Hated (Rock Star Trilogy)

by Mercy Amare

  We start with commentary. They take us all back to separate rooms. I watch the show and make comments about it on camera. They’re trying to recapture what I was feeling at the time. The first thing that they show me is the very first time we were filmed. We were on the airplane, and Alec was holding the camera. He put the camera in my face and asked me how I was feeling… I responded by saying, “I’m feeling like shoving that camera up your ass.”

  I laugh.

  “Alec is possibly the most frustrating and cheerful person on the planet. I’m on my way to kick my mom out of my house, and he tries to make me feel better with humor. I love him for it, but I also hate him for it.”

  “That was good, Scarlett,” they tell me. They continue playing the video, and I watch myself kick my mother out. I can’t help the tears that fall from my eyes. Even now, watching it is emotional.

  “I’ve never felt like my mom loved me. I guess I always hoped it wasn’t true, but it is. She didn’t want me or Bridgett.” I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my head on the tops of them. I take a deep breath, trying to stop the tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would be so emotional.”

  “Do you love your mom?” the person recording asks me. “Repeat the question.”

  “Do I love my mom? Yes, of course I love her. If she came to me today and asked me to forgive her, I would. I totally wish she would.”

  Next they show Ethan and me talking in history class. He’s telling me about his mom’s suicide.

  “Are you sure you want to air this? This is really personal for Ethan.”

  “He signed the contract.”

  Next they show video of Mona and me talking in the cafeteria at school, and then us leaving. They show the dash camera conversation. I remember that day clearly. I’m glad that I told Mona not to talk in the car. Though I guess it doesn’t matter now. Then they show Mona and me running into the bathroom, away from the camera.

  “What happened in the bathroom?”

  “In the bathroom, Mona told me that Stephan was her biological brother. And I guess part of me knew before this, but I was still shocked.”

  “Talk about it like it just happened. Like Stephan doesn’t know yet. The audience wants to know what you’re feeling at the exact moment,” he explains.

  I re-word what I said, trying to match what I was feeling at the time. I remember being scared to tell Stephan, but also scared to not tell him.

  I spend about four hours in the room. I did commentary for two episodes. We are supposed to finish up Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. When I come out, everybody but Mona is waiting for me. Of course Mona is still in there. She’s going to hog as much camera time as she can.

  “You knew all that time that Mona was my sister, and you didn’t tell me?” Stephan asks. He looks a little upset. Not that I can blame him — I would be mad at me too.

  How am I even supposed to respond? “She asked me not to. I was going to tell you, but I figured it was her place. Are you mad?”

  “You’re right. It was Mona’s place to tell me. I can’t believe she put you in that situation.” Stephan looks less upset.

  “It’s the past. You wouldn’t have even known if it wasn’t for the documentary. I’m over it,” I tell him.

  Finally, Mona emerges from the back room. One of the editors follows her. He looks annoyed. I’m sure he’s going to have to cut a lot of her talking out. “The first episode is going to air on Tuesday night. It will look a little different than what you saw in there, since we’re adding the commentary. Don’t be surprised if we make it look more dramatic than it is, because that’s our job… We will see you Monday.”

  Lovely.

  Tuesday, December 8

  7:08 PM

  Can’t play guitar.

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!” Bridgett is yelling at Alec because he told the whole world that he’s madly in love with Bridgett Evans. And that he would hurt any guy who ever looked at her. Because she’s his.

  And now, my house is officially war ground.

  Mona holds out the bowl of popcorn to me. “Want some? Because seriously, this is even better than watching the actual show.”

  Bridgett takes off her flipflop and swings it at Alec. She misses him by inches — literally. Who knew that a shoe could be used as a weapon? She swings again, so Alec runs. Bridgett chases him through the house.

  “DON’T BREAK ANYTHING!” I yell to them.

  A few seconds later, Alec runs through the living room.

  “I wasn’t joking,” Alec tells her. He stops behind the couch, and she is in front of the couch. “I will hurt any guy who tries to date you. You’re mine. The sooner you figure that out, the better.”

  “I am not yours, Alec Torch! And I NEVER will be.” She runs toward the back of the couch, and Alec runs to the front.

  “Oh, you will be.” He has so much confidence in his voice, and I don’t doubt his words. Bridgett may be stubborn, but Alec is in love.

  “I will not!” she yells. “Stop saying that.”

  “You love me,” he says. “You should just admit it.”

  Bridget growls. Like freaking growls. And then the jumps OVER THE COUCH, and onto Alec.

  Mona, Stephan, and I turn around to look at the two of them.

  “Did Bridgett just jump over the top of us?” Mona asks.

  “Mmhmm,” Stephan and I say.

  “How is that even possible?”

  Bridgett takes her other flipflop, and proceeds to hit Alec’s arm.

  “You should stop this,” I tell Stephan.

  “A few more seconds,” Stephan says. After Bridgett gets in a few more hits, Stephan gets up and pulls Bridgett off of Alec. She tries to fight Stephan, but finally gives in.

  “Fine. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,” she says.

  Stephan loosens his grip around Bridgett, and she takes off running after Alec again. He runs, but his foot gets caught on the coffee table and he takes a nose dive toward the love seat. I watch in slow motion as he falls onto the back of the seat, and then onto the floor.

  “OW…”

  “Oh my God!” Bridgett kneels down beside Alec. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry!”

  “I knew you loved me,” Alec says. “But seriously, I think my arm is broken.”

  Bridgett takes a look at his arm. I get up, and see that his arm has already swollen to twice its normal size.

  “Let’s get you to the hospital,” Stephan says, and then helps Alec off the floor.

  9:32 PM

  Change.

  “You broke his arm,” I tell Bridgett. “Seriously, this love-hate relationship you guys have going on has got to stop. It’s ridiculous.”

  “I know.” Tears run down her face as we sit in the waiting room at the hospital. Peter and the camera crew showed up, and Mona is telling them the whole story. I can’t wait to hear what she says.

  “I kind of wish they would have gotten your flying leap over the couch on camera. That would be awesome to watch again,” I joke. “Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever seen somebody jump so high before.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Humor isn’t going to make me feel any better about this. I still can’t believe I broke his arm!”

  “Imagine all the stories we can tell our grandchildren,” I hear Alec’s voice. I look around to see him sitting in a wheelchair. From the looks of it, he’s pretty doped up on painkillers.

  Bridgett ignores his comment about grandchildren. “How do you feel?”

  “I feel amazing. I got some magic pills, and I can’t feel a thing.”

  “I’m sorry I broke your arm.”

  “I can think of a few ways you could make it up to me.” Alec smiles… Well, sort of… It’s only a half smile. “I can’t feel my lips.” He turns to the nurse. “Those pills are awesome. Can I get more for later?”

  The nurse hands me a bottle of pills. “Have him take one every four hours for pain. Don’t let him take it on an empty stomach, and make sure he dri
nks lots of water. Schedule a follow up appointment with his doctor in three weeks.”

  “Thanks,” I tell her.

  Stephan wheels Alec out to the car, and helps him climb inside.

  “I can’t feel my feet either.” Alec laughs as he falls over into the backseat. Bridgett gets in on the opposite side, and Alec rests his head in her lap. “You’re so pretty,” he tells her as he strokes her hair.

  “You’re high.” I can hear both regret and annoyance in her voice. But despite everything, I know that Bridgett is still in love with him.

  I really wish I knew what went down on Thanksgiving. What made Bridgett change? She’s not the same person she was before she left, and it’s breaking my heart.

  “I may be a little high, but I know a pretty girl when I see one.”

  “Scarlett is the pretty twin,” Bridgett says. She hasn’t said that in a long time. Why is she saying it again?

  “But I’m not in love with Scarlett. I am in love with you, Bridgett.”

  Bridgett sighs. “Please just go to sleep.”

  On the ride home, Mona rides with the security team. Alec falls asleep in the backseat on the ride home, and in the rearview mirror I can see that Bridgett is stroking his hair gently. I wish I knew what she was thinking. The only way I can do that is figure out what happened. To do that, I have to go to South Carolina.

  I glance at Stephan. He smiles at me, and then I look back at the road. There is no way that Stephan would actually let me go alone, but this is something that I can’t do with him… Especially considering what happened last time Stephan was around Bridgett’s parents.

  He will be so pissed.

  I glance back at Bridgett again and see tears streaming down her face. My heart feels heavy, and I know what I’m going to do… What I have to do. And I’m going to do it tonight. Stephan will forgive me. He always does.

  Wednesday, December 9

  Columbia, SC

  8:01 AM

  Beverly.

  My plane lands in Columbia, South Carolina around eight in the morning. It’s four in California, so everybody is still sleeping. It’ll only be a few more hours before they realize I’m not there… Part of me regrets my decision to come, but I’m already here. It’s too late to back out now.

  I take a look at myself in the mirror. I have my hair pulled into a bun, the way Bridgett fixes her hair, and I have on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I’m even wearing tennis shoes, and no makeup. It’s scary how much I look like Bridgett right now.

  As soon as my plane lands, I get a rental car. If I pull up in a limo, her mom will know something is up. So I get the most inconspicuous car they have — a white Ford Focus. I have to admit that it looks like something Bridgett would drive. I guess I know her better than I thought. But as I am leaving the car rental place, I question myself. Am I really doing the right thing? I left Stephan… again. At least this time I left a note. I know he will be so mad. I promised him I wouldn’t leave again. But if I would have told him, he never would have let me come alone. I take a deep breath to try and calm my shaky nerves. Stephan will understand, and he will forgive me. I have to do this — for Bridgett. Plus, it’s not like I’m never going back. I shouldn’t be here longer than a few hours.

  I pull up to the curb in front of Bridgett’s parent’s house. I think back to the last time I was here — it wasn’t long ago, but it feels like a lifetime. So much has changed since then. It’s crazy to even think about my life before Bridgett. It just doesn’t seem real… And I sure am not going to let this woman take my sister away. She already tried that once. Bridgett stood up for me then. Now it’s my turn to return the favor.

  I get out of the car and boldly walk up to the house. I am about to knock on the door, but then I realize that Bridgett used to live here. She wouldn’t knock. So I open the door and walk in. I chant over and over again that I am Bridgett, not Scarlett. When Bridgett walks, she looks at her feet. I have to remember to look down.

  “Mom,” I yell as I walk inside.

  It is going to feel weird calling this woman… my biological aunt… Mom.

  You just have to figure out what she told Bridgett on Thanksgiving, and then you can leave, I tell myself.

  I hear running down the hallway and see Bridgett’s little sister, Natalee, run toward me. I kneel down and hug her, because I know that is what Bridgett would do. This is her little sister, and I know she loves and misses her.

  “You’re not Bridgett,” the girl whispers.

  “Shh…” I put my index finger over her lips. “Please, don’t tell.”

  “Your secret is safe.”

  “Natalee!” I hear somebody yell. “Who are you talking to?”

  I look up and see Mary Evans walk around the corner. She stops in her tracks and studies me for a second. I am worried — what if she knows? Bridgett and I may be identical twins, but we are so different.

  “Bridgett?” she asks.

  “Mom!” I get up, and run toward her. Instead of slapping her like I want to, I hug her. I tell myself over and over that this is for Bridgett.

  “You’ve finally come home.” She smiles at me. “You’re where you belong.”

  “I’m sorry that I left. I should have listened to you.”

  We finally pull back from our embrace, and Mary grabs my hand. “Come. Let me cook you breakfast. I’ll make pancakes.” She turns to Natalee. “Why don’t you go play while I talk to your sister.”

  “Okay.” Natalee runs back towards her room, and I follow Mary into the kitchen. This is it. This is what I came here for. It’s time to get answers.

  I sit down at the bar while Mary starts getting out everything to make pancakes. I am hoping that Bridgett doesn’t have a certain place to sit. I’m also hoping that Bridgett doesn’t help cook, because last time Stephan tried to teach me to cook pancakes I nearly burnt down my house. I’m pretty sure my inability to cook would give me away.

  “I see our talk on Thanksgiving has convinced you to come to your senses.” Mary puts the pan on the stove and turns on the burner.

  “Yes. I’m sorry that it took me so long to come back. I just felt torn. I didn’t want to leave my sister.” Please tell me what you said again.

  “Did you tell Scarlett what I told you?” she asks. Her back is turned to me, and for that I am thankful. Hearing my name makes me jump a little.

  “No. I… I couldn’t bring myself to tell her.”

  She looks over her shoulder at me. “I know this is hard for you to understand… Why I chose you, and why I let Mark take her… But I had a choice to make. It’s best that Mark thinks I am dead. If he knew the truth… well, it would be bad.”

  Why is she bringing up my dad? And what does she mean he thinks she’s dead? “Why can’t we tell Scarlett? Would it be so bad if she knew?”

  “You know it would be awful. Certainly you don’t want your sister to know that her own mother lied and just gave her away.”

  Oh my God. She’s my biological Mom. It can’t be. Certainly I’m just misunderstanding. “Beverly?”

  She turns to me and drops the spatula she’s holding. “Scarlett?”

  “You’re my mom? My biological mom?”

  Her mouth opens slightly, like she’s trying to say something, but she does know what.

  “You’re Beverly… There was no accident.” I stand up and slowly start to back away from her. “You just gave me away.”

  “Scarlett…” Her voice breaks.

  “No, you don’t deserve to say my name. You gave me away and then acted like I never existed.”

  “It was for your own good!” she yells. “Please, I need you to understand.”

  “I understand that my biological mother is a complete bitch.”

  “I didn’t want to split up your family. I did this for Bridgett, you, and for your sister, Stacy. I couldn’t stand the thought of splitting up your dad’s family. When I found out I was pregnant, I ended the affair and moved here. But once I had the two of you,
I knew that I couldn’t live with my choice. So I made the decision that I thought was best for everyone. I had a friend who worked at the hospital. She agreed to help me. She told your father that Beverly died.”

  “You chose Bridgett over me.” My heart feels so heavy.

  Finally, it all makes sense. Bridgett didn’t want me to know. It wasn’t me that was picked over her. It was her that was picked over me.

  “I did. But I did it for you. For her. Please, Scarlett… You have to believe me.” She comes closer, and puts her hands on my arms. I try to pull away, but she squeezes me harder. “Please, understand.”

  “You’re hurting me.” I finally pull free from her grasp. “You know, I should thank you for giving me away. You saved me from a lifetime of misery with you.”

  She slaps me across the face. “You would have been lucky to have been raised by me. I see now that I made a mistake by letting your father take you. You need structure and discipline.”

  My face stings, so I put my own hand on my cheek. Tears fill my eyes. “Is this how you control Bridgett? By slapping her around and telling her that she’s not good enough? You’re a monster.” I don’t want for her to answer. I don’t want to hear anything else that comes from her mouth. I turn around, and I run as fast as I can. I jump into the car, and I leave. I call my pilot, and we leave South Carolina. I can’t wait to get back home.

  Los Angeles, CA

  9:11 AM

  He didn’t save you.

  It is just after nine in the morning when I get back home. I have several voicemails from Stephan, and Bridgett. I haven’t listened to one of them. I know they have to be furious with me. When I open the door, the first person I see is Stephan. I see relief on his face. And then he looks at me, and I can tell he’s worried. I’m sure I look like a mess. The red mark still hasn’t faded from Mary’s slap, and my cheek hurts. I’m hoping it doesn’t bruise.