky Hellhound’s hands left as he touched and massaged every inch of my body only added to the sensuality of the moment.
The fabric at my waist pull tight a heartbeat before Hunter ripped the panties from my bum and threw them over his shoulder. His hands closed around the globes of my ass and held me tight as he rolled his hips causing his denim-covered erection to bump my excited clit. Tearing my lips from his I gasped, unable to get enough air as every cell in my body pushed me to strip my Hunky Hellhound bare and show him exactly how much I loved him.
Sliding my hands under the soft cotton of his T-shirt, I shivered as the electricity of our connection burst to life. My body tingled in places I didn’t know I had and Lola was screaming, “Ride that man! Make him your own!” so loud I had to tune her out.
Ripping his shirt over his head at the same time he unclasped my bra, our eyes met and as he pulled the silk from my breasts and my hardened nipples met the granite planes of his chest, I felt the proof of my arousal wet the inside of my thighs. Hunter’s pupils dilated, his nostrils flared and a growl rumbled from deep within his chest.
His nose slid up the column of my neck as he inhaled and groaned, “You smell good enough to eat.”
No sooner had the words crossed his lips than Hunter dropped to his knees, held me in place with his hands on my waist and commanded, “Put your legs over my shoulders.”
Obeying without a second thought, he began to nibble the inside of my thigh, licking and tasting my juices, groaning low in his throat, setting off a whole new set of sensations that caused goose bumps to raise all over my body. Bracing my hands on his shoulders, I held myself against the wall as Hunter slid his hands off my waist, down the outside of my thighs and back up the top, while his mouth moved ever so slowly closer to where I needed to feel him.
Trying to roll my hips as I begged, “Please Hunter…please… I need….” my Hunky Hellhound didn’t let me finish as his hands continued their journey up my thigh, and he slid his index and middle fingers into my pussy.
Gasping, my nails digging into the skin of his shoulder, I couldn’t help but move as he slid his long, nimble fingers in and out of me, using his thumb to tease my incredibly aroused clit on every pass. Rolling my hips, keeping rhythm with my mate’s fingers, I howled when he added a third, pushing harder and deeper into me, curling the tips of his fingers in a come hither motion at just the right moment to touch the sensitive bundle of nerves at the top of my channel.
Over and over he teased. Faster and faster his fingers moved in and out of me until I thought I was going to lose my mind. I clawed at his skin, yelled his name and when I was sure I couldn’t take it anymore, Hunter leaned forward and licked my clit. An orgasm unlike any I’d ever experienced roared through me like a freight train. Stars burst before my eyes. My body shook. I couldn’t catch my breath and still my Hunky Hellhound continued, driving me higher and higher.
Pulling his fingers from me as my body still trembled, Hunter quickly replaced the
m with his mouth, thrust his tongue into my still climaxing pussy and picked up where his digits had left off. One orgasm bled into another. He ate at me, licking and tasting all I had to give, pushing me to give him all that I was, accepting nothing less than everything.
All I could do was feel. The world outside Hunter and I ceased to exist. I wanted… needed all of him. Filling his dungeon with screams of pleasure, I pleaded, “Hunter… please…please…I need…you.”
Instead of answering, my Hunky Hellhound placed the flat of his tongue at the base of my outer lips, pushed through my wet curls and with the perfect amount of pressure licked me from bottom to top, sucking my super-sensitive clit into his mouth until I was wailing my release once again. Raising his head and smiling a satisfied smile at me while I struggled to breathe, Hunter lowered one arm and then the other, letting my legs slide to the ground before grabbing my waist, standing and slamming his lips to mine.
Demanding entrance, I immediately complied, loving the taste of arousal on his lips. Smiling as the low rumble of his groan rose from within his chest, I placed the palm of my hand over his erection where it pushed against the zipper of his jeans and rubbed up and down. I was in ecstasy. Tearing his lips from mine, he laid his hand over my fingers and shook his head, “I won’t last long if you keep this up.”
Opening my mouth to tease, the words never made it out as Hunter lifted me into his arms, turned and took three strides to the bed, and laid me down so I could watch as he made quick work of removing his boots, jeans and boxers. My mouth watered as his cock jumped when I slid my toe up his thigh but my Hunky Hellhound had other things on his mind. From one second to the next, he flipped me from my back to my stomach and covered my body with his.
The heat of his solid, masculine frame sunk into my curves as his hands massaged across my ribs to the underside of my breasts, his fingers sliding between my skin and the sheet, teasing my nipples until I was once again breathless and lost to his touch. His hips rolled gently against my backside, his erection teasing my still sensitive outer lips as my body moved in tempo with his. His soft tender kisses across my shoulder had me shivering as I let my head and hair fall to the side, granting him access, needing to feel him everywhere.