What if he didn't want to know what he was missing regarding his relationship with Kelsey? She'd been the only steady presence he'd felt since waking up in the military hospital ten days ago. Gideon had been with him in the hospital, but the black hole in his mind made his brother's presence more agitating than anything else.
Kelsey steadied him. What if filling the blanks in his memories would mess that up?
He closed himself in his room and padded in sock feet to the desk he'd noticed last night. The curtains were closed in here, light only seeping around the edges. He toyed with the idea of opening them up, but if cowboys were moving back and forth between the house and barn, they'd be able to see in here, just like he could see them.
He wanted privacy, for now, even just a window's worth.
He set his coffee on the desk next to a closed, silver laptop. It was covered in a fine layer of dust. He'd hoped that the memory dump last night had meant he was in for a deluge of everything else, but so far the last decade or so was a complete blank. If his own mind wouldn't cough up the memories, maybe he could force it.
He made the decision and sat in the desk chair. He flipped open the laptop and booted it up.
Maybe he could make some sense of his and Kelsey's relationship by reading through the emails they must've exchanged recently.
But he was thwarted when he discovered his email program required a password. He tried several things, including Kelsey's name, his siblings' names, and even Scarlett, the niece he couldn't remember knowing. Even his childhood dog's name resulted in a big fat nothing. He searched the desk drawers, thinking maybe he'd written it down somewhere, but nada.
Finally, he settled back in his chair, knowing it was a bust. He gave it one last try by texting Gideon, asking whether his brother knew the password.
Then another idea hit him. He pulled up a web browser and searched. There were hundreds of hits for Kelsey’s name in the national news, thanks to her Olympic showing. Although the distance runners didn't get as much coverage as some of the other events, there was plenty to look through.
He found pictures of her mom and sister in the stands, cheering her on. Where was he? Had he been unable to get leave? On a top-secret mission? The Internet offered no answers. None of the news articles or interviews with her mentioned a boyfriend or fiancé. There was no definitive question as to the status of her singleness. Had they temporarily broken up? Why?
None of it made sense.
And none of it prompted the return of any of his memories.
His cell phone buzzed from the desktop. Gideon.
Some web browsers save passwords. Try looking under the settings.
Matt hadn't considered that. He texted his brother a thank-you while his brain gave an angry throb. He rubbed two fingers against his forehead.
He needed some answers. Couldn't give up now.
He poked around the browser until he found the right menu and sure enough, it looked like he'd saved his password.
He accessed his emails. There weren't many there, though they dated back several years. Methodically, he searched through all the different mailboxes, looking for anything from Kelsey.
Nothing.
She hadn't emailed him once, at least not that he had record of on his computer. He couldn't imagine deleting anything from her. Did that mean she hadn't emailed him in years?
Why not?
Confusion made his head throb harder.
He clicked back to his inbox. There wasn't much there. A couple of new messages from his soldier buddies checking on him. He could answer those another time.
There was a message, a few months old, from Gideon.
Matt,
Your tour is over in another six months and I need to know if you're going to re-up. We both know that managing the Triple H long-distance isn't working out for me, not when Alessandra needs my help here. Uncle Pat left the ranch to the three of us. When my career in the SEALs ended, you were overseas and Carrie needed help, so it was easy for me to take over running the place. I probably haven't brought you in on the operations as much as I should've—stop laughing, we both know what a control freak I am. But now...
I guess what I'm saying is, it's time for you to take over. If you want to (Alessandra says I have to stop trying to run everything).
Stay safe out there.
Gideon
Matt tapped the mouse, and the program brought up "related messages." Apparently, he'd responded, because there was a Sent message in the box. He clicked on it.
Gid,
I'm getting out. I'm your man.
-M
Getting out. Staying on at the Triple H. Running the place.
He didn't know what to feel about the discovery. He'd been indifferent about the place during his teen years. The never-ending chores had itched sometimes, but he hadn't exactly hated the place.
Kelsey had always wanted to leave town. Why would he be willing to settle down here if she'd left? But she was back now, right? Because she'd picked him up at the airport.
Except... there'd been moments of hesitation, more than what he might've expected if she'd just been worried about his injury.
He'd gone searching for answers, but he’d just come up with more questions.
Frustrated, he closed the laptop with more force than was strictly necessary.
The change in lighting after looking at the bright computer screen had his eyes playing tricks on him, and the walls started closing in. He started to feel like he couldn't breathe.
He stood up, grabbed his coffee mug, and made his way to the door. He needed outdoor air, that's all.
One, two, three. Breathe. And hold. Again.
Kelsey's feet pounded the ground in a rhythm that usually brought comfort.
Not today.
Part of it was the difference in landscape. She usually ran through a jungle of concrete, brick and glass along the city streets in Houston. Sometimes along jogging trails. Today, red dust puffed up to fill her nostrils her as she ran the dirt roads around Taylor Hills.
The cool autumn air held a hint of frost. It wasn't cold enough to freeze her lungs, but she still felt as if she were choking. Maybe it was guilt squeezing the air from her lungs.
Kelsey had wrestled with herself all night about what happened with Matt at the airport, and after.
She'd tossed and turned, thrown off the covers and then pulled them back on.
What could she have done differently? She hated feeling like she was lying to him, but she hadn’t had the heart to tell him the truth.
He'd just been so...vulnerable. When she'd woken him in the car, she’d seen his genuine terror as he’d taken in his surroundings. He'd covered well, and thank goodness he'd recognized Nate.
Her legs and lungs burned in a familiar pain, one that was usually able to drive away her demons. She checked her wrist pedometer-slash-watch. Nine and a half miles. Plenty far enough, as she wasn't in training. She'd snuck out of Katie's house before dawn, her sneakers in hand so they wouldn't squeak on the wood floors. Now the morning was slipping away...
She stretched out her stride, seeking the elusive peace she'd hoped to find out here this morning.
She didn't owe Matt anything. Carrie either. If she stayed away, Carrie would surely tell Matt what she knew of their breakup, and that would be the end of her need to pretend anything.
And Matt...well, she might owe him an apology for the way she'd ended things after graduation, but she didn't owe him her support, not matter how vulnerable he was. Or injured.
So why had her feet carried her right to the Triple H this morning?
She could see where the property started, because the fencing changed from a plain old, weathered barbed wire to a well-maintained dark wood slat. The nearest field she passed had been wheat—she guessed—and was already turned, ready for the winter's crop to be planted.
Pat Hale had always kept the property in fine condition, and it looked as if his nephews—maybe mostly Gideon, up un
til now—had continued with his legacy. She imagined the ranch turned a nice profit. Good for Matt.
She should turn around. What was she going to do, show up sweaty after a ten-mile run and ask to join him for breakfast?
She could see the house from the road, though it was set a quarter mile or so back on the property. There was some movement on the porch. It could've been any one of the hands who helped run the place, but somehow she knew it was Matt.
She turned up the drive, pulse pounding in rhythm with her feet.
She stopped on the lawn, several feet from where he'd braced himself against the porch railing. She paced back and forth at a walk, allowing her body to cool down rather than just stopping cold. His expression was inscrutable, and looking at him in the bright morning sunlight, it was hard to remember why she'd thought he was vulnerable last night.
He looked like the soldier he was. Tough. Rugged. Able to take on anything.
"You in training?" he asked.
She took a few deep breaths, working to settle her body into a resting rate. "Just out for a morning jog."
"All the way from your mom's place?" One corner of his mouth kicked up.
"It's Katie's place now." Maybe the words emerged a little sharper than she'd wanted them to. Everything with Mama... Kelsey tried not to hold onto bitterness, but Mama's overture had been too little, too late.
And she got the feeling that Matt saw too much. “Your mom…?”
“Gone.” The word burned her throat.
He didn’t reach for her. She was sweaty and with everything so confused, she didn’t want a hug from him anyway. But his eyes burned. “I’m sorry.”
She nodded.
"Katie's place, then," he said slowly. "Not yours and Katie's?"
"I live in Houston." She swallowed. "I came to help settle Mama's estate, but my home is in Houston."
His eyes narrowed slightly, and she could feel the weight of his curiosity. He'd always wanted to know her, inside and out. When she'd been seventeen, that had made her feel like she was worth something. Now, he wasn't going to just let go of the facts she'd revealed.
But a sound had her turning, and a cloud of dust was following a Toyota sedan up the drive. It crawled nearly to a stop and she saw Carrie through the driver’s side window.
And now would be a great time to escape, except how rude would it be to just abandon Matt without a goodbye—like she'd done before. Plus, she'd have to run right by Carrie in her car.
She swallowed the knot of fear in her throat. Carrie would be within her rights to throw Kelsey off the property. She pretended the shaking in her limbs was from the workout she'd just given her muscles. She braced for Matt’s sister, whom she hadn’t seen in years.
Instead of Carrie, a little girl jumped out of the car almost before it had rolled to a stop. Scarlett.
"Uncle Matt!" she shrieked, brown hair flying behind her like a flag as she bolted for the porch.
Matt barely had time to set his coffee mug on the railing before the little girl threw herself at him. He caught her, and she clung to his neck tightly.
Kelsey couldn't look away. Which is why she instantly caught the panicked, helpless look he threw her way. His eyes had gone a little shiny, too. The soldier was that emotional over meeting his niece?
A car door closed, and Kelsey jumped and looked over her shoulder to see Carrie approaching. The other woman's face was creased with the same concern Kelsey felt.
"Scarlett, honey?" she called out, making her way toward the porch.
Kelsey edged that way too, unable to ignore Matt when he'd once again shown her this vulnerable side.
Matt had no idea what the right protocol was here. Some muscle memory had had him tearing up when the little girl—Scarlett?—had thrown herself into his arms.
He didn't cry. Not ever.
But his throat was hot and thick, and he had no idea what to do with this armful of little girl. She smelled like strawberry kiddie shampoo and was clutching a black-and-white stuffed bear in between their bodies.
He sent Kelsey another come here and help me look, and maybe she'd known what he meant the first time, because she was climbing the porch steps. So was his sister, who looked older than she did in his memories. And more stressed, which showed in the lines around her mouth that the bright mid-morning sunshine wouldn't hide.
"Uncle Matt, Mommy said you might not remember me. How could you forget me when I'm your favorite niece? Well, I'm your only niece…"
It seemed that once his niece started talking, she had a hard time stopping. Something he remembered about his sister when they'd been little.
The little girl leaned back in his arms slightly, and he got a good look at her. She had Carrie's elfin features and green eyes, though the chocolate-colored hair must've been from her father. He couldn't force one memory of the guy.
"You held me the first time when I was six weeks old," the little girl said. She placed one tiny palm against his cheek, looking earnestly into his eyes. "I have a picture of it on my dresser in my room. Don’cha remember that?"
He shrugged helplessly, and the girl wiggled, so he set her on her feet.
Kelsey crouched to Scarlett's level. She reached up, clasped his hand, and pulled him down to crouch too. His knees popped embarrassingly, like an old guy's.
"Who're you?" Scarlett asked, demanding and curious as only a six-year old could be.
Kelsey glanced at him, seemed at a loss momentarily. "I'm Kelsey. I'm a...friend of your Uncle Matt."
Scarlett's features scrunched up. "Then how come I've never seen you before?"
Never? That was interesting.
Carrie moved in like she would interrupt but paused when Kelsey started talking.
"Have you ever bumped your head really hard?" she asked Scarlett.
"Once, on the corner of my desk. I was dancing and twirling, and I got a little too twirly and dizzy, and I fell and hit my head. I got a huge"—the girl bit her lip in concentration—"chicken egg." Scarlett looked back at her mom for confirmation.
"Goose egg," both Carrie and Kelsey said at the same time.
"Goose egg on my forehead," Scarlett finished proudly.
Carrie shook her head, a tiny exasperated sigh showing she remembered the moment just fine.
Matt’s legs were starting to burn, but he didn't want to look like a wimp in front of Kelsey, so he stayed in the squat.
"Well," Kelsey said, bringing Scarlett's attention back. "Uncle Matt hit his head really hard, even harder than what happened to you. And his goose egg was on the inside of his head. And since he's still getting better, some things are mixed up for him. And some things he doesn't remember yet." She squeezed his hand. He loved the familiar feel of her hand in his, but Houston?
Scarlett tilted her head to one side and looked up at him, her little eyes curious and earnest. And maybe a little scared.
"But do you know what?" Kelsey asked. "You can give him extra hugs to help him feel better. And you can tell him stories about all the things you do together when he's home on leave. That might even help him remember."
Scarlett nodded, seriousness etched in every feature of her face. "I can do that.” Her gaze moved to Matt. “You wanna start now? Mom let me stay home from school today cuz of my bad allergy attack yesterday."
Carrie put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "I need to talk to Uncle Matt for a few minutes. Why don't you go see if Nate or Chase is out in the barn? Maybe they'll show you the new kittens."
"Oh yeah!" It seemed as if he was instantly forgotten as Scarlett launched off the porch and landed in the dirt on all fours. "I'm okay!" she chirped as she ran around the side of the house. Maybe not totally forgotten, because she stuck her head back around the building. "I love you, Uncle Matt!"
He lifted his hand in a wave, but she was already gone.
He stood, muscles protesting the extended squat. Eyeballed Kelsey, who bounced up with apparently no such problem with her muscles. She was looking toward wh
ere Scarlet had disappeared.
"Is she always like that?" he asked Carrie.
His sister grinned. "She's a little subdued today, tired after yesterday." Then her grin disappeared. "Are you okay? Be honest." She cocked one hand on her hip and looked so much like their mother that he choked on a long-ago memory.
He cleared his throat, found his voice. "I'm guessing sometimes I fudge over combat injuries?"
Carrie narrowed her eyes at him. "Injuries, plural?"
He shrugged. "How am I supposed to know?"
Kelsey looked at him in concern, and maybe he shouldn't have made the joke. Houston. She hadn't come out and said it outright, but this morning she seemed to be hinting that they lived separate lives. But did that mean she didn't care?
"The doctors think my memories will come back, but they don't know when," he told his sister. "As you can see, motor functions don't seem to be affected."
She nodded, biting her lip, and he could see the totality of her worry in the tears that she blinked back. "Well, I'm—" She broke off with a sniffle.
Kelsey shoved him in the back. "Hug her," she hissed.
Ah. He put his arms around his sister, and she hiccupped a single sob into his shoulder. He started to freak out, because Carrie wasn't a crier either, at least not that he remembered, but then she seemed to calm quickly. She smelled like a hair salon, like expensive shampoo. The scent made his head throb again.
Finally, she pushed out of his embrace. "I love you, you old lunkhead. But if I ever get another phone call like the one I got from that military doc..." She let the threat hang.
He nodded. "I think I can ease your mind on that. They've put my discharge through." Even with everything muddled those first few days in the hospital, he remembered that.
"Oh, Matt." Carrie sighed.
He shrugged. When they'd told him what was happening, he hadn't known whether to be happy or disappointed, because he couldn't remember why he'd joined up in the first place. It had been Gideon's plan to do so after school, not Matt's. Maybe when he got his memories back, the loss of his career would hurt, but for now it just was.
Kissing Kelsey: a Cowboy Fairytales spin-off (Triple H Brides Book 1) Page 3