by Jane Jordan
Chapter Thirty - A Fatal Kiss
Four years had passed since my return to Ravens Deep, so perhaps it was natural to contemplate my existence, as I reflected on this life that I had chosen. I was caught between the happiness I found with Darius and the inescapable horror and isolation that came with this reality. I sat alone now, and not for the first time, wondered what would have become of me, if I had never met Darius.
Would I have married Charlie? I didn’t think so. I was certain that I would have just moved through life incomplete, never knowing the feeling of being utterly captivated by another being and I was privileged to have been allowed to enter a forbidden realm, where I had borne witness to a legacy which was very much a part of both my history and future.
Darius had once said that it was a cruel fate that brought me to him, but it would have been more of a tragedy not to have fulfilled this destiny. But this was an unfathomable life, immortality and the consequences of horror. I rationalized that every relationship had its negative moments -- the bad phases. Darius and I, we had a down side, episodes that tested our relationship to its fullest extent, our down side was just a little extreme.
In retrospect if I could have done it all again, would I have done anything differently? And I knew the answer to that question was a resounding -- no.
I had just celebrated another birthday and with the passing of that date came a reminder of my inevitable fate, the foreseeable fate of every mortal. That one day no matter how good or bad we are, it is our destiny to ultimately die. Our bodies will turn to dust and our own personal points of view, along with our unique desires, likes and dislikes will simply vanish into thin air. Only remembered for a short while by the loved ones that we leave behind. Maybe because of this latest event, I was being haunted by the fact that I was getting older year by year, whereas Darius was not. In recent days I had mentioned to him that I was actually now older than him in mortal years, but he had merely smiled and told me that age had no importance. He had not really paid attention to the words I had spoken or the agonizing meaning behind them. But alone again, they came back to disturb my peace of mind, along with the cold harsh reality of what would happen to me in a few years from now.
Right now, I was still in my twenties and I had no justified reason for concern, but what about when I was in my forties, or much older if I lived that long? Darius would still be twenty five and he would still look young. His hair would still have the dark lustre and shine of youth. There would never be wrinkles or lines on that perfect skin, no moles or age spots that come with the terrible tragedy of aging.
How could he possibly love me when I was seventy? That thought haunted and
tormented me. I didn’t’t want to change, I wanted to be young and beautiful and forever by his side. Another poignant reality also crossed my mind, when I was much older would I love him. A twenty five year old immortal. Would I be able to kiss him with the same passion that I could now? Would I want to?
I knew my disturbing contemplations would provoke his anger and his reaction might not be good, but for months now I had learned to master the technique of concealing my thoughts when he was with me, and I wondered just how much longer I could keep this up. It was wearing me down, and sooner or later I would let my guard down and he would find out. I finally reasoned it was better that he hear the words I chose to speak, rather than perceive what was on my mind.
The sun had set and I switched on the table-lamp, which immediately cast a warm glow around the room. I took a seat on the sofa and Darius walked through the door a few minutes later, and sat down beside me. I tried to keep the conversation light and casual, but he seemed to have already sensed my unease.
“What is it Madeline?” he said with concern in his eyes. I took a deep breath preparing myself for his reaction. I tried to keep my mind clear so it would be hard for him to read my thoughts, at the same time I was summoning up the courage to begin. But Darius was watching me intently. And that made me all the more nervous. I took a deep breath. It was now or never. I had to say the words right now, another minute and I would lose my nerve completely.
“I want to be with you always, Darius.”
“You will be, I will not leave you,” he said, looking puzzled at both my tone and words. “What is it? What has happened?” His gaze was unwavering and I was tense and Darius sensed it.
“This is not a decision I have come to lightly,” I remarked, evading his question. “I have thought about this in depth.” I paused, wondering how I was going to say the next words.
“Thought about what?” he said warily, and narrowed his eyes. I couldn’t quite find the right words, I looked up at him and saw the wariness vanish, it was replaced by a comprehending look of horror. He knew -- he read my thoughts.
“Madeline, don’t even say the words to me, I will not listen!” he said sharply. He stood abruptly and moved away from me. But I was not about to be so easily dismissed. I got up and followed him. He turned, looking down at me.
“But Darius . . .” I began.
“No,” he said brusquely. “How can you even think it?” The disbelief was apparent in his voice, my heart pounded as I moved closer to him, and my well-rehearsed speech sounded strained, even to my own ears.
“Darius, will you still love me when I am old? When my hair is grey and skin wrinkled?” He looked at me in disbelief.
“I am immortal, do you think that matters to me?” he asked incredulously.
“I don’t believe you,” I answered sharply, provoking him. “Even though you say that now, one day it will matter to you.” My voice was trembling, it betrayed my distress. “Besides, even if it does not matter to you, it does to me,” I said, gaining the courage to proceed.
“This way I can be by your side forever, we can go on just as we are now, nothing will change.” He stared at me with eyes that were now ferocious.
“You think nothing will change!” he retorted abruptly. “What about the demon you will become? The hunger you will not be able to satisfy? The craving that will not subside?” He kept his eyes fixed intently on me and he shook his head in despair.
“You will kill indiscriminately, people you once knew, once talked to in casual passing. Don’t tell me nothing will change!” His voice was loud and frightening, but I was determined.
“I don’t care, Darius, nothing and nobody matters, only being with you forever. If I have to become immortal to do that; then I will gladly give up my mortal life.” He stared at me as if in shock, he seemed momentarily lost for words.
“I cannot believe the words I hear you speak, Madeline,” he said at last. “You know how I struggle constantly with the horror of what I am, don’t ask it of me. It does not matter to me that you will get old, only that you have a peace in your life that I do not.”
His demeanour was aggressive and he was fighting to keep his anger under control, but I was unable to back down. I could not leave this hanging between us and I was determined to make him see this situation from my point of view.
“It matters to me though,” I retorted. “Knowing I will grow old and you will stay young forever and it will matter to you one day too!” I hesitated briefly. “It is inevitable, you said so yourself.” I challenged.
As we glared at each other the terrifying darkness that once disturbed me was darker than I had ever known. His presence more menacing, and if I ever believed he would kill me -- it was in that instant. He moved closer to me, his eyes belying the anger and danger within as he hissed out the next words.
“Everything I have done to protect you, to keep you safe, it has all been for nothing! Do you really know what you are saying?” His fury was more terrifying than anything I had seen, the intensity of his force seemed to shake the whole room, but caught up in the heat of the moment, it only inflamed my anger.
“If you really loved me you would allow me to be with you forever,” I said bitterly.
“I never thought your vanity would be your demise, Madeline!” Darius spa
t the words at me. I shook my head furiously.
“I am not vain, only realistic, I know I will not be beautiful forever, but through you I can be.” I could feel the tension in the air and the silence was deafening as I glowered at him. He in turn, held my eyes in an unblinking stare for a few moments before he hastily turned from me, which broke the trance. He stepped away from me, but I anticipated what he was about to do and reached out quickly and caught his arm.
“No Darius, you are not going to walk out on me as you always do. I am deadly serious, I want this.” Darius rapidly turned making an indescribable noise of anger. His hand was a blur as he grabbed my throat and squeezed hard, his nails were digging into my flesh.
“You want to die, is that it?” he snarled. “Do you want me to kill you now?”
I was unable to breath, terrified by his action, and realization just how easy it would be for him to cause my death right here and now. I could only gasp and tear at his hands while I fought for breath which was getting more difficult by the second. My head suddenly got lighter, and then he released his grip. I stumbled against him, before I steadied myself and choked to regain the consciousness I had felt slipping away from me seconds earlier.
“Darius please. . . understand what I am asking,” I whispered, my throat feeling tight and sore. “I only want to be with you.” I was trembling and my voice sounded strange. “Why is that so terrible?” I questioned as I struggled to calm my breathing. I was afraid and I hadn’t expected him to act so violently. Darius glared at me, his eyes burned into mine, his face was set like stone, I felt his murderous gaze for a few moments longer and then he dropped his voice low.
“If I make you like me, I really would be a demon,” he said grimly. “What if I didn’t’t love you anymore? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I am only capable of loving a mortal. If you were to become immortal you might not interest me anymore!” He lowered his head and narrowed his eyes as he emphasized the point, “I would be forced to kill you!” The words were spoken viciously and I looked at him with contempt.
“If I could make you mortal by condemning my own soul, I would do it for you,” I remarked coldly. “I believe you would love me no matter whether I was mortal or immortal, if I did change you would not.” He shook his head, his expression unreadable.
“You know nothing of the things that you talk of,” he stated bluntly. “How could you, for I have protected you from the horrors of it,” he said brusquely. He took a step closer to me, he was towering over me, his mouth turned up fractionally in a treacherous grimace, and a chill ran through me as he grasped my wrist.
“Come here, come with me, and I will show you the horror of what you want,” he said, pulling me after him towards the front door. I had no strength against him, but I protested loudly. I gripped the door frame as we passed by, but he yanked my hands away, he was resolute.
He threw open the front door and dragged me after him into the night. I was terrified of what he was going to do and pleaded with him to release me. He did not seem to even hear my pleas or feel my nails ripping his flesh, he dragged me through the garden.
“Darius let go of me. . . this is madness, for goodness sake . . . let go of me.” I repeated, struggling to free myself from his grasp. But he continued on, tightening his grip. “Where are we going? . . Darius stop.” Despite my cries, he did not hesitate and I was dragged along with him.
As we reached the ivy curtain and the hidden doorway, I was beside myself, I felt sick, and I had not entered that chamber since the first time and most definitely did not want to go back in there.
“Darius stop it, I said sharply. I don’t want to go up there, I know what’s in there,” I said faintly. Darius turned to me with a twisted smile on his face.
“Do you, my beloved? Do you realize what it’s like?” his expression was sadistic, “do you really, then enlighten me.” I looked at him helplessly, and shook my head.
“Darius don’t take me up there,” I whispered. In response he pulled me closer, his eyes were vivid green and ferocious.
“You need to feel the horror,” he said coldly, and pulled me up into his arms.
“No!” my scream was loud, and I struggled to push him away. “Get away from me!” But Darius tightened his hold and half carried, half dragged me up the stairs. As soon as we reached the dark chamber, he released me into the room in front of him.
His body blocked the staircase, I had no choice, but to move backwards, deeper into the chamber. I was cold and shivered, my arms were sore and my legs hurt from the brambles that had caught my skin and ripped the flesh. The scent of my blood would be obvious. I could not see properly through the gloom, but I felt Darius’s presence, it was an intense, menacing force, and I felt his stare burning into my eyes.
Without warning and with a quick movement he bent forward, and threw open the lid of the coffin with force. I did not comprehend what he was about to do, terrified I was rooted to the spot.
“Why don’t you climb into the coffin, since you are so eager to spend your life as an immortal,” he invited icily, taunting me.
I felt him lean closer to me, I could feel his breath on my skin and sense the evil intention in his mind, he suddenly seemed so dangerous to me. I shuddered, panic built quickly as I had a premonition of what he was about to do.
“Stop it Darius,” I said sharply. I was determined to push past and run back down the stairs. But he anticipated my movement and was too fast and too strong for me to compete with. All at once he lifted me in his arms and I was hurled violently into the coffin. The lid was forcibly shut on top of me, and there was a sickening snap of the latch closing.
My mind was full of terror, I screamed loudly at first, and then pleaded with him to open the lid. I could hardly breathe or move, the claustrophobic sensation of being shut in such a confined space, was appauling. I shrieked again, and as the shock of what he had done developed, my body began to convulse wildly as I pushed and heaved my body around. My screams felt stifled. And for a few moments I became quiet, as I forced myself to calm down, and then I pleaded with him again and again to let me out. All the while my skin felt like it was on fire as the air continued to diminish around me. Through this confusion of sensations, my mind felt as though it were exploding in my head with the words:
How could he do this to me?
After endless appalling moments I stopped pleading, my throat was seizing up. My long hair had wrapped itself around my neck and now felt as if it were strangling me. I tugged hard on a handful of strands, but I was laying on the majority of them and I could not tear it away from my neck, it was sticking to my damp skin and soaked by the tears that had spilled down my face.
My breathing had become laborious, but I could no longer be calm.
“Darius?” I whispered. I held my breath and listened carefully in the terrifying darkness, but I couldn’t’t hear anything. I didn’t know if he was even there, and I strained my ears to listen for any sound apart from my own frantic heartbeat. The chamber it seemed was deathly still and silent, the only sound was coming from me. In the fragility of my mind, I was beyond terror now. I could feel the hysteria diminishing along with the little air that was left.
I had to get out, otherwise I would die very soon. A tormenting voice in my head told me that Darius had left the chamber and I was all alone here. That thought haunted me. Would he leave me here to die? I thought he might, he had been angry enough.
I really was fighting for breath, I was gagging -- there was no air. Terrible thoughts raced through my mind and reminded me that I was going to die here, he was going to let me die!
But then I thought just for a moment, I heard a noise in the darkness. I called his name, but my words did not articulate. I screamed, but no sound came to my ears. I pushed at the wood in front of my face, it remained rigid and unyielding, and in desperation I raked my nails across the hard surface of the wood. I felt the splinters in my skin, and my nails breaking, and sticky wetness on my fingertips t
hat I knew to be my blood.
The petrifying reality hit me, I was to be buried alive. I was crying, suffocating in silence, but with my last strangled breath I summoned the will to voice my terror once more, but my throat was closed. I gasped for the air that wouldn’t’t come, my life was diminishing and my being fading into darkness.
Suddenly the coffin's lid flew open and a cold rush of air came at me. I could barely make out Darius’s silhouette as he stood over me. I was too caught up in gasping the first breaths of the precious air that I needed so badly. I was almost oblivious to him picking me up, but as my gasps for breath intermingled with frantic sobs, I was in his arms.
I clung to him with all my strength and he carried me down the stairs and out into the cool night. The fresh night air filled my lungs instantly, making me feel extremely light headed and weak.
Darius eventually moved back into the house and back to the living room. Minutes passed and my tears ceased. I reluctantly released my grip on him. I was in shock, shaking and caressing the horror I had endured inside the coffin.
I wanted to hate him, I wanted to push him away from me and take down that candle from the mantle and burn him to ashes, but I couldn’t, because deep down, I didn’t hate him and despite the horrific ordeal he had just put me through, I still loved him unconditionally.
He sat holding me in his arms until my shaking came under control. My vision was still blurred from my tears and it took a few moments for me to see his face more distinctly and then I saw his anguish.
“I would do anything to protect you from immortality,” he said quietly. My voice was still trembling and my throat still felt partially closed as I softly whispered to him.
“What will happen to you when I am gone? You said once that your life would cease too. How can it?” His gaze was unwavering from my eyes as I continued. “When there is no one to save you from the darkness, no one by your side and you are alone again in your immortality for endless years, how will you endure it? I know you could not bear that anymore, I know how tortured you are and will be again.” I hesitated briefly, catching my breath.