Ravens Deep (one)

by Jane Jordan

  I reveal to you now in trusted safe-keeping that I am immortal, an eternal creature of the night, one who walks the earth only in the shadows. My lust for blood is my torture and my nightmare, but it allows my existence. You know I have learnt restraint and far from me you are forever safe. My life is darkness and infinite misery, but my happiness will be the knowledge that you have light in your life and can find peace, whereas I can never.

  It is with great sadness that I send this letter, for I know it must be the very last correspondence between us, but I have completed your family tree and at least you will understand why the first Madeline Shaw was so special to me.

  You are the very last living descendant in my family line and my wish for you is to forget what has occurred and continue to move forward with your life.

  Darius Chamberlayne, a.k.a. Mr. Chambers

  Chapter Fifteen - London, Eighteen Months Later

  The time passed slowly, my life drifting from day to endless day with no relief in sight from my unhappiness. It had been fourteen months since my release from St. Julienne’s psychiatric hospital where the numerous tests had proved inconclusive. The doctors had satisfied themselves that I really posed no serious threat to myself and had reached the conclusion that I had probably suffered some sort of breakdown. But my time in hospital had not been all bad, I was at least back up to a sensible weight and I looked healthier.

  But I returned to my empty world, to a life that held no hope or promise. I had waited, and hoped, beyond all hope that Darius would come, but he had not. Without my letters I had nothing, except my memories and the odd scar on my wrist that refused to heal properly, a constant reminder of him. I had secured another job and picked up with my writing again, but my creativity was lost and my passion gone. Charlie had stayed in my life for a while, but even he could not cope with my coldness towards him, my depressing moods and my unwillingness to discuss their cause.

  Charlie had been the one who finally broke off our relationship. Deep down he knew I didn’t love him and now I was well again, he had a clear conscience about leaving me. It had not even upset me. To me Charlie had become like a comfortable old chair that sits in a corner for years until it is time to replace it, and then once it is gone, you cannot remember why you held onto it for so long. It was not important to me what Charlie felt, if he was sad or heartbroken. My only thoughts were of what I had lost.

  I had tried hard to forget. I resolved to put Darius and Ravens Deep out of my mind, but as much as I tried, he was always there. He haunted both my dreams and my waking hours, he was in the very depths of my being and my longing to see him again was utterly consuming me.

  When I wasn’t working I spent my afternoons and evenings visiting museums, especially the ones that stayed open late into the evening. All the while, I was on edge, hoping to catch a glimpse or to feel his presence, something that would indicate to me that he was close by. But if he ever did see me then he never allowed himself to be seen.

  I researched the numerous museums and their employees, even befriending several curators as I tried to obtain information regarding their various historians, but not one of them seemed to know of a historian named Chambers or Chamberlayne.

  I would park my car outside these different museums and sit in darkness with my eyes fixed firmly on the back entrances and alleyways. Sometimes they were obscured by curious shadows, and I watched for any movement, but hour after hour, night after night I had been disappointed -- my vigils turned up nothing. The weeks had turned into months and I was despairing at ever seeing Darius again. Yet, there were times when I could have sworn he was close to me. It was a feeling, a sixth sense, but whenever I looked, there was nothing to be seen.

  At other times in my flat I would sit at my desk next to the window and on occasion something would make me look up. I would stare out of the open window into the shadows of the night, but all I saw were the iron railings and the branches of the trees swaying softly in the breeze. Those railings marked the boundary to the little square across the road from where I lived. They threw distorted shadows across the pavement and I would strain my eyes to take in every tree and shrub. However, nothing ever appeared out of the ordinary and much to my dismay no dark shapes shifted or moved unnaturally. I began to think that in my longing for Darius, I was actually imagining that he was close.

  Today marked the two year anniversary of that first fateful meeting in the garden at Ravens Deep. Perhaps because of that fact, my mood was darker than ever. I couldn’t’t go on like this, I didn’t want to wait forever and if he refused to come to me, then I must be the one to go and find him.

  I was certainly afraid of that decision and unsettled by what I knew him to be capable of. I wondered about his reaction if I did break my promise to him, and then I questioned my sanity. Even to my own mind it was dubious. But I had endlessly reasoned the possibilities of what I should do and in all that reasoning, there was only one conclusion. If I did nothing, I would spend my life languishing in despair and regret until I died, or I could take charge of the situation and go back to Ravens Deep and to a life with Darius.

  I did not understand how his existence was possible and even though it was as if he had stepped from the pages of a horror novel, he had entered my life and he was real. Regardless of the implications and every rational thought I was capable of, seemed irrelevant, the only thing I knew for certain was I had an undeniable connection to him, and my entire being ached for him. His words often came back to haunt me.

  “Do you want to die?”

  The question was beside the point, because I felt as though I was slowly dying inside anyway. For me there was no point to living without him. I reasoned that I had lived at Ravens Deep by his side, although I had not been aware at the time, we had been happy in spite of what he was I believed I made him happy. Why couldn’t’t I go back to that? Although now I knew, things would be different, I could be condemning myself to a hell of my own making? But hell is where I was living right now.

  Darius might actually kill me, after all, that was his nature, but I reasoned that it was better to die by his hand than to waste all the years ahead of me, growing old with only pain and regret in my heart. I would watch my skin shrivel and turn grey and know all the while that he was still as young and perfect as he had always been.

  I had convinced myself, and sat at the desk to write the letter. I would deliver it to the London address that I had memorized from the past. Sooner or later he would come to London, he always did.

  August 12th

  My Dearest Darius,

  I only can hope beyond all hope that this letter finds you, since I have no other way of contacting you.

  Enough time has passed since we parted for me to be certain that I do not want to exist in this world anymore without you. The horror of your existence pales into insignificance when it is compared to the terrifying thought of never seeing you again. I know you are capable of love behind that darkness.

  Forgive me for breaking my promise. I am compelled to return to Ravens Deep. I will remain in London for two weeks, enough time for you to receive this letter and know of my intention.

  I know we can be together and our love for each other will make us both strong. I did find my destiny at Ravens Deep, it is to be with you.

  Forever Yours, Madeline

  I re-read the letter, it seemed so brief. I wanted to say so much to him, but I had to say it in person, not formally written in a letter. I wanted to tell him how much I longed to see him again, and of my agonizing need to be with him that would not cease. But when I wrote down the words, it sounded too desperate, and I didn’t’t want him to interpret it that way. When I finally got to speak to him, I would be calm and logical and he would see my determination and realize that being together was our destiny.

  I sealed the envelope and addressed it to Mr. Chambers, 27 Parson Place, London SW3. Then I pulled out a map of London’s West End. Rush hour traffic would already have built up and I had to leave
immediately, or else I would be sitting in a traffic jam for the next hour. London wasn’t the easiest city to drive through at this time of day.

  I wasn’t sure why I had not made this trip to Parson Place before now. I had lacked courage perhaps, and assumed he was either at Ravens Deep or the museum, but this address was the only way I had to contact him, besides, it was my best hope.

  I drove through the city streets and checked my map several times. The traffic was slow moving and it was 7.50 p.m. before I reached my destination. I read the various, feeling nervous as on my right I found the one I had been searching for and turned my car into Parson Place. A dozen or so grandiose old Victorian houses lined both sides of the street. This was an elegant neighbourhood, these houses all had wealthy owners. I parked the car and got out. I walked along the street and looked through the iron railings to read the house numbers.

  Suddenly I saw it -- number twenty seven.

  The butterflies fluttered through my stomach and my legs felt strangely weak as I gazed up at the house. It did look large and imposing, but not necessarily sinister. The tall black railings and gate led through to stone steps that led up to a solid door. Steps also went downwards giving access to a lower basement, below street level. I leaned over the railing, it looked dark and uninviting. I noticed that black grates covered all the windows, making them inaccessible to burglars.

  Darius obviously has to be cautious in the city.

  But these grates did not particularly look out of place, as several others houses had similar type grates that covered their windows. I took a deep breath and w walked up the stone steps. I was trembling a little, and my butterflies had multiplied. I glanced down at my watch, it was still too early. If he was at home, he would not answer before the sun went down. So I went back to where I had parked and moved my car further up the street, positioning it to give me a clear view of the house and then I waited.

  My eyes never moved from the doorway, but I was aware of the sun moving lower in the sky. By nine thirty five the sun had set, this long summer’s day had seemed endless, and even at this hour I could still make out the sun’s faint glow on the horizon.

  The apprehension mounted as I walked back to the door and lifted the heavy brass door knocker. I brought it down as loud and hard as I could.

  This would wake even the dead!

  My thought frightening me, as I felt tense and I clasped my hands around the envelope to curb the shaking. The thought of seeing Darius again, was mixed with the knowledge that he might be very angry. Suddenly a chill ran over my skin. I felt a chilling presence, like being back in the bedroom at Ravens Deep. I held my breath and listened carefully. There was no sound, no movement from within the house. I believed he was there, the chill had not left me, but I was also half convinced it was just my imagination, I wanted him to be here so badly. He could easily be watching me from one of the windows, I unsteadily found my voice.

  “Please open the door Darius,” I said, loud enough that he would hear my plea. The door remained shut, the interior remained silent, but I could not pull myself away. I must have stood there for twenty minutes or more, hoping that if he were inside, he would take pity on me, and relieve me of my misery. That did not happen, and so I bent down to the polished brass letterbox and quickly pushed my letter through.

  It was done.

  The future was set. I went and sat in my car, then I waited for him to read the letter, for the door to open, and for him to appear, but there was no movement, even though I could not shake the feeling that he was watching me. After an hour, I realized even if he was here, he was not going to confront me. He obviously wasn’t going to make this easy for me. Although there was some comfort in the thought that maybe the house was empty, and he could be at the museum or on Exmoor at Ravens Deep. I felt deflated as I drove back to my flat, but thankful that the roads were clearer than before.

  What now? I was determined to put my plan of returning to Ravens Deep into action. My letter had said two weeks, that would give him the time to read it and he knew where to find me if he so wished. If he didn’t’t find me, then I fully intended to find him, and reassured myself that he wouldn’t’t be able to stay angry with me forever.

  Chapter Sixteen - The Return

  The following two weeks were the longest of my life. Each night I waited for a

  perception of his closeness, a voice to come to me out of the darkness, or a knock at my door. I quickly grew tired of sitting by my window night after night, waiting and watching, and still nothing happened. I was forced to face each morning with the persistent gnawing emptiness. Did I really expect Darius to come to me? Deep down I thought he would, but I refused to be disheartened by his absence. I had to believe that Darius had read the letter by now, and he knew of my intention.

  The fact that he had not contacted me was disturbing, but I convinced myself that he could be unsure of how to proceed. Perhaps deep down he longed to see me again and wished that I might return to Ravens Deep. He would find that truth difficult to comprehend. And after all, if he really wished me to stay away, then he could have written.

  I ensured everything was in order. I packed most of my clothes and personal possessions, a few groceries and other items that I thought I may need and finally cast a farewell glance over the flat, and hoped it would be many months before I had to walk though this door again.

  I left London early to miss the heaviest traffic and ensure that I arrived on Exmoor during daylight hours. I needed to prepare myself mentally to face Darius again, and time to figure out what I would actually say to him, after so many months apart.

  I wondered how I would feel when I laid eyes upon him again. I had a clear picture in my mind, but now I knew how dangerous he could be, I wondered if I would see him differently. Despite the potentially deadly situation, and all my feelings of apprehension, the thought of being with him was stimulating, in itself a bittersweet emotion, as my previous thoughts came back to haunt me, possibly he could be very angry. My stomach tied itself in a knot for a few moments and then I firmly relegated that thought to the very back of my mind. I could do nothing to change his reaction to my decision. In lots of ways I felt better than I had in months, my mind seemed clearer, I had direction and for better or worse, I was following it.

  Several miles outside London, I let out a sigh of relief. I believed I could feel the moors coming closer, they and Ravens Deep beckoned to me, calling me back. With each mile that pull grew stronger. Perhaps Darius was calling to me, after all, it was where I belonged, in my heart I knew it and this time I wouldn’t leave, no matter what occurred.

  The drive was long and tiring, but the thought of seeing Darius at the end of it kept my thoughts occupied for most of the journey. As I drove across the wild landscape my feelings of elation were mixed with apprehension, but the beauty of the landscape all around me and the calling I felt, whether it was imagined or not, inspired me to continue.

  Even the grey clouds overhead parted, to reveal rays of bright sunshine lighting the landscape and the way forward. The swirling mists that were often so apparent had lifted enough to reveal the grey and blue tones of the sea. It was an omen.

  I eventually passed through Beaconmayes and as I read the village sign I suddenly felt very nervous.

  Am I doing the right thing?

  Those ever present butterflies were beginning to tie themselves into tighter knots in my stomach. Common sense told me to turn around and go back to London, but my heart and every part of me that longed for him, whispered unrelenting in my ear and bade me continue. Deep down I knew that there was nothing on this earth that could make me turn around now. I was compelled to return to Ravens Deep and to Darius. I could no more resist him at this time than I could have done two years ago.

  Within ten minutes I turned from the main road and swung the car into Rush Lane. The shrubs and trees had grown significantly in my absence, as the hedges encroached further onto the lane and long vines had twined themselves further aro
und the trees, stifling their unsuspecting victims with their long tendril clutches. A large dangling branch obscured my immediate vision beyond its curtain of foliage, and I carefully negotiated my car around it. As I drove on, it heavily brushed the top of my car, and I looked into my rear view mirror to see it swing back into its original position. But my attention was forced forward, and I just had time to slam on the brakes and bring my car to an abrupt stop.

  The metal farm gate that once stood open and pushed back into the hedgerow, was now firmly closed.

  I got out of the car and saw that a relatively new, heavy chain and padlock secured it in place. I lifted the padlock and pulled on it, but it remained well and truly locked. A lump formed in my throat and tears sprung to the back of my eyes, but I would not let them fall.

  “You’ll have to do better than this Darius.”

  I pulled the car up to the gate, as near as it could possibly go without actually touching it and removed essential items and only what I could easily carry. I locked the car, climbed over the gate and began walking to Ravens Deep.

  Darius got my letter, he knew I would be here. Did he really think a padlocked

  gate would deter me?

  Rush Lane was long enough in a car, on foot it seemed endless. Now, I was grateful for my decision to leave early in the morning and arrive in daylight. The bags I carried felt as though they were getting heavier by the minute, and I regretted trying to carry so much with me. After twenty minutes or so, I finally came to the driveway that led to Ravens Farm. The familiarity, made me quicken my pace, it wasn’t far now. Several minutes later I rounded the corner and Ravens Deep stood before me in all its magnificence. It was just as beautiful as I had remembered.

  I pushed open the front gate and put my bags down. Nothing had changed, it was all as it once was. I walked to the porch, but there was no key. I was surprised, I knew this wouldn’t’t be an open invitation, but standing in the porch I suddenly felt reluctant as I gripped the door handle and silently prayed that it would open. It didn’t move at all -- well and truly locked.