Living with Love (Lessons in Love)

by Clarissa Carlyle

Alex wasn’t so certain. She herself had been against the decorations for many years, not wanting to relive the pain of what had been lost. What if Andy was still in that same mind set and not yet ready to move forward? If he was angry with her, it could ruin the whole festive season.

  ****

  The entire cab ride back from the station, Andy talked. He talked about college and the football team he was on. He talked about his friends and even briefly mentioned his new girlfriend. Both Alex and Jackie asked eager questions about his life there, which he happily answered. Gone was the sullen teenage boy who wanted to be left alone. He had been replaced by a confident, handsome man who was enjoying being reunited with his family.

  But as the cab pulled into the trailer park, Andy stopped talking, his gaze fixed upon their own trailer, which now twinkled magically with the glow of the season. Beside him, Alex felt her stomach drop when she saw his reaction.

  “It was my idea to put the decorations up,” she explained quickly as Andy exited the cab and stood before the trailer. He took a moment to take in the outside decorations, the wreath and various lights, before heading inside and delving deeper into the Christmas adornments.

  He saw the tree, instantly familiar as the one that used to go up in the kitchen because in their old house it had been comparatively small and therefore wouldn’t be in the way. Yet in the trailer it loomed large like a giant, barely contained in the limited space they had there. He moved forwards and touched some of the decorations. He remembered them, remembered how his father would hold him up high so he could place them on higher parts of the tree.

  His eyes drifted over the whole room and settled upon the carousel. He then looked to Alex, who was standing uneasily in the doorway, their mother behind her.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you,” Alex began, her voice small.

  “You didn’t,” Andy clarified, shaking his head. “This, this all looks amazing.” He gestured around the room and smiled as his eyes misted with tears.

  “It just caught me off guard, to see the trailer looking, you know, so nice.” He shuffled uneasily as Alex and Jackie entered the trailer and hugged him. Embraced together beneath the sparkling lights, the Heron family vowed that this was to be a good Christmas. The time of mourning and of grief was behind them. It was time to look ahead, to let the magic of the season influence them once more.

  ****

  It was Christmas Eve, and Alex walked to the local convenience store to pick up some cranberry sauce for her mother. The air had turned bitterly cold with the promise of snow that excited her. She’d love to have a white Christmas.

  For a while she aimlessly wandered the aisles, her movements in stark contrast to the other hurried shoppers, who were frantically picking up forgotten last minute items before the big day. Christmas carols were playing overhead, and Alex was enjoying taking the time to enjoy the day. In New York, everyone was always in a rush, so back home in Woodsdale, she wanted to move at a slower pace.

  She found herself browsing the magazine stand. Each front cover boasted some reference to the season. She picked up a fashion magazine and began to idly browse through it. There were images of immaculate models wearing designer labels with hard expressions on their faces. It was the sort of magazine that Ashley would have pored over with eager interest.

  “Alex?”

  Alex immediately looked up at the sound of her own name being delivered almost as a question rather than a greeting. She looked around to find the source of the call, and her heart almost stopped beating in her chest.

  A bit further down the aisle stood Mark holding a plastic shopping basket filled with vegetables and a loaf of bread, his eyes fixed on Alex in disbelief as though he’d just seen a ghost.

  “Hi,” Alex said nervously, feeling her cheeks begin to burn. She placed the magazine back in the stand and turned to face him.

  The past four years appeared to have been kind to Mark. He had barely aged since she’d last seen him. If anything, he had become more handsome. He had the same sharp eyes and dark hair, coupled with a faint shadow of stubble, which added to his rugged charm. Looking at him, Alex remembered the intimate moments they’d spent together. His lips upon hers, their naked skin brushing against each other.

  She shook her head and dismissed the memories, forcing herself to focus on the present.

  “I… I didn’t expect to see you here.” Mark edged nervously towards her, seeming uncertain of himself.

  “I came home for the holidays,” Alex admitted, her tone polite and formal.

  “Oh, well, that’s nice.” Mark nodded. “So you’ve graduated now?” He looked at Alex, and she noticed a sadness in his eyes. There was a wall between them now, one which she had put up, a wall which kept him away from her life, from what was going on, and she could see that it pained him to be shut out.

  The words of the letter flickered through her mind, but she shut them out. This was neither the time nor the place to discuss them.

  “Yeah, I graduated over the summer.” Alex smiled nervously. A customer edged past them, forcing them to draw closer together.

  She could smell Mark’s aftershave. He smelt clean and fresh. His scent clung to his hair, to the jacket he was wearing, and Alex had to fight the urge to want the scent also on her. She missed losing herself in him. With him standing so close to her, it reminded her just how powerful her passion for him had once been. How had she managed to repress such a magnetic connection for so long?

  “I work in New York now,” Alex told him, desperate to break the sexual tension that was gripping her mind like a vice.

  “In New York?” Mark’s eyes widened with approval. “That’s amazing.”

  “Yeah, at Goldstone,” Alex added flippantly.

  “Goldstone?” Mark’s eyes grew even wider. He’d heard of Goldstone, of course he had. He was an educated man, and they were one of the most prestigious insurance companies in the world.

  “That’s really impressive, Alex. I’m glad you’re doing so well.” And she knew he meant it.

  “What about you?”

  Mark shifted uncomfortably as the topic was reflected onto him. “I’m still working at the school,” he told her, his voice flat.

  “Well, that’s cool.” Alex smiled kindly.

  He left out the part that he was seeing someone, in fact living with someone. For some reason he didn’t want to tell Alex that.

  Another shopper pushed past them. Alex glanced at Mark sheepishly, aware that she should soon go but also reluctant to let the moment between them conclude.

  “This isn’t really the most convenient place to run into each other.” Mark smirked.

  “Even though it’s a convenience store.” Alex smiled.

  Mark’s eyes crinkled at the joke, which pleased her.

  “I’d better get going.” Alex looked down at her feet. “I’m supposed to be helping my mom with some stuff.”

  “Yeah, yeah, of course.” Mark nodded, but she saw the flicker of sadness dance through his eyes at the announcement of her departure, which filled her heart with the hope that perhaps he still felt something for her.

  Alex turned to walk away from him, but he suddenly called her back.

  “Listen, are you doing anything New Year’s Eve?” he asked, looking as terrified as a high school boy asking a date to the prom.

  “Um.” Alex was caught off guard.

  “Of course, you’re probably busy. Are you heading back to New York to watch the ball drop in Times Square? Of course you are. It was stupid to ask. It’s just my friend is throwing a party, and I was thinking that if you’re not busy, we could maybe go together… as friends, but of course, you’ve already got plans.” Mark was rambling nervously as he spoke.

  “That sounds great.” Alex smiled fondly at him, her heart racing with delight at the invitation.

  “So you can come?” Mark asked, unable to hide his surprise.

  “Yeah, I don’t have any plans. A party sounds fun.” Alex smiled sweetl
y at him.

  “Great.” Mark beamed, and in his euphoria he turned too sharply and knocked down a row of magazines. Embarrassed, he began fumbling for them on the floor as Alex knelt down to help.

  Once the magazines were all replaced, they stood back up, Mark still blushing.

  “So I’ll see you New Year’s Eve?” Mark confirmed.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll pick you up at seven?”

  “Sounds good.”

  Mark began to walk away from Alex, back up the aisle, though he was struggling to take his eyes off her, as if frightened that she was just a figment of his imagination and if he looked away, she’d disappear forever from sight.

  “Have a lovely Christmas,” Alex told him softly as he approached the end of the aisle.

  “You too.” He smiled, finally disengaging from her gaze and heading towards the register.

  ****

  As darkness descended, so did the snow. Alex sat in the trailer by the window with a mug of hot chocolate while It’s a Wonderful Life played on the small television that her mother and Andy were watching.

  Alex’s attention was outside, watching the softly falling white flakes and hoping that they would stick. She loved the dreamy descent they took to earth, dancing delicately in the wind before finding their final resting place.

  The sound of her iPad whirring broke her away from her thoughts with a start. She looked down and saw Ashley’s name flashing on the screen. Moving into the bedroom, she accepted the call.

  Ashley was wearing a bright red Christmas sweater with matching lipstick and smiling into her iPad.

  “Alex!” she gushed when her friend answered. “Merry Christmas!”

  “Merry Christmas, Ash.” Alex smiled. “I thought we weren’t going to call each other until tomorrow morning, after we’d opened our presents?”

  “Well…” Ashley smiled coyly into the camera. “That’s just it. I got an early present that I simply couldn’t wait to tell you about.”

  “Ooh, spill!” Alex said, sitting cross-legged on her bunk and leaning forward expectantly as she gazed into her iPad.

  Ashley smiled into the camera but then her gaze settled on something beyond the screen.

  “Come wave to Alex,” she said softly. There was a rustle of footsteps, and then Ricardo appeared next to Ashley, wearing a crisp white shirt and a massive grin. He was just as Alex remembered from Italy, with perfect olive skin and dark, intense eyes.

  “Oh my goodness, Ricardo, hi!” Alex waved eagerly into the camera. Ricardo shyly waved back.

  “Hello, Alexandra,” he said in his European accent. “Merry Christmas to you.”

  “And to you.”

  “Okay, you can carry on helping my dad,” Ashley whispered to him, and he left the girls alone to continue their conversation.

  “Did he surprise you with a visit?” Alex asked excitedly, her heart bursting with the romance of such a gesture.

  “Yeah, he arrived this morning,” Ashley explained, still gushing. “He called and said could I pick him up, and I was like from Italy, yeah, you’re dreaming. And he said, ‘No, I’m at LAX, and I have your Christmas present with me.’ He’d been saving for months to come over. I couldn’t believe it!”

  “That’s so romantic, Ash! You’re going to have an amazing Christmas!”

  “I know!” Ashley beamed, unable to contain all her glee. “And my parents adore him!”

  “Well, he’s lovely.”

  “But that’s not all,” Ashley said mischievously.

  “It’s not?”

  “He said he had a Christmas present for me that he couldn’t wait to give me.”

  “What was it?” Alex asked, hanging on her best friend’s every word as she relayed the story to her.

  Ashley didn’t say what the mysterious gift was; instead, she showed it to her. She extended her left hand so that it fully filled the screen, revealing the large diamond ring, which she was now wearing.

  In her trailer in Woodsdale Alex began screaming with delight. Across the country in Los Angeles Ashley was also screaming.

  Jackie turned to her son with an anxious look upon her face.

  “Do you think Alex is all right?” she queried.

  “She’s talking to Ashley. She’s fine,” Andy replied flatly. “Probably excited about who went out off Top Model last week,” he added casually.

  Alex finally ceased screaming and admired the beautiful ring.

  “It’s stunning,” she breathed. “I can’t believe you’re getting married!”

  “Me neither!” Ashley beamed. “The ring belonged to his late grandmother, isn’t it exquisite? And we’re going to get married in Italy so all his family can be there; they can’t all afford to fly over, whereas mine can. Which means that you get another Europe trip since obviously you’ll be my chief bridesmaid!”

  Alex began to cry soft, happy tears. For so long in life she’d felt alone and adrift. But since finding Ashley she’d found the sort of friendship she’d always dreamed about having. Ashley was more than a friend, she was family. They had been through so much together since their first days at Princeton, and now Alex would be present on one of the most important days of Ashley’s life, and it was a wonderfully humbling thought.

  “Oh, don’t cry,” Ashley pleaded, looking sadly through the camera.

  “I’m just so happy for you.” Alex wept, wiping her eyes and hiccupping slightly. “You deserve to be happy. Seeing you find happiness means the world to me.”

  “Stop, you’ll make me cry too!” Ashley said, her voice breaking.

  “Congratulations to you and Ricardo, you’re going to be so happy together. I just know it.” Alex smiled.

  “Thank you.” Ashley gently dabbed at her own eyes. “And you’ll find your prince charming soon, I can feel it.”

  “Yeah,” Alex replied dreamily, remembering how she’d felt when she saw Mark at the store earlier. Seeing Oscar hadn’t reignited old passions, but with Mark, she was desperate to kiss him, to be back in his arms. It was such a strange sensation, and she was still processing what it must mean.

  “It’s snowing here,” Alex added suddenly, glimpsing some more flakes falling past the window.

  “How perfect!” Ashley smiled. “It’s sunshine here,” she moaned. “It’s always sunshine here.”

  “I love you, Ash. Have an amazing Christmas with your fiancé.” Alex smiled fondly into the camera.

  “I love you too, Alex. Go get drunk on mulled wine, and then go make crazy snow angels outside your trailer! I expect photographic evidence!”

  The girls giggled and signed off their call as outside the trailer Woodsdale was about to embark on a white Christmas.

  ****

  Alex waited nervously within the trailer, glancing anxiously out of the small window. The snow on the ground had now hardened and turned to thick ice.

  “Are you sure you’ll be okay tonight, Mom?” She turned briefly and asked Jackie for the fifth time.

  Jackie Heron smiled fondly at her daughter and nodded.

  “You’ve stayed in with me all week. It’s time you went out and had some fun.”

  “But Andy’s out too. I don’t like to think of you home alone on New Year’s Eve,” Alex noted sadly.

  “I’m too old to care about bringing in another new year,” Jackie said with the wisdom of one who knew that a new year on the calendar didn’t bring about any significant change. That even the best laid resolutions would eventually fall away.

  “You and your brother should be out having fun. You’ve both been in with me all week. I’m sick of you!” her mother added teasingly.

  Smiling, Alex turned back to the window. It had been a good week. Christmas had been wonderful, easily the best one they had spent together as a family since her father had passed. And in the days that followed, trapped inside by the snow, they passed the time playing board games, watching television and going through old photographs. It had been nostalgic in the nicest way, like
a walk down memory lane where you skip past all the painful parts of the journey.

  But now it was the final night of the year, and Alex was waiting for Mark to pick her up. The scene was so reminiscent of when they were dating that she almost choked on the sentimentality of the moment. Wearing skinny jeans and a black glittery T-shirt, Alex feared she would be either under or overdressed for the party he was taking her to. She also feared what would happen when they were together. It had been so long; what if the spark was gone?

  Alex was so nervous about seeing Mark that she hadn’t even confided in Ashley about their New Year’s Eve plans. She knew that Ashley would be supportive and offer advice, but a part of her was desperate to keep their reunion secret, just in case nothing came of it. Not that she had any expectations. Or did she? Holding a hand to her temple, Alex sighed, realising that she’d not thoroughly thought everything through. The words on the letter loomed large in her mind as she wondered whether or not she truly wished them to still be true.

  Lights beamed through the window into the trailer as Mark pulled up in his car. He was still driving the same Prius he had been when Alex had left. She smiled fondly to herself upon seeing the car, wondering if perhaps he’d held on to it for so long because it reminded him of her, but then she chastised herself for being so foolish.

  “Bye, Mom.” She kissed Jackie on the cheek and headed out the door, not seeing her mother smile upon seeing a spring in her daughter’s step as she left.

  Behind the wheel in the dim light of early evening, Mark looked devastatingly handsome. Alex could see that he was wearing a shirt beneath a leather jacket. There was still a faint dash of stubble upon his cheeks, giving him a rugged, sexy look.

  “Hi,” Alex breathed nervously as she slid into the familiar car.

  “Hey.” Mark looked at her from the corner of his eye and smiled fondly. Then he guided his car back out of the trailer park, and they headed for the party.

  ****

  The party was being held at one of Mark’s friend’s houses, he explained as they drove. When they arrived, there were already a dozen or so cars parked up the driveway and down the street. Mark had to park a little way away from the house, and as they walked together to the source of the music and lights, Alex felt awkward and nervous.