Military Man

by Mia Soto

  “Lock your fucking door, Lycée.” He commanded, obviously choosing to start with humor.

  She rolled her eyes and smiled and answered in a very military voice, “yes sir.”

  He liked that she could tell because he continued, “and no fucking running at night on that pier. Do you hear me? Get your ass home and wait until the next day.”

  “Yes sir.” She saluted him that time.

  His eyes danced with light until they got very serious again and he said, “make sure to miss me.”

  Her face dropped and she commenced biting her lip again. She barely choked out, “deal.”

  He kissed her soundly, so gently and rested his forehead to hers after. He sat like that for so long, cupping her neck and massaging her jaw with his thumb she thought he might change his mind and not go. He didn’t. She tilted her head to rub noses and turned his head to softly touch her tongue and lips to his scarred cheek. He finally sighed and pushed up reluctantly and looked down at her so gently she had to look away to stem her tears. He squeezed her hand and left like a big, hulking shadow through her door. The worry meter spiked immediately even before she heard the soft click of her front door a few moments later.

  The first few days she was like a skittish deer - jumping every time her phone buzzed or beeped then sinking back into despair when it wasn't his name flashing. The next few days she tried to convince herself she didn't care, that it was only supposed to be fun and she was being one of those clingy, crazy girls. By the end of a full week she was emotionally and physically lost. Her body and mind were crying out for him but her need felt a little like screaming into the wind in a storm.

  She was totally off her game at work. Brandt kept threatening to fire her. She could only hope to get so lucky. At a week and a half she started to wonder how long these things could last. She got pissed that he hadn't told her anything. That he wasn't allowed to. Was the secrecy the same for married couples as well? She wouldn't be able to handle that.

  By Wednesday, a week later, she had fallen into full hermitdom. She begged off dinner with Ash and was curled up on her couch feeling lonely. As she got up to pad to the kitchen for some water the lock tumbled and she froze. She couldn't explain her confusion because the only other person with keys to the locks on her door, at that point, was him. Then he was there huge, gorgeous with tired eyes. She squealed, did a little run in place and launched herself into his open arms. She clung to him monkey style showering kisses all over his face. When she got to his mouth his hands came up to hold her there. Their lips and tongues pushed and played together frantically.

  “When did you get back?” She said between kisses.

  “Right now. I came right here.”

  She melted onto him. “Take me to bed.”

  He kissed her hard but surprised her with his answer. “Let me shower first. I'm grimy.”

  She wrinkled her nose and agreed. “You're definitely smelly. And your breath is terrible.” Still she moaned into his mouth as he reclaimed hers with a growl and she met his tongue equally like finally eating after a weeks long fast. He walked her back toward the bedroom as she asked, “Are you hungry?” He nibbled at her neck. “I mean for food.”

  He laughed as he put her on the ground. “Yeah, I could eat something.”

  She looked sheepish. “Is girly stuff ok? I didn't want to shop for you until you got back.”

  He laughed again and planted another kiss. “I missed these lips. Yeah, Baby. Whatever you have sounds great. Tofu and all.”

  She rolled her eyes and left him for the kitchen. She pulled her wine bucket and filled it with ice and some of his beers and a bottle of wine for her. Then she made a cheese plate and opened some of the summer sausages she had bought that week he had been staying with her. She got it all set up in the bedroom and lit some candles. It sounded like he was still showering so she rushed to put on the barely there teddy she had bought for him while he was gone. She was crawling onto the bed when he walked out with a towel wrapped around his lean waist and one over his head scrubbing away the water. No man stood a chance with her after being with this specimen.

  “You bought all my toiletries, Baby?” He was still under the towel as his muffled words floated out. Then he tossed the wet rag to the side and looked up and stopped immediately at the sight of her on her bed dressed as she was.

  She shrieked as he threw off the towel around his waist and launched himself at her. The bed groaned in protest as he landed. It was some time later that they were sitting on the bed eating cheese and drinking wine and beer. She was kissing his neck and face and occasionally his lips between his bites.

  “That was too long.” She assured him.

  “Yeah it was. I'm going to have to figure out how to be away from you for that long. I didn't do a very good job of it this time.” He looked frustrated by that reality.

  “If it makes you feel better I didn't either,” she sighed as she planted her lips on his again.

  He smiled at her and took her wine glass and put it aside. With a devilish smile he stalked her until she was pressed into the pillows and he was nestled between her legs. “Here. This is where I belong.”

  She relaxed and wrapped her legs around him, loving the feel of his hands running the length of them again. “Yes it is.” She agreed. They broke the record that night for amount of times two people could find bliss together.

  The next morning he continued his assault on her body. He'd told her to call in sick at least for the morning because he didn’t have to be at debriefing until noon. She hadn't even blinked at his commanding tone. She'd never been happier to fake a sick sneeze. He was getting ready to rev her up again when she finally protested.

  “Ork, I'm hungry.” She complained.

  He lifted his head with a grin. He was half way down her body already. “Me too.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  He kissed her belly a few more times before he sighed and pushed up. “Well, this is a full reversal. Ok, let's get you fed. Shower first.”

  She nodded her agreement and it was an epic shower because of course he joined her. She threw on some shorts and a loose top afterwards and clipped her wet hair back. He was out front rummaging through his bag when she heard his phone ring. She walked out pulling up the strap of her sandal over her heel. He gave her an appreciative look and walked over to her to bring her in close and place a kiss on her forehead. She was slipping her little cross body over her head when he clicked off.

  “You ready?” She asked brightly but her face fell when she saw the grim look on his.

  “I gotta go, Baby. They're calling us out again.”

  She shook her head. “No, you just got back.”

  He pulled her into him. “I know. Sometimes this happens. Residual. We're the best team to clean it up.”

  She buried her face in his shirt. “But you just got back.”

  He lifted her face to his and wiped her tears. “I'll call you and let you know how long I think it will be.”

  She knew enough by then to know that concession had to be breaking every rule ever for him. So she nodded bleakly and clung to him when his lips covered hers. He was already moving to the door.

  “Lock this,” he said as he opened the door.

  “I'll walk out with you. I need to go to the market.”

  He held her hand warm in his. She didn't bother him with words because he was obviously preoccupied. At her car, he pulled her close once more then opened the door for her. She reached up and pulled him down to her so she could rub her nose to his.

  “You, come back safely.” She warned. He gathered her in and she buried her face in his neck. She reminded herself again this was not the life for her.

  But then he said, “my Lycée.” And she attached a little closer to him in her heart.

  She got through the day. He'd called and they'd talked for twenty minutes. He didn't think he'd be more than a night. Maybe two. She could do that. That's how this relationship would work, h
urdles of her trying to survive his absence. She wished she could talk to some of the other girlfriends or wives but she didn't know them well enough. The only one she might ask was Jennifer and Jennifer didn't seem to like Lycée. Although truth be told Jennifer didn't seem to like anyone.

  Around nine she was on the couch reliving a memory from the night before he had left a few weeks earlier. He had been watching baseball on the couch and she'd slipped over him to tuck herself into the crook of his knees. Then she'd snuggled her feet under his bottom because he was the perfect human furnace and she'd opened her phone to start reading her book. She realized after a moment he was watching her so she looked up expectantly.

  “What?”

  His look was gentle love. “You.”

  “What about me?”

  “You're perfect.”

  She laughed and leaned over and kissed him. He held her there a little longer. “Don't you forget that. Especially when I'm not so perfect.”

  He had only laughed and tucked his hand between her thighs.

  She was deep in that memory when her phone buzzed. Her immediate reaction was hope which escalated when she didn't recognize the number. Maybe he was calling. But when she answered it was Jennifer of all people.

  “Like Hawkeye’s Jennifer?” She clarified.

  “Yes,” Jennifer seemed impatient. “I don't know how to say this to you. I heard the guys got ambushed. Through a friend. Ork took a bullet.” Lycée’s heart had stopped beating during the silence between Jennifer's next words. “I don't think he made it.” Tears flooded and words failed. “Did you hear me?” All Lycée could do was squeak and nod. “Alright, well, Ash thought you should know.” Then she hung up.

  Lycée was finally able to force her heart to beat again. She was taking shallow breaths when Ashley called but she didn't answer because couldn't speak. Ashley left a message and Lycée got hopeful that maybe it was all a misunderstanding and Ashley was calling to clear it up. So she listened to it. Then nausea hit her. Ashely was calling to say how sorry she was, how she told Jennifer to call Lycée because she didn't want her not to know, that she couldn't believe it. Ashley wouldn't lie to her. She wouldn't.

  God who was she even? Some girl he knew for a week. Would she get to say goodbye? Would she even know if not for Ash? She could taste the bile. She got up to run to her toilet but she must not have been getting as much air as she thought because her eyes rolled up into her head. As she was passing out, she had the distinctive thought that, for the first time in her life, she was, in fact, passing out.

  She woke at dawn the next morning in a sticky pool. When her hand reached up to touch the wetness it came away red. Then she felt her face and it was crusted with the same blood. She swallowed and raised her aching head to realize she was lying next to her coffee table. It had jagged edges and Ork had complained more than once about having bumped his shin on it. Ork. Tears came and then nausea again. Somehow she got to her feet and as she was creeping to her bathroom, trying to blink away the blinding white light in her right eye, she heard her locks tumble. She turned in astonishment as his ghost came through the door. From there it was hard to tell who was more amazed - she or he. She broke into sobs and he looked horrified

  “Lycée what happened?” His eyes took her in and then scanned the room finding the pool of blood on the ground.

  “Oh my god,” she cried. “Jennifer said you were shot. She said, she said…” Her words were barely audible through the body wracking sobs. He came to her quickly with a face of despair but she turned from him like he might hurt her. “No, don't touch me.” He looked astonished and confused and kept trying but she backed away until she hit the wall hard. “No,” she cried and yelped at the same time.

  “Ok,” he held up his hands. “I won't. Let me help you, Baby. Please. You're hurt.” Her tears wouldn't stop. He was alive. The elation and relief was sickening. He fell to his knees so he could look up into her face. “Please let me help you.”

  She must have nodded because he lifted up catching her mouth with his for quick but deep kiss before he swept her up and took her to the bathroom. Somehow he drew a bath for her while holding her. She thought that it was strangely amusing that the first time she used the soaking tub, that she swore to herself she had to have when renting the place, was at this grim moment.

  He stripped her and put her in the tub. There was a numbness radiating through her body. He bathed her so sweetly taking extra care to be gentle with those massive hands of his. She sat under his nursing sniffling and occasionally wiping tears as they renewed. At first he tried to assure her he was there, ok. But after his words didn't work he fell to silence.

  When she was clean, he finally spoke again. “It won't stop bleeding, Baby. We need to go to the hospital.” She nodded. She felt awful. She probably needed to see a doctor. He lifted her out and wrapped her in one of her blanket towels. “Do you need help getting dressed?” All of his words rang out so unexpectedly in the quiet of her apartment. She shook her head but instead of walking to her room she walked into his chest. He wrapped her up in those strong arms immediately and let her cry again. When she quieted he kissed her crown and said, “go get dressed, Baby.”

  She nodded as he walked out the door to the front. She heard his voice a few moments later while she tried to put on some tinted moisturizer and lip gloss. Why was she bothering with make up? His words kept rising and falling in anger as she slipped on a boho day dress and her strappy flat sandals. She didn't bother blow drying. She was pulling on her final shoe when his words boomed out loud enough for her entire block to hear.

  “Get your Goddamn woman under control or I will!”

  He must have figured out what she had been trying to tell him in her mumbled, emotional way. She stood in her doorway not sure how to approach him. His back was to her but when he turned the murderous look in his eyes was chilling. His eyes caught her and his face instantly morphed to concern. She had some tissue pressed to the open gauge. When he tried to pick her up she refuse to let him, but she did let him wrap her in his arms and lead her gently out. They got through the doctor visit and he picked up her prescription for her. He was pulling up to her building when she spoke.

  “Just drop me up front.”

  “No,” he assured her. She could tell he was in no mood for this but it had to happen.

  “Ork please. I can't fight right now. You're not coming upstairs.”

  “Like hell,” he growled.

  “Aaron please,” she cracked under the strain and he stopped the car with a curse. His head fell in his hands and she could see him fighting for control. “Aaron I can't. I can not. I won't. I just can't.”

  “She scared you, Baby. That's all. Don't do this.” He looked scared, an emotion she guessed didn’t come naturally to him.

  “Yes she did. It worked. This was supposed to be fun. But this isn't fun. And I guess it never was. We were really good liars to each other maybe? And look how I handled that call. God, I didn't even think I was going to get to say goodbye to you.” She cried into her hands and his came up to grip her wrist. “Who am I? Some girl from a bar.”

  “No, you're not,” he disagreed vehemently.

  “Yeah I know I'm not. So we get to admit this isn't fun. It's way more than fun. And now I guess I do get that call. And I can't. I just can't ever get that call. I'm sorry. I'm not strong like you.”

  “Baby, please don't. We can work through this. Jennifer's a bitch.”

  “Don't you see? It really has nothing to do with her. She only pulled the curtain on Oz. I'm not cut out for this Aaron.” Her eyes were pools of tears. How could she have so much water inside of her? She cleared her throat and got serious. “I won't change my locks because I know that's important to you. If you promise not to use your key.” His grip on her hands tightened but she barely noticed. “Goodbye.”

  He held firm for a long time and she didn't struggle because she had no more energy. Finally, he let her go but said, “this isn't over, Lyc
ia. I'm going to let you go right now because you need some time. But this isn't over. When I call you tonight to check on you, you answer or I'm coming over. Do you hear?” She nodded. “I love you, Lycia. You don't get to walk away from that.” She choked a sob as he leaned over to kiss her temple long and hard. She willed her head not to turn to meet his lips. And she prayed he wouldn't turn her head to meet his lips. He didn't. She didn't and she got out of the car and forced herself to walk away not looking back. She sunk to the floor in the entranceway and cried until one of the neighbors finally peaked his head out of his door. With effort, she dragged up and got to her apartment and spent the rest of the day under her comforter in a bleak stare.

  She answered when he called but after assuring him she was feeling better she cut him off when he tried to open up the topic of them. When he called the next few days she answered with a text because speaking to him chipped away at her resolve. Then she stopped answering him altogether hoping a clean break would make it easier for them both.

  Ashley called daily to check in, to apologize, to wish she had handled things differently, to beg his case, to hate on her hateful sister. It didn't matter. Lycée wasn't budging. This was for the best and if somehow they could survive these early days of hurt they would be better for moving on.

  In the meantime, she didn't sleep. Eating without choking was near impossible. At the end of two weeks she told Brandt to go to hell and packed her boxes. At least, she could get a new job out of this heartbreak. Somehow she had to jump the grief chasm because everything, everything reminded her of him.

  He had stopped calling or texting by week three. She was a bigger mess then than before. Her interviews weren't going well because she couldn't fake caring about another meaningless job that made good money but probably wouldn't make her happy. She knew the team had gone back out for something and, in spite of her resolve to let him go, she was sick with worry until Ash told her they had returned. She was a mess.