Risking It All

by Stephanie Tyler

  Instead, she touched his arm gently. “But Cash isn’t like that. You know that better than anyone. In fact, you might be one of the only ones who knows that.”

  Mac’s face softened visibly, his fists unclenched and he sat heavily in the chair next to her. “Dammit, Jen. How do you always manage to come out holding the trump card?”

  She moved to his lap. “Not always. Not when you and I play bad-assed soldier with handcuffs meets the wise-ass civilian because then, you’re definitely holding all the cards.”

  “Oh, yeah?” His hands slid around her waist, drawing her closer.

  “Oh, yeah,” she echoed as his fingers found their way under her sweater and any and all problems were momentarily forgotten.

  21

  G IVE HIM TIME . He’s been through hell. You both have.

  Jenny’s words had kept Rina going, and kept her away from Cash for a full forty-eight hours. Until she couldn’t put it off any longer because she and Stella had done some serious talking, about the grant and their partnership.In the end, they emptied their bank accounts and pooled their resources. A loan from Stella’s father sealed the deal, and the airline tickets were booked. They’d be shooting on a tighter schedule—and budget—than they’d hoped, but it was done.

  She should’ve been so happy. Instead, she was so completely torn—two of the best things that had ever happened to her threatened to destroy each other. Why did she have to sacrifice one thing for another?

  “You shouldn’t have to,” Jenny had said to her on the phone this morning, and she’d started, hadn’t realized she’d spoken the words out loud.

  “I know,” she’d said. “Besides, staying with Cash isn’t my decision. It’s his now. And I’d never be able to live with myself if I gave up this opportunity. I’d never know what might have been.”

  What might’ve been was killing her. And while she wasn’t completely unafraid of going for it with Cash, she was more than willing to give it a serious try. Even while she was away.

  And when she packed and he still hadn’t returned her phone calls, she drove to his house for the final time that trip.

  She found him outside his place on the back deck. It was warmer than it had been in days, and he only wore a T-shirt and shorts, hair wrapped in a green bandana, a color that made his blue eyes cerulean. A towel around his neck and the water bottle in his hand clued her in to a recent trek through the woods, and the mud tracked up his calves confirmed it.

  “You shouldn’t be here,” he said, without turning around. The front door had been open, and the glass sliding door was, too, and she knew she hadn’t made much noise.

  “How did you know it was me?” she asked, ignoring him and continuing to advance anyway.

  “I know the sound of your walk, the smell of your shampoo.”

  “You could tell it was me because of that?”

  He turned. “Seeing your car in the driveway helped clue me in.”

  “And here I thought you had superpowers.”

  “No, Rina. I’m just a regular guy.”

  She took his face in her hands. “I don’t think so.”

  “You shouldn’t be here,” he repeated. “This was a bad idea from the start. We should have come clean, you could’ve worked with a different team.”

  “But we didn’t. And things worked out in the end. Or, at least, I’m hoping they will.”

  “I don’t think so. I can’t. And I’m sorry,” he said. “Guess I’m not the guy you thought I was.”

  “No,” she said. “You’re even better.”

  He shook his head hard, as if he didn’t believe her. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

  “I want you. All of you,” she said, let her finger trace down from his temple, along his cheekbone and on toward his shoulder. “All of you,” she repeated, as her hand moved across his chest, lingered on his abdomen and found its way between his legs. “Head to toe.”

  “That’s not my toe,” he said.

  “I know,” she said, rubbed his cock through his shorts while she put her lips on his neck and tasted him, sucked gently between her teeth, and then harder until she heard him draw a sharp breath. She wanted all his clothes off, instantly, and she began to tug at his waistband while licking and kissing a path to his neck and chest. When she tugged his shorts down and found nothing else in her way, she moved her hands up to quickly pull his shirt off his shoulders so she could bury her face in his chest and continue to stroke him.

  “Don’t,” he said, his voice strangled, but he made no move to actually stop her.

  “I’m not going to stop,” she whispered. “I’m going to kiss every single part of you, going to prove to you that I want you. Not the hero, not the SEAL or the surfer, but the man. You. To prove that I can handle this.”

  She heard the low grumble in his throat become a growl before he brought his hands to her waist and pulled her up onto her toes, so they were nearly face-to-face. “I don’t believe you,” he said.

  “Then it’s up to me to make you.” She kissed him, her tongue seeking his, kissed him until he pressed his hips to hers, until she knew he wouldn’t be able to resist anything she did.

  She broke the kiss and got onto her knees, took his cock, plum-colored and rising upright from a thatch of dark blond hair, into her mouth, first licking the tip and then growing bolder when Cash made his pleasure known. Loudly.

  He gripped her shoulders tightly, as if he was hanging on for dear life, and a big part of her knew he was. And when she stood, he grabbed her, seemingly to take her inside, but she shook her head and pushed her ass back against the patio table.

  “No, right here.”

  “What about the neighbors?”

  “They won’t see us, but I can’t promise they won’t hear us,” she teased. But Cash hadn’t smiled yet.

  “Your bags are all packed, aren’t they?”

  She nodded. “I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. I’m home for a week to tie up some loose ends and then—”

  “Yeah, I know.” He rubbed her palm with his fingers, and even that light touch was enough to send tingles through her body. “You’ll do well, Rina. Make your uncle, and your family, proud.”

  “This doesn’t have to be goodbye.”

  “I know. But I can’t.” He stopped, looked down and back at her. “I can’t.”

  “I’m still not saying goodbye,” she whispered.

  And then he stopped talking, peeled her clothes off slowly, like he wanted it to last for a long time. Like he was burning her into his memory. She didn’t care about neighbors or prying eyes. She only cared about him.

  Once she was naked, she wrapped her legs around his waist, balanced against the table the way she had, that first night, in Hawaii, took him inside of her with a muffled groan. They rocked together, with her holding him tighter than she ever had, and letting go at the same time.

  22

  THE LIGHT KNOCKING on the door roused Jenny. She’d put her head down for a mere second and now she probably had keyboard marks on her cheek.

  This book never ended she muttered to herself. She took a long sip of now cold coffee as she headed to the door. She hoped it was Rina, since she hadn’t heard from her niece yet, but wasn’t all that surprised to see Cash standing out on the porch.“Please, come on in,” she said. He nodded, stepped inside the doorway and looked around. “He’s not home.”

  “Can I catch him at his office?”

  “He has a complex trial coming up, but you could try…”

  “Rina’s leaving in a few hours. For Africa,” he said suddenly. He looked so lost, her heart was breaking.

  “Sit down,” she said, then pulled at the sleeve of his coat and he let himself be led into the den. He sat opposite her in a wingback chair, not saying anything.

  She hugged her knees to her chest and stared at the picture taken of her and Mac when they’d only been married a little over a year. She remembered the exact moment so well because immediately following,
they’d had their biggest fight.

  Mac had left the next morning, and she’d been so young, so selfish and sure nothing would happen to him when he shipped out that she’d refused to apologize and make up with him.

  The next three months had been the longest of her life. She’d had no way of knowing he’d be on such a highly classified mission that would mean absolutely no contact with her until he’d hit stateside.

  “Don’t let her go away angry. Don’t leave things unfinished,” she said. Cash dropped his hands to his thighs and sighed.

  “We’re all right. She’s not angry. Neither am I. Not at her, anyway.” He looked at her. “I don’t know how all this is supposed to work.”

  “I’m here to listen,” she offered. “Did you want to talk with Mac instead? Maybe if you cleared the air with him, then you’d feel…”

  “We did that already.” He gave her a half smile. “I was actually coming here to talk with him about this. But you’ve given me something to think about.”

  She wasn’t surprised when he stood, like he was ready for an escape. Truth be told, she was shocked he’d told her as much as he did.

  “You take care of yourself, you hear?” she said, reached up to hug Cash. “You do what’s best. For both of you.”

  Cash nodded and ambled off the porch. Jenny sat on the porch swing for a long time, until the sun went down and the air grew chilled, and she made some decisions of her own. And she smiled, really smiled, for the first time in weeks.

  “SHE’S GOING FOR IT,” Cash said quietly. The waitress had poured their coffee and for a few minutes, they just sat in comfortable silence in the diner.

  He’d called Justin around two in the morning after he’d given up on sleep. From the background noise, he’d known Justin was out, could’ve easily met him and Rev at whatever bar they were haunting, but he didn’t want that kind of interaction.Rina was leaving tomorrow night. He could’ve been, should’ve been, spending this night with her. Had even thought about renting a car or grabbing a ticket to meet her at her apartment in New York, but in the end he nixed that idea in favor of the “clean break is best” theory.

  That theory really, really stank.

  “That’s cool. Very cool,” Justin agreed. He slid a cup of coffee across the Formica tabletop and took a sip of his own. Quietly they sat, watching the sun come up just outside the window.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “You know, you helped her. And you didn’t have to.”

  “Screwed myself right out of a future with her, didn’t I?”

  “You’d never have respected her if she didn’t take that risk. She’d never have respected herself, either.”

  Cash nodded. He knew Justin was right.

  “You could go there with her. Visit her.”

  “She’ll be there for six months, maybe longer, depending on how this goes,” Cash said. “What am I supposed to do? Give up the Navy? Put our relationship on hold for the next year, until she comes home safe? No, it’s easier to break it off now.”

  “Doesn’t she get a say?”

  “I can’t even keep her safe here. Look at the trouble I got her in, just by being around her,” Cash reminded his friend.

  “That’s bull and you know it. That would’ve happened whether or not you got into her bed or into her life. The fact that you were caught on tape solidified that. And, did you bother to think about what would’ve happened if you didn’t meet up with her again? You saved her.”

  “This time.”

  “Why is it okay for you to take risks, and not her?” Justin demanded abruptly. “I mean, you got angry at her when she said she might not be able to handle your job.”

  “That’s different.”

  “Why?”

  “It just is.” Cash looked Justin right in the eye. “You of all people should get that.”

  “I do get it. And that’s why I’m telling you to quit being such a coward. You’re just as scared as Rina was, but she got over it. So can you, if you let yourself.” Justin stood, let his voice go quiet. “You can’t keep everyone safe. Don’t let that stop you from loving someone.”

  Cash gripped the mug in front of him tightly. So tightly, that Justin pried Cash’s fingers off it before he shattered it and had to contend with the mess.

  “Do something for me,” he asked.

  “You already owe me two favors.”

  “And now I’ll owe you a third. So say yes, or else I’ll have to kill you.”

  Justin laughed. “Yeah, like that threat’s ever worked. But lay it on me, man, and I hope it doesn’t involve Hawaiian shirts.”

  “It doesn’t,” Cash promised him. The pressure that had been tightening around his skull lifted momentarily, and he figured that was something to be grateful for. Friends like Justin were another.

  23

  “ISN’T THAT JUSTIN?” Stella pointed through the crowded airport, and Rina picked out the tall SEAL sauntering along and garnering plenty of looks from all sorts of women. Which, of course, he returned.

  “Maybe he’s going on vacation?”“It’s called leave. Didn’t you learn anything?” Stella asked. “Justin’s got to be a Leo.”

  “I hope you didn’t bring the astrology book with you,” Rina muttered, then stuck her hand up and waved in Justin’s direction. He nodded and immediately walked toward them.

  “Hey, Rina, Stella.” He smiled at both of them. “You all checked in?”

  “Are you our guardian angel?” Stella asked.

  “In a way, I guess I am.” He took the seat next to Rina. “I’m going with you. Going to help you get settled in, make sure there are some locals, and nonlocals around the area to take care of you.”

  “Did Uncle Mac send you? Because I told him we didn’t need any help,” Rina said.

  “Speak for yourself,” Stella teased.

  “Mac didn’t send me. Cash did,” Justin said quietly. And Rina’s throat tightened and she couldn’t meet Justin’s eyes. Instead, she stared out the window at the plane pulling in, their plane. I won’t cry here, she demanded of herself, not in the middle of the airport. She’d done all the crying she needed to. Choosing between work and a relationship was a choice she never thought she’d have to make, but somehow she’d gotten into that position but good.

  Her aunt had told her that Uncle David always made the choice of work over relationships, and Rina began to wonder if Uncle David suffered for it the way she was suffering now. In the end, she wasn’t sure if this was the best choice, or if there was any best choice. An impossible situation, to be sure.

  “It’s not like I’m not coming back, you know,” she said to Justin. Stella’s eyebrows raised, but she wisely didn’t say a word.

  “You know that. I know that.”

  “But Cash can’t get that through his thick skull,” she murmured.

  “It’s the first time he’s ever had to try.”

  “Sounds like you knew he would,” Rina said.

  “I’ve been around the block with this already.” Justin smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You did the right thing by going. He’d never forgive you, or himself, if he held you back.”

  She nodded, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. And then Stella leaned in to Justin. “Are you an Aries or a Leo?” she asked.

  Justin looked confused and Rina just put her head back and groaned.

  Two weeks later

  RINA REREAD her aunt’s letter, and she couldn’t stop smiling. It had been included in a care package that she’d received that morning, and Rina never thought she’d be so glad to see supplies from home after only two weeks.

  But it was the note Jenny wrote that made her the happiest. In it her aunt told her that she and Mac had filled out the adoption paperwork. Finally.

  It might take up to a year, and Mac and I will keep trying on our own. And what’s meant to be will happen. But I think what pushed me forward was you, Rina. When you told me you thought I’d make a great mom, I realized that whatever
child came into my life was a child I’d be a good mom to. One I could love forever. So call your mom, and try not to be so hard on her. She loves you.

  Yes, Rina’s mom was not taking this well, but, to her credit, she hadn’t caused the nasty scene Rina thought she would’ve. Everyone’s limits were being stretched to the max, and finally, everything was clicking into place.Justin left late last night. He’d navigated her and Stella through their first weeks in the country, gotten them guides, introduced them to some of the locals and given them phone numbers of people who could help them, if needed.

  Justin had also spent some time showing her and Stella some easy self-defense moves. And then he’d taken Rina aside and showed her how to work a shotgun—he’d known Stella, the pacifist, would refuse.

  Still, he had let Stella talk with him some more about his aura.

  He’d also mentioned something about how people were always watching over them. His tone hadn’t begged for questions, and she hadn’t asked any. And this morning, she and Stella had woken up in the heart of bush country, miles from any town, where they would start filming.

  They were staying on a large farm with a missionary community, the first step in building their doc on ordinary people who did extraordinary things. Except now she realized that there was nothing ordinary about these people. Anyone who could be that brave, well, they were beyond special.

  She stood and stretched, brushed some red dust that covered everything in this country. She’d been out here on the small porch reviewing her timeline for the shoot, the way she had every morning since she’d arrived in this beautiful place, when something caught her eye.

  She squinted into the distance. The lone figure coming up the road moved exactly like Cash, looked exactly like Cash.

  Her mouth turned dry and she put her hand to her lips. It had to be a trick of light that made Justin look like Cash, and God knows she’d been sleep-deprived over the last week. She rubbed her eyes, tasted the dust in her throat and was glad she was probably so dehydrated that she couldn’t cry.