She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so jubilant in the prelude of the festive season. But that euphoria soon fell away when she thought of her destination for the holidays and, moreover, who might be there.
****
“I wish I could see New York at Christmastime,” Ashley cooed wistfully into the iPad during their evening call.
“There’s always next year.” Alex smiled from her vigil at the base of her small bed, where she was packing for her early train as they spoke.
“I just wish I wasn’t so busy with the campaign,” Ashley moaned. “It truly sucks not being able to see you.”
“It will get easier,” Alex said positively, though a fearful part of her wasn’t so sure. What if their lives only became busier as time drew on? What if eventually they didn’t even have time for one another, for their calls? The thought was unbearable and made her momentarily cease packing and bite her lip.
“No! I can’t go on like this!” Ashley suddenly declared stridently. Alex saw her rustle around on her own bed, where she was perched for the conversation, retrieving a red leather-bound diary and then frantically typing into her laptop.
“What are you doing?” Alex asked, frowning at the small digital screen.
“How are you fixed for February 4th?” Ashley asked, glancing briefly at her diary and then at the laptop screen, the iPad now being ignored.
“February 4th? What, why? I don’t know.” Alex shook her head.
“Well, you now have plans,” Ashley said sternly, writing something in her diary and then unleashing her fingers in a flurry of graceful keystrokes against her laptop keyboard.
“I do?”
“Yes, consider this my early Christmas gift to you.” Ashley smiled, looking back at the iPad screen. “I’ve just ordered myself tickets to come to New York for a week in February!”
Alex was speechless. She stood frozen with clothes in hand, unable to drop them into the waiting duffel bag, her mouth hanging open. The reality of meeting up with her friend in just a few months made her realize just how much she’d truly missed her, and her eyes began to well up.
“Hey, come on, thanks will suffice.” Ashley sniffed, growing tearful herself.
“Ash, that’s so amazing. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too.” Ashley wiped at her eyes, careful not to smudge her carefully applied mascara.
“I wish we could hug right now.” Alex smiled.
“Me too, but that will be the next invention, digital hugs.” Ashley winked.
“That’d be good.” Alex abandoned her packing and sat on her bed by the iPad.
“I can’t believe you’re going home tomorrow,” Ashley noted, glancing at the duffel bag in the background.
“I know.”
“Do you think it will be weird?” Ashley asked, frowning with concern.
“I don’t know, maybe,” Alex admitted. “But I can’t wait to see my mom and Andy.” As she spoke, she scanned her apartment and realized that for possibly the first time ever, she was excited to go back to the trailer. It would be an improvement on her current dwelling.
“Do you guys go big at Christmas?” Ashley asked lightly. “My dad goes all out. He even buys two turkeys; it’s nuts. He puts four trees up at the house, not to mention all the lights! Christmas is his favorite holiday. You’ll have to come over one year just to see my house in all its gaudy madness!” Ashley laughed.
“Yeah.” Alex smiled and then cast her glance downwards. “Christmas has been low key with us since my dad died.”
“Oh.” Ashley’s cheeks grew pink as she feared she’d accidentally stepped all over a delicate subject.
“But I want to make it special again,” Alex added quickly, not wanting to make her friend feel bad. “I just don’t know how.”
“I think you just being there will make a big difference,” Ashley said kindly.
Alex thought of the feeling she felt when she saw all the wondrous lights of the city. She wished she could somehow bottle that feeling and take it back with her to Woodsdale and then release it in the small space of the trailer and let her whole family feel its magical warmth.
“I’d better go. I’ve got an early train.” Alex yawned, the various sweet treats of the day courtesy of the office making her drowsy.
“Okay, well, I’ll speak to you when you’re down there. Have a safe trip!” Ashley waved into the camera on her iPad, and Alex waved back.
“I could do with another digital hug!” Ashley smiled.
“Me too!” Alex agreed before signing off the call with a flick of her finger. Alone in the emptiness of her apartment, she considered calling Mark. She was apprehensive about seeing him back in Woodsdale and wondered if a precursory call might help ease any tension between them. She’d come close to calling him before but thought better of it.
Staring hard at her iPad, Alex recalled the last time she’d seen him. He’d waved her off at the Woodsdale platform, setting her free to fulfil her dreams of attending Princeton. Now she was going back, back to the platform, back to the town. What if Jeff was right? What if she had changed but Mark had not?
Sighing, Alex decided against calling him and flopped down on her bed. After her head connected with the pillow, it didn’t take long for sleep to take her.
****
The station was obscenely busy with people frantically trying to make it home for the holidays. Alex had thought that an early departure time would help her elude most of the crowds, but she had been wrong. She pushed her way through the throngs of people, pulling her duffle bag along with her, already regretting having packed so much but not daring to leave anything of value back in her apartment.
People were pushing and shoving, craning their necks to check departure times. It was so chaotic. In contrast to the chaos there were ethereal Christmas songs being played through the sound system, and the whole station had been touched by the same magic as the rest of the city, being covered in angelic lights and boasting a fabulously tall, ornately decorated tree. Each time Alex became overwhelmed by the intensity of the station she’d look up at some of the décor and feel herself instantly relax.
Finally, she arrived at the platform, and her train was already there waiting, eager to transport her away from the city and back to her mundane life. As she boarded, she noticed that even the train, not being a permanent fixture of the city, was lacking some of the station’s luster. There were decorations on board, but they appeared shabby and old, leaving Alex with a sad rather than magical feeling. She tried to push any negative feelings to the back of her mind and found an empty window seat and hurriedly settled down before it could be taken.
Around her were families trying to get their children to be quiet, and solo travelers like her going back to their home states, their faces pinched with a mix of excitement and regret. While going home was great, leaving the city was not. The city was vibrant and full of pulsating energy. Home was a small town where she wasn’t sure she really belonged anymore.
Pulling out her iPad, Alex put on some music and put her headphones on, wanting to drown out her own thoughts. She had a long, lonely journey ahead. She thought of when she’d been on a train destined for Paris. How much fun it had been to travel with Ashley. They’d drank champagne and slept through the momentous part of the journey when they’d have crossed countries and entered France.
Warmed by her memories, a faint smile pulled on Alex’s lips. As small as Woodsdale was, it had managed to launch her into the great wide world. She’d studied at Princeton, been to Europe and now lived in New York City, so the town couldn’t be so bad. Searching her feelings, she knew that it wasn’t the town she was reluctant to see, it was the man who was there, the man who had changed everything for her, the man who had essentially saved her life.
Alex rummaged in her duffel back and found the note she’d kept safe ever since she’d read it the last time she’d journeyed back to Woodsdale. Her eyes scanned over the familiar cu
rsive, and her heart rate quickened.
She read the final few lines and wondered if Mark still held those words true.
But please know that should you return to Woodsdale, or should you wish to return to me, no matter how much time passes, I will be here, ready and waiting.
True love does not diminish with time. I know that now.
As Alex scrutinized the letter, the train surged into motion, heading down the track, pulling away from New York and heading in the direction of Woodsdale. Whether or not Mark still meant what he had wrote, Alex was soon going to find out first hand. Feeling breathless with anticipation, Alex put the letter away once more and focused on the music pulsating through her headphones, letting the melody pull her away from her thoughts and relax.
****
“Alex!” Jackie Heron ran up and embraced her daughter as she stepped off her train at the Woodsdale station.
“Mom.” Alex hugged her mother back, both of them holding each other tighter than usual.
“I missed you,” Jackie admitted, finally stepping back and releasing her grip.
“I missed you too, Mom.” Alex smiled. “Where’s Andy?” she asked, glancing behind her mother and seeing only empty space.
“He doesn’t get in until tomorrow,” Jackie explained. “So it’s just us girls tonight.”
“Sounds good.”
****
Compared to the city, Woodsdale seemed drastically sparse. There were vast empty fields and houses with yards the size of a small baseball field. And everywhere felt so alarmingly open without being beneath the shadow of overbearing sky scrapers.
As the cab pulled into the trailer park, Alex noticed that little had changed since her departure to Princeton. There was still the disorderly alignment of numerous trailers, some in better condition than others. Beaten-up cars were parked alongside some of them, and groups of children ran amongst the trailers, caught up in their own game. For them there were no yards, no boundaries, just one giant playground. Alex used to envy the idealistic way they viewed the park. They didn’t see it as the final resting place for the fallen as she did.
“Home sweet home,” Alex quipped as she shut the cab door behind her, her duffel bag hoisted across her back.
But as she scanned the area, she noticed the twinkle of lights sparkling out from some nearby trailers. On closer inspection she saw windows lined with fairy lights, Christmas trees peering out from behind curtains, lovingly decorated. Some trailers had even put lights along their exterior. It caught her by surprise to see an illuminated Santa and his sleigh atop one of their neighbor’s trailers.
It was a far cry from the elaborate lights of the city, but nevertheless, the magic of Christmas had managed to enter the trailer park, and the effect was not lost on Alex. Somehow, the sparkling lights and the promise of magic that they held made the entire place seem more bearable and less desperate.
Alex looked ahead at their own trailer and felt her rising spirits stop short. In contrast to the other trailers, her own looked dark and dull. There were no lights, no wreath on the door. Theirs was the trailer that Christmas had forgotten.
“Are you not putting any decorations up?” she asked her mother as the cab pulled away.
“No.” Jackie shook her head. “You said you never wanted to bother while we lived here, that it made you too sad to see them up.”
Alex recalled saying such a thing when she was young, angry and bitter at the world for taking her father from her. But now she saw things differently, and she knew that their trailer needed the magical touch of Christmas; they all did.
“I’m thinking maybe I was wrong about that,” Alex commented nonchalantly before pushing open the front door and heading inside.
The trailer seemed spacious compared to her apartment. Her mother, to her credit, kept it immaculately clean despite working two jobs. Alex noted the small television in the living area, the kettle with just one solitary mug beside it and realized with a heavy heart how lonely her mother must be there at times.
“Are you sure you don’t mind sharing a room with Andy?” Jackie asked anxiously, moving to put the kettle on and retrieving a second mug from within the cupboard.
“No, it’s fine,” Alex reassured her. Spending time sleeping in close proximity to her brother no longer seemed like such a big deal. Yet she remembered how much they used to fight in that small room with only bunk beds for furniture. She sometimes got so mad at him that she thought their arguments would come to blows, but they never did. She’d actually missed her brother since he left for college and was looking forward to spending some time with him over the festive season.
“Apparently he has a new girlfriend,” Jackie said as she prepared two coffees.
“Oh?” Alex hadn’t even known the previous girlfriend, so the news had little impact on her.
“She’s from Minnesota. Apparently she’s very nice.”
“Good for Andy.”
Jackie handed Alex her coffee and gave her daughter a long, pitying look, which Alex recognized all too well. She knew that her mother wanted her to find someone, to fall in love and settle down. But Alex’s love life had never been so straightforward. Settling down, getting married seemed like the behaviour of those who were lucky enough to find uncomplicated loves.
“I’m so excited to have both my children home for the holidays.” Jackie smiled as she sat down beside Alex and blew into her coffee to cool it.
“It’s nice to be home,” Alex admitted honestly. “I think we should get this place all decorated before Andy arrives, give him a surprise tomorrow.”
“I think that’s a lovely idea.” Jackie beamed.
****
An hour later Alex had finally assembled the Christmas tree that now made the small living room space even tighter. But as she stood back and admired the tree, she knew it was worth it. It made the whole place feel much more festive.
“This is all I could keep,” Jackie explained as she handed Alex a large cardboard box, which had been stored at the back of the trailer.
Alex opened the box and peered inside. She saw tinsel and fairy lights, the antler of a reindeer. Long-forgotten relics of the life they had once led.
In their old home, Christmas was a sumptuous occasion. There would be a real fir tree in the hallway and in the living room. Fairy lights would be hung from every possible surface along with an animatronic Christmas village, which was the centerpiece of the vast dining table. Alex had loved that village. For hours she would watch the little people ride their train or dance around a skating rink. The lights within it made it sparkle with an inner magic, and at night, when she was in bed she imagined the people of the village coming to life and moving around. Her father helped perpetuate the myth by moving everything, just slightly, each night before he went to bed so upon waking, a young Alex would find everything moved and be convinced that her village was alive.
The Christmas village was long gone, all but one part. Alex removed it from the box and gazed at it, her fingers tracing the familiar lines of the carousel upon which little model children sat on ornate horses. Moving her hand beneath it, she found the crank and turned it and placed the carousel down as the soft melody of “Jingle Bells” played out as the carousel turned and the children moved round.
“You used to adore the village,” Jackie noted fondly. There was a time when hearing that soft melody would have made her weep with longing, but now she felt only the fondness of Christmases past.
“I’m glad we’ve still got a part of it,” Alex commented, carefully lifting the moving carousel and placing it pride of place in the window above the living area.
Alex watched it turn for a few moments, remembering the hours she’d spend watching the entire village move and turn in time to the music. Then she snapped herself back to present and delved back into the box for the next decoration.
****
An hour later the trailer had been transformed into a Christmas wonderland. There were fairy lights ever
ywhere, along with hanging tinsel and a tree covered in traditional wooden decorations.
Outside on the door, Alex proudly hung a wreath and, as she did so, caught the eye of a neighbor, who smiled in approval.
In another window she placed an animatronic reindeer that would lower his head as if going to feed. There were snow globes on the table depicting idyllic wintry scenes and sprigs of holly dotted around the place. The feeling that Alex had had walking around New York and admiring the lights, she now felt within the small trailer in Woodsdale. Somehow, she had managed to bring the magic of Christmas into the small space, and it was a beautiful sight to behold.
“You’ve done a great job,” Jackie complimented her, wrapping an arm around her daughter.
“It was a team effort.” Alex smiled.
“I think we’ve earned ourselves a treat. How about we go out for dinner tonight?” Jackie suggested brightly.
“Sure, where?”
“I can only afford Coco’s,” Jackie said shyly, “as I want to treat Andy too when he’s back.”
“Coco’s is perfect.” Alex smiled, hugging her mother. “I’m really glad I came home.”
****
The following day the women of the Heron family awoke after a rare girly evening together. After their meal they sat and watched television together beneath the twinkling Christmas lights and indulged in a glass of mulled wine. It had been a perfect evening, one of the best in recent memory that Alex had spent with her mother.
And the new day brought with it the final piece to their family puzzle. Andy would soon be arriving, and they would be whole once more.
“Do you think Andy will like the decorations being up?” Alex asked a little anxiously as they ate breakfast.
“I’m sure he’ll love them,” Jackie reassured her.
Living with Love (Lessons in Love) Page 11