Another Way Home

by Deborah Raney

  He gave a low growl. “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, right? Isn’t that the way the saying goes? Please tell me that’s the way the saying goes.”

  “What’d they do now?” She rolled his desk chair closer to the screen and studied the logistics timeline he’d been working on for close to two weeks now.

  Aaron put an arm on the desk and leaned in close enough that she could smell his woodsy aftershave. “I thought I finally had a workable schedule, and they sent it back again.” He pointed over her shoulder at several highlighted changes he’d made in the spec book for the job.

  This had to be at least the fourth time Aaron’s proposal had been rejected. If Bree ran the company, they would have declined the job after the third try. But Cape Girardeau was a small town and Sallie Wilkes, their boss, couldn’t afford to turn down work—or burn bridges. Even if they had to put in five times the hours on this event than any other conference they’d done in the history of the company. And that was saying a lot, given that Wilkes Event Planning had been in Cape for a quarter of a century.

  Sallie often assigned Bree and Aaron to the same events because of their age. Barbara, one of the older employees, referred to them as the “hip young team.” She and Aaron usually got handed the events at the college, the arts council, large weddings, or anything else that would draw a younger, more contemporary crowd. It made sense.

  She and Aaron made a good team, too. Aaron was the more organized one—although you wouldn’t have known it by his lackadaisical attitude toward this show—and he was good with the technical stuff. She shined when it came to the details—decorating and swag and signage.

  Aaron pointed at the spreadsheet again. “Would you just look this over once more before I send it back? Please? Because if I have to redo it one more time, I will seriously just go flip burgers or get a job as a lifeguard or a nanny or something.”

  She laughed. “You’ll do no such thing. Besides, you’d be a terrible nanny.”

  “Hey!”

  She ignored him and studied the document, scrolling down the pages, and mentally walking through the event in her head as she’d learned to do. But it wasn’t easy to concentrate with Aaron hanging over her shoulder, his warmth making her overheat, and his peppermint breath pleasantly distracting. “It looks good to me.”

  “That’s what you said the last two times I had you look it over. Not that I’m blaming you,” he added quickly. He patted her on the back and his hand lingered there a fraction of a second too long.

  Aaron was a flirt. Not the obnoxious kind, but maybe the kind that wouldn’t be so fun to be married to. In the past few weeks he’d definitely been turning on the charm when she was around. She hadn’t done anything to encourage him. At least she didn’t think she had.

  She scooted the chair back, forcing him to step to one side. “If I were you, I’d just remind them that they pay us by the hour. That usually does the trick.”

  “Will do.” He cleared his throat and glanced at his watch. “Hey, are you hungry? You wouldn’t want to go get something to eat, would you?”

  She cringed inwardly. Maybe his invitation meant nothing more than two coworkers grabbing a bite to eat, but it wasn’t like him to be nervous, and he definitely seemed like there was a lot riding on her answer.

  “Sorry . . . I’ve got plans already. But thanks.” She liked Aaron. Maybe more than she wanted to admit. She did consider him a friend. But she wasn’t ready for more than casual friendship. With Aaron or with anybody else of the male persuasion. Besides, it would be way too complicated to become involved with a coworker. To become involved with anyone.

  “How about this weekend? Wasn’t there a movie you wanted to see? We could—”

  “Aaron . . .” She closed her eyes, scrambling for words that would let him down easy, realizing at the same time that she wanted to leave her options open. But that wasn’t fair to him. Either she was interested or she wasn’t. “I don’t think I’m quite ready.”

  “Ready for what?”

  Her face grew warm. “Maybe I’m misreading you. It . . . sounded like you were asking me on a date.”

  “And if I was?”

  She rose and pushed the chair back up to his desk, stepping toward the doorway. “I don’t think so. But . . . I’m flattered you asked. I really am.”

  He leaned against the desk, palms flat on the surface behind him, watching her with a sly smile. “And if I was just asking as a friend? Just popcorn and a movie with a friend from work?”

  Why did he have to be so stinkin’ good-looking? She felt reckless and a little out of control. But really, what harm could it do? He said just as friends. “Sure. I’d love to go to the movies with my friend Aaron.”

  He grinned. “Great! Just pick a day.”

  “Saturday?”

  “It’s a date.”

  She gave him a look. “No. It’s not.”

  “My bad.” He held his hands up like a shield, still grinning. “Poor choice of words. An early show, okay? We can do a matinee if you’d rather.”

  “Oh. That’d be good.” Far less like a date. “I’ll meet you at the theater, okay?” Even less like a date.

  “Okay. I’ll check movie times and text you and we can decide which movie. Does it matter which showing?”

  “I’m free all afternoon.” She was free the rest of her life. But he didn’t need to know that.

  Not yet. She turned and walked back to her cubicle, shut down her computer, and gathered her things. It wasn’t until she was getting in her car that it hit her. She had a date Saturday.

  No, Whitman. It’s not a date. You’re going to the movies with a friend.

  Then why did she feel that same shivery anticipation she’d felt before her first real date with Tim?

  * * *

  There was a line at the bakery, and by the time she got the rolls and headed out to the inn, she was already fifteen minutes late and drenched in perspiration. Glancing in the rearview mirror, she frowned at her reflection. She’d gathered her stick-straight hair into a ponytail earlier, securing it with a rubber band she found in her glove compartment. She looked a mess, but Missouri in July was not conducive to any other hairstyle.

  She looked at the clock and notched the cruise control up. Her in-laws knew not to wait supper on her. In-laws. Bree refused to think of them as her former in-laws, though technically, that’s what Grant and Audrey were—now that Tim was gone.

  Too often, she got off work late in the day, and she’d convinced Tim’s family to never wait on her. The youngest grandkids couldn’t be held off too long, and besides, the Whitmans’ Tuesday night dinners were informal affairs. Pot luck, picnics even, whenever the weather was nice enough, with everyone just hanging out together, enjoying each other’s company.

  Now that Grant and Audrey had eight grandkids, things were usually geared around the little ones. And their bedtimes. She missed the early days when she and Tim would stay up with his brother and sisters—and later, their spouses—and play board games and card games around the kitchen table. In the old house—before it had become the Chicory Inn.

  The refurbished bed and breakfast was gorgeous. Elegant yet cozy with its cream-painted woodwork and contemporary rugs and textiles. But sometimes she missed the old house—where Tim had first introduced her to his down-to-earth family. Or maybe it was just Tim she missed. He’d been gone by the time the restoration was finished on the inn. It seemed strange to think that Tim had never even seen the house where she spent so much time now.

  In some ways, she knew his family better than he had. There were seven nieces and nephews he’d never even met. And changes. His parents were older; his grandmother was aging and—

  CeeCee! She gasped and hit the brakes. She was supposed to pick up Tim’s grandmother on her way out to the inn! She’d totally forgotten, and now she’d have to go back for CeeCee and be even later than she already was. Good grief! Had Aaron’s little invitation flustered her that much?

&nbs
p; She turned the Taurus around at the first field entrance she came to. The ditches were deep on both sides of the narrow county lane, and recent rains had washed the road out on either side of the culvert. She managed to make the turn, and as soon as she was back on the road, she called CeeCee’s home phone. She hadn’t yet figured out how to use the hands-free feature of her new car. Well, new to her anyway. The car was a 2013 model, but it was the newest car she’d ever owned—and the first vehicle she’d bought on her own.

  She vowed to get the Bluetooth set up before the weekend. There was rarely much traffic on this state highway, but she didn’t want to add an accident to her list of screw-ups tonight.

  CeeCee’s answering machine finally picked up on the sixth ring. Oh dear. She was probably sitting out on the front porch waiting. And had been for the past thirty minutes.

  Speaking loud and slow, she left a message. “CeeCee, this is Bree. I’m running really late, but I’ll be there in less than ten minutes. I’m so sorry I didn’t call earlier.”

  She clicked off and called Audrey’s cell phone. Thankfully, Audrey answered on the first ring.

  Bree told her the same thing she’d told CeeCee, minus the loud and slow. Nor did she mention that she’d actually forgotten all about CeeCee and had to backtrack. “Has she called wondering where I am?”

  “No,” Audrey said. “But she wouldn’t. You just take your time, sweet girl. She’ll wait for you. It’s not like she has a hot date or anything.”

  Bree laughed, then wrinkled her brow, watching herself frown in the rearview mirror. Did Audrey somehow know about Aaron? She wouldn’t put it past her mother-in-law. Audrey was perceptive . . . sometimes too perceptive.

  CeeCee wasn’t waiting on the porch, and when she hadn’t answered the doorbell after three rings, Bree used her key and let herself in. It was stifling in the little two-story house, but CeeCee always kept the thermostat at eighty, summer or winter. Still, considering CeeCee’s age, she felt a touch of misgiving about what she might find. She walked through the rooms of the little house, calling CeeCee’s name.

  The door to the master bedroom was open. The shades were drawn and lamps turned off. But the lump in the bed was unmistakably CeeCee, tiny as the almost eighty-five-year-old woman was. It wasn’t even seven o’clock yet. For a minute, Bree froze, thinking the worst.

  But soft snoring came from the bed and Bree flipped on the light and went to the bedside, kneeling beside Tim’s grandmother. “CeeCee?” She patted the crepey, thin arm that lay atop the quilt. “Are you feeling okay?”

  A snuffle, and a start, and CeeCee sat up in bed, looking disoriented and weak.

  “Are you okay?” Bree looked into the rheumy eyes, trying to determine if she was ill.

  CeeCee threw back the covers and squinted at the clock. She was wearing a cotton nightgown. “Oh, no. Did I oversleep?”

  “It’s my fault,” Bree said, not sure if CeeCee was confused or if she was referring to her nap. But surely she hadn’t changed into a nightgown just to take a nap. “I’m late picking you up for our Tuesday dinner.” She cast about the tidy room, looking for the outfit CeeCee had been wearing. “Can I get your clothes for you?”

  CeeCee looked down at her nightgown. “Oh, I don’t think I’ll change.”

  Bree laughed, but CeeCee’s expression said she wasn’t kidding. Bree went to the closet and chose a pair of elastic-waisted pants and a colorful blouse she’d seen the woman wear often. “How about this?”

  “I really think I’ll just stay here. I’m pretty tired. I played bridge all afternoon, you know.”

  “Oh, but don’t you want to go out to Grant and Audrey’s for dinner? Everyone will be disappointed if you don’t come.”

  “They’ll get over it.” She waved a frail hand and sank back onto the pillows. “Audrey said she’d do the dessert tonight anyway.”

  Was that what was bothering CeeCee? It was usually her job to furnish the dessert for Tuesday nights. But it wasn’t like her to get her feelings hurt over something so petty. “Are you sure you feel okay? Have you eaten?”

  “I’m just tired. Don’t you worry about me. You go on and have a good time. Give them all my love.” She sounded more like herself now.

  But Bree was still worried. She said her good-byes but didn’t feel quite right about leaving. She locked the door behind her, but in the driveway, she called Audrey again and told her how she’d found CeeCee.

  “I wouldn’t worry too much, honey. She did play bridge today, so maybe she’s just worn out. And if she insisted, you can’t force her to come.”

  “Well, if you’re sure.”

  “Grant will check on her later tonight. You come on. We saved a plate for you.”

  “Okay.”

  Backing out of the driveway, she shot up a prayer for Tim’s grandmother. If anything happened to her, she would never forgive herself. And none of this would have happened if she hadn’t been daydreaming about that stupid movie date.

  Chapter Two

  She drove too fast and arrived out at the Chicory Inn just as they were clearing the table and dishing up dessert—Audrey’s apple crisp and homemade ice cream. She held up the bags of rolls from the bakery and gave a sheepish smile. “Anybody want a roll?”

  Audrey took them from her. “Don’t worry about it. We had plenty to eat. I’ll just put them in the freezer for next week. Unless you want one now?”

  “Are you kidding? Forget my plate.” She pointed to the apple crisp, which filled the kitchen with a tart, cinnamony scent. “This can be dinner for me.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Audrey gave her a one-armed hug and thrust a warm plate at her, a sampling of the supper she’d missed. “You eat. You’re too skinny as it is. And don’t you worry; I’ll make sure there’s apple crisp left for you.”

  “And ice cream,” Bree said, taking the proffered plate but casting a suspicious eye on Tim’s brother, Link, and three brothers-in-law who were standing at the counter snarfing apple crisp and looking as if they could easily put away a second bowl before she could put a dent in her plate.

  Tim’s three sisters came to her defense, ushering their husbands away from the counter. “You let us worry about them,” Landyn said. “You eat, sis.”

  It warmed her heart when Tim’s sisters included her, calling her “sis” the way they did with each other. “Thanks for having my back.”

  “You know we do,” Danae said, laughing even as she shooed Dallas from the counter for the second time.

  “Grant must have the kids?” Bree said over a mouthful of green bean casserole. “I haven’t seen any of them. And where’s that new baby?” Corinne and Jesse’s new little girl—four for them now—had been born on Father’s Day less than a month ago. Bree had only seen little Sasha twice. She was learning how quickly babies grew up and didn’t want to miss holding this newest little one while she was still tiny.

  “Sasha and Tyler are both sleeping upstairs,” Corinne said. “Poppa has the other six playing some game he invented down in the meadow.”

  “Did Poppa get any apple crisp yet?” Bree asked, eyeing the dwindling supply.

  Audrey popped her head around the corner. “Poppa had two servings before any of you got here. Don’t you worry about him, Bree.”

  She gave an exaggerated whew and took a bite of Audrey’s lasagna. The sisters started putting food back in the fridge and loading the dishwasher, and she hurried to finish eating so she could help. It seemed like too often she sailed in late and ate while the others did the work of cleaning up. They never seemed to resent her for it, but she sometimes worried they might.

  They finished in the kitchen and Audrey shooed the young women to the family room. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, but I want to start a breakfast casserole for tomorrow’s guests.”

  Conversation among the sisters quickly turned to babies and marriage, and she felt herself curl up and withdraw a little. Tim’s sisters were all three moms now that Danae and Dallas were raising the tw
o little boys of an incarcerated woman. Since Tim’s death, she’d swung between relief that he hadn’t left her with a child to raise on her own, and grief that she’d never gotten to fulfill her dream of having his babies. At twenty-eight, and no prospects for a husband, she definitely saw her chances of ever having a family slipping away.

  Some of her friends thought she was crazy to have kept such close ties to Tim’s family. And maybe it was a little unusual. But it wasn’t as if their marriage had ended in a messy divorce. Tim’s family had kept her sane after he was killed in Afghanistan. They alone knew the man she mourned as well as she did. Knew he’d been a hero in so many ways—not just as a marine killed in the line of duty.

  And as Audrey had told her more than once, the Whitman family’s grief was doubled by the thought of losing Bree. “You’ll never lose me,” she’d promised Audrey. But they were words easily spoken in the throes of grief. And sometimes she wondered if it was a promise she could keep. If she got married again, how would any new husband feel about her keeping ties to her late husband’s family? How would future parents-in-law feel about Bree’s close relationship with Grant and Audrey?

  Until recently, she’d been content to still be considered a part of the Whitman clan. To sit with Grant and Audrey and CeeCee in church most Sunday mornings, to feel that she fit in at their Tuesday night dinners, and that she was welcome—more than welcome—to come around any time she needed a dose of family. To feel close to Tim, the way she always had at the house on Chicory Lane.

  But the winds were shifting. She felt it more each week. And she wasn’t sure if it was her, or if it was Tim’s family who was pulling away. If they were, it wasn’t intentional. She knew that. But their lives had all gone forward, while more and more, she felt like the odd man out when the Whitmans gathered.

  She loved this family with all her heart. She still considered them her family, and knew they loved her like their own daughter and sister. Yet with every new grandchild that entered the Whitman family, she felt her place—her purpose—in the family diminished. They were getting married, having babies. And she was stuck. Stuck in love with a man she could never have again. At least not on this side of heaven. She was in a holding pattern that would be painful to come out of, no matter how it came about.