Holier Than Thou (The Tome of Bill Book 4)

by Rick Gualtieri

  “We were just on our...”

  “And you need to keep her the fuck away from my girlfriend.”

  I opened my mouth to protest that all of the prophecies were bullshit, but I found myself unable to believe it. Things had gotten far too weird as of late. I simply nodded.

  “I mean it. I...” he seemed to struggle with the words, his eyes getting all glassy for a moment. “I ... love Christy. I won’t let either of you hurt her.”

  Whoa! I was sorely tempted to ask if he was sure she wasn’t mucking with his head again, but I had a feeling that would get me little more than a punch to the jaw.

  I nodded and turned back to the door. I opened it and stepped outside, immediately stopping at what I saw. I hadn’t known what to expect, but it sure wasn’t this.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Sheila and Christy sat on our couch, talking and laughing like they were old friends. I looked past them to our kitchen nook, where Ed stood. He simply raised his hands and shrugged.

  I walked over to him and quietly asked, “What’s going on?”

  “Don’t ask me. I understand women only slightly better than you do. How’s Tom?”

  “Ditto on the don’t ask.”

  “Kind of figured that.”

  We turned back to find him warily approaching the two.

  “Are you alright, honey?” he asked cautiously.

  “Yeah, I think I am. She took cooking classes at the same school I do.”

  Tom continued to look suspicious as the two resumed their conversation. I took the moment to turn to Ed and say, “Let’s get our shit and get the fuck out of here, before things turn any weirder.”

  “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I made two pit stops before packing. The first was to the bathroom to peel off my blood-soaked shirt and jacket, then wrap up my shoulder in a goodly amount of bandages. It had finally stopped bleeding, but thanks to the silver it probably wouldn’t heal up for at least a day. Next was the fridge, where I grabbed a couple pints of blood.

  That being done, I quickly packed enough clothes for a few days, sucking down the blood whilst in the privacy of my room. I remembered my adventure up in the Woods of Mourning. At one point, I was badly injured and had seriously considered making a snack out of Ed. This wasn’t nearly as bad, but I wasn’t keen on taking chances. All things considered, I felt I was walking a tightrope between humanity and full-blown monster. I didn’t want to do anything to tip my balance over to the wrong side.

  We wouldn’t be able to avoid the situation with Tom forever. No doubt there would be a confrontation in our future that would make his past rants about toys seem preferable. For the moment, though, we had a city full of assassins to deal with and a supernatural storm gathering strength outside. Jeez, talk about stress.

  I finished packing and returned to the living room. Sheila and Christy were still chatting. It was oddly comforting to see neither of them letting that whole destined to kill you thing get to them.

  Ed joined me a few moments later, a backpack in one hand, a long blanket-wrapped object in the other.

  “Shotgun?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  “Fuck yeah. These days I feel almost naked without it, especially when I’m hanging around your playmates.”

  We both walked over to Tom. I wasn’t sure about Ed, but I sure as shit was treading on eggshells. I had never seen him so serious.

  I tried to play it as cautious as possible. “Be careful.”

  He nodded. “Thinking of maybe taking her down to my folks’ place for a bit.”

  “That’d be a good idea. I don’t think the city is going to be friendly for anyone who knows me, at least for a couple of days.”

  “When has it ever?” A small smile cracked on his face. It wasn’t much, but it told me that the Tom I knew was still there. Hopefully we’d get through this. Just another blip on the radar of life ... maybe.

  Sheila and Christy said their goodbyes, still amiable. When she was done, Tom walked us to the door.

  As he let us out, I turned and handed him a slip of paper. “This is where we’ll be. It’s a safe house. If anything weird happens...”

  “I’ll call you,” he replied.

  “Actually call Ed. I lost my cellphone the other night. Long story involving exploding vampires.”

  “We’ll have to catch up when this is all over,” he said, then closed the door behind us.

  I sighed and started down the stairs. That was part of the problem, wasn’t it? I really had no idea when, if ever, it would be over.

  Alone Time

  Our apartment had been uncomfortable, but fortunately not dangerous ... to us at least. I held out hope that our next stop might be the same. Hopefully, it would also be somewhat less likely to involve the police than the first.

  We walked out of our building, where I motioned for Ed to escort Sheila back into the SUV. I’m not stupid. I had unleashed Gan upon the streets unsupervised. Sure, I had spared Tom and Christy a rather unpleasant disemboweling at her hands, but in doing so I had to wonder what horrors I had inflicted upon my neighborhood.

  It didn’t take me long to find her, mainly because she found me first. I had started walking, softly calling her name. I got about two buildings down when a voice hailed me from above.

  “Welcome back, my love. Did you deliver swift death upon the witch and her consort?”

  I practically jumped out of my skin, wondering where it had come from. Looking up, I saw that Gan clung to the side of an apartment building, at around the third floor level. Her claws were dug into it, giving her purchase. She looked like some kind of fucked up Spider-Man groupie.

  “Get down here, Gan!” I hissed up at her. Jesus Christ, the concept of being subtle was just not in her vocabulary.

  “I was keeping watch for our enemies,” she replied, letting go. She fell the entire distance, landing on her feet as if it were a minor inconvenience. “I have already dispatched two spies, no doubt thralls to the vampires who were harassing you earlier.”

  “Dispatched?”

  “Yes. They shall trouble us no more.”

  So much for me winning any future good neighbor awards. Needless to say, we got the fuck out of there as quickly as possible. Much longer and she’d turn my little section of Brooklyn into a mass grave.

  A short while later we were in Manhattan again, at Sheila’s apartment building, after another uncomfortably silent drive over. Fortunately, Gan kept her mouth shut – contently staring at me with her puppy-dog eyes. Sheila’s neighborhood was quiet at that time of the morning, dawn not too far off. Still, this was the city. Someone somewhere was awake, probably not too far away. I decided to not risk another bloodbath.

  “Gan, roll down the windows and take a sniff, but stay in the car. I’m hoping we don’t need to send up any unnecessary foot traffic just for a few changes of clothes.”

  She did so and declared the place to be clear of anything non-human. That was a small comfort. The storm was continuing outside with no sign of letting up. If what Gan had said earlier was true, the non-human population could potentially soar in the near future. But that was a worry for ... well, maybe as soon as the next day for all I knew.

  It was probably stupid of me, but I didn’t want to risk alienating Sheila any more than I had already done for one evening (which was probably a lot). Guess I still had at least some of my humanity left since I was pretty much making decisions as if I were a smitten teenager.

  “Do you want to handle this alone?” I asked her, feeling at least a couple sets of eyeballs stare at me questioningly.

  She seemed to consider it for a moment, then replied, “Actually, would you mind coming up? I might need a little help.”

  “Really?” I eagerly asked, once again losing an opportunity to play it cool.

  She nodded and unlocked the door.

  “I must protest,” Benny said from the backseat, where he still sat with Sally. “I cannot
allow her Holiness to go anywhere alone with such untrustworthy company.”

  To my surprise, Gan agreed. “I must concur with the Templar, Dr. Death. I wish to be witness should you fulfill your destiny.”

  You’ve got to be kidding me. I raised my hands and massaged my no doubt soon to be aching temples. “Stay put, Gan. I promise I won’t fulfill any prophecies while I’m gone. I’ll make sure you’re around when I do that, cross my heart.”

  “Thank you, beloved!” she replied brightly, causing Sally to snort a quick burst of laughter from the backseat.

  “Stay here, Ben,” Sheila said. “I’ll be okay.”

  “You should take your sword,” he replied, “just in case.”

  She threw a glance at me and I nodded. If it would keep current company from throwing a hissy fit, what did it matter?

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  She pulled off her cloak and wrapped the sword in it. Icon or not, it would be just our luck to run into a cop. Nobody would be fulfilling any destinies if we all found ourselves on the inside of a jail cell.

  “Just watch where you’re swinging that thing,” I joked, following her up the stairs to the front door.

  “I’ll try,” she replied, putting her key in the lock.

  “Where did you learn all the Inigo Montoya moves anyway? Must have taken you years.”

  “Huh?” she asked, still working on the door.

  “The sword. I would have never taken you for a fencing aficionado.”

  “I’m not. I had never even picked one up until about two weeks ago.”

  “Really?” Hmm, wonder if that was some kind of Icon power. Seemed likely. Despite what many of us might fantasize, one does not typically pick up a sword and immediately become Conan the Barbarian.

  “Go figure. Hmm, this is odd. My key doesn’t work.”

  I was about to remark on that when I remembered my little breaking and entering adventure the day before. Guess they had replaced the lock.

  “Allow me,” I said. She stepped aside and I moved in, taking care not to brush against her (as much as I might otherwise want to). I grasped the knob and used Sally’s trick of twisting until it broke. snap

  “Handy.” She pushed open the door.

  “Yep, being a vampire has its moments.” It was good to be joking with her again. I had missed it. Sadly for me, the laugh ended once the door shut behind us.

  “I didn’t want to say anything in front of the others, Bill, but...”

  “Listen. I know what everyone keeps saying about us. It caught me by surprise too ... really.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Uhhh ... what are you talking about?”

  “Back there in your apartment,” she said. “That poor girl.”

  “Christy?”

  “Yes. She was scared out of her wits, all because of me.”

  “You have to understand, she’s been getting that prophecy crap shoved down her throat for God knows how long. It wasn’t anything personal.”

  “But it was. She honestly thought I was going to kill her.”

  “Like I said, she’s been force fed that for a while. Besides which, she’s kind of emotional now what with being pregnant.”

  “That makes it even worse,” she said as she stepped in front of me and locked her eyes with mine. Goddamn, she was beautiful. Err ... no, had to focus. “I want you to promise me something.”

  “Anything,” I replied automatically, giving it absolutely no thought whatsoever.

  She opted to ignore my pathetic eagerness, and continued talking. “If I ever become ... that, you need to promise that you’ll kill me.”

  “What?!” I shouted, before remembering we were standing in the hall of an apartment building. I quickly lowered my voice. “What?”

  “Exactly what I just said. I’m not a murderer and I’m sure as hell not a baby killer. I won’t become that.”

  “I know...”

  “No, you don’t. How do we know what the future holds, what we’ll both turn into with time? All I know is that I don’t want to become whatever it is that they think I will.”

  “I ... I ... why me?”

  “Because if what they say is true, then you’re the only one who can.”

  Goddamn, I hated logic.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I had no choice but to agree. Hadn’t I asked Ed the very same thing less than a day ago? It would have been hypocritical of me to do any less ... not that I’m above doing so, mind you, but it was her. There was literally nothing she could ask that I wouldn’t agree to. Had she ordered me to rip off my own legs to help prop up one of her tables, I’d have gladly done so.

  I just had to hope that this prophesied future, one that we both feared, wouldn’t come to pass. Hell, I wouldn’t let it. I’d die first ... for real this time.

  Whoever had replaced the front door hadn’t bothered to do the same with Sheila’s apartment. Her door swung in freely when she tried it. Needless to say, I made it a point to play stupid with that one.

  I waited in the living room while she gathered her things. It gave me a chance to reflect on the hilarious sense of humor that life seemed to have. Hadn’t it been my dream to be invited up to her apartment? Now, there I was and, even if the opportunity somehow presented itself, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it ... at least if I didn’t want to wind up barbecued. Why was I the only person on the planet with this problem? You never see this shit in a fairy tale. Prince Charming didn’t get blasted through a wall when he finally kissed Cinderella.

  Fortunately, once she returned, that train of thought was immediately derailed. She had changed out of her Templar gear into something more casual – which was to say, utterly breathtaking to me.

  “That’s better,” she said with a sigh, stepping out, a large duffle bag in one hand, her sword in the other. “That outfit’s practical, but not very comfortable.”

  “I was meaning to ask you about that.”

  “The armor?”

  “No, the Templar. I just didn’t want to do it around Benny. I don’t think he likes me much.”

  “I’d say that’s an understatement. They’re a little ... zealous.”

  “You don’t say.”

  “Truth be told, they’re a little grating at times, but...” she trailed off.

  “They were all you had?”

  “Don’t get me wrong, they’ve been great. They explained what was happening to me, looked out for me, and helped me explore what I could do.”

  “Listen, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone like that,” I said, suddenly feeling the need to spill my guts. Guess it was easier to do when the peanut gallery stayed behind in the car. “I meant to ... tell you...”

  “That you were a vampire?”

  “Sorta, but after that ... incident ... between us.”

  “Incident?” she asked, a wry smile on her face. Oh crap. I could feel all of my old insecurities racing to the surface. Another second or so and I’d become a stammering idiot.

  “Yeah ... I sorta freaked.”

  “Hah, I know what you mean,” she said. “I must’ve picked up the phone to call you at least a dozen times.”

  “Really?”

  “Don’t sound so surprised, Bill. I still have everyone’s contact info from back when I worked for Jim.”

  “It’s not that, it’s ... never mind.”

  “But anyway,” she continued, “for whatever reason, I just never finished dialing. Then there was my business. I couldn’t ignore it ... although that probably doesn’t matter now. I haven’t been at the office in weeks. They probably all think I’ve gone crazy there.”

  “You’re the CEO. You’re allowed to be crazy.”

  She chuckled, and it was music to my ears. I could listen to her laugh all day.

  “Trust me,” I said. “It’s better this way.”

  “Better? There are a lot of people dead out there tonight. I’m not sure I’d call that better.”

 
; “It is. I know it might not be much consolation, but the Templar knew what they were getting into. They were as prepared as they were going to be. At the very least, their eyes were open to what’s out there. What if they hadn’t found you and those others had instead caught up to you at your office? It would have been a slaughter.”

  She nodded, then was quiet for a moment. It had been horrible of me to say, but that’s what our lives had become. It really was a choice between the lesser of many evils these days. If people were going to die, and they were, it was preferable that they at least have a stake in the game.

  “So, enough about me,” she said, almost as if this were ... a date. “What’s the story between you and that girl?”

  “Sally? It’s an interesting...”

  “I meant your fiancée.” Once more the grin was back on her face.

  “There is no story there. She’s a deluded little girl who happens to have a crush on me that borders on fanatical.” I tried really hard to ignore that it was a description that could easily apply to me ... except maybe for the little girl part.

  “Little? Didn’t she say she was three-hundred years old?”

  “I meant in size. In everything else she’s a massive pain in the ass.”

  “It’s kind of cute,” she teased.

  “Minus maybe all the stuff about leaving a trail of bodies in her wake?”

  “Yeah, and also her slightly disturbing wish to watch you kill me.”

  “That’s Gan ... a whole lot of disturbing in a tiny package.”

  “So what are you going to do about her?”

  “Figure out a way to get her back home to Mongolia as soon as I can.”

  “Speaking of which, how...”

  “Trust me, it’s another long story; one that begins with Sally Fedexing my ass over to Asia.”

  “You’ll have to tell me about it some time.”

  “Oh believe me, I could fill up a book with all the crap Sally pulls.”

  “Are you and her...”

  “No. She has a thing for Ed ... I think. Ed has a thing for her, at least. It’s hard to say. As for us, she’s kind of my business partner.”

  “She’s obviously your friend too, that much I can tell.”