by Jane Jordan
“I don’t mean to be a danger to you,” I said quietly, “and I don’t want you to let me go.” Darius pulled me into his arms and then bent to kiss me, but the mental picture of what he had just done and the sight of the dried blood on the corner of his mouth made me withdraw.
“I can’t, Darius -- not right now.” He smiled faintly at my expression, but he ignored my protest and held me firmly. I felt unable to breathe and despite my objections, he kissed me forcibly. I was acutely aware of the slightly metallic taste of blood. Not his or mine but someone else’s and with it came the horror that I was being forced to endure. He was making me experience the worst and darkest part of his existence and telling me in no uncertain terms, that I was a very much a part of that darkness. He finally allowed me to push him away and I glared at him angrily.
“How could you?”
“Easily, and if you ever do this again, I will make you watch when I kill them too,” he replied sadistically.
Chapter Twenty Nine - The Question of Immortality
I never dared to venture down into the basement again, let alone open that trap door. I knew Darius did not make idle threats and I was certain that he would not hesitate to carry out that particular warning. So for a few more weeks, I had to content myself with the house in Parson Place and wait for Darius to decide when the time was right for us to return to Ravens Deep.
In all, we spent five months in London and we were both impatient to return to the peace and tranquillity of the beautiful Exmoor countryside. I missed being close to the sea, the rugged beauty of the coastline and the magic of waking up to the scenery of the moors. Above all, I felt I had left a part of myself at Ravens Deep and I wished to go back and reclaim it.
After our return, I discovered that there had only been brief inquiries into Charlie’s disappearance, and this had only occurred because a staff member had remembered him staying at the hotel. His picture had appeared on the news briefly, but it was apparent that he had told no one of his expedition to find me, therefore my anonymity had remained intact.
There was not even any line of questioning being directed at me, as I had half expected, when I eventually visited my flat in London. I had anticipated a message or some inquiry from a long forgotten connection -- thankfully there was not. After all, I was only an ex-girlfriend whom he had not seen or spoken to in months, as far as anyone else was concerned. Why would there be any speculation that I had anything to do with his disappearance. It wasn’t even a murder case, as only a missing person report had been filed.
Now, I believed Darius’s statement when he had told me that no one would find the remains of the body. I could imagine that Charlie’s file had already been relegated to some dusty shelf in the police department. Darius had been correct in his assumption that people soon forgot; sadly it was old news. This month a sudden disappearance of another person, in a neighbouring county, filled the headlines.
After that interlude, time passed for a while without incident. We divided our life
between Ravens Deep, the museum and Parson Place, with occasional visits to Chantille. The months turned into another year and the bond between us grew stronger. I had struggled, many times, with the ethicality of our love and our relationship and I learned to overcome any feelings of remorse I might have ever felt. I had accepted a long time ago the implication of Darius’s existence, but it was after Charlie’s death that there was no going back.
If I had ever considered walking away or leaving, it would have been then, but I had stayed because I couldn’t’t walk away from Darius. I needed him, I needed to be with him and I felt that I could not live without him. We connected with one another on a level that I didn’t’t believe existed between ordinary mortals, but it was not my decision to make, Darius would never have allowed me to leave.
These days the horror of his immortality was more apparent to me in the city. Every time he left me alone in the house on Parson Place, my mind would conjure up vivid images of the dark, dank passageways under the very streets where mortals walked, who were completely oblivious to the corpses being dragged beneath them. In order for me not to lose my mind, this feeling of horror had to be laid to rest, for I had no choice -- my destiny was to remain by Darius’s side.
Eventually I did find the willpower to push the negative feelings aside and relegate them to the very depths of my mind. I focused instead on only the positive thoughts, the happiness we found in one another and I tried to enjoy being in the city with him.
Together we partook in things he had never dreamed of doing, we hired a private
box at a theatre, normally only reserved for royalty or VIPs. But I soon learned how easy it was to obtain certain privileges open only to an elite group, for money could open any closed door and it was easy to silence any sort of questions, providing you were willing to pay the price.
Having extreme wealth definitely had its advantages. Money was not something I
thought about anymore, as we had more money at our disposal than we knew what to do with. I lost count over the years of how many theatre tickets I purchased. I paid handsomely and always in cash which ensured our entry via the side and back doors, away from the usual crowds. A privilege normally only enjoyed by the famous.
In this manner we moved amongst the ordinary mortals, with them, but always apart. This enabled us to experience numerous productions of the opera, classical renditions of ballet and fine theatre, we both revelled in all the fine arts London had to offer. Darius’s world expanded significantly, as he came to realize with me at his side he could participate in a life within the city that he had never experienced before.
Darius’s controlling nature mellowed, as I was able to leave the house on Parson Place during the day. It was strange not to have him by my side, but it was easier for me to take care of details regarding my former life in the daylight hours. I visited my flat once a month to pick up any mail and ensure everything was in order. I closed every account I had ever opened, except my bank account, and ensured there was always enough money to pay the standing orders that were in place. I kept only the electricity and water turned on at the flat, they were the only obligations I had to worry about.
I mentioned to Darius about selling the flat, but he had predicted the property market would rise again and that it was still a good investment, so I had let the subject drop. I wondered exactly why we needed all these investments, but I guessed that Darius only knew how to keep making money and it was in his nature to maximize everything to his best advantage. Then again, it did give him another safe haven in the city in case of an emergency.
My past experiences and the path I had chosen to follow, had made me cautious around people. I tried not to engage in any unnecessary conversations or encounters, but I did amuse myself by purchasing exquisite clothing and beautiful accessories. Soon I discovered that the seduction of being able to buy anything you wanted was quite time consuming, and I finally understood why Darius constantly acquired new treasures.
On occasions when we did appear in public, it must have seemed that we truly belonged, mixing amongst London’s wealthy elite society. Obviously unknown, but our appearances frequented the right circles, which in itself allowed our air of mystery to remain intact. There were of course the inevitable encounters with other mortals, but we kept them brief and inconspicuous.
We were caught up in the happiness of being in each other's company and we needed no one else. Although Darius could be very charming when it suited him, his potent charisma, mixed with his obvious education and refinement, earned him an instant respect from anyone who crossed our path.
I was convinced that he did indeed possess the ability to hypnotize mortals. He used his sultry beguiling tone as he spoke, and under his bewitching influence, a mortal might not be certain that they had actually encountered him directly, perhaps thinking they imagined participating in a conversation. I witnessed the daze like stupor of these individuals for just a few seconds as we left them. Then on
observing them further, they would return to their senses unsure of their exact engagement with us.
Perhaps it was a good thing, as there was no doubt we made a striking couple. Darius was tall and dark with cat-like eyes that mesmerized and captivated. He always dressed in dark stylish clothes and he carried himself both effortlessly and gracefully. I, by comparison was petite and slim, my blonde hair now cascaded to my waist and framed my pale delicate face. My eyes, although less vivid, matched Darius’s and my beautiful clothes were worthy of any top fashion house.
Darius had learned over the decades how to exist amongst the mortals. That was the key to his very survival and the fact he had remained for so long. Regardless of whatever conflict raged within him, he moved easily amongst them. I wondered if it had always been so, or had he learned such self control because of me? I on the other hand felt nervous at these brief encounters, always mindful that I may witness something that I did not care to see. In those moments I lived my life on a knife edge, waiting with bated breath, forever watchful that a scene from a horror movie might play out before my eyes. I alone knew, only too well, what he was capable of.
Darius would sense my discomfort and that in itself amused him, but he would reassure me that he would never subject me to any unnecessary horrors and I would relax again for the moment.
However, one evening whilst in London his reassurance tested me to its fullest extent. We had just left a theatre and I was caught up in the excitement and wonder of the fine production we had just watched. I revelled in the details of the story whilst Darius and I walked hand in hand through the various patrons of the theatre that remained milling around in the street.
With my eyes only for Darius, I was totally unaware of the faces of the people that we passed by, but rather abruptly, I was forced to acknowledge the reality that other people did indeed exist, as someone had called my name.
Astonished, I looked for the source of the voice, and felt Darius’s tightened grip on my hand.
“Joe?” I had to stifle a gasp of horror.
Charlie’s father!
“Madeline, I thought that was you.” I stared at him. I hadn’t seen him in a long time, but his face was drawn and looked as though he had aged prematurely, no doubt brought about by months of worry and concern over his son. But I had to think fast.
“How are you Joe?” I said, forcing a smile. I didn’t know what else to say to him and I could feel my face burning, as I was very much aware that I didn’t want to hear the next words out of his mouth. But it was inevitable they would come.
“Actually Madeline . . . not that good,” he faltered. Then he said the words I was
dreading.
“I don’t know if you heard, but Charlie disappeared . . . he just upped and went one day. Nobody has heard from him since.” Joe’s eyes were staring into mine, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
“I am so sorry, Joe, I really am,” I half choked. I felt terrible, but as I spoke, Darius’s grip tighten even further, I felt his penetrating gaze burning into me. I refused to look up at him.
“Have you seen him at all?” Joe asked expectantly, as his eyes seemed to plead with me to give him hope. I felt close to tears and didn‘t know how to answer. There was no hope, but how could I tell him that?
“No I’m sorry Joe, I haven’t seen Charlie recently.” I paused. At least it wasn’t a
complete lie. “You know things were difficult between us.”
“I know but . . . well I thought, you of all people might have had some contact with him.” I cringed inwardly at his words. “Charlie cared for you a great deal, you know,” he added, much to my discomfort.
“I know, Joe,” I said sympathetically, “but it was over a long time ago between us . . . besides . . . I am married now.” The words almost stuck in my throat, but I had to say them to prevent him from talking about Charlie. I was distraught, and Joe’s underlying distress was obvious and heartbreaking.
“Perhaps he will be in contact soon.” I heard myself say the words, but I was shocked at my response. What the hell was I trying to do to him? In desperation I glanced at Darius.
Joe’s hopes had been dashed and he seemed to realize for the first time that I was with someone, as his gaze left me and he stared at Darius. It was a longer than necessary look and I was mindful of my silent pleading with Darius not to react. Joe took a step back.
“I’m sorry Madeline, I didn’t’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, I should be
congratulating you.”
“No it’s fine, I really am sorry Joe,” I said sincerely. Joe seemed to resign himself to the fact that I had not seen Charlie. He looked deflated, even older than before and I felt terrible.
“Well, I have to be going,” he said as he made a soft despairing sound. “It really was nice to see you again Madeline and I should give you . . . both my congratulations.”
“Thank you,” I said forcing a smile. Joe smiled back at me and glanced quickly at Darius again, before he turned and disappeared into the crowd. I looked up at Darius. He was watching Joe depart and an unexpected darkness surrounded him. It made me suddenly nervous.
“He could be a problem,” he remarked in a calculating way. I squeezed his hand tighter, determined not to let it go.
“No, don’t even think it,” I said with authority. Darius glanced down at me, but before he had time to respond I continued. “He is not a problem. Think of the consequences, Joe is a well known man, an owner of a successful publishing company and he is well liked and rich. It would be too much of a coincidence if his son disappears, then the father disappears. It would not go away, too many questions would be asked.” My voice was confident as I added, “Besides, we must be on at least two or three different surveillance cameras. Think about it, our image caught on tape as the last people seen speaking to him before he disappears.”
Darius studied me, smiling faintly at my words. He knew what I was doing, but he also knew the words I spoke were correct, London was full of cameras.
“Maybe you are right,” he said at last, “it may be better to let him be.”
“Will you promise me Darius, that you will leave him alone?” I pressed. Darius regarded me coolly for a few moments.
“Unless he crosses your path again, he will be safe from me,” he stated. I felt somewhat appeased for the time being and relieved that Darius had seen the sense in my words. Although, it was a shock seeing Joe tonight, and to realize the trail of anguish Darius left behind. Darius turned to me.
“It’s only you and I that matter, remember that.” I looked at him and smiled weakly, and tried to put any thoughts of Joe and Charlie far from my mind.
We walked through the city streets in silence until we came to a familiar building, the museum, where Darius wanted to retrieve a book and I happily accompanied him. The museum had also become a source of my own amusement, I enjoyed discovering the many treasures that had been locked away for so many years. I had spent hours sorting through old documents and books, cataloguing the artefacts he had acquired over the years. Occasionally I would remove an object from the museum and take it back to Ravens Deep, the house was now filled with many beautiful and priceless pieces.
The rare bookshop also earned Darius a regular income and he made a handsome profit from its sales. I only ever witnessed a couple of meetings that took place between Darius and one of his subjects, as he referred to them. It was, but a brief exchange of words and paperwork. Every few months the sales from these priceless books would accumulate enough cash to pay for the running of the shop or to spend.
Some of it would be used to arrange for yet another treasure to be acquired. The subjects would handle any transactions, as the artefacts were always shipped to the bookstore. Darius would then retrieve them in the hours of darkness at his convenience.
It was a fine tuned operation, but I often wondered what went through their minds when they met Darius year after year and his appearance never changed. Alth
ough recalling Darius’s own words in which he had told me once: “Money can buy you loyalty and silence, if you are willing to pay enough.”
More time passed and I felt we were truly a part of one another. The longer I spent with Darius, the more I began to think of myself as immortal, and normal people began to feel strange to me. I had quickly learned that Darius was a creature of habit and he liked the routine of things. I supposed after one hundred and seventy years plus, anyone would get a little set in their ways.
I tried hard to accommodate his routine and did not seek to defy or anger him too often, but I was not always willing to accept his decisions. Those were the times that I enraged him and caused the ever present darkness to surface. Inevitably, it was I who had to back down, and the moments of witnessing his terrifying nature shattered any illusions I may have been under that it could be any different, but time heals most wounds and eventually they became but brief shadows in our life.
However, there was a cloud looming on the horizon, one which hung over my mind and plagued my soul, the question of immortality haunted me. I had so often witnessed the demon that terrorized Darius, and wondered if his suffering worse, because he was alone in it. Even though he tried to describe to me what it felt like, I could not even come close to imagining how all powerful it was for him at times. How could I possibly know the terrible toll it took on his very being; and that made me question my own mortality. How much time did I have on this earth to comfort him, to remain by his side. One day sooner or later the inevitable would happen, I would die. Whether it was by natural causes or something else, it would cause us to be parted.
These days I did not fear for my life, in truth, I don’t really think I ever did. Despite what Darius was, I was confident that he loved me more than anything else and I felt completely safe with him.
However, a disturbing contemplation remained with me night after night, and when Darius was present it took all my willpower to conceal my thoughts from him, but soon I had to confront both him and my inner torment, for it was growing stronger.