Days Like This

by Alison Stewart

  DAYS

  LIKE

  THIS

  ALISON STEWART

  PENGUIN BOOKS

  FOR ROB, GEORCIA AND ANGUS

  Lily and Kieran broke free of the mass of people and sped along, swerving and skidding; navigating around the rubble. Kieran struggled to keep the motorbike upright as the road bulged and shuddered beneath them. The people they passed looked terrified. Many covered their ears to try to block out the noise.

  They were swept up in the surge of people scrambling away from the foreshore. Lily caught another glimpse of the Wall as the noise intensified and the earth shook. Kieran unexpectedly veered off in an odd direction, not straight for the Wall as he should have done. Lily was about to shout a question, but then she saw something that made her forget everything else. In the distance rose afresh wall of water, far bigger again than the first or second waves. This one swirled and crashed between the trees and the houses, gathering a solid wedge of debris along with it. People trapped within this vicious washing machine were tumbled and flung around.

  Kieran accelerated up a steep incline, away from the water with its gruesome cargo. They were travelling back towards the open sea and the exposed southern headland of the harbour. Lily hoped Kieran knew what he was doing.

  ‘Run!’ she screamed to the people flashing past. ‘Run!’ but the noise sucked away her voice. They knew what was coming because they fled with their bodies hunched over and their arms covering their heads. Twisting erratically, Kieran sped onwards, so fast that Lily’s head snapped back and forth. Water and mud, debris and sludge slicked the roads, making their progress perilous. On and up they went, with the noise closing in behind them.

  Contents

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  TWELVE

  THIRTEEN

  FOURTEEN

  FIFTEEN

  SIXTEEN

  SEVENTEEN

  EIGHTEEN

  NINETEEN

  TWENTY

  EPILOGUE

  ONE

  ‘Oh, no,’ Lily said, jumping up. ‘Not again.’

  With a sharp cry her brother Daniel grabbed at his head, scattering the breakfast dishes. His frantic fingers moved from his temples to the back of his skull, compressing, probing. Lily knew the pain usually got worse before it got better. They just had to wait it out.

  ‘Here, Dan,’ she said gently, ‘let me help, please.’

  Daniel was groaning, cradling his head, clutching at it as if he could somehow squeeze away the pain. Lily carefully pulled his arms aside and began to massage his head as tenderly as she could. She knew there was no distinct area of pain; the headaches made his entire head hypersensitive. It was as if whatever was inside was stretching his skin, trying to burst free. Daniel flinched and Lily pulled away in case she hurt him even more. Recently, the headaches had started to come more often. And nothing worked to relieve them, not painkillers, not cold packs, not massage.

  ‘His headaches are getting worse,’ Lily said to her mother, Megan, who had risen from the breakfast table and now just stood there, staring at Daniel.

  ‘You’ve got to do something for him. I think he’s really sick,’ Lily continued.

  Lily didn’t want to say she thought Daniel was dying, but her mother didn’t seem concerned anyway.

  ‘Don’t worry. It’s normal,’ is all Megan said.

  ‘Normal? Exactly what part of Dan’s pain is normal?’ Lily said, fighting to control her anger.

  ‘The Blacktrooper pills will help,’ Megan said, vaguely.

  ‘Why the hell would the pills help? They’re not supposed to fix headaches. They’re supposed to prevent disease,’ Lily said.

  ‘Or so we’re told,’ Daniel said.

  At least he was still able to talk. Lily crouched beside him.

  ‘A bit better now, Dan?’

  ‘It’ll be gone soon,’ Megan said. ‘When it is, clear the breakfast things and get some school work done before the Blacktroopers come.’

  Then she left, just like that, without once touching Daniel. Lily shuddered. She couldn’t quite say what it was, but there was something about Megan and about their father Pym, too, that was making her deeply uneasy. But she’d have to think about that later. Right now, she was worried about Daniel. He’d lifted his head and was no longer slumped forward, but his face was still screwed up and his complexion grey-tinged.

  ‘Talk to me, Dan,’ Lily said. Sometimes talking helped to distract him. He was gaunt, far thinner than he’d been a few months ago. His eyes had sunk into his skull and his cheekbones protruded. Lily wondered if it was the headaches doing this to him. The familiar knot formed in her stomach.

  ‘I think …’ Daniel began so softly Lily had to lean in to hear him.

  A clamour of cries and screams from outside interrupted him, though the boarded-up windows muffled the sounds.

  ‘Lily! Dan!’ A pyjama-clad Alice darted into the kitchen. Her eyes were bleary and her hair stood on end.

  ‘It’s them. It’s the Blacktroopers, but I’m not ready!’ she cried.

  ‘No, Alice, it’s not time yet,’ Lily said, jumping up and pressing her hands against her little sister’s ears. Sherbet, their cockatiel, shrieked loudly from his cage in the corner. He was a luxury item because even native birds struggled to survive the increasingly hot climate in which they lived, and only a few breeding pairs remained in captivity. He sat tall and thin, the way he did when he was alarmed, yellow crest up, cream-coloured wings flitting against his body.

  ‘Don’t stress, Sherbie.’ Daniel roused himself and whispered to the bird, though his face was still contorted with the pain. ‘Remember, you’re a pretty boy.’

  ‘Pretty boy!’ Sherbet squawked, fluffing his feathers happily, his crest dropping.

  Lily smiled. Dan loved that bird.

  Alice wasn’t so easily soothed. Her face was hot under Lily’s hands and fat tears oozed from behind her eyelids, which were squeezed tight.

  The noise from outside stopped just as abruptly as it had started. Lily thought the silence sounded almost more ominous.

  ‘See, Alice, the troopers have moved on. They’re not coming here until ten,’ Lily said.

  Alice opened her eyes cautiously.

  ‘Did you sleep in, lazybones?’ Lily said, trying to distract Alice. ‘Do you want some breakfast? There’s strawberry yoghurt, your favourite.’

  But Alice wasn’t having any of it.

  ‘Where’s Mum?’ she sobbed. ‘I want Mum,’ she said, charging off.

  ‘Bloody hell, it’s coming back again.’ Daniel slumped down in his chair, clutching at his head through his thick dark curly hair.

  Lily’s hair was pale and straight like someone had bleached the life right out of it. Lily and Daniel looked so different, which was strange given that they were twins. Daniel was the first born. Lily was the runt, arriving belatedly.

  Sherbet let out another series of piercing shrieks.

  ‘Quiet, Sherbie, it’s okay,’ Lily soothed, although she wasn’t sure she believed this. If she was honest, things weren’t okay, not by a long shot.

  The truth was that Daniels latest headache couldn’t have come at a worse time. Fridays were Blacktrooper day. Lily felt anxious as she looked at her watch. There wasn’t even time for Daniel to lie down and get the quiet he needed. He was required to be waiting for the troopers in the living room. They all were.

  Making as little noise as possible, Lily cleared and washed the dishes, leaving them on the rack to drain. Then, as she did every week, she lifted Sherbet’s cage a
nd took him through to the living room, placing him carefully in the corner behind the piano. If they left him alone in the kitchen when the Blacktroopers came, he shrieked pitifully.

  ‘Come on,’ she said, touching Daniel carefully on the arm. ‘I’ll take you through.’

  He cried out when she helped him up, but it would be far worse if they weren’t there waiting when the troopers came.

  ‘Look, I’ve already brought Sherbet through. There’s nothing to worry about. Just stay calm, breathe deeply. The pain will go eventually. They’ll go eventually,’ she said. Lily was aware that she was comforting herself as much as Daniel.

  It was almost time. Daniel was slumped on the sofa, fingers touching his scalp, rocking with pain,. Pym and Megan had slipped into the room, followed by Alice. Alice had changed out of her pyjamas, but her hair was still messy and her eyes swollen. As usual, she clung tightly to Lily.

  Alice and Lily stood behind Daniel on the sofa and watched the door. The Blacktroopers always entered and left through their parents’ wing. No one used the front door anymore. Like all the windows except one, it was double-glazed against the heat and boarded up.

  The troopers never made a sound. They were huge and muscular, but they travelled noiselessly. It was creepy. Humans were supposed to make noise when they moved. Normal people dragged their feet, touched walls, bumped against things, coughed, sneezed, lived.

  So all you could do was watch the door to the living room and wait for them to appear. If you took your eyes off the door, they’d be inside the room and you wouldn’t have a clue how they got there.

  There were always five Blacktroopers, one for each family member. The lead trooper was the one who usually spoke. He had a booming voice that sounded like it was coming through a megaphone. He carried a black padded bag that contained the family’s pills.

  All the Blacktroopers wore helmets and narrow visors that covered their eyes. They never removed their helmets or lifted their visors. Lily thought they must shave their heads because she never saw any hair poking out from the helmets like you would on normal people. Their necks bulged over their tight black collars, no fat, just muscle and tendons and thick, pulsing veins. They licked their lips a lot, that was the other thing. And the skin on their hands was stretched like clingwrap with no wrinkles or scarring.

  If only you could see the eyes, Lily thought, maybe they wouldn’t look so frightening.

  The Blacktroopers wore leather straps across their chests that were attached to belts hung with knives, a variety of guns, and who knew what else. Through her window, Lily had seen what these creatures did with their weapons, and you could tell they enjoyed doing it.

  The way they stood, with legs apart, supremely confident, shoulders square and straight, heads thrust ever so slightly forward, made you think they were poised and ready for violence. It was as if they were just waiting for the opportunity to hurt Lily and her family.

  Lily turned away as the troopers filed into the room. She couldn’t bear the sight of them, not this close. Sherbet was alert, with his crest up. Lily glanced at the grand piano in the corner of the large room. The lid was down because no one played it any more. Once there’d been family photographs arranged on top, photos that spilled onto the windowsill, all in silver or carved wooden frames. Photos of Lily and Daniel and Alice with Pym and Megan, photos of grandparents and great-grandparents. Now there was nothing, just a gleaming expanse of polished wood.

  The lead trooper zipped open the black padded bag he was carrying.

  ‘I’ll get water,’ Megan said, scuttling away.

  ‘Have it ready next time!’ the man barked.

  They waited. Daniel, although still cradling his head, glared at the Blacktrooper. ‘You don’t have to act like such a prick,’ Daniel said. His words fell into an ominous silence.

  ‘What?’ the trooper said, his tone one of controlled rage.

  ‘You come here dressed like idiots, pushing your bloody pills,’ Daniel said, his voice rising.

  Lily put her hand on Daniel’s shoulder, trying to make him stop talking. Surely he knew better than to taunt them? The pains in his head must be clouding his judgement. Alice pressed her face into Lily’s side. But Daniel wasn’t going to be stopped.

  ‘Do you enjoy hurting innocent people?’ Daniel continued, shouting now.

  Alice started sobbing quietly, her whole body shaking.

  With a swift movement, the trooper reached into Sherbet’s cage and grabbed him.

  ‘No!’ Lily screamed. ‘Don’t.’

  When she came to she was on the floor, crumpled against the far wall, the side of her face stinging. Which of the troopers had hit her?

  Daniel held Sherbet’s limp body. Alice cowered next to their father, her eyes tight shut, his arm around her.

  ‘You killed him, you bastard,’ Daniel began. Tears streamed down his face and he was struggling to breathe.

  ‘Megan!’ Pym shouted.

  ‘I’m here, dear.’ She was carrying a tray with five glasses on it.

  ‘Oh! Oh! … What happened? What happened to …?’

  ‘Quiet, Megan. Just be quiet and give us the water.’ Pym’s voice shook.

  The head Blacktrooper, still glaring at Daniel, drew out the five vials and placed them on the tray Each was labelled with the name of the person it was meant for. Megan and Pym’s pills were black. Alice’s used to be white, but they had recently changed to pink. Daniel’s and Lily’s were both yellow, though Daniel’s was oblong and Lily’s was round. Megan went to hand Daniel his pill.

  ‘You know the rules,’ barked the trooper. ‘He has to take it himself.’ He ordered Daniel to get up.

  ‘His head hurts,’ Lily said.

  The one female Blacktrooper stepped forward and caught Lily’s arm. She squeezed so hard Lily had to bite her lip to stop herself from yelping.

  ‘Stand still and shut up or you’ll be next,’ the woman hissed. ‘You two,’ she jerked her chin towards Megan and Pym, ‘control your children or they’ll be controlled for you.’

  ‘Quiet, Lily, Daniel,’ Pym said. ‘Just do as you’re told.’ His cheeks had flushed bright red.

  Daniel laid Sherbet’s body gently on the sofa, then opened the vial and took his tablet. The others did the same. Alice’s gaze was fixed on Sherbet and she took long, shuddering breaths. Lily knew Alice was working hard at not sucking her thumb, something she still did, even though she was twelve.

  ‘It’s okay, Alice,’ Lily said softly. ‘It’s okay.’ Though how could it possibly be okay when they’d killed Sherbet?

  The side of Lily’s face throbbed, but she wouldn’t touch it, not in front of them.

  ‘Let that be a lesson,’ the lead trooper said. ‘You shut up and take your pills, end of story.’

  After an unscheduled sweep of the room to check for ‘censored material’, the troopers left, with Pym following behind them.

  Lily grabbed a small linen tablecloth off a side table and swiftly wrapped the little bird. She fought down bitter tears. Ever since they had been forced to stay inside, cut off from other people, Sherbet had become more than a pet. He had been their friend.

  Daniel sat down, his head sagging into his hands again, silent tears streaming. Lily knew he was blaming himself, wishing he hadn’t spoken up.

  She touched her own head. She hadn’t told Daniel yet, but she was also starting to get headaches. Nothing like the scale of Daniel’s, though. Hers were more irritating than anything, but what if they got worse? She knew it wouldn’t do any good to tell their mother, who was at that moment gazing vacantly into the middle distance. Lily knew she should just leave it, but she couldn’t stand her mother’s indifference.

  ‘They killed Sherbet and you stood there and let them,’ Lily said, glaring at Megan. ‘And look at Daniel. The drugs obviously aren’t working.’

  But Megan, with a slight shrug, just turned and left the room, holding the tray in front of her.

  Alice lifted the sad little bundle o
ff the lounge. ‘I’ll bury Sherbert in Mum’s garden,’ she whispered, leaning down to kiss Daniel on the forehead, before running after Megan.

  Lily slumped down beside Daniel, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes to stop the furious tears. She felt totally helpless and trapped.

  The house sounds Lily was hearing now were the only sounds she ever heard – the ticking of the grandfather clock and the sigh of its mechanism before the hour chimed. The click of the oven’s thermostat, the hum of the computer screens, the scrabble of palm leaves against the outer walls when the west wind blew up, the snap and crackle of the wooden front door as the sun hit it. Occasionally she heard the rattle of hail and storm rain that temporarily cooled their damaged world, and the ominous rumble and shake of earth tremors that were coming more often these days.

  The harsh fact was that she, Dan and Alice were prisoners. Their parents had kept them inside this house for three years, with no contact to the outside world. Lily didn’t count the education programs they could access on their computer screens for their mandatory four hours of daily schooling. The programs had been installed when they were first confined to the house. Any idiot could see that the Central Governing Committee heavily censored them.

  Lily shook her head. Three years! She and Dan had been fourteen then and Alice only nine. Lily still remembered what it was like outside, though – the air on her face, hot tar on a humid day, water on leaves, the feel of tree bark, the smell of red dust and summer rain.

  Lily knew rain was almost a thing of the past now, at least inside the Wall. These days water-extraction pipes rose out of the ground, drawing up water from artesian wells to fill the tanks of people, like them, who were privileged enough to live in the water-inclusion zone. Even though she knew they were lucky to get water, Lily thought the ‘water moon’ deliveries were a poor substitute for real rain.

  The thing Lily missed most was meeting new people. The only people they were allowed to see now were Pym’s slimy friend Max and the Blacktroopers, who were barely even human.

  At night Lily often woke in a sweat from a recurring dream in which all her memories were rubbed out and she was alone in a closed-up world. She had to work hard at those times to remember what outside even felt like.