Good Girls Stay Quiet

by Jo Cassidy

  Me being out there in the world put them in danger. It put me in danger. So many bad things could happen. So many people could take advantage of me, like that man who was following me. Whatever he wanted couldn't be good.

  The good thing was he couldn't find me in the basement. He couldn't snap pictures of me or stare at me. The cold, concrete walls provided a barrier.

  I went to the wall and pressed my palm against it. At least I had a permanent home. I wasn't tossed from place to place like I was worthless. Daddy loved me. I knew he did. He got angry with me, but it was because he loved me so much. Some people didn't know how to control their emotions. It overtook their body.

  That was Daddy. That was why he never married. He said a romantic relationship was more overwhelming than a family one. The emotions were too hard to control. The mind and heart would make you do irrational things.

  With the way Daddy treated me, I never wanted to see how he'd treat a wife.

  My phone buzzed. I'd forgotten I'd hid it in my bra. Jenna said it was a good hiding spot because no one would ever check there.

  Removing my hand from the wall, I wiggled the phone out from the side of my bra and read the text.

  It was from Brendon.

  I came over tonight, but the lights were still on, he wrote.

  We were installing the hardwood floor.

  That late?

  Daddy, I erased it. Dad wanted to get it done.

  We still have lots of cell phone bands to make. There's another big game on Friday night.

  Even if we'd made the bands, I couldn't go to the game. I was locked in the basement until Saturday at the earliest. Daddy would probably let me out on Sunday so I could make him dinner.

  I can't. It’ll have to wait until next week.

  Why? Did something happen?

  I got hit in the face with a volleyball. After I'd done pretty well. I wasn't as bad an athlete as I thought. I had just needed experience and practice.

  Did you see who took the money from the locker? I couldn't believe I hadn't asked that first thing. With everything that happened after P.E., I'd completely forgotten.

  No, Brendon wrote. I was waiting, hiding behind a locker when everything went black.

  They knocked you unconscious?

  Yes.

  Are you okay?

  Just mad, Brendon wrote. I should've known they'd be looking for a spy. They aren't stupid.

  No, they weren't. At least I'd met their demands. I honestly didn't think I'd be able to do it. Five hundred dollars was a lot. But I did it and had a couple hundred dollars left for me at the end. I shared some of it with Brendon and Jenna for their help.

  The phone buzzed, but not from a text. Someone was calling me. It didn't match Brendon's number. Had he given the number to someone else? Like Jenna? Or had the blackmailer found it?

  I decided to answer. "Hello?"

  "Thanks for the money," a deep voice said.

  "Please leave me alone. I did what you wanted, so leave me alone." My finger hovered over the hang-up button, about to press, when they spoke louder.

  "One last thing and then we'll be done. Promise."

  Why should I believe them? They were deceitful.

  "What?" I should've hung up, but they would’ve kept calling back. I could destroy the phone. Would they call the house? Would Daddy answer? He'd be so mad.

  "Next Friday is my birthday," the voice said. "I want to celebrate. With you."

  My whole body shivered. "What do you mean?" I didn't want to know. I didn't want to go anywhere near them.

  "Meet me behind the school. Ten o'clock. Come alone."

  "No," I said, my hand trembling. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

  "Then I release your journal. Everyone will know the truth."

  That couldn't happen. I didn't want Daddy to go to jail. I didn't want to go back to the foster system.

  Maybe hanging out with them wouldn't be that bad.

  I grabbed hold of my braid. "I can't stay out long.”

  The voice laughed. "Don't worry about that." They paused. "If it’ll make you feel better, bring Noah and Sally with you. I've been dying to meet them."

  My eyes sought out Sally. She was in the basement somewhere. I'd hidden her behind a storage tote. I worried Daddy might have taken it out the other night during his clean-up, but I spotted the tote in the corner.

  I stumbled toward it and reached my arm around, grabbing Sally. With her and Noah with me, I wouldn't be alone. I'd have my two closest friends.

  "What are we going to do?" I asked.

  They laughed again. "We're going to celebrate my birthday. You'll have fun. Promise."

  I just wanted the whole thing over with. After next Friday, I'd be in the clear. I could go back to my life and drop out of school. Cut off ties with Jenna, Brendon, and Dalton. They'd be safe. I'd be safe. Somewhat.

  "If I do this," I said, "it’ll all be over? You'll give me back my journal?"

  "Of course," the voice said. "But if you tell a soul that we're going to meet up, the journal will be released. If you don't show up or are a minute late, the journal will be released."

  "I understand." Who would I even tell? Brendon and Jenna wouldn't understand. They'd try to stop me and ruin everything.

  "Good. See you next Friday, Cora."

  The line went dead.

  I had a ton of text messages from Brendon, but I didn't care. I didn't want to read them. Anger boiled up inside to the point it almost overflowed. Why was all of this happening to me? It was unfair and wrong. I didn’t deserve any of it.

  I’d done everything that had been asked of me. I’d broken every rule I’d created to keep me and Daddy safe. My fist tightened around the phone. I’d been a good girl. Good girls were rewarded, not punished. Yet, the stupid blackmailer was acting like none of that mattered.

  My breathing sped up, making it difficult to control. My body shook in rage. I stared at my hands. Was this how Daddy always felt when I’d done something wrong?

  An uncontrollable urge pushed its way to the surface and broke free. Holding in a roar, I threw the phone against the wall, shattering it, cutting off my only link to the outside world.

  Chapter 31

  Sometime, late into the night, sleep tugged at my exhausted body. I had nowhere comfortable to lie, nothing to keep me warm, so my body fought the exhaustion, refusing to give in. I picked up every single broken piece from the phone and scattered the remnants throughout the remaining boxes in the basement so Daddy wouldn’t see.

  The right side of my face ached from the volleyball hit – the ibuprofen had worn off. I was grateful there wasn't a mirror. With how tender my skin felt under my touch, I knew there had to a be a large bruise, in addition to the swelling. It wouldn't be pretty.

  I must have dozed off at some point because when I opened my eyes, sun shined through the tiny window. Daddy had placed a bowl of oatmeal on the top of the steps. He hadn’t even checked on me or spoken to me.

  "What did you expect?" Sally asked. "A warm morning greeting? A kiss on the check?"

  “Hi would have sufficed.”

  Sally was leaning against a metal shelf near me. I had slowly crept up the stairs, my muscles fighting the entire time, to retrieve the bowl of oatmeal and brought it back down. No spoon, of course. Just my hands.

  "Is he worth it?" she asked.

  I licked some oatmeal off my fingers. “Who?”

  "Your father. Is he worth living like this?"

  I stared at her. My living arrangement wasn’t all that bad. I had a home, my own room, a bed, shower, clothes, and food.

  But no freedom.

  "You’re not in your room," she said. "You’re in a cold basement using your hands to eat."

  Sally wasn’t the one who was supposed to make me feel bad. Noah did that. She was supposed to be my friend. An ally.

  "No shower, no toilet," she said. "No change of clothes. No sink."

  “But a nosey friend,” I mumbled, sti
rring the cold oatmeal with my finger.

  "Is that so bad? To have someone that cares about your wellbeing? Jenna and Brendon would be horrified to find you down here."

  “I was bad. I keep lying and putting our family at risk.”

  "You’re putting your father at risk. You’re not bad."

  “I am.” I set the half-eaten bowl of oatmeal on the floor. I couldn’t eat any more. “This whole mess is my fault. If I’d never had a journal, this never would have happened. No one would know who I am. I wouldn’t be locked in the basement.”

  "You still would’ve been hit in the face in P.E.," Sally said. "You’d still be here."

  “Not true,” I said, glaring at her. “I was distracted because a creepy man was watching me. A man who’s probably my blackmailer.” I had no idea why I was arguing with her. Deep inside, I knew she was right. But it was hard to admit out loud.

  "Stop making excuses. No matter what, your father would have found a reason to be mad at you. Before all this journal mess, it was over stupid things like a scratch on a spoon or dropping the trash on the floor. The reasons have just changed. If anything, they’re more legit and make more sense."

  I picked her up, ready to throw her across the room. All she was doing was confusing me.

  "Now you’re going to get rid of me?" Sally asked. "Just like the phone?"

  My fist squeezed tight around her. I wanted so badly to ruin her – destroy her. She made me think bad things, and I couldn’t control the anger taking over me.

  "Or true things," she sang.

  “Daddy loves me!” I yelled. Was I turning into him with this uncontrollable anger?

  "Interesting. I never said he didn’t, but you went there. Why?"

  “This isn’t a shrink session.” Putting my thumb and forefinger in the hole on the bottom of the wrench, I swung her back and forth, hoping to annoy her like she was doing to me. “You can’t get into my head and try to figure me out. Solve all my problems.”

  "Why not? We can start with your problem of not using full sentences."

  I stopped swinging her. “Now you’re bringing grammar into this?”

  "Fine, let’s skip to the major problem. You can’t meet up with your blackmailer."

  “Why not?” I wanted it over. Ended. It was the only way to do it. I would meet up with the person, celebrate with them, get my journal back, drop out of school, and go back to my normal life.

  "This isn’t normal, Cora. You’re locked in a basement, starved and dirty."

  “I don’t want to be thrown into the system!” I screamed, my fist clutching her tight. I yanked one of the wires off her head.

  "You’d rather meet your blackmailer in the middle of the night, by yourself, let them torture you, rape you, do whatever they want, and then if they keep you alive, you’ll go back to this lifestyle."

  I tore off another wire. I hated her for being right.

  "This is your solution? Destroying me? Are you feeling better?"

  I stood, took a deep breath, and threw her at the wall with every bit of strength I had left in me. The wrench stayed fully intact. With a fierce battle cry inside, I stormed over, picked her up, tore off her clothes, the rest of her hair, and buried the wrench deep down inside a water-stained cardboard box in the corner of the basement.

  Fuming, I went to the middle of the room and paced, yanking at my braid. How had I gotten here?

  "You really thought that would work?" Sally asked.

  I whipped around, staring in the direction of the box she was buried in. “Shut. Up. You’re dead.”

  "I can never die, Cora. I’m not a wrench. I’m in your head."

  “No. You’re my creation and used to be my friend. I could only talk to you down here, so you’re not in my head.”

  She chuckled. "Is that what you truly think? You could have talked to me at any time. You heard me earlier today during P.E. You could talk to Noah right now if you wanted."

  “That’s not true,” I growled. I couldn’t speak to him whenever I wanted. He had to be present, just like she did. "Wait. How do you know about Noah?" I'd never talked to them about each other. I liked to keep them separate.

  "Leave me out of this," Noah whined. "I don’t want to get involved in your little girl quarrel."

  “Noah?” No. I shook my head. He wasn’t here. Sally was gone. She couldn’t torment me.

  "I’m not tormenting you," Sally said. "I’m trying to show you that you could have a chance at a normal life. One where you aren’t beaten and abused or locked in basements in horrible living environments."

  "It’s much nicer up here," Noah said. "But I must admit, I like having the bed all to myself."

  Sally snorted. "You would."

  "Can't a guy enjoy his space?" Noah let out a sound like he was stretching. "Just the men upstairs, ruling the lair."

  "You're an elephant, Noah," Sally said with a flat tone. "You don't live in lairs."

  I slapped the sides of my head, wanting to turn them off so I could think.

  "We should," Noah said. "I view Cora's bedroom as my lair. The walls could use some fresh paint, though. There's way too much pink in here."

  "What do you have against pink?" Sally asked, her tone incredulous.

  "Nothing," Noah said. "It's just not my favorite color."

  Sally scoffed. "Anything else?"

  "The bars on the window need to go." Noah clucked his tongue. "Although, if it keeps out that guy and girl Cora has made friends with, keeping them might not be a bad thing. He tried to come in last night, but the bars stopped him."

  "Shut up!" I pulled at my braid. "Both of you. I want to be alone." I fell to the floor, tucked my legs in close, and rocked.

  Sally hummed, but I blocked her out.

  They couldn't control me. Daddy couldn't control me. I was in charge of myself and my own decisions.

  Wasn't I?

  Chapter 32

  Loud thumps from above pulled me from my restless sleep. Upstairs, someone was moving around, dragging something. Feet pounded across the ground. What was Daddy doing? He was never that loud. From all the noise, I would have thought more than one person was up there, but that was impossible. He never had people over.

  The basement door clicked unlocked. I was too stiff, too cold, to move from my position on the cement floor. Every bone and muscle ached. I tried to turn onto my back, but it stung. So I stayed on my side, holding back tears that wouldn't come because my body was too dry. I'd hardly had anything to eat or drink for a couple days.

  "Get up." Daddy had come down the stairs and was standing right behind me.

  I didn't want to get up. There was nothing good for me upstairs. Nothing to care about.

  "I said, get up." He reached down, grabbed me by the arm, and yanked me up.

  I cried out in pain.

  "We need to get you upstairs and cleaned," he said, dragging me to the stairs.

  "Why?" I managed to squeak out.

  He tightened his grip around my arm and tugged me up the stairs like a doll. I didn't help, but I didn't exactly fight him. I just let him drag me over the stairs, down the hall, and into the bathroom.

  He tossed me on the floor. "Take a shower and get dressed."

  Hanging on the towel rack was a brand new full-length dress. It was baby blue with a white floral design. My fingers trailed along it. I could tell it was expensive by the material and style. Light blue flats were under the dress.

  I slowly pulled myself up, using the counter for help. It took way more effort and energy than it should have. I was so weak.

  "Don't take too long." He pointed to the counter. "I hope you have everything you need."

  Mascara, eye shadow, blush, and a lip gloss were next to the sink. He never let me wear makeup.

  I turned to him. "What's the occasion?"

  "Your birthday." No smile. He normally went all out for my birthday – made my favorite dinner, baked me a cake, and bought me a present. He'd dress up in a fancy suit. He was al
ways happy and laughing, showering me with love.

  None of that was in his eyes. All that sat behind them was anger.

  With everything that had been going on, I'd completely forgotten about my birthday. Honestly, I couldn't remember the current date.

  "Is today my birthday?"

  He nodded. "Yes. Now, shower and get ready." He took a deep breath. "I just want you to think about one thing today: I am the one in control."

  He shut the bathroom door, leaving me alone. He’d always ingrained that in me, so why did he feel the need to remind me?

  The hot water rained down on me. I didn't want the shower to end, but Daddy had said I had to be quick. Lifting my head, I let the water spray onto my face. I wished it could wash everything away. My worry, my lies, my pain.

  But it couldn't. Nothing could.

  It took me a while to put on the makeup. I'd never worn any. I'd seen some girls at school applying it on, so I did my best to mimic what they had done. The bruise covered my high cheek bone, circling under my eye. It was visible under the makeup, but I'd minimized it and the scratches on my chin. A lot.

  I went to put my hair in a braid, but I stopped myself. It was my birthday. I had no idea what the future held, so I was going to do what I wanted. My hair had a slight curl to it. After brushing it and then running my fingers through it to fluff it a little, I put in some mousse. I’d stolen it from the store a while back and stashed it under the sink, hoping that one day I would use it.

  It took me a while to work myself into the dress. The pain in my back made it hard. But it fit like a glove.

  I stared in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. The girl that stared back at me was pretty. She had kind, bright eyes, and shiny lips. She wasn't real.

  Closing my eyes, I took long, deep breaths to calm my heart. Daddy may have been spoiling me with the new clothes and makeup, but he wasn't happy about it, which left me unsettled.

  I opened the door, turned off the light, and walked down the hall.