Even Cowboys Get the Blues

by Stuart, Amie

  He buried one hand in her long silky hair and his face in the pillow beside her. He eased his grip on her hair, his breathing harsh in the pillow. As awareness returned he nuzzled her ear and rubbed her temple with his free hand. He wasn’t ready or willing to leave the secure warmth of her body yet. She turned her head to look at him and the ache in his heart eased considerably at the sight of her warm smile.

  He’d gotten it right.

  He shifted, easing most of his weight off her and pulled her close with a sigh of genuine contentment.

  GRAM’S WORLD FAMOUS meatloaf tasted like sawdust in my mouth, and the sweet potatoes nearly choked me half to death. Despite my promise to Aunt Jessa, knowing She was across the road with Daddy toasted my ass. Hell, I was so out of whack I did Gram’s dishes—voluntarily. By myself, even. And without being asked. After dinner I wandered out back where Poppy sat smoking a cigar.

  “You and Sonny put in a long day, today.”

  “Yes, sir.” My boots scraped on the porch. I was tired, a little sore and still kinda chilled from being out all day. I sank down beside him on the swing and pulled my coat around me. “It’s cold out here.”

  “Your Gram says you’re having a hard time.”

  I stayed silent, curled up beside him. The only sound was the TV in the garage apartment next door and the squeak of the swing as we rocked back and forth. “Can I come and live with you and Gram?”

  The swing stopped and Poppy put an arm around me. He patted my shoulder.

  “I don’t want to live with her,” I added for good measure. I stared at him in the dark, willing him to say yes.

  “Rene.” He shook his head and sighed noisily. “You moving in, that’s not a decision I can make without talking to your Gram.”

  Which meant, probably no. Everything was shit. Every. Thing.

  As if he’d read my mind, he said, “I’m not saying no…”

  “But you’re not saying yes.”

  “I can’t. Not yet. But your Aunt Susie has nothing but good things to say about her, for what that’s worth.”

  I didn’t want to hear nice things about The Witch. “Think I’ll call it a night. It’s been a long day.” I patted his knee and stood and stretched, trying to hide my disappointment and act as tired as possible.

  “Things’ll seem brighter tomorrow, puddin’.”

  I leaned down and kissed his cheek, hoping he’d stop while he was ahead or I might barf. “Night, Poppy.”

  Before he could say another word, I dashed in the house and shut the door behind me. The kitchen was dark, the dishwasher filling the silence, and Gram was nowhere in sight. Probably upstairs reading.

  Things would not be better in the morning, because Toni would still be here.

  Upstairs I found Aunt Dee dressed for bed in her T-shirt, her hair wet from a bath and numerous torture devices scattered around her on the queen sized bed.

  “Pedicure?” I shut the door behind me and kicked off my boots.

  “Yeah, they’re gettin’ pretty uggy.”

  I stood there watching her poke and prod her feet for a minute before kicking into gear and getting myself ready for bed. I gently slid beneath the covers while she paused to glare at me, a nail polish brush poised over her toe, for making the mattress move. “I tried!”

  “I know you did, squirt.”

  “So.” I curled up on my side and watched her work.

  “So?” Left, right, middle went the nailbrush as she moved from toe to toe applying what looked like the second coat of something red.

  I sighed.

  “Spit it out. You’re pissed ‘cause Toni’s here. I know that’s why you wanted to stay the night.”

  “Have you ever had sex?”

  The brush stopped before she crammed it back in the bottle, narrowly avoiding a drip. “Sex is for grownups. And people’s sex lives are personal.”

  “Sex is for stupid people with grits for brains.” I crossed my arms and waited. “Maybe they’ll get tired of each other.”

  “Yes, I’ve had sex, okay, but if you ever tell my dad, I’ll kill you.”

  “I swear. Now, what’s the big deal.” I tried to contain my excitement and act like it was no big deal. My own attempt at reverse psychology.

  “Two years ago with my first boyfriend. I found out afterward, he only slept with me to make my best friend jealous.” She twisted the cap off a bottle of clear coat.

  “Proving once again what dogs men are.”

  “You know, Rene, your dad’s not such a bad guy. Some day when you’re grown you’ll understand better. Of course, some day when you’re grown, some man’s gonna come along and change your mind about men being dogs.”

  I laughed, shaking the bed, not caring if Gram heard me or if I made Dee mess up. “I may be a kid but even I’m not stupid enough to fall for that shit.”

  She glanced at me. “You’ll see.”

  I ignored her warning. Fairy tales were for babies. Losers even. “That’s it?”

  “Yeah, what did you expect? Details?”

  “Well, yeah.” I frowned at her, showing my irritation.

  “I don’t kiss and tell, Rene. That’s just gross.”

  I know she heard me groan as she returned to her toenails with a chuckle. “Some aunt you are.”

  “This is about Toni, isn’t it?”

  “Hell, yeah. She’s sleeping with my dad.” I blew out a long slow breath to keep from saying anything more. I was beginning to repeat myself.

  “Maybe you should give her a chance. She did come back, and if she loves your dad, she can’t be all bad. And you know, Tim’s been around the block a few times. I’m sure he knows to be careful.”

  “Could have fooled me. I asked Poppy if I can move in here.” I didn’t bother telling her the answer was probably no. Instead, at her raised eyebrows, I added, “We can be like sisters.”

  She pursed her lips and slowly shook her head. “I don’t think Poppy…”

  “I’m not living with her.”

  She sighed, her head canting to one side. “Your dad really likes her. Or he wouldn’t have brought her here.”

  “You don’t say?” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m not living with her. I’m not.” She opened her mouth but I beat her to the punch. “I leave for college in six years. Gram and Poppy have plenty of room.”

  “Rene,” Delaney sighed again, but it was way too late. I’d already made up my mind. “When I said your dad really likes her, I meant he really really likes her. There’s no way he’d risk Dad or Maggie’s disapproval over a fling.”

  My insides sank as I rolled onto my back and stared at ceiling. Damn, Aunt Dee, she was right.

  “Maybe you just need to spend some time with her. You know, at least try…like I had to do with Maggie.”

  I cringed inwardly at her censure, then raised my chin. I got what she was saying, but this was different. Delaney hadn’t had a choice. I did. And I knew exactly what I had to do next. “Maybe you’re right. It’s not like we know anything about her.”

  “Exactly!”

  I SPENT THE morning recuperating after Tim left early with a kiss and a promise to be back in time for lunch. A long hot soak took care of my aches and pains but not the turmoil in my head. Despite my decision to stay with Tim, I was still torn over what to do about Nichole. Not to mention Tim and Rene.

  Last night in Tim’s arms I’d realized that I was where I belonged, but I still felt guilty for abandoning my search. Refocusing was difficult. Though Tim had never spoken the words, there was no doubt that we were something. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have gotten up in the middle of the night to bail me out of jail. Problem was, I had no one but Kellie to discuss this with, and I wasn’t sure she was the right person to talk to. She didn’t seem very wise about men and on top of that, I figured she was probably mad at me for running out on her. I needed to go see her. Jessa was right. Kellie had been a good friend and didn’t deserve to hear I was back via the grapevine. If she’d even spea
k to me again.

  I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen when the little one came wandering home.

  “Have you had breakfast?” I asked from my position on the floor, which put me at a disadvantage. I’d been in the middle of cleaning out a cabinet full of battered bowls and baking dishes when she’d shown up.

  “At Grams.” She watched me from the kitchen doorway. “How long you plan on hanging around?”

  Though I should have been prepared, her directness caught me off guard. I paused to carefully weigh my answer, Jessa’s warning still in my head. I couldn’t lie. “I’m not sure.” I still had so much to settle. “But while I’m here, I think we need to make sure we’re on the same page. I don’t do your laundry or nothing.”

  I smiled at being able to throw a bit of her own medicine back at her. It increased in size as her lips twitched. She had a sense of humor. That was good. That was something I could work with.

  “Fair enough.” She poured herself some coffee.

  “So, what do you do all day, and can you show me how to use the washer?”

  “Sometimes I go out and help Poppy and Dad—at least until school starts back.” While she talked, she headed for the laundry room and I stood to follow. We both sniffed and wrinkled our noses as she lifted the washer’s lid, revealing its contents.

  “Oops.”

  “Something’s sour.” I opened the door to the back porch to put in some fresh air.

  “Dad’s gonna kill me.”

  “Here, let me.” I nudged her out of the way, looked down then paused. “At least they’re whites. We can bleach those. Start it up. Anything in here that’ll shrink or is it just socks and such?”

  “Socks, undies, the usual.”

  “Put it on hot.” I waited until she got the washer going then added half a bottle of stain remover. When the tub was half full, I added bleach, wrinkling my nose as my eyes began to tear up. “There, maybe that will take the smell out.”

  She slammed down the lid and we both made a hasty exit, shutting the door behind us. One chore down, and I decided to tackle lunch. “What time does your daddy normally come eat lunch?”

  “We eat lunch at Grams,” she said from behind me.

  I closed the refrigerator door and turned to face her. “I can see why. There’s not much to choose from in there.”

  “And what there is probably ain’t no good.”

  “Isn’t.”

  “That’s what I said. Ain’t…isn’t, same difference.”

  “There’s a big difference.” I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes. “You do that just to irritate people, don’t you?”

  “Wassat?”

  Just then the back door swung open and Tim stepped in, shutting it behind him.

  “Wassat?” she asked again.

  “Talking bad.” I wasn’t going to let her father’s presence stop me from speaking my mind.

  “She’ll blister your ears, too, so watch out.” He pulled her against him and planted a kiss on her head. “Swears like a sailor with Tourette’s.”

  I smothered another snort of laughter, tickled at the pained expression on both of their faces. They’d apparently made an art of pushing each other’s buttons.

  “What are you doing here?” She frowned at him.

  “I came to warm up and see how y’all were getting on. Your chores finished?”

  “Yes, sir. I came to warm up, too.”

  “If you’re done, I think your Uncle Ty needs some help out in the west pasture.”

  I watched with interest as her lips tightened and she smothered a frown, but her grunt of displeasure came through loud and clear.

  “That’s a damned long ride. Can I go after lunch?”

  “You shouldn’t swear. It’s very ugly on a little girl.”

  “Well I ain’t no little girl. Fuck it. I’m gone.” She turned and darted out of the kitchen then the front door before I could say another word. Like, “Wait! I’ll fix lunch.”

  I let out a long slow breath as Tim’s arms circled my waist.

  “I’m gonna stop that right now.” He kissed the top of my head and grabbed the phone from the wall. A quick phone call to his mother, demanding Rene’s presence at dinner.

  “I wish you hadn’t done that.” I shook my head before he could speak again. “You can’t force her to like me, and I don’t want her to hate me, Tim.”

  “This isn’t just about you. If we’re going to make a go of this, we need to take care of this now. Just like we talked about last night.”

  I gave in. From the fierce scowl on his face, I could tell he wasn’t going to be deterred. But then, if my instincts proved right, Rene was as stubborn as her daddy. Plus I’d had a difficult time not laughing at her swearing.

  “If you’ll unhook my car, I’ll go get groceries. In the meantime, there’s leftover stew for lunch.”

  “I guess we didn’t make much of a dent in it last night, huh?” He smiled at me and backed me against the counter.

  I resisted the urge to squirm, still unused to having someone touch me so often and so intimately. Even on our early dates I’d noticed he had a thing about touching. Almost possessive, his hand was constantly in my hair or at my waist, my elbow or across my shoulders. I’d forgotten.

  Now, he had me pinned against the counter, his eyes a soft blue-grey. He leaned down and brushed my lips with his then backed away, as if he sensed my reluctance.

  “I’m short on cash. But a hundred should at least get us some staples?” He quirked a brow in question at me.

  I could buy more than staples with a hundred dollars. “That’s great.”

  He disappeared down the hall and returned with two fifties.

  “Hungry?” I asked.

  “I could eat.” His grin suggested more than food, but I ignored it, already busy planning a mental shopping list. Besides I could just see us getting caught in the middle of some hanky-panky by Rene. I wanted to win her over, not alienate her for life. I gently nudged him back and heated up his lunch. “What do you want for dinner?”

  “Leftovers are fine.”

  “We’re having leftovers now.”

  He chuckled. “I’m not a fussy eater.”

  I arched an eyebrow and waited.

  “Surprise me.”

  After lunch he unhooked my car and I headed for the grocery store to lay in a good round of supplies and pick up a pork tenderloin, fresh green beans, and new potatoes for our dinner.

  I had one stop to make on the way home. I’d put it off as long as I could, but if I wanted to go back to work at the bar, I’d have to go see Kellie. And eventually speak to Susie. Neither of which I was looking forward to.

  If anything, the Scenic Hills Apartments looked more desolate in the depths of winter with bleak, gray skies above. I parked in front of her apartment and took a deep breath, wiping my clammy hands on my jeans. Luckily, the weather was cold enough nothing would turn, though I didn’t expect this to be a long visit. With a sigh, I slid out from behind the wheel and crossed to her front door, one hand stuffed in the pocket of my jacket the other rapping on her door. I could hear a TV and stood patiently until I saw her peek through the curtains. The chain scraped and the door flew open.

  “Oh my Gawd! Where did you come from?” She took a step back and silently looked me up and down before saying, “I grabbed a bunch of your stuff before the apartment manager found out you were gone.”

  “I didn’t have that much, did I?” I followed her inside and closed the door behind me.

  “Towels, your dishes, and some cookware.” She took a seat on the couch, curling her legs beneath her. For someone who didn’t normally excel at hiding their emotions, Kellie was doing an amazing job right now.

  I closed the door, and then said, “You’re mad at me.”

  “It’s whatever.” She shrugged, looked me up and down, and added, “I thought you’d be in Louisiana by now.”

  “Do you mind if I sit down?” I said, pointing to the couch.
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  “Knock yourself out. And by the way, that’s your stuff in the corner.” She pointed to a large black garbage bag sitting under the window.

  “I thought I’d be in Louisiana by now, too.” This time it was my turn to shrug. “I made it as far as Beaumont.”

  “Did you run out of money again? I know those repairs on your car were pretty steep.”

  I stared at my fingers, now chaffed and cracking a little from a combination of doing dishes and cold weather. “You know, I always wanted a baby sister. Instead I had twin brothers—J.T. and Will. They were ten the last time I saw them.” I sucked in a deep breath and forced myself to speak around the ball of nerves trying to choke me, before I could say what I really wanted to say. I’d let her down—just like her parents, her brother and her sister. “I know I hurt you, and I’m so sorry. You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a sister.”

  She nodded and sniffed, relaxing a bit before she spoke. “Sorry for snapping. It’s been a long week. My brother came by, hounding me.”

  “Please don’t apologize,” I said. “Is everything okay? I thought they didn’t speak to you?” She was also still upset with me, and I deserved that.

  “I don’t know what’s going on.” She rolled her eyes and shifted slightly. “He was looking for some of Daddy’s stuff and thought I took it. Hell, they practically stood guard while I packed. How could I have taken anything? For that matter, why would I want to? I just wish they’d leave me the hell alone.”

  Her family problems brought home my own. Maybe I’d made a bad choice. Maybe I should go to Louisiana and find Nichole. What if she needed me? The words flew out of my mouth as another round of panic threatened to swallow me. “Have you done any more searching?” …for your birth family, went unsaid.

  “Naw.” She pursed her lips together so hard they almost disappeared and shook her head. “I don’t have a name, so I’m stuck.”

  Again, I felt as if I’d let her down, just like I’d let Nicole down. Apparently that was the one thing I was good at. I sighed. “I’m sorry.” Guilt ate at me while the truth choked me. “I missed you. How’ve you been? Dating anyone?”