Another Way Home

by Deborah Raney

  have reached his face because Audrey returned it with a furrowed brow.

  “Did everything go OK?” Audrey chirped, obviously trying to keep things light in front of Austin. But she wasn’t going to let them get away without a report.

  “Danae, can you help me with this jacket? I can’t get the zipper to work right.”

  He turned Austin over to Danae, who knelt on the floor to finish zipping him up and then tie the strings on the hood under his little chin. Her voice was about as steady as the towers of building blocks Austin stacked, and he knew everything would come tumbling out in tears if she didn’t get out of there.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and get Austin in the car,” he told her. “I’ll fill your mom in.”

  “Thanks babe.” She stood and took Austin’s hand. “Let’s go, buddy. Can you tell Gram thank you?”

  “Thanks, Gram.”

  “You’re welcome, buddy. You come back any time.”

  “Tuesday.” He bobbed his chin. “We always comes on Tuesday. Right, Gram?”

  Dallas about lost it on that, but he managed to hold it together long enough to see Danae and Austin out the door. He closed the storm door behind them, and watched through the glass as Danae and Austin walked hand in hand to the SUV.

  He turned to face Audrey, dreading repeating everything that had happened today.

  Audrey looked as stricken as they’d felt when they first learned the news. “So you really could lose him?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. We’re going to fight it, but there’s only so much we can do at this point.”

  Her shoulders sagged. “I was afraid of this. How’s Danae handling it? She was awfully quiet.”

  “She’s just trying to be strong for Austin. But she’s pretty shook-up. We just . . . we can’t even imagine life without him now.” He didn’t dare trust his voice to say more.

  “Me neither.” Audrey put an arm around him. “Grant and I will be praying our hearts out.”

  “Thanks,” he whispered. “We’ll be right there with you.”

  “And that’s the best thing any of us can do.”

  “I know. But . . . I’ve never felt so helpless.”

  “I know.” She gave his shoulders a squeeze. “We just have to leave it in God’s hands at this point.”

  He knew it was true, but he couldn’t seem to open his own hands to release his grip.

  31

  Get your jammies on, buddy. It’s already past bedtime.”

  If Danae hadn’t had Austin to take care of, to make her laugh, and even to frustrate her at times, she wasn’t sure how she would have survived these hours of waiting. They were torture. Still, it was a small comfort to know that her whole family, Dallas’s brother, and as many friends as they felt comfortable sharing with were praying around the clock, storming heaven for grace.

  Danae’s fear was that God’s grace to Austin might mean growing up somewhere besides with her and Dallas. She’d gone through a humbling moment this afternoon, praying desperately for God to work things out her way. She still couldn’t help but believe that Austin was better off with Dallas and her than with the sister Misty’d had nothing good to say about.

  But Danae had felt convicted of her own selfishness, and her judgmental attitude, believing that she and Dallas had an edge on Charity. Because of their money. Because of their beautiful home. Because of their college educations. Because of the upstanding families they’d been raised in.

  She’d had to repent of that “holier-than-thou” attitude and put the whole situation in God’s hands. Again and again. And every time the phone rang, her heart jumped into her throat and she had to pray all over again, God, if it’s better for Austin to be with someone else, then I trust you to do what’s best. For him.

  She’d never prayed a prayer that cost her so much. But she meant it. She truly wanted God’s best for Austin. She just had a hard time turning loose of the idea that she and Dallas were God’s best for him. And she couldn’t let herself think about what kind of God would have raised their hopes like this, only to dash them.

  They hadn’t heard from Carol all day. In some ways she thought no news was good news. And tucking Austin in now, she thought she could live with months of not knowing—if only he could stay here with them while they waited. But there were no guarantees.

  And Misty’s baby was due any day. If she gave birth before they settled things, and the baby went into foster care, it might be months before either she or Misty’s sister gained custody of the baby or of Austin. So many unknowns.

  “Does Poppa and Gram have any kids?” Austin peered up at her from beneath a mop of shaggy dark hair. They’d had to cancel a haircut appointment for him because of the meeting with Carol. Maybe she and Dallas could at least trim his bangs in the morning. She should have done it before baths tonight but—

  “Do they?” Austin persisted.

  She had to rewind to remember what his question had been. She hated how distracted this whole ordeal had made her.

  “Sure, they have kids. I’m one of them. Didn’t you know that?”

  He wrinkled his nose. “You’re not a kid!”

  “Not now, but when I was a kid, Poppa and Gram were my mom and dad.”

  “How’s come they’re not still your mom and dad.”

  She laughed. “Well, they still are my mom and dad, but when I grew up I didn’t live with them any more. I went off to college, and then I married Dallas and we got our own house to live in.” This was hard to explain.

  A frown creased his flawless face. “I’m not goin’ off to college ’cause I’m always gonna live here, right?”

  Oh, precious boy. She tried to make her voice light. “You’re so smart, of course you’ll go to college.”

  “Is there college at our town?”

  “There is. Southeast Missouri State. You think you might want to go there?”

  “Uh-huh . . . so’s I could still live here.”

  She patted his tummy and tucked him in again, desperately needing to get out of here. “You’ve got a few years to worry about that, buddy. Let’s get you through kindergarten first, OK?”

  “Sadie goes to kindergarten.”

  “She sure does.”

  “But she’s five.”

  “Yes she is. And when you’re five you’ll go to kindergarten.”

  “But you’ll go with me, right?”

  “I’ll go with you the first day and drop you off but—” The phone rang downstairs and she stopped mid-sentence to listen. She heard Dallas’s voice, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying.

  “One last tuck, buddy. You need to get to sleep.” She gave the blankets a perfunctory tuck and reached for the lamp.

  “But you didn’t pray!”

  She could hear Dallas, still on the phone. She was desperate to get downstairs and find out what was going on. But this was not a good night to skip prayers.

  She lay across him and pulled him into a hug, saying a quick prayer. Maybe he’d only learned to use that bedtime prayer as a variation on the one-more-drink-of-water excuse. Still, it warmed her heart that he’d come to regard praying as an integral part of life.

  A new—and frightening—thought struck her. What if that was the purpose of Austin having spent these days in their home? What if it was only so he could now take those prayers they’d shared with him into a home where prayer was unknown? Was she willing to sacrifice raising him, if it meant that someone who’d never known God might now have a chance?

  She pushed herself off the bed. She didn’t have the strength to think about that question now. “Goodnight, buddy. See you in the morning.”

  He closed his eyes and rolled onto his tummy so that his little rump stuck up in the air. She thought he was probably asleep before she reached the door.

  Downstairs, Dallas was still on the phone, pacing the length of the kitchen. She touched his forearm and threw him a questioning look.

  “Carol,” he mouthed.
r />   She couldn’t tell from his demeanor if it was good news, but he didn’t seem distressed. He talked for a few more minutes and she waited, every nerve on edge.

  Finally he hung up and breathed out a sigh. “Charity is waffling on the baby.”

  “Oh, good,” she breathed. Thank you, God. She immediately felt fickle and weak. What happened to “your will, not mine”?

  “Carol thinks Charity knows she won’t be able to take care of the baby, and that has Misty rethinking things.” Dallas looked defeated.

  “But that’s good. Isn’t it?”

  “It is if she makes up her mind in time. But if this baby comes with things up in the air, we risk them going into foster care. Both of them.”

  She felt like she was at the top of the world’s biggest roller coaster. And she was powerless to get off.

  * * *

  By Thursday, they still hadn’t heard anything new. This limbo they were living in threatened to drive Dallas crazy. He’d gone back to work yesterday, and was in the office today—not that it meant he was getting any work done. He’d worked through the lunch hour though, and had at least managed to answer the most crucial e-mail.

  His boss had been understanding, but since Thanksgiving he’d taken off more time than he had in all his previous years at the company combined. Was this just the way it was for parents? He didn’t know, but one thing he did know: he couldn’t afford to lose his job.

  Still, he’d asked Carol to call his cell phone rather than calling the house or Danae’s cell. She had all she could do taking care of Austin and finishing up the final paperwork for family services. Carol had stressed that they needed to have everything in perfect order for the best chance that family services would allow them to remain in guardianship of Austin while decisions were made about the children’s fate.

  He cleared off his desk, tucked his phone into his pocket, and headed down to the conference room for a meeting. He’d never felt so disconnected from work. It troubled him a little, though he certainly had plenty of reasons to be distracted.

  Halfway down the hall his phone chimed. He didn’t recognize the number and almost ignored it, but something made him stop in the hallway and answer.

  “Dallas?” It was Misty.

  He turned and went back to his office, closing the door behind him. He’d just have to be late for his meeting. “Misty. Hi.” He didn’t even know what to say to her.

  “Did they tell you? I . . . I had the baby.”

  “You did?” His pulse throbbed in his throat. “Is everything OK? Everything went all right?”

  A too-long silence. “It’s a boy.”

  “A boy. Wow. And he’s OK? You’re OK?” He felt like he was walking a tightrope strung over the Grand Canyon. He didn’t dare look down.

  Again silence—the longest pause of his life.

  Finally, voice quavering, she said, “He’s beautiful. And . . . perfect. He was born about eleven o’clock, I guess.”

  “This morning?”

  “Yes, this morning.” Muffled voices in the background, then Misty came back on. “The nurse says eleven thirty-two.”

  “Eleven thirty-two, huh? So he’s just a couple hours old? And you’re OK?” Why was she calling him? He didn’t dare let himself wonder.

  She sighed audibly into the phone. “It went fine. Easier than with Austin. Um . . . Hey, they won’t let me talk but a few minutes, but I just wanted to say . . . I’m sorry.”

  Sorry? “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  “I’m . . . I’m so sorry. About everything. I kinda went a little crazy. That wasn’t fair to you guys and—”

  The awful sound of her sobs killed him.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again. “Tell Danae I’m so sorry.”

  “Misty? I . . . I’m not sure what you’re saying. Is Charity taking the baby too?” God, please! Not both of them. How would Danae ever recover?

  “No! No! Didn’t they tell you? Didn’t that social worker call you? Carol? She said she was calling you.”

  “No. We haven’t heard from anyone. What’s going on?”

  “My sister . . . she flaked out. I shoulda known. I shoulda known,” she said again. “I never should have changed it. I don’t know why I let her jerk me around like that.”

  “So . . . ? Does that mean we . . . ?” He was afraid to voice the words. “You want us to have the baby?”

  “As long as you’ll take Austin too. I want them to be together. I told Charity that in the first place, but she—”

  He had to sit down. Had to hang on to something before his knees gave out. He wasn’t listening to Misty any more. He was thinking about this news—this amazing news—he had for Danae.

  He swallowed a peculiar mixture of grief and joy. He wanted to ask her about the arrangements with the hospital. When they could come and pick up their son. But that would have been cruel. “Misty,” he said instead. “Thank you. We’re praying for you, Danae and I. Always. You get some rest, OK?”

  “I have to go.” Her voice was thready. “They’re making me hang up now. I can’t talk any more.”

  He couldn’t talk either.

  The line went dead but not before he heard her sobbing. It tore him up. It struck him that if they hadn’t gone through the threat of losing Austin these last few days, he couldn’t have begun to understand the depth of her agony. But he’d had a taste of that now, and it made the answers to their prayers all the more precious.

  For a minute, he couldn’t make his body obey his commands. He could only put his head in his hands and say thank you over and over. When he finally composed himself, he left a message with his secretary that he’d be out of the office until Monday. He turned off the lights, locked his door, and started for the elevator.

  His cell phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out and chuckled when he saw Carol Blye’s name. “Hello?”

  “Dallas, are you sitting down? Have I ever got good news for you.”

  32

  Danae’s car was in the garage when Dallas got home, but the house was quiet, and he was starting to become alarmed when she didn’t respond to the sound of the back door. He glanced at the clock and realized it was nap time.

  He took the stairs two at a time and found Danae napping, curled up on the end of Austin’s bed. He knew she was soaking up every minute she might have left with her boy.

  “Hey, babe,” he whispered, not wanting to frighten her—or to wake Austin. He placed a hand on her cheek. “Danae? Wake up.”

  She stirred and opened her eyes, then looked past him at the clock on Austin’s bedside table. “What’s wrong? Why are you home so early?”

  He put a finger over his mouth and held out a hand to her.

  She eased off the bed, being careful not to disturb Austin. She followed him into the hall, pulling the door closed behind her.

  “Come here,” he said, still holding her hand.

  “What is going on? Dallas?”

  He led her to the kitchen where, if she screamed, Austin would be less likely to hear. He smiled at the thought.

  He pulled her into his arms, cradling her head. The lump that came to his throat made him momentarily mute. “It’s a boy,” he finally choked out.

  She pulled away, studying him. “What?”

  “We have a baby boy, Danae. Misty called me at the office. Just a few minutes ago. We have a son, babe . . . Austin too—” His voice broke and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, not wanting her to see his own tears.

  “Oh, Dallas!” She fought against him, looking up at him with the most wonderful, incredulous expression. “Are you serious? What happened?”

  He shrugged, unable to keep the smile from his face. “Charity flaked out. Misty’s words.”

  “Oh, thank you, Jesus!” Danae dissolved in tears, then suddenly disentangled herself from his embrace. “What about the baby? When was he born? How much did he weigh? Is he OK? And you’re sure it was Misty who called?”

  “Whoa, wh
oa . . . One question at a time.” He couldn’t stop smiling.

  It struck him that he was going to be in a world of hurt when Danae found out he hadn’t thought to ask how much the baby weighed. Or how long he was. Or whether he had hair. Or a name.

  * * *

  “Dad?”

  “Hey there!” Hearing Danae’s voice, Grant smiled into the phone. Even after they were grown, it never got old hearing someone call you Dad. “How’s my second favorite daughter? You’re up awfully early.”

  She laughed at their ongoing joke. “Your second favorite daughter is doing pretty stinkin’ well this morning . . . Poppa!”

  “What’s this about?” He held his breath. She sounded absolutely giddy.

  “We have a baby, Dad! It’s a boy. And he’s ours. Misty changed her mind!”

  “What? Oh, that’s great, honey! I’m so happy for you. OK, so give me the details. Your mom is going to grill me. Hang on; let me grab a pen.”

  She gave a little growl. “Thanks to my hubby, I have almost

  no details about the baby. It’s a boy, and he was born at eleven thirty-two this morning. That’s all I know.”

  “Well, you know, that’s all you really need to know.”

  “Dad, seriously?” Another growl. “Men!”

  He laughed. Her joy was contagious. After all they’d been through, his heart was full for the way things had worked out. At least he hoped everything was worked out now. He wouldn’t rest easy until they got the baby safely home.

  Who was he kidding? He wouldn’t rest easy ever again on this earth. Whoever said you quit worrying about your kids once they were safely married off hadn’t had grandkids.

  He shook off the thought. This was a time to celebrate. Prayers had been answered. Big prayers. “So when do you get to pick

  him up?”

  “Tomorrow morning! We’ve got the car loaded, the car seat ready . . .” She sighed. “Oh, I hope I’m not forgetting anything! But anyway, is Mom going to be able to get away to go with us?”

  They’d asked Audrey a couple of weeks ago—before the whole drama with Misty’s sister almost derailed everything—if she would go to the hospital with them to watch Austin in the waiting room while they met the baby and let Misty say good-bye.